Dangerous Secret
by Halawen
Summary: Clare's Father is getting re-married, will her new family be as nice as Jake and his Dad? Or is she walking into something dangerous? EClare and Clare's friendship with well just about everyone. Rated M for Violence, language and sexual content in later chapters. Trigger warning.
1. Double Trouble

**Dangerous Secret**

**Ch. 1 Double Trouble**

**Disclaimer: I do not own DeGrassi**

**A/N POV will switch around but I label it clearly**

**(Clare)**

"This sucks." She sighed, sliding down her locker to the floor.

"I'm sure it will be fine." Adam tried to comfort her.

"FINE! My Dad left my Mom for this woman he cheated on her with and not only are they getting married next weekend, but I have to go to her house tonight to meet this…my soon to be Stepmom and her sons!" She grumbled and Adam sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"I know and you have a right to hate her but look how well it turned out with Jake and his Dad." Adam said with encouragement.

"Yeah I know your right. I'll be civil and give them a chance. I mean my Mom is really happy with Glen and I know Stephanie makes my Dad happy." She gave in. Adam was right.

"Besides if it's truly horrible you can always call me and complain." Adam smiled.

"Me too." Eli said strolling up and helping them both to their feet. "In fact we'll both check in on you tonight. That way if it's super awkward you can just excuse yourself to talk to us."

"Thanks," She smiled, "both of you." She kissed them both on the cheek. Adam smiled and Eli gave her his signature smirk.

"Now come on your Dad's probably waiting for you outside." Eli said slipping his arm around her waist.

Adam placed his arm back around her shoulders and the three misfits walked out of DeGrassi. Sure enough her Dad was waiting in his parked car at the bottom of the steps, and while most of the students at DeGrassi were used to seeing Adam, her and Eli attached at the hip; her Father was not. She saw the look on his face through the car, one of curiosity and confusion. _"Well then lets just clear up that confusion." _ She thought to herself. She broke from Eli's grasp and gave Adam a quick hug, then turned back to her dark haired, darkly dressed, green eyed boyfriend and gave him a long and passionate kiss. She waved goodbye to them and got into her Dad's car.

"Hi honey." Her Dad said giving her a hug. "So that's your boyfriend I assume."

"His name is Eli, Dad." She said as buckling her seatbelt, she waved once more to Adam and Eli as Dad drove off.

"And the other boy?" Dad questioned.

"His name is Adam and he is my best friend." She retorted.

Her Dad nodded and then went on to tell her how much Stephanie and her sons would love her and how she had her own room and her suitcase was already there blah blah blah. They pulled up to the house…sorry mansion…and she was astonished. This place was gigantic! Her mom's whole house could probably fit in the living room! She got out and walked with her Dad to the door, he unlocked it and ushered her in. She looked around the foyer taking it all in, marble floors, a winding staircase, and antique looking furniture. Before she could react she heard people coming out of the other room.

"Oh Clare I am so glad you're here, I'm Stephanie. It is so nice to finally meet you. Your dad just goes on and on about his girls." Her soon to be stepmom said all in one breath while reaching out her hand.

She took her hand and plastered a smile on her face, she had promised to be civil after all. "You too."

"Oh and these are my sons Trevor and Ben." She gestured to two identical boys. They were tall like K.C., but built more like Owen, their hair and sharp features reminded me more of Fitz but they had eyes like Adam's.

"Hi." She said shyly as they were eyeing her kind of weird.

"Boys you give Clare a tour and show her to her room while Randall and I finish up dinner." Stephanie said.

The two nodded and gestured for her to follow them. The silence was making her nervous so she decided to make small talk, get to know her future stepbrothers. Maybe Adam was right, maybe they would be as good as Jake. "So which one is which?" She asked.

"I'm Ben and He's Trevor and this is the living room." Ben said.

"How old are you and which ones older?" She asked as they walked into the library.

"We're 17 like you and I'm older by 7 minutes." Trevor said and she nodded.

They showed her the rest of the downstairs and then they went upstairs. "That's our Mom and Randall's room." Trevor said pointing to what she assumed was the master at the end of the hall. "The 3 rooms on that side are Mom's office, the washroom and the guestroom."

"And this is your room Clare." Ben said opening the middle door on the left side of the hall.

"Wow!" She breathed taking in the size of her room. There was a four poster canopy bed with pink and purple bedding, a walk in closet with a large dresser, a loveseat and a desk with a chair and computer.

"We have the rooms on either side of you." Ben said closing her door.

She nodded but something about how he said it made her shiver; it reminded her of how Fitz used to talk.

"I uh I guess I should unpack." She said nervously. She took her suitcase from the bed and went into the closet and began putting her clothes for the weekend in their proper places. When she was done she exited to her room only to find them both sitting on her bed. She was about to ask what they were doing when she heard her Dad call them for dinner. She turned and started heading for the door when she was grabbed very forcefully on the right shoulder. The hand yanked her backward digging in to her flesh. She gasped both from pain and shock and suddenly was against one of their chests.

"Listen good you little bitch!" He hissed into her ear. "We don't like this wedding or you're Dad but we are going to have lots of fun with you. And don't even think about squealing, wouldn't want to ruin Daddy's happy day right? Besides they won't believe you."

"And we'd make your life a bigger hell." Ben said.

Her eyes were wide with shock and fear, too confused and afraid to react.

"Now go down to dinner Sis." Trevor said releasing her shoulder but slapping her painfully hard on the butt.

She didn't know what to do, her mind was racing. She was breathing hard and shaking a little and then her phone rang. "I'll be down in one sec." She told them. They smiled and went downstairs.

"Hi Adam." She said answering the phone with a relived sigh now that they were away from her.

"Hey how's it going?" He inquired with a happy tone.

"It's going fine, just fine. Listen I have to go we're about to eat dinner but thanks for checking on me." She said while a voice in her head screamed _TELL HIM! TELL HIM!_

"No problem, see you tomorrow." Adam said and hung up.

She set the phone down on the desk and went downstairs. Everyone was seated around the table and there was an empty seat for her, right between Ben and Trevor! _"That's just great." _she thought as she sat down and forced a smile on her face.

Dinner was incredibly uncomfortable and she barely ate. Every few minutes one of her future step-bastards would try and play footsie with her, touch her thigh or leg. She thanked Stephanie and her Dad for dinner, said she had some homework to do and ran to her room. _"Thank God this door locks"._ She thought to herself as soon as she was in and was safely locked behind the door. She was about to start freaking out when her phone rang again. Eli's piercing green eyes and sexy smirk popped up on the screen. She let out a grateful sigh and answered.

"Hey Beautiful." His voice calmed her, merely by the sound. _"God how I love that boy." _She thought upon hearing his voice.

"Hey yourself."

"So how's the new family?"

"Stephanie is actually pretty nice."

"And your stepbrothers?"

"They're…they're not like Jake." Was the only reply she could make.

"You okay Blue Eyes?" Eli asked with a concerned tone.

She brightened her voice immediately. "Yeah I'm just adjusting that's all. You should see the size of my room. I have a huge four poster canopy bed…"

"Hot!"

"Eli!"

They talked for almost an hour and then said goodnights and I love you's and hung up. She put down her phone feeling so much better after talking to Eli. She went to her suitcase to get her toiletries bag and went to the washroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. After that she went back to her room only to be grabbed by her right hand and shoved against the wall. Her wrist hit the wall above her head with force and the hand on it was just pushing it in harder. Before she could do anything a pair of lips were forced against hers. She tried to fight but the hand on her wrist just got tighter and she whimpered in pain. After what seemed like an eternity she was released. Her relief was short lived though because Trevor grabbed her hard by both biceps and forced her to the bed straddling her.

"Stop." She said weakly.

He back handed her left cheek with amazing force and it stung horribly. "Don't talk back!"

He kissed her hard like his brother, it was gross. They're lips were hard and forceful she tried to squirm but it was no use. Finally he released her. "Get some beauty sleep Sis. But if we can't sleep we'll be back."

They both smiled vilely and left the room. She knew she couldn't be there, sleep would have been impossible. She put on her shoes, wrote a quick note to her Father that she had left early for school to meet Alli and Jake had picked her up. She left it on her bed and climbed out her window and down the trellis. Now where could she go? What was on this side of town that would still be open at 9?


	2. What thehappened

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch. 2 What the…Happened**

**(DREW)**

"Hey be back in a few I'm gonna grab a bottle of water from the vending machine." Drew said to Max as he walked away from the cell phone kiosk they both worked at. He walked past the escalators to the back wall of the food court where the vending machines were. The mall was pretty dead even for a Thursday night so Drew knew he could take his time. He put his money in the machine punched the button for water and then retrieved his bottle, then turned on his heels and began walking back toward his work when something caught his eye, on the bench tucked underneath the escalator was a sleeping girl. As he got closer he realized it wasn't just any sleeping girl.

"Clare?!" He said hardly believing the sight in front of him. He did not know the girl as well as his brother Adam but he knew her well enough to never except to see her sleeping in a semi fetal position, on a bench in a dark corner of the mall. He approached her slowly, her honey colored curls were disheveled and she'd been crying, he could still see the tear streaks and bits of running eyeliner and mascara. But the thing that gave Drew a lump in his throat was a large blue and purple bruise on her cheek.

"Clare…" he ventured again kneeling beside her, he touched her arm to shake it gently. As soon as he touched her she jumped and let out a small cry, fear was all he saw in her normally crystal blue eyes. She was trying to back away from him. "Clare it's okay, it's me Drew." He assured her in a calming voice.

"Drew?" She questioned in a weak voice and then she truly looked at him, and as soon as her eyes confirmed it was in fact Drew she threw her arms around his neck, held on tightly and began sobbing quietly in to his shoulder.

She hugged him as though she were hanging on for her life. He moved so he was sitting next to her on the bench and she never released her grip. He put his arms around her back and with one hand rubbed her back slowly.

"It's okay Clare, it's okay." He kept saying over and over in his most soothing voice. They sat like that for a couple of minutes. "Come on Clare let's get you home."

As soon as he said this she jerked away from him, a look of terror in her eyes and on her face. She couldn't seem to find words but shook her head vigorously. He grabbed her arms gently to calm her down.

"It's okay you don't have to go home; you can spend the night at the loft okay?" He assured her. She relaxed and nodded, a look of relief washing over her. Drew still had hold of her arms and once she relaxed he saw the other bruises, her wrist was turning purple on both sides, she had symmetrical bruises half way up both biceps, and he could see one that looked like a handprint peeking out from her blouse on her shoulder. For a minute he just stared. _"What the hell happened to her?" _He thought to himself. Then he got a hold of himself and helped her up. She was obviously exhausted and she seemed to be shaking. He placed an arm around her back and walked her to one of the tables near his kiosk.

"Sit here a minute. I'll be right over there and I'll be back in a sec okay?" He said and she nodded but wouldn't look at him. Drew went back to the kiosk. "Hey you mind if I take off its super dead." Drew requested to Max.

"No it's fine." Max replied.

Drew said thanks and grabbed his stuff from the back of the kiosk. He took out his phone and dialed Fiona. She answered and he asked her to put extra blankets and pillows on the couch and hung up before she was able to ask questions, he texted Bianca and then went back to Clare.

**(ADAM)**

He was with Bianca and Dallas doing homework in the Torres basement. Suddenly Bianca's phone beeped signaling a text. Dallas kept working but Adam looked up. Bianca looked at her phone and then showed it to Adam.

**DREW: Pick me up now! Bring Adam. You're both sleeping at my place.**

While Bianca started putting away their notebooks and such Adam ran up the stairs. "Mom, B and I are going to sleep at Drew's. I'll ride to school with her in the morning." Adam stated as he ran past his parents in the living room. He ran to his room packed a change of clothes and ran back down to the basement. Adam and Bianca said bye to Dallas, got in Bianca's car and started driving to the mall.

"I wonder what's going on?" Adam inquired. "His text sounded pretty urgent."

Bianca only shrugged her shoulders but Adam saw that her face was tinged with worry. The rest of the drive was silent. Fifteen minutes later they were pulling up to the eastside mall entrance where Bianca always picked up Drew and there he was standing near the wooden bench to the side of the doors. A couple feet behind him on the wooden bench was a sleeping form underneath Drew's jacket. A sleeping form with Clare's distinct curls!

"CLARE!" Adam exclaimed jumping out of the car before Bianca had even stopped completely.

Drew grabbed his younger brother by the shoulders stopping him before he could reach his friend. "Shhhhh. She needs to sleep, get in the back seat; I'm putting her back there with you." Drew commanded and Adam turned around and got into the back seat on the drivers side.

Drew went to Clare he bent down and spoke to her softly. "Clare it's Drew, I'm going to pick you up now okay?" Drew spoke like she was a small child or something and Adam wondered why. He saw Clare nod just slightly and Drew slipped his arms underneath her and easily picked up the petite girl. He carried her to the car and set her gently in the back seat next to Adam.

Adam saw the bruise on Clare's cheek and let out a gasp. Clare looked through bleary eyes to focus on a familiar face. "Adam?" she questioned weakly.

"Yeah Clare its me." He said in a reassuring but worried tone.

She began to tear up again, wrapped Drew's jacket tightly around her, laid her head in Adam's lap and cried silently. Adam put one hand on Clare's arm and with the other gently stroked her hair. Meanwhile Drew had put his stuff in the car, got into the passenger seat and Bianca started driving again.

"Drew what…" Adam began but Drew cut him off.

"I wish to hell I knew."

They drove in silence to Drew and Fiona's loft. Clare fell asleep after a couple of minutes but Adam continued to stroke her hair. Bianca parked on the street outside the building, and got out to start getting Adam and Drew's bags from the trunk.

Drew handed Adam his house key. "I'm going to carry Clare in you'll have to open the door for me." Drew told him and he nodded. Drew opened his door and then the back door, bent down and once again easily lifted the small girl from his brother's lap. Clare was in a deep sleep now, she didn't even move when Drew picked her up. Adam hopped out and ran ahead to open the doors for Drew, while Bianca locked the car. Adam unlocked the door to the loft and held it, a few seconds later Drew came through holding Clare, closely followed by Bianca, Adam locked the door behind them.

Hearing noises Fiona emerged from her room. "Drew what the…"

"Shhhh." Drew warned. He laid Clare on the chaise lounge part of the couch where Fiona had placed a pillow; he covered her with a blanket, took off her shoes and then waved for the others to follow him to his room.

"Was that Clare?" Asked Fiona a mixture of shock and concern in voice.

"Yes." Drew confirmed. "This is what I know, she was sleeping on a bench at the mall and when I touched her arm to wake her up she recoiled and jumped. I told her I would get her home and she got very afraid so I told her I would bring her here."

"What about the bruise on her cheek?" Adam asked salt water welling in his eyes.

"I don't know but it's not the only one. She has one on her shoulder, one on her wrist and one on each bicep."

Adam let a couple of hot angry tears trickle. "If her family did this I'll…"

"I thought everything was alright with Clare and Jake and their parents." Fiona stated. Adam could see that she was fighting to hold back tears herself.

Adam shook his head. "Clare was at her Dad's tonight or rather future stepmom's. She's supposed to be there all weekend to help prepare for their wedding next weekend."

A few looks were exchanged amongst the group until Bianca spoke up. "She's sleeping now; we should all get some sleep. We can ask her what happened in the morning."

"I'm sleeping on the couch with Clare." Adam said and left the room. Fiona followed going to her own room. Adam sat down on the couch looking at his best friend. He slipped off his shoes and clenched his fist. _"I can't believe someone hurt Clare like that! Sweet, gentle St. Clare was brutalized by some ass! Even Fitz hadn't had the gall to hurt Clare. Him and Eli sure but he never laid a hand on Clare. What monster could do that to her?"_

**(DREW & BIANCA)**

Neither of them was sleeping but neither of them spoke either. Bianca was curled up to him, her head on his chest, her arm draped across his stomach. Horrible memories of her time with Vince dancing through her mind. Drew held her closely to him. His mind switching between memories of getting beaten and the way Clare recoiled from his touch when he first tried to wake her up, and how she was so afraid to go home.

**(FIONA)**

Fiona lay in her bed looking at what few stars she could see out the window. She couldn't help but think of Bobby. She'd been victorious in court but it hadn't erased the emotional scar he'd left. Her heart ached for the girl now sleeping on her couch.

**(ADAM)**

Adam was stretched out on the couch he couldn't look away from Clare and he couldn't sleep. He was flipping his cell phone in his hand contemplating whether or not he should tell Eli. It was better than getting angry at whatever unknown monster had done this to his best friend.

**(BIANCA)**

She woke up and looked at the clock 5:42, she scrunched up her face and looked at Drew, he was still soundly sleeping. No surprise there, they'd only been asleep for 3 hours. She slipped out of Drew's arm and went out to the kitchen. Adam and Clare were both still sleeping so she put on a pot of coffee. A few minutes later she saw Clare begin to stir.

"Clare?" Bianca said quietly and soothingly.

Clare sat up, blinked her eyes, looked around and stretched. "Morning" She said softly.

"Morning, you want some coffee? It'll be done in just a minute." Bianca asked.

Clare nodded and got up shrugging the blanket and Drew's jacket onto the couch and then Bianca saw the bruises, it wasn't hard for her to make out that three of them had the distinct shape of fingers. The one on Clare's cheek was at least two shades darker than night before. Clare went in to the kitchen looking down, almost as though she were ashamed.

"My soon to be stepmoms house has this ridiculously narrow winding stair case and I slipped on the top step." Clare said quietly while never looking at Bianca.

"Clare I was in an abusive relationship, I know what those kinds of bruises look like. You can tell me what happened." Bianca said in a soothing kind voice.

Adam began stir on the couch and Clare began to panic.

"That is what happened." Clare said hurriedly, she exited the kitchen and went back to couch and slipped on her flats. "I…I have to go. Thanks for letting me stay." And then Clare rushed out the door just in time for Adam to wake up.

"CLARE WAIT!" Adam called but she was gone.

**Hope your all enjoying.**

**How will Eli find out and from whom? **

**Will Clare tell what happened? **


	3. What Will Eli Think?

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Bit of a filler chapter but necessary**

**Ch. 3 What Will Eli Think?**

**(CLARE)**

Clare was at her locker sorting her books; after running from the loft she went home, (her Mom's home) sneaking into her room so as not wake anyone. She changed her clothes so she was wearing loose jeans, a long sleeve white shirt (to cover the bruises), and a short sleeve sky blue top over it. She had caked her makeup on to any visible bruising. She had also called her Father asking him to bring her backpack, saying that she had met Alli so earl she accidently forgotten it. Suddenly an arm came around her waist; Clare jumped and recoiled from the touch, choking back a cry. She shut her eyes tight to keep from crying.

"Whoa, Clare are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you." Eli said backing up.

"_Get a hold of yourself and breathe. He can't know." _She told herself and then opened her eyes and turned to face her green eyed boyfriend. "No it's my fault, I was so lost in thought that you surprised me that's all." Clare said showing him the brightest smile she could muster at the moment. When he still looked like he didn't believe her she put a hand on his shoulders and standing on her tip toes to kissed cheek.

Before Eli could question her or get a good look at her she saw her Father walking up the steps with her backpack. She told Eli she'd be right back and went out to meet her Dad. _"Smile. Smile. Smile. Everything is fine." _Clare kept repeating to herself. She thanked her Father and he smiled as he was about to turn when Clare stopped him.

"Dad?" He turned to look at her. "Alli and I really need to finish a project before Monday. I know this is supposed to be bonding time but could I stay at her house tonight so we can get it done?"

"Sure sweetie, school comes first." Her Father smiled and went back to his car.

Clare took her backpack and turned around to go back to her locker and Eli. _"At least I don't have to go back to that place tonight, hopefully Alli won't mind." _Clare thought as she reached Eli.

"You okay Blue Eyes?" Eli asked reaching a hand to brush a hair from her cheek but she flinched.

Before Eli could say anything Adam, Fiona and Bianca came up to them.

"Clare are you okay you ran out so fast this morning?" Adam asked.

"Yeah sorry about that I just wanted to get to my house to change." Clare said doing her best to smile.

"I would have driven you." Bianca chimed in.

"Thanks for letting me sleep on your couch." Clare said to Fiona.

"Anytime." Fiona smiled. "Now you want to tell us what happened last night?"

"Nothing happened." Clare said and then bit her lip to keep the tears back. "Nothing."

"Will someone tell me what the hell is going on?!" Eli exclaimed getting very agitated.

Clare turned to him, putting a hand on his arm to get him to relax. "It was nothing Eli. My Dad and his soon to be wife were just being so lovey dovey and she was being so saccharin sweet to me that honestly it made my stomach turn. I really just haven't processed this whole wedding and second family thing yet. I got upset and snuck out and went to the mall, cause well it was the only thing I could think of. Drew found me sleeping and when I said I didn't want to go home he offered for me to spend the night."

Eli seemed to believe her until Adam spoke up. "What about the bruises?" Adam said gently brushing his fingers along her cheek.

Clare jumped at the touch, and Eli looked at her waiting for an answer. She took in a sharp breath. "It's stupid really I was just clumsy. There's this stair case in the house its narrow and winding and I tripped and fell down the stairs." Eli's eyes got a little wider with concern. "I'm fine Eli, it's just a couple of bruises." Then turning to the other three said, "Tell Drew thanks for me. I'm sure I must have scared him. I need to find Alli before class, see you guys later."

She kissed Eli's cheek and pretty much ran out of their sight.

**(ADAM)**

Adam watched one of his best friends run around the corner, then turned to his other best friend and her boyfriend. "Drew said she jumped when he touched her arm to wake her up and that she looked terrified when he said he'd take her home."

"And she's got too many bruises to have fallen down the stairs. Her entire right wrist is almost black, front and back! Her biceps have identical bruises like someone grabbed her, and I think she has one on her shoulder." Bianca said looking at Eli with concern in her eyes.

"And the one on her cheek." Adam said.

"You don't think her Dad would hit her, or her stepmom?" Fiona asked.

"I….I don't really know. I only really met her Dad once and I've never met her stepmom or soon to be stepmom." Eli sighed the horrible thought of someone causing pain to her causing him to tear up. "If that was it she would just tell me though right? Or her Mom?"

Eli looked at his friends faces. Adam just shrugged but Fiona and Bianca were shaking their heads.

"She's scared, she probably thinks no one will believe her or has convinced herself it will never happen again." Bianca told him.

"So what do I do? Confront her Father?" Eli asked.

"No he will just deny it and if it's his future wife he's more likely to protect her than Clare right now. Just be there for her, but don't out right demand she tell you. You'll just end up pushing her farther away. Encourage her gently and let her know that you love her and will be there for her no matter what." Bianca advised him.

Eli nodded and the bell rang and they split up to go their classes.

Adam swallowed hard looking at Clare in class. He wished he knew who had done this to her. He wished she would tell them what happened.

**(CLARE)**

It was lunch and she was sitting with Adam and Eli at their usual picnic table. Alli had said Clare could spend the night, so Clare was relieved to not have to back to that terrible house for one more night. While Adam and Eli ate their lunches with the usual hunger of teenage boys Clare just sat there picking at it.

"Not hungry?" Adam questioned after about 10 minutes.

Clare shook her head, and set her fork down. Her sleeve caught on the table exposing a portion of her bruised wrist. She quickly covered it but it was too late they had seen it.

"Jesus Clare!" They both exclaimed in unison, at another time it would have been funny.

"It looks worse than it is I swear. I just happen to bruise really easily." Clare did her best to assure them. She hated to see them so worried, especially over her.

Eli reached out his hand slowly so she would see it and not recoil. He gently picked up her arm and pushed back her sleeve revealing the full bruise. Both Adam and Eli let out a small gasp and their eyes widened. Extending about 6 inches down her forearm and extending all the way around her arm was a horribly dark purple bruise. After a few seconds Clare pulled her arm back and straightened her sleeve.

"You wanna hang out this weekend?" Eli asked after a few minutes of silence.

Clare shook her head lightly. "I have wedding stuff all weekend, but you'll still call me right? To check in?" She asked in a meek voice.

**(ELI)**

"I have wedding stuff all weekend, but you'll still call me right? To check in?"

The pleading in her bright blue eyes nearly broke his heart. He wanted to pick her up and carry her away, hide her from any more pain ever! He wanted her to tell him who had hurt her. What beast had dared to cause my sweet innocent Clare harm. But Bianca was right if he pushed at her he could end up pushing her away. He wrapped his arms around her and she actually leaned into him instead of recoiling. She stretched out on the bench putting her feet on Adam's lap.

"Of course Beautiful, every day." Eli assured her.

"So will I." Adam said, "everyday."

"Twice a day." Eli said.

"Three times a day." Adam replied.

"You guys are the best." Clare smiled.

It was the first time since yesterday that they saw even a glimmer of the Clare that they knew.

**(CLARE)**

She sat on Alli's bed, with Alli and Jenna. The other two girls were busy talking about something and Clare was pulling a string on her shirt.

"Clare…earth to Clare!" Alli said waving her hand in Clare's face.

"Sorry what?" Clare snapped back to the moment.

"Are you okay? Your…you seem…."

"Distracted." Jenna finished for Alli.

"Yeah sorry I'm just all stressed with the wedding next weekend. I'm trying to be okay with it but…" Clare trailed off.

Alli put an arm around her and hugged her friend, squeezing the bruise on Clare's shoulder causing her to wince. Alli and Jenna didn't seem to notice.

"It'll work out Clarebear." Jenna tried to comfort her.

Clare nodded a little.

"Anyway I was asking where you wanted to sleep tonight?" Alli said, "You can share a bed with me or Jenna, we could put an air mattress on the floor or you can sleep in Sav's old room."

"Sav's room if that's okay?" Clare asked.

"Of course it's okay." Alli smiled. "Jenna go make some popcorn, we'll have a vampire movie marathon before we go to sleep."

Jenna smiled and left the room to make some popcorn. Clare smiled at Alli, her best friend knew just how to cheer her up. Later that night Clare was curled up in Sav's bed. The sheets still smelled like him. Sav had been like a brother to her since she and Alli become best friends. Clare breathed in his scent it was comforting and she soon fell asleep. Of course in the morning her Father would come get her and she'd have to go back to that house and face her stepbrothers again.

**Next chapter up soon, with Clare back at her Dad's and someone else suspects something is wrong with her**


	4. Avoidance

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.4 Avoidance**

**(CLARE)**

She awoke to the smell of hot pancakes and syrup. She yawned and stretched and looked around the room for minute, smiling a little as her mind flashed her a few memories of Sav. She got up, grabbing her bag and going to the washroom to put make up on her visible bruises. Once she was satisfied they wouldn't be seen she went downstairs. Alli and Jenna were all ready seated at the table, looked up and smiled when they saw Clare. She joined them at the table and Mrs. Bhandari set a plate of pancakes in front of her. The girls ate and talked about boys, and clothes and such. Then Clare got a text message from her Father saying that Stephanie would pick her up and take her to the mall to get a dress to wear to the wedding.

"_Good the mall, maybe I can take all day finding a dress and we won't have to go back to the house until dinner." _Clare thought to herself.

"You okay Clarebear?" Jenna asked.

"Yeah I'm fine, my soon to be stepmom is on her way to get me. We're going to the mall so I can pick out a dress. Actually I should get dressed." Clare informed them; she got up from the table and went upstairs to get dressed.

**(DREW)**

The mall was bustling on this busy Saturday morning, Drew had been busy helping customers since they opened and he was finally on his break. He was about to go to the food court but then he saw Clare. Not huddled on the bench like she had been the other night, she was walking through the mall with a tall blonde woman. Bianca had told him what Clare had told them on Friday morning. Drew wanted to see for himself that she was okay and began walking in their direction.

"Clare!" He called from a few feet away and Clare turned to him. Her face was caked with makeup.

"Hey Drew." She said shyly but smiled sweetly.

"Hey I…"

Clare cut him off, "Drew this is my soon to be stepmom Stephanie, Stephanie this is my friend Drew." Clare introduced them and Drew and Stephanie exchanged nice to meet you's. "We're shopping for my bridesmaid dress." Clare informed him.

"Oh cool." Was all Drew could think to say.

"Tell Bianca and Fiona I said hi. We should get back to shopping." Clare said. Drew nodded and the two walked away towards more shops.

He watched them go, Clare had seemed okay and her Stepmom had seemed nice enough, but still a feeling in the pit of Drew's stomach told him something was wrong.

**(CLARE)**

She had spent all day looking for a dress for her Fathers wedding. Actually she had found the one that she wanted after only an hour but not wanting to come home to see her stepbrothers, she'd taken all day to look. The dress was lilac, came down to her ankles and had a conservative neck line. It had spaghetti straps but came with a ¾ sleeve jacket, and she'd picked out some gloves. Yes this was conservative even for Clare but she just wanted something that would cover her bruises, she didn't care how it looked.

Now she sat at the kitchen table between her stepbrothers again, while Stephanie and her Dad talked about the wedding. Clare shifted uncomfortably every time one of the boys touched her; she ate a little and tried to not bring attention to herself. Sure it would have been easy to tell her Father right then; if he had looked under the table he would have seen that Trevor had his hand resting on her upper thigh. But Clare didn't say anything she wouldn't, she couldn't be the one to ruin her Father's wedding, his happiness. She actually kinda liked Stephanie, but that wasn't what stopped her. What stopped her was that she always put everyone else before herself. She agreed to go to Vegas night with Fitz because she was putting Eli and Adam's safety before her own. She wasn't about to ruin her Father's wedding. She figured that after the wedding was over next weekend she'd just make excuses and not come back to the house when Trevor and Ben were home.

"Clare," Stephanie's voice brought her out of her thoughts, "the boys are getting their suits fitted tomorrow and I thought you might come with me to pick out the flowers and decorations."

"Sure, I'd be happy too." Clare smiled a little, any reason to stay out all day.

Clare finished her dinner and went up to her room, she had two missed calls on her phone, one from Eli and one from Adam, their third ones of the day just as they had promised. She locked her door and grabbed her phone, sitting on the bed to call them back.

She woke up the next morning still on the phone with Eli; she could hear his deep rhythmic breathing through the phone next to her and smiled happily. "Eli…Eli." She said softly into the phone.

"Good morning beautiful." Eli's groggy morning voice came over the phone. "How'd you sleep?"

"Wonderfully, but I should get up now. I'm going with Stephanie to get flowers and such."

"Have fun. Adam's coming over later to play video games; we'll call you to check in." Eli assured her.

"Thanks, I love you Eli."

"I love you too." He replied.

She hung up and got out of bed; she put on her robe and unlocked her door. No sooner had she stepped from her room than she was pushed against the wall by her breasts and one of them, she couldn't tell which at the time, was kissing her neck.

"Stop…"she whimpered, a tear trickling down her cheek, "our…our parents…they might see."

Ben, she saw as soon as he lifted his head, thought for second decided she was right and let her go walking downstairs as though nothing had ever happened. Clare grabbed a granola bar for breakfast and ran back to her room locking the door behind her.

The rest of the day went surprisingly well, she and Stephanie stayed out all day picking out flowers, center pieces, table cloths and decorations. Stephanie was actually pretty sweet and she and Clare got along pretty well. They talked about boys, and school and hobbies, and they went out to dinner just the two of them. Eli and Adam had called twice and Stephanie thought it was nice that Clare had such a caring boyfriend and friend. They arrived home at 8 and Clare had excused herself to go to bed since she had school in the morning. She got ready for bed quickly and went in and locked the door.

She planned to keep it that way all night long but a couple of hours later she had to use the washroom. She unlocked her door and stepped out as quietly as she could. She went to the washroom and stepped back into the hall quiet as a mouse. Ben and Trevor's doors were closed so she was sure that they were asleep or hadn't heard her but no sooner had she closed her own door than a hand grabbed her by her throat.

Clare clasped at the hand desperately trying to get it away, she could barely breathe, but the hand wouldn't move. She was walked back and roughly tossed on the bed. She coughed for air and took a deep breath before a kiss was forced up her, an unwanted tongue in her mouth. The kiss was rough, she was sure her lips would be bruised. She tried to fight but her un-bruised wrist was being tied with some kind of cloth to her bed post. Her already purple wrist being held at her side by a send pair of hands. One brother straddled her while squeezing her breasts under her camisole, he was squeezing roughly and his hands were course. Clare would have shrieked in pain if the other one hadn't been kissing her. All that came out was choked shrieks of terror and discomfort; hot tears ran down her cheeks without stopping. She kicked her legs and tried desperately to move her body in effort to get away but it was no use.

After what seemed like forever they let her go, but only because they heard a door open. They reminded her with a few threats to keep her mouth shut, said they'd see her next weekend for the wedding and left her room saying, "Goodnight Sis." Clare released her bound wrist, locked her door just to be safe, curled up in the fetal position and cried herself to sleep.

A knock on her bedroom door jolted Clare awake the next morning. "Clare Honey you need to get up, we have to leave in 30 minutes to get you to school." Her Fathers voice echoed through the door.

She got up slowly, her neck and breasts were smarting and sore. She put on her robe wrapped it tightly around her and ran to the washroom. She was shocked when she looked in the mirror; her neck was bruised blue, red and green, and you could see finger marks on the sides of her neck. Tears began to trickle again but she wiped them away and quickly covered her bruised cheek with makeup. She put a light covering over her neck but decided she would rather just cover it with a scarf.

**(ELI)**

He waited impatiently on the steps of DeGrassi for Clare, it was almost time for the first bell and she still wasn't here. Adam sat with him, ever the faithful friend, and Eli was glad for the company. Finally they saw her Dad's car pull up and Clare hopped out. She bid goodbye to her Father grabbed her backpack and joined Eli and Adam.

"Moring Beautiful." Eli said, he bent down to kiss her but Clare turned her head. "Clare what's wrong?"

"Nothing I'm just tired and running late." She said and walked away into the building just as the first warning bell rang. She didn't even bother to go to her locker, just ran straight to class.

Eli looked at Adam they both had about the same look of worry and fear on their face. "Something happened at her Fathers! She's not herself." Eli said watching her run away.

Adam put a hand on his friends arm. "Remember what Bianca said, just be there for her."

Eli nodded and they went in and went their separate ways to go to class.

**(OWEN)**

Owen was in science class, he'd been kinda disappointed to be paired with Clare Edwards as his lab partner for the day, but then he figured that she was a 11th grader taking a 12th grade class. He thought he could just sit back and let her do all the work, but now she just sat there, staring at the equipment not moving. While he barely knew the petite and reserved girl he noticed that she seemed different. He reached out a hand and touched her arm to get her attention.

The second his skin touched hers Clare recoiled and jumped from her stool. "Don't touch me!" She said it barely above a whisper but her tone was shrill and full of fear. She put her arms in front of her, catching on the scarf she wore and pulling it down ever so slightly revealing deep blue colored skin.

Owen put up his hand indicating that he hadn't meant her any harm, "Clare I just…" and then he saw the bruise on her neck, it wasn't a hickey it was a deep bruise, in the shape of a finger. "What happened?" He asked reaching his hand out to look under the scarf.

Clare recoiled further. "No," she whimpered. She grabbed her backpack and ran out of class. Owen watched her run out but only a few other students noticed.

"Mr. Milligan where did your lab partner go?" Asked Mr. Perino.

"She uh wasn't feeling well, ran to the washroom." Owen said, figuring that's probably where Clare had run. Mr. Perino nodded. Owen wondered what had happened to Clare and why she's reacted that way.

At lunch he went to the mall with Dallas and Luke, while they were eating he saw Bianca and Drew at a table not far off. He told his teammates he'd be right back and went over to Drew and Bianca, sitting down next to Drew.

"Hey Owen," They both greeted.

"Hey, your brother is good friends with Clare Edwards right?" Owen asked Drew.

Drew and Bianca exchanged a curious look before Drew answered. "Yeah, why? You know she has a boyfriend." Drew answered slowly.

Owen glared at him. "Yeah wasn't planning on asking her out, not my type. She was my lab partner this morning and she was kinda spacey and sad. I touched her arm to get her to pay attention and she literally jumped off her stool and backed away from as though I was gonna hit her, and said don't touch me. She had a scarf on and I know I saw a deep blue bruise on her neck. I tried to look under the scarf to see it but she ran away."

Drew and Bianca looked at each other; Bianca seemed to have tears in her eyes. "Someone at her Dad's house has to be hurting her and it's getting worse Drew." She said so very close to tears.

"What do you mean?" Owen asked. They started to explain to him the events of Thursday night and Friday. They stopped and got silent when Dallas and Luke came over.

**(CLARE)**

She was sitting at lunch with Eli and Adam, she'd spent all first period in the girl's washroom willing herself to pull it together and now she seemed almost like herself. "Listen guys I'm sorry about this morning. I was upset because my Dad and I were arguing about the wedding."

Eli put an arm around her and she didn't recoil. "It's okay we know you're going through stuff right now, but you know you can talk to us right?"

"I know." She said softly. She gave Eli a small kiss and smiled at Adam gratefully.


	5. Bruises and Nigtmares

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi **

**This is kind of a filler chapter but it's **

**necessary for the plot **

**Ch.5 Bruises and Nightmares**

**(CLARE)**

Clare was doing homework in her room when there was a knock on her door. "Yeah" She called.

The door cracked open and Jake peeked his head in. "Hey, you were awfully quiet on the drive home are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

"How was your weekend at your Dad's?" Jake prodded.

"It was fine, Stephanie isn't as bad as I thought. Look I have a bunch of homework to do if you don't mind." Clare said curtly.

Jake got the hint and closed her door. Later that night at dinner Clare wasn't eating much, just kind of pushing her fork through her food.

"Clare honey you okay? You've barely touched your food." Her Mother's concerned voice made Clare look up.

"I'm just not that hungry. I have a lot of homework and stuff on my mind. Can I be excused please?" Clare asked.

"Well I suppose," Helen said.

Clare got up and put her dish in the sink and went upstairs. She sat on her bed and pulled her knees to her chest. Her bruised breasts ached and throbbed under the pressure, but she didn't care. Just as she felt herself getting ready to cry her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Clare it's Fiona."

"Oh hey Fiona, what's up?"

"Well I know you have wedding stuff this weekend but Declan's coming out for the weekend. I just know he'll want to see you. So anyway I thought maybe you could get away for a while to visit? Maybe on Saturday since the wedding is Friday evening."

"Declan's coming?! That's great I'd love to see him too. I'm sure I can get away on Saturday for a while."

"Perfect we can firm up plans later. So how are you feeling?"

"Oh uh good, fine, much better, I should get back to homework now. I'll see you tomorrow Fi, goodnight."

"Goodnight Clare."

Clare hung up her phone and put it back on her nightstand. "_It would be nice to see Declan again."_ She mused to herself. Suddenly all the stress of the past weekend hit her and Clare suddenly felt very tired. She slipped off her jeans, crawled into bed and fell fast asleep.

_...They grabbed at her clothes ripping them from her body. She screamed and they laughed, she kicked and tried to get away but they restrained her. Wrists and ankles bound by ropes, all of her clothes gone, she was completely at their mercy. She cried and they grinned wickedly…_

Clare gasped in sharply and sat bolt upright in bed. Her pulse was racing her breaths coming in short hard pants. She gripped the edges of her bed and fought back the tears. After a few minutes she calmed herself but now she was awake, wide awake. She got up slowly and got her robe from the back of her closet door, putting on her robe she went downstairs quietly so as not to wake anyone. She sat on the couch, turned on the TV, flipping through the late night fluff until she found something she could stand to watch. And she sat there till the sun came up.

"Clare?" Jakes voice startled her and she looked over at him, "What are you doing down here?"

"I had a bad dream and couldn't sleep." She said meekly, he looked at her concern filled his eyes. He looked like he was about to say something, but Clare spoke first. "I need to shower and get ready for school." And with that she was gone up the stairs.

**(ELI)**

He sat on the DeGrassi steps anxiously waiting to see Jake's red pickup trick, signaling to him that Clare had arrived. Finally he saw it pull in; it still amazed him how his heart even now would jump at a mere glimpse of her. Jake parked the truck and he and Clare got out. Eli saw that she looked tired, and that she had put make up over her bruises again, but she was still so beautiful. Eli went to her taking her in his arms and kissing her softly. Jake rolled his eyes and walked into school.

"Good Morning Beautiful. Didn't get much sleep I take it?"

Clare shook her head slightly. "Had a bad dream but I'm fine."

"You want to talk about it?" He ventured.

"No but I have some good news, Fiona said Declan is coming out this weekend and I'll probably go visit with him on Saturday." Clare smiled.

"Who is Declan?" Eli asked.

"Fiona's twin brother." Adam said coming up behind them.

"Oh right, yeah he directed that musical you did the props on." Eli said.

Clare nodded as the bell rang and the three went inside.

**(CLARE)**

"I need a book from my locker; you two can go to class." Clare said.

Eli kissed her cheek and Adam smiled and the boys went on their way. Clare went to her locker and took out her book, she started walking to class when another boy who was late for class came running around the corner and crashed into Clare on her already bruised chest.

"OWWWW!" Clare shrieked in pain.

The boy let out a small sorry and continued running. Clare doubled over to catch her breath and let the pain subside for a minute.

"Clare?" Came a faintly familiar voice, "Are you okay?" It was Owen.

"Yeah I…" she paused taking a deep breath and straightening up, "this kid just bumped into me and kept on running. He just hit me with a lot of force, knocked the wind out of me."

Owen looked down the hall but saw no one. "Can you make it to class?"

She nodded and they walked to class, Mr. Perino looked up from the board. "Miss Edwards, Mr. Milligan you're late."

"This kid was running down the hall so fast he knocked the wind out of me and Owen helped me." Clare told him.

"Okay take your seats please."

**(ADAM)**

He was sitting at lunch with Clare, but she wasn't eating. "Clare you didn't eat anything yesterday either. Are you okay?" Adam asked.

Clare smiled reassuringly at her friend and put her hand on his. "I'm fine Adam; it's just stress and nerves. Once this whole wedding thing is over I'll feel much better."

"How is all that stuff…for the wedding I mean?" Adam asked hesitantly.

"Oh it's going good, after school on Friday I'll go straight over to help set up, but Stephanie did hire an event planner so I don't know how much I'll really be needed." Clare shrugged.

"What about your stepbrothers? You haven't really talked about them what are they like?" Adam questioned.

Clare bit her bottom lip and turned away a little, she took a hard breath before answering. "Fine I guess I don't talk to them much. They're twins it's eerie sometimes, because they're identical."

Adam nodded but he knew by how long it took her to answer that something wasn't right. He didn't want to press her though.

**(CLARE)**

She stood in front of her full length mirror examining her bruises. All but the one on her wrist and neck had healed to a light blue or green in the last week. It was now Friday morning; she'd made it all week by hiding her bruises and not talking about or thinking about it. She'd even begun to feel happy again when she was with Eli and her friends. It was only late at night when they invaded her dreams and kept her from sleeping that she would think about it. But today afterschool she'd have to go back, be a bridesmaid at the wedding and then sleep between their rooms. She shivered at the thought and then heard her Mother call her downstairs; she put on a shirt and her robe and went down.

"Clare I know you'll be at your Father's all weekend but we wanted to tell you both that Glen in I will be leaving tonight for Kingston and will be back Sunday evening." Helen said as soon as Clare was downstairs.

"Jake you can sleep at a friend's or have one friend over but no parties, we will be calling to check in." Glen said.

"Yep got it Dad." Jake replied.

"Is that it because I have to go pack for Dad's house?" Clare said in more sour tone than she had intended.

Helen waved her daughter upstairs and Clare pulled out her suitcase.


	6. Broken Cherub

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.6 Broken Cherub**

**(CLARE)**

Clare sat next to her Dad at the reception dinner. The ceremony had actually been kind of sweet and Clare caught herself smiling a little at how happy her Dad had seemed. After the ceremony was the Bride and Grooms first dance and then Clare had danced with her Father. She'd been forced to dance with Ben and Trevor after that, but people were watching so they behaved themselves. Stephanie announced she was going to throw the bouquet and all the unmarried women got into a crowd, except for Clare.

"You don't want to try for the bouquet?" Her Dad asked when she remained in her seat.

"If I caught it, Eli might have a heart attack," Clare smiled.

Her Dad laughed and they watched as his new bride tossed the bouquet high in the air. A woman in a bright pink dress with dark hair caught it, she kinda reminded Clare of an older Alli. Not long after that the guests began to leave and before long the five of them were the only ones left in the house.

"Kids," Stephanie said turning to them. "Your Father and I wanted some alone time on our first night as a Married couple so we'll be checking into the King Edward tonight and will be home tomorrow afternoon."

Clare felt her heart sink. _"They're leaving me alone with them! I guess it doesn't matter they attack me when Dad and Stephanie are here anyway. Okay I'll just go up to my room and lock the door and stay there all night." _Clare thought to herself, while she said, "Of course we can take care of ourselves, but if it's okay I'll say goodnight now, I'm exhausted.

She hugged her Dad and Stephanie said a quick goodnight to her now stepbrothers and ran upstairs. She locked her door and sat on her bed and grabbed her phone and called Eli.

"Hey Gorgeous. How was the wedding?"

"It was good, sweet I guess my Dad is happy." She said but despite her best efforts she had a sad edge to her voice.

"You okay?" He questioned.

They talked for over an hour until Clare said she was getting ready for bed and they said goodnight. Clare hung up and got her pajama's on. Checked to make sure her door was locked and then turned off her light and got under her covers. Pretty soon she was sleeping soundly assured that her door was locked, that is until she felt a hand being placed over her mouth and she awoke in terror…

**(FIONA)**

Fiona sat cross legged on her sofa, facing her brother as they filled each other in all the details of their lives. She and Imogen had picked him up from the airport that afternoon, and they'd met Drew and Bianca for an early dinner. It was at dinner that the four of them told Declan that someone was hurting Clare. That they were sure it was someone at her Father and Stepmothers house but they didn't know who, but that Clare would be coming to visit on Saturday. Declan had been heartbroken to think someone was purposely hurting her but glad to hear that she'd be visiting. He'd had a bit of a soft spot for the girl from the beginning, but even more so after she'd bitten and kissed his neck. Declan was one of the few people that had never thought of her as "St. Clare." After dinner Drew and Bianca had gone to the Torres house to hang out with Adam and Imogen had dropped Fiona and Declan at the loft.

"More hot chocolate?" Fiona asked when they had both finished their cups,

"Sure." Declan nodded, and then there was a soft knock at the door. "Okay you get the door Sis and I'll get the hot chocolate."

Fiona smiled and went to the door peeking through the peephole, all she could see was a mess of honey colored curls. Fiona opened the door ready to greet Clare but she stopped dead at the sight of the small girl. She wore only a camisole and satiny pajama pants, no shoes, no sweater. Her left eye was black, and barely open due to swelling. There was a bump on the right side of her forehead. The right corner of her mouth was turning purple and her lip busted. The right side of her jaw was turning blue and her lip was busted, drops of blood mixing with trickling tears. Fiona could see a large bruise peeking out from under her camisole, as well as several fresh bruises along her arms and chest mixing with older ones. She also saw what appeared to be a spots of blood, one on her camisole and one on her pants.

"I…I…" Clare choked out in barely above a whisper.

Fiona reached out and brought the petite form to her in an embrace. "Oh my god Clare! What…" Fiona finally managed.

The concern and fear in her voice made Declan look over and he went to the girls. "Clare?"

Clare was sobbing into Fiona's chest but suddenly her legs seemed to give way and she collapsed. Fiona and Declan caught her. "Declan my bed, take her to my bed." Fiona ushered, tears trickling down her own cheeks now.

Declan picked up the small framed girl and gasped when her saw her beaten body. Clare winced in pain as his arms went around her. Fiona ran ahead opening her bedroom door and turning down her covers. Declan lay Clare on the bed and Fiona covered her with the blankets. Clare turned over to her side and curled up into a fetal position and began to gently sob into the pillow.

"Clare Sweetie, we'll be back in a few minutes ok? We'll just be in the living room, if you need me or Declan call his phone." Fiona said in as steady a voice as she could muster, placing her phone open to Declan's contact in the girls hand.

Clare nodded ever so slightly and Declan and Fiona exited the room, closing the door behind them. As soon as they were in the hallway Fiona turned into her twin's chest and began to cry.

"Declan…she…oh god what did they do to her?" Declan hugged her tight, tears welling up in his own eyes and his chest tight. Fiona heard him swallow hard as he began gently rubbing her back. After a minute Fiona broke away, "I need to call Drew." She said going to the living room and picking up the landline.

**(DREW)**

Drew, Bianca, Owen, Adam and Dallas were hanging out in the Torres basement playing video games. When Drew's phone rang he handed his controller to Adam to take over so Drew could answer.

"Hello?"

"Drew." Fiona's voice was soft and sad and broke when she spoke his name.

"Fiona what's wrong?"

"She's here, she came here all…oh god Drew…You guys need to get over here, bring Eli and hurry." Fiona started to cry and hung up.

"_Who's there? Why was she crying? Who all did she means needs to get there? Bring Eli…Eli! Clare!" _Drew coming to the realization in his head jumped up. Everyone else in the room looked at him. "Owen can you take Adam to go pick up Eli and bring them to the loft?" Drew asked.

"Yeah sure." Owen nodded confused.

Drew turned to Adam. "Call Eli and tell him you're on your way, you guys'll spend the night at the loft."

"Okay but Drew what's…" Adam began.

"That was Fiona she was upset, Clare is at the loft." Drew said.

Owen, Bianca and Adam all hopped up. "Why is she upset that Clare is there? Should I come?" Dallas asked.

"NO! She doesn't like you, stay here and tell my Mom I'll call her in the morning." Adam said, and then left through the back door with Owen.

Drew took Bianca's hand and they went out to her car and drove to the loft. They parked and ran up to the apartment, the door was still unlocked and they entered to see Declan holding Fiona, both had tear streaks down their face. "Fiona what happened? Where is she?"

"I don't know what happened she showed up here, barefoot and in her pajamas. She's been badly beaten, we put her in my bed." Fiona said choking on her words a bit.

Drew and Bianca walked back to Fiona's room and knocked on the door. "Clare, it's Drew and Bianca, we're coming in ok?" There was no answer so they went in. She was curled up in the bed her back to the door.

Bianca let go of Drew's hand and walked slowly to the other side of the bed. Only the girls face was visible but it was enough to make Bianca gasp. She bent down and brushed a stray curl from the girls face, causing Clare to wince. "Clare what happened?" Bianca asked. Clare closed her eyes tight and began to cry.

Drew came over and stood by Bianca's side he swore under his breath when he saw Clare for himself. "Clare I'm gonna pull down the blanket a little bit just to see okay?" Drew asked, swallowing hard. Clare didn't respond so Drew very gently pulled the comforter down. He stopped at her elbow, that was enough for him to start feeling sick. He covered her with the blanket again. "I'm going to go talk to Fiona." He told Bianca.

She nodded, "I'm gonna stay in here and sit with Clare, I don't think she should be alone."

**(ADAM)**

He got into the passenger side of Owen's car, got out his phone and called Eli.

"What's up?"

"Be on your porch in 10, Owen and I are picking you up to go to the loft. We'll be spending the night." Adam said quickly.

"Dude huh? What's going on?"

"Fiona called Drew, Clare is over there again and I don't think it's good." Adam told him, there was silence on the other end. "Eli?"

"I'll be ready." Was all Eli said and hung up.

20 minutes later they had picked up Eli and parked outside the apartment building. The 3 three of them burst through the front door, Declan, Fiona and Drew looked up from the couch.

"Where is she?" Eli demanded.

"In my room, Bianca's with her." Fiona said softly.

Eli and Adam turned to go to Fiona's room but Drew got up and stopped them. "Wait, you both need to prepare yourselves, she's been badly beaten."

They nodded and gulped and Drew let go of them. Owen sat on the couch to let them go to her first. Fiona's bedroom door was open and the boys peeked in. Bianca saw them and waved them forward, sliding off the bed to make room for them. She gently encouraged Clare to move over, so that they could sit on either side of her. Clare moved slowly, breathing in sharply and wincing but obliged.

"Clare," she said softly, "Eli and Adam are here. They're going to sit with you for a while okay?" Clare nodded ever so slightly. Bianca touched Eli's arm lightly and left the room.

Eli seemed afraid to move so Adam went first; he walked around to see her face and then stopped. The look on Adam's face made Eli go over himself. They instantly felt sick at the sight of the once sweet, cherub like face turned bloody, beaten and swollen. Adam bit back the tears fighting their way out. He swallowed hard and crawled over the bed to sit on the other side of her. Eli sat down on the bed slowly; he let some tears fall down his cheeks. He kissed the top of her head, afraid to touch her anywhere else. Adam looked across at his friend; they were both trying to be strong for her but they both had tears in their eyes and looked sick.

**(FIONA)**

The group sat in distressed silence in on the couch for what seemed like hours. Eventually Eli emerged from her room and they all looked at him, hoping he had answers.

"She's not talking; she won't even look at us." Eli said in a defeated tone and then a thought occurred to him. "Maybe she'll talk to Alli, I need to call Alli." Eli said pulling out his phone.

Owen hopped up and took it from him. "Eli it's 2am, even if she's awake she can't get over here."

"Owen's right, I'll ask Imogen to pick up Alli and Jenna in the morning. I assume your all spending the night?" Fiona asked.

Everyone nodded. "Adam and I will sleep back there with Clare, if that's okay?" Eli asked.

"Of course Eli." Fiona got up and grabbed two blankets from the linen closet, handing them to Eli. "Try and get some sleep." Eli nodded and disappeared back down the hallway. "Bianca and Drew are sleeping in Drew's room; I'll sleep on the couch. You two can have the air mattresses." Fiona said.

Drew and Bianca helped move furniture and set up the air mattresses before they went back to Drew's room. Fiona lay her head on her pillow, pulled her fuzzy blanket up to her chin and tried desperately to close her eyes and not see Clare's beaten body; so that she could sleep.

**Poor Clare, what happened to her?**

**Update soon when Alli, Jenna and Jake see her. **


	7. Silent Pain

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.7 Silent Pain**

**(FIONA)**

Fiona awoke with a start, blinking several times to take in her surroundings. _"Just a dream." _Her mind assured her. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Fi? You okay?" Declan asked coming over to her.

She glanced at the clock 7:06, it was early, not that any of them had really slept last night. Fi nodded taking her brothers hand. "I was having a dream about Bobby."

Declan wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Owen joined them on the couch, and Bianca and Drew emerged from his room. A moment later Adam and Eli joined them. Everyone looked haggard, and had dark circles under their eyes.

"She's still sleeping," Eli said quietly.

Her friends fair face looked even more pale and was blank and tired but in his eyes was a flurry of emotion; fear, worry, hate, fury, and loss.

"I'm going to call Imogen," Fiona said. She went back to the bedroom and got her phone from the nightstand, careful not to wake the sleeping girl. She made her way back to the living room to make her phone call, hitting number 4 on her speed dial and waited.

RING

RING

"Mmmmm Fiones, it's barely seven o' clock on a Saturday." Came the groggy voice at the other end of the line.

"Imogen," her voice choked, "I need you to be here. Come here please but first I need you to swing by Alli's and pick up her and Jenna."

"Fiona what's wrong," She was awake and alert now.

"It's Clare, she came her last night she was…please just hurry." Fiona felt tears begin to well up behind her eyes.

"Okay I'm on my way. Tell Alli and Jenna I'll be there in 20 minutes." Imogen said and hung up.

"Imogen will pick up Alli and Jenna, they'll be here in a bit. I don't know Alli's number." She said to Eli.

Eli got out his phone and searched through his contacts. Fiona went to the kitchen getting a glass and filling it with water, then placing a straw in it. She went back to her bedroom, Clare was still sleeping. Fiona went round to the other side of the bed and sat down. She brushed a strand of hair from the girls face. "Clare honey wake up."

Clare's good eye fluttered open, while her purple and swollen one struggled to open at all. Clare's bruises were now fully darkened and she looked worse than the night before. Clare was silent but Fiona saw recognition in her eye.

Fiona held up the glass, placing the straw at her lips. "You need to drink some water."

Clare struggled to open her mouth, her lips parting slowly she grasped the straw weakly in her lips and managed a few sips. Fiona set the glass on the bed side table and leaned back against the headboard. Clare just stared straight ahead, not moving or speaking or anything, she was like a ghost. Fiona bit back her tears and began stroking the smaller girl's hair gently.

**(ELI)**

He took out his phone searching through his contacts and finding Alli's name clicked the call button. It was several rings before she picked up.

"Eli? It's awfully early why are you…Oh my god is Clare okay?" Her voice changing from cracking morning voice to alert fear in seconds.

"No. She's…she was…" he cleared his throat, trying not picture Clare laying in the bed, trying not to cry into the phone. "Imogen will be there shortly to get you and Jenna and bring you here."

"We'll be ready." She said quietly.

Eli hung up the phone and sat on the couch, knowing Fiona was with Clare so she wouldn't be alone. Eli was surrounded by people but alone in his thoughts; dozens of thoughts racing through his mind, all crashing into each other. He was getting agitated, his fists clenching and unclenching, his eyes narrowed into small green slits. Just as his thoughts and emotions were about to explode a voice broke through them.

"Should we call her Mom?" It was Owen, not who Eli was expecting to be the voice of reason.

"Her Mom and Glen went to Kingston for the weekend, and I don't think Clare wants her Mom right now. She can be overbearing and pushy, but we should probably call Jake." Adam stated.

Eli looked at his friend, with everything going on it had completely escaped his mind to think about telling Jake. "I'll call him." Eli said getting out his phone again.

"Eli? Didn't picture you as the early riser type." Jake's voice was light and happy. That was about to change.

"You need to get to Fiona's now! It's Clare." Eli said and hung up.

**(ALLI)**

Alli, Imogen, and Jenna arrived at the loft just as Jake did. Jake knocked on the door furiously and Declan opened it. Jake gave him a glance obviously not recognizing the face before him, but his eyes soon focused on Eli and Adam.

"Where is she? What happened?" Jake asked Eli with an accusatory tone in his voice.

"She's in Fiona's room with her, and I have no idea what happened." Eli said.

"She showed up here last night, barefoot in pajamas and she'd been beaten." Declan said, his voice turned weak remembering how fragile she'd looked the night before.

Alli took Jenna's hand and they walked back to Fiona's room, followed closely by Jake and then Imogen and the rest of the group. Fiona looked up at the crowd of people, sliding off the bed to go to Imogen. Alli and Jenna walked around to see Clare's face and instantly regretted doing so.

"OH GOD CLARE!" Alli gasped, instant tears streaming down her cheeks. She turned into Jenna, who had also looked away.

She heard heavy footsteps behind her, and then "FUCK CLARE WHAT HAPPENED WHO DID THIS TO YOU?" It was Jake, from her peripheral vision she saw his whole body was tense his fist clenched.

Alli unburied her face from Jenna's shoulder when Jake yelled. Clare clenched her eyes tight, as hot tears of pain began streaming down her cheeks.

Imogen released her grasp from Fiona and timidly went to see for herself. She pulled her lower lip into her mouth biting back a shriek. "Oh Clare…" she breathed out quietly.

Owen made his way over now, the sight of her bloody, beaten and swollen face causing even Owen's hard exterior to crack and tears to appear in his eyes. His fists clenched as well, he turned pale and looked ill and angry. Owen swore under his breath and stepped back, Alli presumed so no one would see the former bully fighting back tears.

"We need to get her to the hospital!" Jake said.

Clare still had her eyes shut tight but she began to shake her head as vigorously as she could manage. She tried to sit up and shrieked in agony at the movement, causing everyone's eyes to fall on her. "Uh uh", she choked out weakly as she continued shaking her head.

"Clare you need to be looked at by a doctor, we need to call the police." Jake insisted.

Clare was near hysterics now, shaking her head, trying to move to, sit up, "N...no." She barely managed to force the word from her throat.

They all looked at her again. "She doesn't want to go to the hospital or the police, she's afraid." Eli said sternly glaring at the taller boy.

"ELI, she's hurt she needs to be checked out at the hospital. Why wouldn't she want to go?" Jake insisted glaring right back.

"She's protecting someone, it's what Clare does." Alli said softly. Then more sternly, "Or need I remind you all why she agreed to go with Fitz to Vegas night." Alli grabbed her friend's hand which was clutching at the blanket now and cringed when she saw her friends battered arm.

"I don't care if she's protecting someone; she needs to get checked out. She needs to tell the police what happened." Jack said glaring at Alli now.

"She hasn't even told us, if she can't tell us what makes you think she can tell the police?!" Eli seethed through clenched teeth still glaring at Jake, his hands clutched into tight fists, his knuckles white.

"I don't care, I'm her brother and I'm taking her to the hospital!" Jake started to move toward Clare.

Eli grabbed his shoulder, "I'm her boyfriend and I say you're not!"

Clare was in complete hysterics now, curled into as tight a ball as she could manage, gripping Alli's hand as firmly as she could and sobbing uncontrollably.

Alli looked up at the two boys, anger in her eyes. "STOP IT! Both of you of you just stop! You're just making her more upset. If you can't shut up I'll throw you both out!" Her voice was shrill, stern, commanding and full of venom.

Jake and Eli stopped instantly, looking at the shaking, sobbing figure in the bed. They both relaxed sinking into themselves, feeling ashamed for arguing.

"Okay she doesn't want to go to the hospital but she is hurt, she could have more serious injuries, we have to do something." Jake said his voice filled with hurt and concern.

Imogen stepped close to Clare, sitting on the bed and gently laying a hand on one of the few un-bruised spots on her arm. Clare calmed a little and opened her good eye to look at Imogen. "Clare, I understand that you don't want to go to the hospital but Jake is right, we need to make sure you're not seriously injured. My Mom is a doctor; if I call her she'll come here and can examine you here. No hospital and all of us will be here with you, not in the room but just in the living room. Okay?"

Clare nodded ever so slightly. Imogen got up and went to the living room closely followed by Fiona. Alli and Jenna sat on the side of the bed, Alli still holding Clare's hand. Eli and Adam slid up next to Clare on the other side of the bed. Eli pulled down the covers enough to find her other hand. Seeing her battered arm and chest and yellowing bruises on her neck, Eli, Adam, Jake and Owen let out a short gasp and fought back tears. Jake sat at the end of the bed and the others went out to the living room.

They sat there in silence, sometimes glancing at each other or looking at Clare, but mostly lost in their own thoughts, until they heard a knock at the front door. A moment later they heard Imogen's Mothers voice in the living room. A few seconds later Imogen came into the room with her Mother at her heels.

"Clare, guys, this is Natalie my Mom. Clare she's going to examine you okay?" I mogen said softly.

"Find me a camera." Imogen's Mother instructed her.

"Why?" Imogen inquired, knitting her eyebrows together.

"She may not want to go to the police right now but we need to take pictures for evidence anyway. I'll do it while I examine her." Natalie instructed.

Imogen nodded and disappeared for a minute before returning with a camera. "We should probably give Clare and my Mom some privacy." She said.

Eli, Adam, Jake and Jenna all got off the bed but Clare held tightly to Alli's hand. "I think she wants me to stay." Alli said. The others nodded and left the room.

Natalie closed the bedroom door behind them. "Clare we're going to help you sit up now." She spoke in a soothing tone.

Clare nodded a little; Alli and Natalie supported her small frame and helped her into a sitting position. Clare winced and breathed in sharply from the pain. Natalie told Clare she was going to take some pictures of her neck and face. Clare didn't move so Natalie snapped a few pictures.

"Okay we're going to help you stand up and take off your shirt, ready?" Natalie asked and Clare nodded her head a fraction of an inch.

Alli and Natalie helped Clare to her feet. The movement was painful and Clare let out a shriek that they heard in the living room. They gave her a minute to recover before helping her out of her camisole. The motion of lifting her arms up was extremely painful; Clare groaned and let out a sharp cry of pain. She nearly doubled over more than once, but they finally managed to remove it.

Alli was standing behind Clare when her camisole came off but when she saw her friends bare back she began to cry. Clare's entire back was all purple, much of her back had very distinctive marks across it, deep welts in a familiar shape but she couldn't place it just then. Peeking out from under the hem of her pajama pants were scratches, in the shape of letters. Alli had seen enough, she felt sick, and she had to get away. "Clare I'll be…back shortly." She choked out between the tears.

Clare nodded a little; Alli ran out of the room and into the bathroom and shut the door. She stopped herself from throwing up but collapsed on the washroom floor and began crying furiously. After a minute there was a knock at the door.

"Alli are you okay?" Came Jenna's voice. Alli flung open the door and embraced her tightly. Jenna walked her to the couch and they sat down with the others. "Alli what is it?" Jenna asked rubbing her back.

"I couldn't stay in there, I tried but I just couldn't." Alli sobbed, "I feel awful I should be in there with Clare but I…" she looked down at her hands. "Her back, it's all purple and she has all these welts…and something scratched or carved into…I just couldn't be in there anymore."

She heard everyone else gasp or choke back cries at her description. For a couple minutes no one seemed to be able to move, finally Adam spoke.

"Somebody should be in there with her."

"I'll go." Bianca said releasing herself from Drew's arms.

Alli turned into Jenna's shoulder and continued bawling.


	8. Home and an Old Friend

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.8 Home and an Old Friend**

**(BIANCA)**

Bianca opened the door to Fiona's bedroom; she stepped in closing the door behind her and then instantly clapped her hand over her mouth at the sight of Clare's bare front. The entirety of her stomach, chest and sides were blue, purple or green. Her breasts both had deep purple hand marks, and on the side of her right breast was a deep bite mark. Bianca took a deep breath willing herself to be strong for Clare. She went over and took Clare's hand while Natalie finished taking pictures of Clare's front side.

"Okay Clare now we're going to put your shirt back on, then I need to take off your pants and underwear okay? Natalie asked. Clare nodded her head.

Slowly and painfully they got Clare out of her pants and underwear, she let out a few cries of pain that Bianca was sure they could hear in the living room. They helped her stand up again and Natalie started taking pictures. Her legs were less bruised but Bianca saw distinctive bruises on her thighs, indicative of someone straddling her and forcing her legs open. Bianca cringed internally. She had a few other bruises along her legs, but then Bianca noticed another bite mark on her upper inner thigh. Then Natalie turned Clare around and Bianca had to bite her lip to keep from yelling. Clare had the same welts on her butt and thighs as her back. Worst of all carved on her back at her tailbone were a B and T. Natalie finished with her pictures and put Clare back on the bed.

"Okay Clare before we help you get dressed again I'm going to perform a rape kit." Natalie said. Clare didn't respond so Natalie got out the rape kit and collected her samples. Clare never moved, just sat there staring straight ahead. When Natalie finished they helped Clare get dressed and then she examined Clare's stomach and chest bruises more closely before looking at the bite marks. "Okay Clare I'm all done, you should rest now."

Bianca covered Clare with the comforter again and sank down next to her.

Natalie looked at Bianca, "Make sure she gets lots of fluids, are you going to stay in here with her?" Bianca nodded. "I'm going to talk to the others." Said Natalie and she left the room.

**(ELI)**

After what seemed like an eternity Imogen's Mother finally came out to the living room. Eli immediately jumped up and went to her.

Natalie handed him the camera. "I know she's scared right now and doesn't want to talk to the police but she should. I took as many pictures as I could. As for her injuries she was beaten severely but none of them seem to be life threatening. However since she refuses to go to the hospital and I can't get x-rays I can't be a hundred percent certain. Keep a close eye on her, if she starts coughing up blood or her stomach becomes distended take her to the emergency room immediately."

When Natalie said this Eli paled. She put a hand on his arm and continued.

"Just be cautious I don't think any of her bruises were severe enough to cause internal damage. She needs lots of rest and fluids and she needs to eat to keep up her strength. I also did a rape kit."

Eli looked horrified, everyone else in the room paled. "She was raped?" Eli asked weakly.

"As a precaution only, I saw no signs of rape but I wanted to be safe. What I'm most concerned about are the cuts, and especially the bite marks. Those could lead to an infection. I'm writing a prescription for antibiotics and some pain medication. One of you can fill it at a pharmacy. If you need anything else or have any other questions call me anytime." Natalie said.

Eli sank into the couch again. Imogen thanked her Mother and she left. Alli, Jenna, Imogen and Fiona were crying. All the boys looked pale and angry, their fists clenched, their jaws tight. Except for Eli he looked…lost, his eyes were glazed over, he couldn't move or think.

"Bite marks…rape…who…" Eli said slowly, choking back sobs and fits of anger all at once. Adam put his arm around his friend.

"Bianca and I will go fill her prescription," Drew said after a few minutes.

Eli finally was able to come back to the moment. "Thanks Drew," he said quietly.

Drew nodded and disappeared and came back a minute later with Bianca. "We'll be back shortly. She's sleeping now." Bianca said, Eli nodded and she and Drew left.

For a few minutes the room was silent and then Jake stood up. "I'm taking Clare home, Thank you Fi for taking her in but she needs to be in her own room. Our parents don't come home until tomorrow and I can't call them to tell them that…" Jake paused breathing in deeply and fighting back the tears. "Anyway, you're all welcome to come and stay until they get home. We have plenty of room and I could use the company, and I know Clare would appreciate the support."

Everyone stood up. "We're all coming." Eli spoke for everybody.

"I'll call Drew and tell them to go to Clare's after they pick up her medicine." Adam said.

Jake nodded. "Eli and I will take Clare in my truck. She'll be able to stretch out a bit if you hold her and she puts her feet on my lap. I'll carry her downstairs."

"I can take Fiona and Declan in my car." Imogen said.

"Adam, Jenna and Alli can come in my car." Owen said.

Jake nodded. "Okay that's all of us, Drew and Bianca will meet us there. Fiona can you bring some pillows and blankets? I'm not sure we have enough."

"Of course." Fiona said and she, Imogen and Declan began gathering pillows and blankets.

Adam got out his phone and called Drew while Jake went to Fiona's room with Eli close behind.

"Clare baby," Eli said softly, brushing a strand of hair from her face, "Jake's going to pick you up. We're going to take you home to your own bed but all of us will be there with you."

Clare woke up and nodded a little and Jake picked her up, the movement and the touch of Jake's arms on her bruised body caused her to shriek out in pain. Both Eli and Jake winced at hearing her in agony. Jake carried her down to his truck, Eli opened the doors and got in. Jake placed Clare on Eli's lap and got into the driver's seat putting Clare's feet on his lap. Then they drove to Jake and Clare's house, closely followed by Imogen and Owen's cars.

They arrived at the house and Eli carried Clare up to her bed, laying her down gently and sitting beside her. Adam came up and sat at Eli's feet. Alli sat on the other side of Clare, and Jake and Jenna sat at the end of the bed. Owen sat at the desk chair. Declan, Imogen and Fiona took seats on the floor. A short time later Drew and Bianca arrived, they came upstairs and Drew gave the bag to Eli.

"The pain meds are just if she needs them but she's supposed to take two of each of the antibiotics three times a day." Drew said.

"Thanks guys." Eli nodded.

"I'll grab some water," said Jake. He left the room and came back a minute later with a glass of water.

With the help of Alli, Eli and Jake; Clare managed to swallow her medicine.

"She needs to eat something." Eli said.

"Not hungry." Clare said barely above a whisper.

"Clare you need to eat, Natalie said you need to keep up your strength so you can heal. At least eat a little." Alli pleaded with her friend.

"And you need to take your meds with food." Drew said.

Clare nodded a little. "I'll go make some lunch," Jake responded getting up to go to the kitchen.

Imogen, Bianca and Drew followed to help.

**(JENNA)**

It was late afternoon, Clare had managed a few bites of lunch and they had all eaten in her room. But after lunch Clare had curled up on the bed with her head on Eli, not moving, or talking. Slowly some of the people had gone downstairs, so as not to crowd Clare. Adam, Drew, Bianca, Jenna, Alli and of course Eli remained in Clare's room with her. The others were downstairs watching TV; Jenna knew this because she could hear the sounds of it. No one left the house or went home; they all wanted to be there. Everyone, except for Owen, Fiona, Declan and Bianca who didn't need to, had called their parents and told them they were staying the night.

Currently Drew was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall, with Bianca leaning against him. Eli was on the bed holding Clare and Alli sat on the other side of Clare holding her hand. Adam lay at the foot of the bed, his head on Clare's blanket covered shins. Jenna was at Clare's desk on her laptop. She had logged Clare out of Facerange and logged into her account. She was mindlessly reading people's updates and statuses when a message popped up.

**K.C. GUTHRIE: Hey Jenna what's up? I miss you guys. How is everyone?**

Jenna sighed and looked behind her. _"How is everyone? What do I tell him? He cares about Clare too but he's all the way in Vancouver now." _Jenna was conflicted. She waved Alli over. Alli let go of Clare's hands and went to her. Jenna pointed to the message.

"What do I do? Should I tell him?" She asked Alli in a low voice.

"You better tell him Jenna, he's Clare's friend too. He should know and if he finds out from someone else later on he might be angry." Alli whispered back.

"Your right." Jenna said and Alli went back to sitting next to Clare. Jenna started typing her reply

**JENNA MIDDLETON: K.C. something happened to Clare, she was hurt.**

**K.C. GUTHRIE: Hurt? What do you mean hurt?! Is she okay? What happened?**

**JENNA MIDDLETON: Remember her Father was getting remarried? Someone at his house, but we don't know who, hurt her badly. She's not talking; she's barely spoken three words, or eaten or moved. She was beaten really bad and she has bite marks, and cuts of some kind and welts. I've only seen the bruises on her face, neck and arms but it's bad. We're all here with her, me and Alli, Adam, Eli, Drew, Bianca, Jake, Owen, Fiona, Imogen and Declan. Imogen's Mom, who's a doctor, she came to look at her, because Clare doesn't want to go to the hospital or the police. I'm scared K.C. she's hurt really bad and won't tell us what happened and she…seems broken somehow. She just isn't Clare.**

Jenna typed furiously letting her emotion spill out through the keyboard to K.C., a few tears trickling down her cheek. Jenna waited but K.C. didn't reply, and then her phone rang. K.C.'s picture flashing on the display.

"Hi. I'm sorry K.C. I thought you should know."

"No you did the right thing I'm glad I know. Is she in the room with you?" K.C. asked his voice was choked with emotion.

"Yeah she's right here."

"Put me on speaker." K.C. insisted, Jenna obliged. "Clare," K.C.'s voice floated through the room. Clare looked up from Eli's lap for the first time since lunch. "I am so sorry someone hurt you. I know you're scared and you're retreating inside to deal with it stoically but stop it. Trying to deal with it on your own inside your head doesn't make you strong. All your friends are there with you and you need to let them help you. Tell them what happened and who hurt you so that person can pay and you can start healing inside. I wish I could be there to hold you and tell you it'll be okay, but I'm sure Eli, Adam and Alli are doing just that." Eli smirked, and Alli and Adam smiled. K.C. continued, "The Clare I know is strong and stubborn and witty, not silent. I'm here if you need me, call anytime. You know I care about you Clare."

Jenna took K.C. off of speaker, and said goodbye to him. She looked at Clare, K.C.'s words seemed to have penetrated Clare's shell. Her eyes had brightened just a bit, she had a thoughtful look on her face, and she had a couple of tears running down her nose. Jenna hoped that Clare would listen to K.C. and tell them what happened.


	9. Breathe Deeply

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.9 Breathe Deeply**

**(ALLI)**

After Jenna hung up with K.C. Alli went to the desk and unplugged the laptop, she sat back on the bed next to Clare with the laptop on her lap. After hearing K.C. talk to Clare it occurred to Alli that she had better let Sav know before he heard it through the rumor mill. She logged onto her Facerange account, Sav wasn't on but she sent him a PM anyway, he'd see it as soon as he logged on. She kept it short, just saying that Clare was badly hurt by someone, they didn't know who, but that she and the others were with her and she would be in touch with him. She logged out of her account then and logged back into Clare's, she had help Clare set up her Facerange account so of course she knew the password.

Alli set the laptop on the nightstand and sank back into the bed with a small sigh. She looked at her friend, she could tell that Clare was thinking and Alli hoped she was thinking about what K.C. had said. Then Clare's laptop began to ding as messages began to pop up, slowly at first but then a flurry of them.

**H.J. Sinclair: Declan said you were hurt what happened?**

**Sav Bhandari: Clare I just heard from Alli! Are you okay? What happened?**

**Riley: Clare I just heard you were hurt.**

**Zane: Clare what happened?**

**Chantay: I heard you were beaten up! What happened?**

**Anya McPhearson: Clare are you okay? Riley and Holly J said you were hurt!**

"_Boy bad news really travels fast. And half these people don't even know Clare that well." _Alli thought to herself as she saw more and more messages pop up.

**(ELI)**

He sat on the bed holding his broken love in his arms. Even when K.C. called he hadn't looked up from her face buried in his lap. But the constant sounds of dining coming from her laptop made him look up. He watched a continuous string of private Facerange messages pop up on the screen. He recognized the names at first, kids that had graduated the year before but the messages kept coming.

**Peter: Clare what the hell happened? I'll kill whoever did this!**

**Spinner Mason: Baby Edwards I just heard Jay and I will kick their ass!**

**Emma Nelson-Mason: Clare are you okay? Spinner and Jay are furious they are set to kill as soon as you tell us who did this.**

**Jay Hogart: They're dead! Whoever hurt you will die!**

"_Who the hell are these people?!" _Eli thought as he watched the messages continue to come.

**Manny Santos: Clare are you okay, I'm on the phone with Jay right now he and Spin are ready to murder the guy that did this.**

**Mia: Clare OMG! What happened? I just heard. I'll be thinking of you, let me know you're okay.**

**Darcy: SIS WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?**

"_Well at least Darcy is a name I recognize."_

**Danny: Sav said you were hurt. What happened?**

**Derek: Baby Edwards are you okay? Danny said you were in the hospital or something.**

Eli watched Alli pick up the laptop and reply to Darcy. She told her that Clare was hurt, they were all with her at the house, they didn't know what happened and they hadn't told her parents yet. When she was done Alli shut down the laptop so they wouldn't see any more messages.

"Alli who were those people? I recognized some of the names but who are Spinner and Jay and Peter and the rest." Eli asked.

"Really Eli? Jealousy? Now?" Alli scolded glaring at him as she set the laptop on the floor.

"Curiosity." He replied.

Alli sighed. "Peter and Spinner dated Darcy; they were kinda like big brothers to her. You remember Peter he worked at the Dot. The rest are friends of Darcy's that know Clare through her. They're just concerned Eli."

Eli sighed, Alli was right and he really wasn't mad at them he was mad at whoever had done this to his Clare. He took a deep breath and pushed a strand of hair from his beloveds face.

"Clare, K.C. is right you need to tell us what happened. Everyone in this house cares about you; all those messages are from people who care about you. I know it hurts and I know you're scared but please tell us Clare. You can't imagine the pain we all feel from not knowing."

**(CLARE)**

K.C. and Eli's words sank into her mind. She knew that they were right; she knew she was going to have to tell them sooner or later or alienate them all. She took a deep breath and sat up, she still wasn't looking anyone in the eye and she was twisting the blanket in her hands. The fact that she had moved at all caused everyone in the room to look at her.

"Okay but I'm only telling this story once and then I never want to repeat it. Someone go get the others." Her voice was shaky and soft. Adam got up and left the room, he returned a moment later with everyone who had been downstairs. They all found a seat somewhere and looked expectantly at Clare. "I repeat that I'm only telling this story once, I will not repeat it to my parents, or the cops or anyone understood? No one say anything until I finish or I won't tell you got it?" She asked in a louder voice.

Everyone in the room nodded. _"Breathe deeply Clare just breathe deeply, you can do this just don't look at any of them." _She gave herself a silent pep talk took a deep breath and began.

"My new Stepbrothers," she confessed and tears began to trickle down her cheeks, "they don't like me or my Dad. They were angry about the wedding and they decided to…take their anger out on me I guess. It started the very first night; they shoved me against the wall and slapped my butt. I was forced to sit between them at dinner and they kept trying to touch me under the table. That night they were waiting for me in my room Ben shoved me to the wall by my wrist and held me there. I tried to fight him off but he was shoving my wrist into the wall so hard. He kissed me and wouldn't stop." She was crying now her grip on the blanket got tighter.

She could feel Eli next to her his whole body was tense and his fist was balled up so tightly that his knuckles were white. She could see Adam sitting at Eli's feet he didn't look much better. _"If they're this upset already they might have a heart attack by the time I finish." _She thought to herself. She couldn't see the others but the room was silently still and she could feel the tension all around her. She reached her hand over to Eli for him to hold, a gesture that was as much to calm him as to comfort her. Eli unclenched his fist and took her hand.

Another deep breath and Clare continued, "When Ben finally released me Trevor grabbed me and threw me on the bed. He straddled me and when I tried to fight he hit me. He kissed me too and then they left my room. I just couldn't sleep there so I snuck out and ended up at the mall, I was actually hoping I could just stay unnoticed and sleep there but then Drew found me."

She heard Adam swallow hard, and could hear Drew and Bianca breathing in deeply. Beside her she could feel Alli and Jenna crying softly. _"Breathe deeply just breathe deeply." _She reminded herself. She did just that before continuing with her explanation.

"I spent Friday at Alli's to sleep away for one more night but I had to go back on Saturday. Thankfully Stephanie and I were out all day and when we got home I went to my room and locked the door. They didn't do anything that night but they started in the next morning. That night I tried to stay in my room but I had to use the bathroom. I was super quiet but when I got back to my room I was grabbed by the throat and tossed on the bed. My good wrist was tied up with something. One of them was kissing me while the other…was…" she swallowed hard and took a deep breath, "the other was squeezing my breasts hard."

Clare was sobbing now, so were Alli and Jenna, Clare could feel their bodies shaking gently while they cried next to her. _"Breathe deeply." _She reminded herself, it was becoming her mantra. "It's about to get a lot worse so prepare yourselves to hear it. I'll understand if you want to leave and not hear it though."

No one moved but the entire room took a collective deep breath bracing themselves to hear what Clare was about to say.

"After the wedding Dad and Stephanie checked into a hotel for their first night as a married couple. As soon as they were gone I ran to my room and locked my door, I know I locked my door I checked. But just as I was falling asleep there was a hand on my mouth." Clare started crying harder and took a series of deep breaths before continuing. "They tied my wrists to the bed and forced my legs apart. One of them was kissing me, I tried to fight but they just hit me. I kicked one of them away, and then I was twisted onto my side and…"

She had to stop to try and control her crying before she could continue. Eli squeezed her hand gently encouraging her to go on. Clare took a deep breath and bit her lip to stop the crying and then continued. "They whipped me with a belt for fighting."

Alli and Bianca gasped simultaneously, she assumed as they realized what the welts on her back were.

"One of them sat on my legs and squeezed my breasts terribly hard before biting down on it. I tried to scream but I couldn't, I tried to fight I really did but my wrists were tied and he was sitting on my legs and…" Clare took in a sharp breath and Eli held her close.

"_Breathe deeply just keep breathing deep." _She repeated her mantra, did just that and continued. "If I resisted at all they hit me, hard. One of the forced my legs apart and stared to feel his way up to…he bit my thigh just as hard as the bite on my breast. Then he…with his fingers…"

Eli's whole body got more tense Clare hadn't thought it was possible. Jenna, Alli, Imogen and Fiona all gasped loudly. She heard several thumps against the wall and floor and knew the guys must've punched them out of anger.

"Eventually they stopped and untied my wrists, but they didn't leave, they turned me over and used a knife to carve their first initials into my back. Then they told me I belonged to them and they'd be back later and left the room. I pulled my pajamas back on and lay in the bed until I had the strength to move. But I couldn't sleep there, I just couldn't. I snuck out the window and Fiona's was closest so I ran there it was the only place…I tried to fight Eli I really did…" Clare could no longer talk she was crying to hard.

"I know Clare," he said in a calming voice rubbing her back and squeezing her hand. "I know. It's not your fault." His voice was calm but his body was rigid and on the inside he was beyond rage, there was not a word to describe how he felt.

"I'll kill them!" Came a chorus of angry voices through clenched teeth.

Clare laid her head back in Eli's lap and he held her. She could see Adam sitting at Eli's feet, he was perfectly still almost statute like. He didn't even seem to be breathing but his eyes had tears trickling down and they showed an amalgamation of emotion, rage, sorrow, regret, and anguish. After a few minutes Owen, Declan, Jake, Drew and Bianca left the room. No longer able to control their anger and not wanting to upset Clare any more than she was. Fiona and Imogen sat at the very end of the bed, tears trickling down their own cheeks and holding each other tightly. They wanted Clare to know they were there for her.

Clare was too ashamed to look at any of them, she buried her head in Eli's lap and let the tears fall freely. She had finally confessed but she didn't feel better, she felt worse. And she dreaded the question she knew would be coming, why didn't she tell them?


	10. Her Second Confession

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**POV skips around a bit sorry**

**Ch.10 Her Second Confession**

**(CLARE)**

She lay in Eli's arms, her head in his lap, for nearly an hour and no one still in the room said anything, or barley moved. Then her bed room door opened, Jake came in carrying two pizza boxes, followed by Owen carrying two more, then came Drew and Bianca carrying juice and soda.

"Dinner." Jake announced softly.

He set the boxes down and a stack of paper plates, Owen did the same and everyone starting getting pizza slices and drinks. Eli and Clare however remained silent and still on her bed. Eli brushed the hair from her face willing her to look at him, but she wouldn't.

"Clare baby have some dinner."

"Not hungry." She whispered into his chest so softly that only he heard her.

"Clare you need to eat, to keep up your strength to heal and you can't take your pills on an empty stomach." Eli said gently.

Clare sighed and moved to sit up quickly, the sudden movement caused her to shriek as her battered, and sore body tried to maneuver at the speed she was willing it to. Everyone's eyes shot up at her when she shrieked, mottled looks of worry and horror on their faces. Clare took a deep breath.

"I'm okay, just moved to fast." She explained in a soft voice while looking at her hands.

Everyone went back to eating, Jake handed Eli a plate with 2 slices on it. He held the plate out to Clare but she just stared at it blankly. Eli huffed and tore off a piece holding it to her lips. She opened her mouth barely parting her lips, Eli grimaced at her so she opened her mouth wide, wincing in pain from the bruise on her jaw. She took the bit of pizza in her mouth and chewed it slowly. Eli asked Adam to hand him a can of sprite and Clare's pills. Adam did so. After forcing 4 more bites into Clare, Eli took out her pills shaking the correct dose of the antibiotics into his hand. He popped open the soda and handed them both to Clare. She swallowed her pills handed the soda back to Eli and slowly sank down in the bed a bit so that her head was resting on the pillow.

**(ELI)**

Everyone ate in relative silence everybody not knowing what to say. Eli managed to eat a slice but he really wasn't all that hungry either. He slumped back into the bed and put an arm around Clare. His arm resting gingerly on her, afraid to put pressure or weight on her bruises. He wanted to give her time, to talk to him when she was ready. Since confessing everything she'd barely said a word. But one question was weighing heavily on his mind, he was pretty sure it was weighing heavy on all their minds.

"Why didn't you tell anyone Clare?" Eli spoke softly but they all heard it.

Everyone's eyes turned to Clare awaiting a response. She had saltwater welling in her eyes, her lower lip quivered and pouted out just a bit. She took a deep shuddering breath before answering.

"A million reasons, they threatened me and told me no one would believe me and I listened. But I also didn't want to ruin my Dad's wedding, and I actually liked Stephanie. Maybe if I had hated her it would have been easy to tell someone, I don't know." She paused to take a breath and gather her thoughts. "That first night when Drew found me at the mall I just didn't want to sleep in that house. And no offense to Drew but I really didn't know him that well and telling him what happened…I…just…couldn't. Truthfully even if you had found me I wouldn't have said anything different."

"But why? They were hurting you Clare! A busing you!" Eli said his voice was low and steady but his body was tense and his teeth were clenched.

"In an odd way because I wanted to protect you, I didn't want you, Adam, Alli or Jake to see the bruises because I didn't want to see the pain in your face."

"So you lied to protect your abusers and thought you protecting us?" Adam asked.

"No I was protecting myself too. What they did even that first night, it was embarrassing, and degrading and it just kept getting worse. After they…" She stopped, shutting her eyes tight as if she was trying to quell the terrifying memory working to push its way out. "I just couldn't tell you, any of you, anyone at all. Talking about it means thinking about it and then it's like it's happening all over again! It's not like saying hey I got an ice cream today, it's embarrassing! I'm ashamed and I feel guilty and I don't want to talk about it!" With that she sank even lower into the bed and turned her back to Eli.

**(ADAM)**

Like everyone else he was absorbing everything Clare had just said. He watched as Eli slowly got up off the bed and exited the room. Adam quickly got up and followed his best friend downstairs. He was closely followed by Jake, Drew, Bianca, Fiona and Imogen. Adam arrived downstairs just in time to see Eli punch the wall. His emerald eyed best friend was furious, Adam hadn't seen that look in Eli's eyes for a long time, and this time Adam knew Eli had taken his meds. He knew why Eli was so angry and he had a right to be but for Clare's sake Eli needed to calm down. Adam went over and put a hand on Eli's arm, but Eli shook it off.

"Those FUCKERS did that to her! They hurt her, whipped her! They cut into her! They just about RAPED her! And they have her feeling guilty! She WOULDN"T TALK I couldn't protect her! I…" Eli hissed out a seething breath between clenched teeth and punched the wall again.

**(OWEN)**

Owen watched Eli storm out and Adam and a few others follow. Clare began to sob silently and Alli quickly sat on the bed next to her friend. Then they heard Eli yelling but they only heard a few words; fuckers, raped and wouldn't talk.

"He hates me; I knew he would hate me when I told him." Clare said quietly and began to cry more vigorously.

"No sweetie Eli doesn't hate you, he's just angry." Alli said stroking Clare's hair softly.

Clare shook her head into the pillow, "No he hates me, he hates me because I let them touch me."

Owen had heard enough, and he could hear Jake and Eli both yelling downstairs now. He got up and went down to the living room where Jake and Eli seemed to be having a shouting match over who was more guilty of not protecting Clare, her brother or her boyfriend.

"I'm in the HOUSE with her every night I should have seen the BRUISES!" Jake yelled.

"**GUYS**!" Owen's big voice was louder than all of them, they all snapped to attention and looked at him. "You need to stop or take it into the garage where Clare can't hear you. I know you're mad and you should be, but your yelling is just upsetting Clare. She thinks that you hate her Eli."

Eli's face immediately fell, his posture slumping. "How could she…why…"

"Go get your anger out and then come back and talk to her." Owen commanded.

Eli nodded and started walking to the garage, then he turned back. "Adam go sit with her please?"

Adam nodded and he went upstairs, Eli and Jake went out to the garage. Owen followed Bianca, Drew, Fiona and Imogen back to Clare's room.

**(ELI)**

After a good thirty minutes of him and Jake yelling and punching stuff in the garage they felt under control again and went back into the house. They went into Clare's room and Adam got up so that Eli could take his place at Clare's side.

"Could you guys give me and Clare a minute please?" Eli asked.

"Umm lets go figure out sleeping arrangements and get beds set up." Jake said, and everyone but Eli and Clare left the room.

Clare heard the door close and turned a little, she still wouldn't look him in the eye but she looked at his hand. "I tried to fight Eli I did, please believe me I tried to fight them…"

"Shhhh I know you did Clare, I love you. I am mad but not at you, I'm mad at them for what they did to you. I want to kill them. I hate them with a burning fiery passion. But I don't hate you I could never hate you. Listen to me Clare; I need you to hear me. What they did was not your fault. You have no reason to feel guilty. I love you Clare." He bent down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

**(JAKE)**

He was pacing nervously Helen and his Dad would be home at any minute. The previous night he had called Clare's Dad but only to tell him that Clare hadn't been feeling well and he'd come and got her the night before. Everyone had spent the night last night, spread out amongst the house. Eli and Adam had slept with Clare in her bed, her request. Alli and Jenna had shared an air mattress on the floor. Jake in his room of course, Owen had slept in a sleeping bag on the floor of his room. Drew and Bianca in his parent's bed and Declan, Fiona and Imogen had slept in the living room. They had spent all day at the house as well, mostly sitting silently in Clare's room, simply to let her know she wasn't going through this alone. He heard his parents car in the drive way and went up to Clare's room.

"Our parents are home. Clare said she doesn't want to repeat the story and I won't make her do so. Eli, Adam, Alli could you guys stay? Eli and Adam I was hoping you could help me tell my parents, Alli can you stay with her while we do?" Eli, Adam and Alli nodded. "Thanks, the rest of you should say goodbye, you can come see Clare tomorrow."

Jenna squeezed Clare's hand. "Goodnight Clarebear I'll see you tomorrow."

Fiona and Imogen said in unison, "We'll be back tomorrow Clare."

Declan added, "Call if you need anything at all."

Bianca bent down and placed a small kiss on one of the few small un-bruised places on Clare's face. "I'll bring Adam over as soon as we're out of school tomorrow."

"I'll come by in the morning before work." Drew told her.

"I'll be here too Clare, as soon as school is out." Owen said.

C

lare managed a small timid smile for her friends new and old, it was the first time they'd seen her smile in days. Just then from downstairs they heard, "Kids we're home!"

Jake exited his sister's room followed by a stampede of teenagers. As they headed out the door they said a quick "Goodbye Mr. and Mrs. Martin," before leaving the house.

"Jake I told you no parties!" Helen said getting angry.

"It wasn't a party Helen, you two need to sit down there's something we need to tell you." Jake said motioning them to sit at the kitchen table.

Helen and Glen sat down as did Adam, Eli and Jake. The three boys looked at each other and Jake took a deep breath and began to tell them what Clare hold confessed to them just yesterday.

**(CLARE)**

Alli was stroking Clare's hair in an effort to comfort her friend when Clare's door opened and her Mother and Glen stepped in. Clare's face was hidden by her hair and the blanket so they couldn't see anything yet.

"Clare?" Her Mother's voice was shaky; Clare knew she'd been crying. Clare peeked her head out of the blanket just enough so that the bruise on her jaw line was visible. Helen gasped and turned into her husband. "Clare why…"

Clare cut her off. "I don't want to talk about it; I'm not explaining myself again. I just want to sleep. Alli needs a ride home but please let Eli and Adam stay? I can't get to sleep without them."

"Okay honey," was all her Mom said.

"I'll be over right after school tomorrow okay?" Alli said and Clare nodded.

Eli, Adam and Jake came back to the room as Alli left. The three of them sitting on the bed and surrounding Clare. Glen drove Alli home while Helen started dinner, all though no one was very hungry.

"What did they say?" Clare asked after they had sat in silence for a while.

"Your Mom asked your Dad and Stephanie to meet for dinner tomorrow night, we'll confront them then." Jake said.

"I'm not going." Clare said firmly.

"Of Course not baby, I'll be here with you and so will Adam and probably Alli and a few the others." Eli assured her.

Clare nodded. "You two don't mind staying the night again do you? I know they aren't here but still it…I just feel safer."

"Anything for you my love," Eli said kissing her hand.

"Of course I don't mind Clare. Speaking of which I better call my Mom." Adam said and he stepped out of the room for a minute.

**(ALLI)**

She and Jenna arrived at school and went inside to their lockers. They were physically there but their minds were with Clare. They were absentmindedly sorting their books into their locker when Alli saw Adam and Jake walk in. Jenna saw them too and the two girls rushed over to them. Apparently Fiona, Imogen, Owen and Bianca had the same idea because they all converged on them at once.

"How is…I mean is she…" Alli started but wasn't sure how to finish, of course Clare wasn't okay, how could anyone be after something like that.

"She had a nightmare last night, she didn't get much sleep. She stayed home to rest; she probably won't come to school until Wednesday." Adam said slowly.

"Dad, Helen and I are meeting her Dad and Stephanie to confront them tonight. Eli and Adam will be at the house with Clare but the more of you that could be there with her the better." Jake said.

Everyone nodded and said they'd be there and then the bell rang. Everyone split up to go to their classes. Alli walked in to class with her head down, her eyes brimming with tears when she looked at Clare's empty desk.

"Hey Alli have you seen Clare we're supposed to…" Connor began but Alli started crying sinking into her chair and he stopped.

"Alli what's wrong? Where's Clare?" Dave asked coming up to her with Wesley at his side.

Alli sniffled her tears away enough to talk. "Clare was hurt, beaten and…" she began to sob again. "She's resting at home, Eli's with her."

"Hurt?! How? Beaten by who?" Wesley asked.

"Her new stepbrothers, they were hitting her and touching her and…she was beaten really badly guys. She probably won't be back to school until Wednesday Jake says. Some of us are going to see her after school if you want I can call her and see if she'll let you come? But guys she…she looks bad, her face is all bruised, her left eye is black and swollen shut. She's got bruises all over her chest and arms…" Alli had to stop because she was crying again.

Connor, Dave and Wesley just stood there staring at Alli in shock. Then Miss Oh came in and started class and they all sat down.


	11. Why

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.11 Why**

**(CLARE)**

She lay in Eli's arms her head in his lap, she'd been like that all night long, barely moving except to sit up to eat a little and take her pills, or the occasional washroom trip and of course when she woke screaming from her nightmare. Adam had fallen off the bed, when she started screaming, and her Mom, Glen and Jake had all rushed in the room. Eli had brought her out of the nightmare, she was trembling, her breaths were fast and she was crying hard, the nightmare still fresh on her mind. However when they asked her what the nightmare was about she had told them she didn't remember. Adam and Jake had said goodbye to her when they left for school but she had barely heard them, only becoming suddenly aware that Adam was no longer on her other side.

Clare was rubbing Eli's shirt between her thumb and finger contemplating the fabric, anything to keep from thinking, when her phone rang. She felt Eli lean over and pick it up, she heard him click the accept button and then he began talking.

"Hello?...Hang on I'll ask her." He said, she felt him lower his arm, she assumed to bring the phone away from his ear. He brushed some hair out of her face so that he could actually see her. "Clare, Alli says Dave, Wesley and Connor want to come see you after school with the others if it's okay with you?"

Clare just shrugged, sure let them come over; the whole school would see her on Wednesday anyway. Might as well let her friends see her first. She heard Eli tell Alli it was fine and he hung up again. Just as Clare went back to concentrating on Eli's shirt, the doorbell rang. She heard her Mom answer it and then heavy footsteps on the stairs, and a knock on her bedroom door. Eli called to come in and her door opened.

"Hey," it was Drew's voice.

Clare turned her head to see him, managed the slightest of smile so that he would know she was glad he was there, and then buried her head back in Eli's lap. Drew and Eli began talking, Drew asked how she was and Eli started telling Drew about her nightmare. Clare stopped thinking about Eli's shirt and began contemplating Drew, again anything to not think, if she started thinking she'd have to think about what happened and she never wanted to think about it again.

"_Drew Torres, Andrew, Adam had said that was his name once. Adam is my best friend, best male friend anyway and Drew was his brother; before this though we hadn't really known each other. When he'd dated Alli he hadn't exactly wanted to spend much time with her friends. We have spent some time together though, like when we'd burned Gracie's clothes. I'd always admired how protective he is of Adam and how close the brothers are. Had I ever in a million years imagined that Drew would be there for me? Would be my friend? Never! But then tragedy has a way of bringing people together I suppose."_

She continued musing about this and that and any other little thing to keep her mind occupied. Drew left after a short while, she heard him say goodbye and she waved. Eli forced her to eat a few bites of food soon after Drew left. As soon as she'd eaten she buried her head on his chest again twirling his skull ring on his finger and thinking about the shiny metal, the dark menacing looking skull and how it really didn't fit Eli at all as he was neither dark nor menacing.

**(DAVE)**

Wesley and Connor had come in his car to Clare's house so they could see her; although none of them were entirely sure they wanted to. They wanted to see their friend but after what they'd heard from Alli and Jenna all day they were afraid to see her. They pulled up behind Fiona and Imogen in Imogen's car. Owen pulled up behind Dave, Bianca behind him and Jake's truck with he and Adam pulled into the driveway. Jake unlocked the door and Clare's Mom greeted everyone, Dave saw that she looked tired. He followed everyone upstairs and Jake opened the door to Clare's room. The others went in but Dave lingered by the door with Connor and Wesley. They all looked at each other, each one expecting one of the others make the first move.

"Guys you can come in, she won't break." Jake said.

They all took a collective breath and went in, Clare was sitting up a little, leaning on Eli, he had his arm around her. She was tucked into the blanket and her hair was covering her face. When they stepped into the room Eli brushed her hair from her face and the three of them froze in their tracks. Dave's eyes felt as big as saucers and his jaw dropped to the floor. Her face was almost completely mottled with black, purple, blue, green and yellow bruises. She managed a small smile at them but Dave could see that even that small movement caused her pain. He felt sick, actually physically sick. This beaten girl in the bed couldn't be Clare. She didn't look like the Clare he knew, bruises of course, but more than that she looked, sad, lost, broken and defeated. Dave searched his mind for something to say, but while his brain was screaming all the words got lost on the way to his lips.

Thankfully Fiona broke the silence. "Declan had to fly home this morning but he said that he'll call to check in and you can call him anytime."

Clare nodded ever so slightly. "Tell him thanks." She said in a very soft voice.

Eventually Dave, Wes and Connor managed to sit on the floor. For about an hour they all sat there, mostly in silence, every so often someone would say something about school that day or so and so wishing Clare better, but mostly they sat in silence. Then Helen poked her head in the doorway.

"Jake we're leaving for dinner now." Helen said to him and Jake got up and went to the door. Helen looked at the other people in the room. "You kids can stay until we get back if you'd like." She offered and then she and Jake were gone.

**(JAKE)**

He sat in a booth in the back of the dark restaurant next to his Dad who sat next to Helen and was holding her. Then they saw Randall and Stephanie come in, holding hands with big smiles on their faces. That was about to change. Randall and Stephanie sat down and the waiter came over and took everyone's orders. When he was gone Randall spoke first.

"Jake called and said Clare was sick this weekend, she's all right isn't she? Where is she?" Randall asked.

Helen turned into Glen and started to silently sob. Jake hated their ignorance, he was seething.

"She's not sick; Trevor and Ben beat her and abused her, from the very first night. She's at home in bed. They whipped her with a belt and cut their initials into her and touched her…" Jake said through clenched teeth his eyes staring daggers at them.

Randall looked horrified, disgusted and guilty. _"Good that's how he should feel." _Jake thought. Stephanie also looked horrified and guilty but mostly guilty. Randall was making small sounds in the back of his throat as though he were trying to make words but Stephanie spoke first.

"This is all my fault." She said softly and suddenly all eyes were on her, she swallowed hard before continuing. "My ex-husband, the boy's father, he was abusive, he raped me, and beat me and he never cared if the boys saw. When they were seven he started to hit them too and that's when I left. He's in jail now and will be for a long time. I thought I had gotten out in time, that it hadn't affected them like this. I watched for signs but I never saw any of the major signs…maybe I was blind to the signs, because I didn't want to see them. Maybe they hid it from me…I don't know. I can't apologize enough for…if I thought for even a second that they…" she paused swallowing hard and wiping away tears and then took a deep breath. "We're going home right now and taking them to the police station to turn themselves in." Stephanie said and pushed Randall out of the booth.

"We have pictures." Jake said as they started to walk away, they turned back, "of her injuries." He informed them.

They turned around again and disappeared around the corner. Jake sank back in the booth, well now they knew why but it didn't make Jake feel any better. He still wanted to kill them.

**(ELI)**

He had ridden to school with Adam and Jake. Clare had insisted he come to school today, that her Mom would be home and she would be fine. Still he felt he should be there with her. Adam had spent the night again, his Mom had found out from Bianca what had happened and after that had no problem letting Adam sleep there as long as Clare needed him. Clare had woken up in the middle of the night screaming again. Trying to fight him and Adam off thinking they were Ben and Trevor. They had calmed her down and she had insisted that she had no memory of her nightmare yet again.

"Hey guys how is she?" Fiona asked as she approached the trio.

"She had a nightmare again, she's…she'll be in school tomorrow. She says she wants the distraction." Adam told her.

Eli walked away slowly, he went to his locker but didn't open it just sank to the floor. Jake had told them last night what Stephanie had said, but it didn't make him feel better. The abused had become abusers, they took after their father and they took it out on his beautiful, wonderful, Clare. He opened his backpack looking for his comic, hoping to get out of his mind a bit, but instead he found the camera containing the pictures of her injuries. He turned it on and flipped it to viewer mode. He almost threw up at the first picture; it was of Clare's thighs with symmetrical bruises on them. As sick as he felt he still pressed the button to look at another picture; he didn't want to see but he had to know. He winced in pain and tears welled in his eyes at the sight of it. Her back, covered in bruises and many many welts and scratches where she had been whipped with a belt.

"Eli what are you doing? You don't want to see those!" It was Bianca, she tried to snatch the camera away but Eli held it close.

"No I don't want to but I need to." He asserted.

Bianca sighed and slumped down next to him; Adam appeared from out of nowhere and did the same. Eli flipped thorough the pictures one by one, each one making him ever more sick to his stomach, each one causing him pain to look at. Adam stopped looking after the picture of the B and T carved into Clare's back; yet he still sat there with his eyes closed, and his hand comfortingly on Eli's arm. Eli finished just as the bell rang but he couldn't move.

Bianca took the camera from his hands. "I'll give this to Jake, next period." She told him.

Eli just nodded, Bianca got up and walked to class, but he just sat there staring at the floor, ever faithful Adam remained at his side. He was wishing with all his might he could burn the images from his mind. That he could take Clare's pain away and make her better. That he could've stopped it from ever happening. He didn't know how much time had passed but at some point Mr. Simpson appeared in front of them.

"Mr. Goldsworthy, Mr. Torres you should be in class." Mr. Simpson said in an authoritative voice. Eli and Adam looked up at him; Eli had tears welling in his eyes and knew he must have looked as upset as he felt. He was pretty sure Adam looked about the same. Mr. Simpson's face softened. "Uh look I know about Clare and I know that you both are close to her, I'll send a note to your teachers why don't you spend the rest of the period in my office."

**(CLARE)**

"I look terrible!" She said getting out of Jake's truck with Adam and Eli's help. It was her first day back at school.

"You look beautiful," Eli said kissing the top of her head.

Jake got her backpack out of the back and came around to the other side of the truck.

Clare shot Eli a look. "I look like hell Eli!" She said with a slightly annoyed voice.

"Okay so you look like hell," Adam said taking her hand, "but you've been through hell."

Clare managed a small smile at him. "I still say you look beautiful." Eli quipped.

She reached up and gave him a small kiss on the cheek; he put his arm around her shoulders.

"You ready to do this?" Jake asked her.

She really wasn't sure that she was ready, ready to have everyone else see her. She knew there were rumors flying, Adam and the others had told her as much. She took a deep steely breath gripping Eli tightly. "Yep let's do this." She affirmed, and the four of them began walking in a line to the front steps of DeGrassi.


	12. Clare's First Day Back

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch. 12 Clare's First Day Back**

**(CLARE)**

She walked slowly, every movement made her body cry out in pain. After having barely moved for the last few days, she was stiff and sore and her battered body ached. As they neared the steps she could see students whispering and pointing. She tried to ignore them and concentrate on walking, which was proving to be a much harder feat than she remembered. After nearly ten minutes they finally reached the front door from the parking lot. Jake ran ahead and opened the door and they stepped over the threshold into the school. It took another five minutes for them to reach her locker, Eli opened it for her and she reached up to get out a book, which she shouldn't have done.

"Ahhh!" She shrieked in pain, took a sharp intake of breath through her teeth and immediately recoiled her arm back to her side.

Eli's hands were suddenly on her arms to steady her. "Clare stop, we'll get your books out." He told her in a slightly scolding tone.

"I'm not helpless Eli." She spat at him and he shrunk back a little from her venomous tone.

"No, you're hurt, badly hurt." Adam said and she turned in his direction but looked at his shirt and not his face. "Remember when I get shot?" He asked her.

"Of course I do, I was so scared." Clare admitted.

"I couldn't use that arm for several weeks, my family, Bianca, Katie even you and Eli when you came over, had to do all kinds of things for me remember." Adam reminded her.

Clare looked down again and nodded. Eli began putting her books in her locker and taking out the ones she'd need.

"Clare!" Alli's familiar squeal came from across the hall. She came running up with Jenna at her heels. They threw their arms around her and hugged her from both sides.

"Owww! Hey guys." She shrieked a little and then managed a smile.

"Oops sorry are you okay? We're just glad you back." Jenna apologized.

"Its fine guys really. I'm glad to be back too." Clare said quietly looking at her shoes.

"Clare! Your back, are you feeling…I mean you look…" Fi stammered.

"What she means is it's nice to see you up and walking." Bianca said.

"Hey guys, and thanks." Clare said softly still fascinated by her shoes.

"Hey you made it." Imogen said joining the growing throng of students at Clare's locker.

Clare waved a hello to her; she was starting to feel very crowded and began to back up into her locker, only to back up into Eli's arms instead. He held her loosely to not hurt her bruises and she slipped from his arms. She stepped to the side and straight into someone else, she glanced up just enough to see who it was.

"Sorry Owen." She apologized quietly.

"It's fine, good to see you standing again." He said his hand was gently resting on her arm from when she bumped into him.

"I need to get to class." She said softly, now staring at the zipper on Owens Ice Hounds jacket instead of her shoes.

"Come on I'll walk you," Eli said taking a step closer to her.

"I can get to class myself." She insisted, moving away from Eli which only made her lean into Owen.

"You need someone to carry your book bag it's too heavy for you to carry right now." Eli said, his voice sounded pained.

Clare scrunched up her face but no one could see her. She could feel hot tears start to well up against her eyelids. She took a deep breath to calm herself and dissipate the venom in her words before she spoke.

"Fine, Owen could you please carry my books to my next class for me?" She asked as calmly as she could manage.

From the corner of her eye she could see Owen look over her presumably at Eli. She saw her book bag come past her side and Owen take it.

"Uh sure." Owen said hesitantly.

He moved aside and Clare began to walk to class, he followed behind holding her backpack. She moved slowly wincing in pain, and taking sharp breaths every few feet. Eventually she made it to class and slowly sat at her desk. Owen put her backpack down and gave her a kind smile.

She managed a smile back. "Thanks." She said quietly.

Owen nodded and left the room, just as Dave, Connor and Wesley came into class.

"Hey Clare it's good to see you back." Wesley said.

"You look better." Dave commented.

"Your face doesn't look as horrid as yesterday." Connor said and Clare heard one of the others smack him.

Clare continued looking at her nails but said thanks and they all took their seats. A moment later Alli walked into class taking her usual seat next to Clare.

"Why didn't you want Eli to walk you to class?" Alli asked.

Clare shrugged, she wasn't sure she could explain it, she wasn't sure she quite knew herself. "I don't know." She said quietly.

"Well he seemed really hurt by it, but he said that he'd carry your books to your next class. Him and Adam, they don't want you to hurt yourself trying to lift your books and stuff." Alli said softly.

Clare sighed as Miss Oh came in and started class. When class was over Clare stood up quickly and then nearly fell over. Dave and Alli caught her before she could.

"Whoa! Are you okay Clare?" Alli asked.

"Yeah I'm fine just stood up to fast; the quick movements on my bruised ribs were painful and made me a bit dizzy." She explained.

Alli picked up Clare's book bag and they walked out of class arm in arm. Eli and Adam were walking up to them to take Clare to her next class. She was looking at the floor but she recognized Eli's black boots and Adam's black converse. Alli handed Eli, Clare's book bag and Adam ushered her along with a wave of his arm. Clare started walking to art class. She felt bad for snapping at Eli earlier but she felt like she should push him away. Yet at the same time she wanted him to hold her, and make the world disappear. These conflicting feelings were waging war inside of her. On top of all her emotions regarding what Ben and Trevor had done, her tiny body was a time bomb of emotion. They walked silently to art class and Eli set her backpack down by her seat.

"Me or Adam or both of us will walk you and carry your books to your next class. I just don't want you to risk hurting yourself more. I know how stubborn you can be." Eli said quietly before turning to go.

She nodded but hearing the pain and defeat in his voice, grabbed his arm. He stopped and looked at her. She continued looking at the floor but reached up and kissed his cheek ever so lightly. She felt his body relax, and from the corner of her eye she saw him smile. Eli and Adam left and Clare sat down. A moment later there was a stalky figure standing next to her wearing a yellow and black checkered shirt.

"Hey Clare…are you okay? I mean you umm…"Clare recognized the voice as belonging to Tristan. "I know it's probably none of my business but well Owen said he spent a couple nights with you cause you were hurt…and well…" he paused and Clare watched him shift his feet uncomfortably. "I got to know Eli pretty well working on the play and you're his girlfriend…and I just wanted to see if you were okay."

She lifted her head enough for him to see her smile, but continued to look at her nails. "Thanks Tristan it's so sweet of you to be concerned. I'm doing much better." She lied.

Tristan walked away to sit down and more kids filed into class. Most of them gasping or whispering when they saw Clare, she pretended not to hear them. Soon Miss Dawes entered the room calling the class to attention.

"Welcome back Clare." Miss Dawes said and Clare nodded. "Class today we will be working with the easels, please stand up and find an easel."

Clare braced her hands on the desk, took a deep breath and stood up. She gasped as it burned her ribs, sides and the welts and cuts in her back but she stayed standing this time. She slowly walked to the last easel available near the center of the room.

"Okay class you can use whatever medium you like, chalk, pastels, water color whatever you feel like. The assignment is to bring whatever you're feeling inside right onto the canvas. I want your emotions at the moment to come through your fingers onto the canvas." Miss Dawes instructed.

Clare rolled her eyes and huffed. How could she possibly express what she was feeling right now on to the canvas? She wasn't even sure what she was feeling. Dozens of emotions were swirling around inside her. Emotions she wasn't sure she could even express in words and Miss Dawes wanted her to find colors for them! Clare stood there staring at the paper for several minutes. Some other students were moving about the classroom getting various paints and brushes and other things. Suddenly one of them bumped into her, his arm hitting her lower back right where she had been cut.

"NNnnngggg Owww!" Clare gasped sharply and her face contorted in pain. The person that bumped her said a quick sorry and walked away.

Then Clare heard another gasp behind her, and a pair of hands were lightly on her arms.

"Miss Dawes we'll be back in a bit." It was Tristan's voice. She didn't hear Miss Dawes respond but Tristan gently guided her out of the class. Clare was still hissing in pain when they exited the class room. "Clare your back is bleeding." Tristan told her when they were several feet down the hallway.

She reached back to feel where she'd been bumped, indeed she felt a warm liquid, she pulled her fingers out and saw that they were red with blood. "Shit," was all she could say.

"Come on I'll take you to the nurse." Tristan said kindly.

Clare's chest got tight and she dropped to the floor curling up in a fetal position. "No no I'm not going to the nurse." Her words were quiet but her tone was stern.

"Tristan what the fuck!" Bianca's voice came out of nowhere.

"I didn't do it, someone bumped into her and she started bleeding. When I told her I'd take her to the nurse she freaked out." Tristan sounded scared.

"Clare let me see." Bianca said, but she didn't respond, couldn't seem to speak she just stayed curled in a ball. After a few seconds she felt her shirt lift up a bit and Bianca gasped. "Shit Clare you need to go to the nurse…" Bianca began saying but Clare cut her off.

"No not going, I don't want her to see. I don't want anyone to see!" Clare said in a determined and louder tone.

"What do we do?" Tristan asked sounding helpless.

"I…I don't know I can't pick her up like this and she's refusing to go to the nurse. You have your phone?" Bianca asked Clare noticed she sounded worried.

"Yeah it's in my pocket." Tristan said.

"Call your Brother."

**(OWEN)**

He was getting bored in History class when his phone vibrated, he pulled it from his pocket and saw Tristan's picture. He rolled his eyes and almost ignored it but then worried that Tristan might be getting picked on. He walked out of class ignoring the Teacher asking where he was going and stepped into the hallway before answering.

"What is it Tris?" Owen answered a distinct annoyed tone in his voice.

"It's Clare she..she's…" Owen snapped to attention at Clare's name. _"What is Tristan doing with Clare and why is he so worried?" _He thought then he heard Bianca's shrill voice demand the phone.

"We're outside of art class, just get here now!" Bianca demanded and hung up.

Owen ran down the hallway turning a corner to see Tristan and Bianca kneeling on the floor, in between them was Clare curled up and mumbling about not wanting to go and not wanting them to see.

"What the hell?" He asked approaching them.

"Someone bumped into her where those asshole's cut her, now she's bleeding all over the fucking place and she freaked out when Tristan offered to take her to the nurse. I can't pick her up like this, not without hurting her. Can you get her up so we can take her to an empty class or something and clean her up ourselves?" Bianca's voice was strained with worry but commanding at the same time.

Owen nodded. "I'll get her, the auditorium is empty I'll take her there. Tristan go ahead of me and open the door. B go to the nurse's office and swipe gauze and tape and whatever else you think we might need." Owen commanded.

Bianca nodded and took off running down the hall. Owen kneeled down and placing one hand under Clare's neck and the other under her knees picked her up just how she was. Clare seemed to come back to reality when she was lifted off the ground because she clung to Owen's jacket and looked up just a little. He tried to smile at her comfortingly.

"Where are we going?" She asked timidly.

"The auditorium so we can clean you up since you refuse to go to the nurse." Owen informed her.

A couple minutes later they went through the doors of the auditorium. Owen looked around and saw a long table, but knowing that her front was all bruised didn't want to just lay her face down on the hard table. Just then Bianca came in.

"Got bandages, tape, gauze and anti-septic." Bianca said.

"Tristan sit on the table." Owen commanded and of course his little brother did as ordered. Owen looked back at the girl in his arms. "Clare I need to lay you down, the most comfortable I can make it is to put you across mine and Tristan's laps. It's better than the hard table. B will clean you up and bandage your wound okay?" He asked and Clare nodded.

**(CLARE)**

Owen sat down with Clare still in his arms, she took a deep breath and straightened out and rolled on to her front. She propped herself on her arms because her very bruised breasts were much to sore to lay on. She felt Bianca lift her shirt and fold down the waist of her jeans just enough to gain access to the wound. Clare hissed in a breath as something cold touched her skin and then began to sting.

"Sorry," Bianca apologized, "I'm cleaning it." After a minute she felt soft cloth on her back and then tape. "Okay all done." Bianca said finally.

Clare straightened up slowly clenching her teeth in pain. "Thanks for the help guys." She said softly but managing a smile.

"No problem but Clare the cuts looked bad, really red and…" Bianca was cut off by Clare again.

"I was bleeding that's why." Clare said and turned around.

Bianca sighed. "You'll probably want a change of clothes, the back of your shirt is soaked and so is the top of your jeans." Bianca told her.

"I'll call my Mom to bring me a change of clothes. You guys should get back to class, thanks for the help." Clare said quietly taking another interest in her shoes, to avoid looking at them.

"You two go I'll stay with her to make sure her Mom is coming with clothes." Bianca told them.

Tristan said okay and started walking suddenly Clare felt something heavy but soft on her shoulders, she looked down to see Owen's jacket draped over her. It felt nice around her and she pulled it closer.

"This way when class lets out in a few minutes no one will see the masses of blood on your back." Owen explained.

"Thanks Owen." She smiled a little.

She heard Owen's footsteps exit the room. She heard rustling and looked over to see Bianca clearing the trash from cleaning Clare's open cut. Then Bianca held out her hand and Clare took it and they walked out of the auditorium.

"My phone is still in my bag in art class, I'll have to go to the office to call." Clare said.

She and Bianca walked to the office and Bianca told the receptionist she needed the phone to call her Mom. The receptionist gave it and Clare made the phone call. After assuring her Mom that she was fine seven times her Mom agreed to bring her a change of clothes. Her Mom said it would take her at least twenty minutes. Clare said fine and hung up. Bianca walked Clare to a bench by the front so she could wait for her Mom. Clare sat sideways on the bench so she could see out to the front. Bianca said she needed to get her bag and head to her next class asking if she would be okay for a few minutes. Clare said she would be fine, thanked her once again and Bianca walked away.

**(ADAM)**

He and Eli were walking to art class to get Clare, Eli was bemoaning her behavior over the last few days and his confusion as to why she was clingy one minute and then pushing him away the next.

"She went through something terrible Eli, she's probably just confused, just be there for her and try not to take it personal when she does stuff like ask Owen to walk her to class. I mean she kissed your cheek before we left her art class." Adam tried to reassure his friend.

"Yeah I guess you're right." Eli said but he still sounded dejected.

They arrived at art class but Clare was nowhere to be seen. Adam saw Tristan and waved to him.

"Hey have you seen Clare?" Adam asked the red headed boy.

"Oh yeah she's probably near the front now. Here's her bag and purse." Tristan said handing them to Eli and walking away quickly.

Adam thought Tristan had more to tell them but he'd walked away so fast. Adam shrugged and looked at Eli and they began walking toward the front of the school.

"There she is," Adam said pointing to a bench near the window, "wearing an Ice Hounds jacket?!"


	13. Conflicting Emotions

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.13 Conflicting Emotions**

**(ELI)**

He looked to where Adam was pointing to see his girlfriend sitting at the edge of a bench, slightly hunched over watching out the window for something and wrapped in a large Ice Hounds player's jacket. He clenched his fist, a wave of jealousy and anger flashed through him. He took a deep breath to calm his emotions; he knew there had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why she had the jacket on right? He looked at Adam and shrugged and they approached her, she looked up at them just a little, not quite looking at their faces.

"Never figured you for a puck bunny Edwards." Eli joked, mustering a sardonic smirk.

Clare stared at them or their shirts anyway, for a minute and blinked as if she had no idea what they were talking about, then she looked down and saw the jacket and a look of understanding came over her. "It's Owen's," was her only explanation.

Eli wasn't sure if that was better or worse than it being one of the other players, especially after she'd asked Owen to walk her to class that morning. Adam's hand on his arm made him look over. Adam gave him a look that said ask her why before you get all jealous and Eli nodded.

"Ummm so why are you wearing Owen's jacket?" Eli inquired.

Clare pulled the jacket closer around her and looked at him curiously; it wasn't a look Eli could place.

She sighed continuing to look out the window. "Some kid bumped into me in art class, and one of the cuts on my back began to bleed. Tristan saw it and we stepped out of the class, he wanted to take me to the nurse cause I was bleeding but I didn't want go and I…" her voice was flat, she was watching her feet kick back and forth and seemed to be trying to remember as if the incident had happened when she was a small child and not less than an hour ago. "Then Bianca was there and then Owen, they took me somewhere and Bianca had bandages and she fixed it. My clothes had blood on them so Owen gave me his jacket to wear so the kids wouldn't stare more than they already do." She told them, her voice was small and childlike.

Eli opened his mouth to say something but Clare jumped up.

"There's my Mom with a change of clothes." She said pushing past them and going out the doors.

They watched her take a bag from her mom and exchange a few words and then Clare returned inside. She looked as though she would walk right past both boys but they met her pace and stood in front of her. She didn't say anything, didn't try to move past them just stood there staring at her shoes.

"Clare why didn't you want to go to the nurse? Why didn't you call me when you started bleeding?" Eli asked his voice was pleading, filled with worry.

She looked up as far as his neck. "I didn't go to the nurse because I didn't want her to see. I don't want anyone to see what they…" she paused to take a breath, "not either of you, not the nurse not anyone ever!" She affirmed quietly her voice was stoic but etched with fear.

Had Clare actually looked at their faces she would have seen them tinged with guilt. She did however seem to notice that they both started shifting.

"Clare, we've already seen. We saw the pictures. Adam looked away after the first few but I saw them all so…" Eli started to tell her.

Clare shot her face up at both of them, the first time she'd looked at either of their faces in days and she looked livid, her eyes narrowed into little slits, her face fiery red with rage. She still wasn't looking them in the eye though, more like their noses. Her fists were clenched so tightly around the bag with her change of clothes that her knuckles were ghostly white.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" She screamed and suddenly the foyer and nearby halls were deathly quiet and everyone was watching them. Clare didn't seem to notice or didn't care. "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE!? EITHER OF YOU?" A few hot tears escaped her eyes and she pushed past the both of them.

Eli looked at Adam for a brief second before both boys turned and went after her. They caught her just a few feet from the girl's washroom.

"Clare…" Eli began grabbing her arm gently.

She yanked it away. "I have to change Eli." She said curtly and walked into the girl's washroom.

Eli watched the washroom door close behind her; he could still feel the eyes of other students upon them. He looked at Adam for help, Eli stuffed his hands in his pockets, he felt helpless and lost. The girl he loved more than anything was in pain and he didn't know how to help her. Adam looked at him with the same look of helplessness and shrugged slowly. Adam was just as lost as he was.

**(CLARE)**

She finished changing into the pair of jeans and dark blue top her mother had brought, the top had short sleeves and her battered arms would be visible, but Clare didn't care. She stuffed the bloody clothes into the bag, put Owen's jacket back on and exited the washroom where Eli and Adam were waiting. She opened her book bag that Eli was holding and put the plastic bag with her blood stained clothes into it. Eli tried to put an arm around her but she moved away.

"Clare listen…" Eli began but she cut him off.

"I need to get Owen's jacket back to him before break is over." She said softly and then turning to look into his chest added. "Or would you prefer that I wear Owen's jacket the rest of the day? It's quite comfortable." Her words were choked with venom, she had meant them to sting, and by the way he flinched she could tell it had worked.

He moved away from her and she began walking down the hall. She wasn't sure why she'd said what she's said to Eli or why she'd said it so harshly. She was angry at him for looking at the pictures, for seeing every physical wound they had left. She had never wanted him to see, she had wanted to spare him that pain. She couldn't understand why she wanted push Eli away as badly as she wanted him to hold her, to curl up in his arms and ignore the outside world forever. However something inside her, some unconscious emotion in the back of her head, in her core told her to push him away, make him go away from her.

After wandering a few minutes she heard Owen's voice around the corner he was talking with Luke and Dallas. _"__Oh Joy." _She stopped to listen for a minute.

"So uh Clare really got beat bad by her Stepbrothers huh?" Dallas asked.

She heard the sound of something thudding into a locker. "How the hell do you know that?" Owen's voice was slightly angry and suspicious.

Luke was laughing at something, presumably Owen and Dallas' exchange.

"Dude chill! I'm staying at the Torres house remember? I heard Bianca telling Audra when she explained why Adam wasn't coming home for a few days." Dallas explained.

"And why do either of you care?" Owen asked. Clare thought he sounded annoyed.

"I'm over the whole article thing, water under the bridge. I've been hearing rumors all day, we're not besties but can't I express my concern." Dallas asked and he actually sounded sincere.

Clare decided she'd heard enough and stepped around the corner, she could feel the three of them looking at her.

"Hey, changed your clothes I see." Owen's voice was calm and friendly now.

She heard Dallas and Luke take sharp breaths when they saw her. "Uh hey Clare, how are you doing?" Dallas asked uncomfortably.

"Leave her alone!" Owen warned in a menacing voice.

She slipped off his jacket and held it out to him. Dallas and Luke let out a couple of explicits at the sight of her arms.

"Here's your jacket back, thanks for letting me use it." She said quietly.

Just then the bell rang and they all jumped a little at the sudden noise.

"No problem, you need me to walk you to class?" Owen asked taking his jacket.

She shook her head. "I'll be fine." She insisted then turned on her heels and walked down the hallway to her next class. When she arrived she saw her backpack sitting on her desk and she knew Eli must have dropped it there. She slid into her desk, biting her bruised lip and ignoring the pain. She felt a pang of guilt for saying what she had to her caring boyfriend.

She couldn't concentrate in class everyone kept looking at her bruises and whispering quietly. Clare tried to ignore them but she couldn't, she left her desk and slipped out of the class, the Teacher looked at her but didn't ask where she was going. Clare went to the wall and slid down it, pulling her knees to her chest, wincing in pain she did so and began sobbing quietly. She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that, it felt like forever, then an arm was around her shoulders pulling her to a warm chest. She knew his touch like it was her own breath, it was Eli.

She whimpered into his chest for a few more minutes, before sniffling the rest of her tears away. She swallowed hard and took a couple of deep breaths her hands clinging to Eli's shirt as if to keep her from going mad.

"I'm sorry Eli." She said into his chest, her voice was so soft barely even audible but he heard her.

He swept the hair from her face and bent down to kiss the top of her head. "No need to apologize blue eyes." He said as the bell rang for class to let out. He took her hands and helped her up; she winced at the sudden movement. "Come one I'll walk you to your next class." He told her.

"My backpack is still in the classroom." She said.

"Wait here I'll be right back." He laid a very gentle light kiss on her cheek and went into the classroom as other kids began trickling out. He reappeared a minute later carrying her backpack with his. He slipped an arm carefully around her shoulders and this time she didn't move away. They walked down the halls to her next class; it was easier to ignore the stares and whispers with Eli by her side. "You gonna eat lunch with me and Adam?" He asked putting her book bag down at her desk.

She was silent for a minute as she was thinking. "I have a lot of homework to catch up on in the library. I'm not hungry anyway." She said looking down and biting her lip.

"Did you eat at all today? I know you barely had two bites at breakfast just enough to take your pills." Eli's voice was seeped with concern.

"I'll eat enough to take my pills, I promise. It just hurts to eat." She said softly squeezing his hand to assure him.

Eli sighed and kissed the unbruised side of her mouth softly before leaving her class. She paid no attention in class, to either the teacher or the students; she just put her head down on her desk and tried to think about anything but what had happened, Eli, or her friends. The Teacher never called on her or yelled at her for having her head down. When the bell rang signaling lunch she jumped. She got up from her desk and tried to pick up her backpack, instantly regretting doing so when her ribs, sides and arms screamed in pain. She shrieked felt dizzy and had to brace herself on the desk.

"Clare! You okay? I'll carry your backpack." Dave offered.

"Thanks Dave, could you just put it in the library for me, I have some homework to catch up on." She asked quietly while maintaining her streak of not looking anyone in the eye.

"Yeah sure thing." Dave said and picking up her backpack left the classroom.

She waited until the pain subsided and stood up again. She really did have homework to catch up on, she had missed a ton. Not that any of her teachers had asked her about it. The few that did say anything to her simply asked how she was and their voices were full of pity.

Clare just knew she couldn't concentrate on homework and began wandering the halls. She was getting better at ignoring the stares and whispers. She meandered to the foyer and was absentmindedly gazing out the front window to the parking lot. Suddenly her eyes lit upon a familiar face from the past.


	14. Breakdown

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi  
**

**Ch.14 Breakdown**

**(BIANCA)**

Bianca was sitting at an outside picnic table at lunch, she didn't normally eat out here but Drew had come to eat lunch with her before going to work. Owen had joined them as well, usually he ate with his hockey team but he seemed to be annoyed with them today. She didn't mind though, she and Owen had been friends since fifth grade and Drew and Owen had become friends when they were both on the football team. Football being the current topic of conversation, a topic Bianca had no interest in. She was absentmindedly picking her nails and people watching when something caught her eye. Clare was walking across to the edge of the parking lot to where a small orange car, that kinda reminded her of her own car, was parked. Leaning against said car was a tall guy wearing a baseball cap. He had dark hair and brooding face. He was at least five years older than Clare and he looked like he could be a brooding vampire from one of Clare's fan fictions.

Bianca elbowed Drew lightly to get him to stop talking, he looked at Bianca and she pointed toward Clare. Drew and Owen followed Bianca's gaze and her pointing in time to see Clare walk right up to the guy.

"That's not one of her Stepbrothers is it?" Owen asked.

"No he's too old, Adam said they were 17." Bianca said.

"So who is he then?" Owen asked and they watched as the guy cupped her chin in his fingers forcing her to look at him.

"No idea," Drew said, "I've never seen him before and I'm pretty sure Adam's never mentioned him.

Bianca got up from the table, quickly followed by Drew and Owen they had to know who this person was.

**(CLARE)**

She walked over to him, looking at her feet the whole way, she stopped when she could see his boots next to her ballet flats. "What are you doing here?" She asked quietly.

"Well someone wasn't answering her phone or facerange messages, and since everyone else isn't in town at present I figured I'd come over on my lunch. We were all going crazy with no information." He informed her.

"Sorry I turned off my phone and haven't been on facerange in several days." She said still looking at her feet.

He stroked her bruised arms gently and she bit her lip and shifted her weight. He cupped her chin in his hand making her look him in the face, she still managed to not look him in the eye however. But she did see the look of horror that crossed his face when he took in her appearance for the first time.

"Fuck Clare!" He exclaimed still cupping her chin in his hand.

"It looks worse than it is really." She tried to assure him.

"I doubt that. How many more are there? Your arms and face are covered, how bad is the rest of you?" He asked his voice angry but concerned.

"Ummm it's...not good, my legs aren't very bruised but the rest of me...I have cuts on my back and welts from being whipped with a belt." She confessed slowly. Her voice was terribly low and he had to lean in close to hear her.

"Did he…were you…" He didn't want to ask the question.

"No not really…that is not…just ummm fingers." She said uncomfortably.

He let go of her chin and punched his car. "I'm going to kill him! Where is he?"

Clare jumped a little at the sudden outburst of anger. "They," She said quietly and he looked back at her, "My new stepbrothers did this."

"They're fucking dead when Spinner and Peter get in this weekend we're going to go rip their heads off, beat them to a bloody pulp and castrate them for even thinking about doing this to you." He was beyond livid.

Clare grabbed his now swelling hand, "That's sweet Jay but you'll have to get in line, there's at least five other people that want to kill them."

"Fine they can come too." He said still seething.

"Their Mom took them to the police station to turn themselves in and I won't have to go anywhere near them again." Clare tried to assure him but he didn't look any happier so she changed the subject. "Did you say Peter and Spinner were coming out this weekend?"

"Yeah Emma too, and they all want to see you so expect a visit this weekend." Jay told her.

Clare smiled and suddenly felt an arm around her shoulders, pulling her tightly into another body, it was Eli. She could see Adam, Drew, Bianca and Owen as well. She realized she was still holding Jay's hand and let go of it. Eli and the others were looking at Jay with menacing looks and Clare realized that none of them knew who he was, and that their exchange must have looked curious to outside eyes. After all he was nearly seven years older than her, he had cupped her chin, she had held his hand and they were standing very close together.

Clare put her hand on Eli's chest and reached up to peck him on the cheek to get him to calm down, before he decided to punch Jay. "Everyone this is Jay he's a friend of Darcy's, my sister and he was just checking up on me." She explained, she felt Eli and saw the others relax a little.

"She wasn't answering her phone or facerange messages from any of us and we were worried. She insists it isn't necessary to kill those bastards but if you all decide to anyway give me a call, there's at least 3 more of us in town this weekend that'll gladly help." Jay told them looking directly at Eli.

"Thanks we'll be sure to let you know." Eli said a little tensely.

"Clare you got our numbers yes?" Jay asked ignoring Eli now, Clare nodded, "Good, we'll see you this weekend but if you wanna talk or just getaway for a bit before that give me a call."

"I will, thanks Jay." She said she slipped out of Eli's arms just enough to give Jay a hug. Jay got in his car, waved to Clare and drove away, the others looked at Clare. She of course was looking at the ground but could feel their eyes on her. "What?" She questioned.

"How old is he?" Adam asked.

"Ummm 24 now why?" She asked.

"Twenty four!" Eli exclaimed.

"For heaven's sake he's like an older brother we never dated get your minds out of the gutter will you?" She said a little peeved they all thought anything like that.

The whole group walked back into the school where they were met by Alli, Dave and Jenna. "What happened?" Alli asked looking at all their faces.

Clare sighed, "Jay came by to check on me, since I guess he and the others have been trying to reach me. And they all thought, well I'm not sure exactly what they thought but ummm it was interesting."

Alli looked thoughtful for a minute, "Jay which one is he?"

"You remember he's friends with Spinner and engaged to Manny." Clare said.

"Oh right the mechanic."

Clare nodded, "Yep and Emma, Spin and Peter will be out this weekend to visit he said."

"Wow they must really be worried, but it's good that they're coming to visit." Alli said.

The sudden sound of the bell made them all jump. "I need my backpack from the library." Clare said starting to walk away from the group.

Eli didn't let go of her. "You can't carry your backpack and I'm walking you to class."

Clare sighed, "Eli you're not really jealous of Jay are you?"

"No I just don't want you to carry your bag and hurt yourself. Is it so wrong to care about my girlfriend?" He asked and he sounded hurt.

"No of course not." Clare said reaching up to squeeze his hand that rested on his shoulder.

**(ADAM)**

School was out and he, Eli, Clare and Jake had just arrived at the Martin-Edwards home in Jake's truck. They all piled out and went inside, as soon as they entered they heard Mrs. Martin speaking with someone. The four of them stepped through the entry and saw Clare's Mom sitting at the kitchen table with a dark haired woman in a pants suit. Both women turned to look at the group but their eyes were focused on Clare.

"Clare honey this is Constable Callaghan she needs to talk to you about what happened with Ben and Trevor." Helen said in a calm voice.

All three boys looked at Clare she looked simultaneously terrified and furious, her face was beet red, her fists clenched, her mouth drawn into a straight line and her narrowed eyes had tears spilling out of them.

"NO!" She screamed in terribly shrill voice, "I am not talking I will not repeat it ever to anyone!" Clare ran upstairs very fast and they heard her door slam.

"Here's my card Mrs. Martin I'll come back at a later time." Constable Callaghan said.

Helen thanked her and she left and Helen and the boys went upstairs, Helen tried to open Clare's bedroom door but it was locked, so she began knocking. "Clare open the door we need to talk about this."

"No I'm not talking to you or anyone leave me alone all of you!" Clare yelled from the other side of the door, and they could hear her crying.

"Clare…"

"Go away Mom just leave me alone!" Clare sounded like she was nearly in hysterics.

Helen sighed and looked at the three boys, "I'm going to talk to a lawyer friend of mine please try and talk to her."

Adam nodded as did Eli and Jake, Helen smiled weakly and went down the stairs, grabbing her purse by the door and left. Adam knocked on Clare's bedroom door.

"Clare it's just us, your Mom and the Constable left." Adam said in a calm soothing voice.

"Go away I don't want to talk just leave me alone!" She screamed.

"Clare you don't have to talk just open the door." Eli tried.

"No just leave me alone, all of you! None of you understand, just leave me alone! Eli and Adam go home, go sleep in your own bed." Clare was getting more and more hysterical.

"Clare you know we're not going to do that. Adam and I will stay here as long as you need us. We…" Eli was cut off by Clare screaming again.

"I don't need you Eli! I don't need anyone I just need to be left alone. Why won't everyone just leave me alone?!" Clare screamed and then there was the sudden and very loud sound of breaking glass.

"CLARE?" Jake yelled banging on the door.

"Clare what was that are you okay?" Adam yelled through the door terrified about that she was doing in there.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Clare screamed back in reply.

"Adam can I see your phone?" Eli asked. Adam handed his phone to his best friend without a second thought. Eli thumbed through it for a minute and then called someone, "Hey it's Eli, can you come to Clare's? She's hysterical she won't talk to any of us, she says we don't understand but she might talk to you, you're the only one who can even begin to grasp what she went through." Eli was silent for a minute as the person replied, and then said, "Okay thanks and please hurry we heard breaking glass and I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself."

Eli hung up and gave the phone back to Adam. Jake knocked on the door softly. "Clare we're going downstairs okay, we'll give you some space just please don't do anything stupid okay?"

There was no reply from behind the door but they could hear her crying. Adam looked at Eli and Jake, they all had about the same expression on their face. Adam sighed and went downstairs followed closely by Eli and Jake.

**Update Soon**


	15. Nights are the Worst

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi  
**

**Ch. 15 Night's are the Worst**

**(CLARE)**

Knock

Knock

Knock

Someone rapped at Clare's bedroom door; she took her head off her knees and looked at the door as if it would turn invisible so she could see who it was. "What?"

"Clare its Bianca can I come in?" Her voice sounded sweet and concerned.

"It's just you? You swear?"

"It's just me, the boys are downstairs but they're really worried, please let me in." Bianca was almost pleading.

Clare slowly unfolded her body, cringing in pain and breathing in sharply. She managed to stand and went to the door unlocking it. She went and sat on the bed, pulling her legs tightly to her chest again, biting her lip and contorting her face as the motion and the pressure sent shocks of pain through her body.

Bianca opened the bedroom door and looked around, she looked at Clare on the bed and then seemed to notice the mirror that had once sat atop Clare's vanity was now shattered into dozens of pieces of all sizes, scattered over her vanity and floor. Bianca sat next to Clare on the bed.

"I assume that's the sound of breaking glass the boys heard?" It wasn't really a question. Clare just nodded. Bianca disengaged Clare's arms from each other and her legs, examining them closely.

Clare looked at Bianca curiously and then realizing what she was doing said. "I didn't hurt myself. They gave me enough scars I don't need to add to them."

Bianca released the smaller girl's arms and looked at her. Clare would only stare at a single spot on the bed. "What's going on Clare? Why wouldn't you let the boys in the room? Why break the mirror? Eli said you were hysterical when he called."

Clare looked up a little now looking at Bianca's arm, "Eli called you?" She queried softly.

"He said you didn't want to talk to them because they wouldn't understand but I do, sort of. I didn't go through exactly what you went through but Vince abused me and raped me for months so I do understand, at least better than they do." Bianca said gently placing a hand on Clare's arm.

Clare thought for a minute, biting her lip nervously. "There was a police woman here when I got home; she wanted to talk to me about what happened." Clare pulled her knees closer to her chest, letting out a painful moan. "I told you I was only going to say it once. I can't talk about it again, I just can't. If I talk about it, I have to think about it and I hate thinking about it. Not just that but I could barely tell Eli and the rest of you, I can't tell a stranger, or a room full of strangers. They're going to ask me all kinds of questions I don't want to answer. I told the story once and I will not do it again!"

Clare began to cry again Bianca moved next to her, putting an arm around her in a gentle hug. "I know it sucks, when I told the police all about Vince it was embarrassing and I felt ashamed having to repeat the things he had done to me or forced me to do to a room full of strangers. But if I hadn't Vince and his gang never would have been arrested. They wouldn't be in jail now."

Clare shook her head. "I can't do it Bianca, I'm not as strong as you. You got abused for months, I went through it for two weeks! If I'd gone through that torture for much longer I would have killed myself."

"Clare!"

"I won't, I don't want to die and I don't have to see Ben and Trevor anymore so they can't hurt me again right?" Clare asked shakily.

"You know none of us will let that happen Clare. None of us will ever let them near you again." Bianca assured her. "Clare I know you don't want to repeat what they put you through but the police are going to have to get your side."

"They have all those pictures and I told you guys isn't that enough?" She asked lowering her head to her knees and beginning to sob once again.

"In a perfect world yes, but this world isn't so perfect." Bianca said.

"I can't do it, I won't! I just want to forget." Her voice was muffled by her knees but Bianca heard her.

Bianca was silent for a minute, "Clare what if you told your side on camera? You could be in a room by yourself and the cops would still have an official record."

Clare bit her lip and thought for a few minutes. "I don't know, maybe. I could try I guess. At least I wouldn't have to repeat it to some stranger."

"Ok good, listen I'm gonna go downstairs and tell Jake okay? I'll be back in a few minutes." Bianca said and moved to get off the bed but Clare caught her arm.

"Will you tell Adam and Eli to go home? Tell them to sleep in their own beds and get a full night's sleep." Clare said quietly.

"I'll tell them you requested it but I'm not going to force them to leave. They're worried about you." Bianca told her.

**(BIANCA)**

Clare didn't reply or move and Bianca went downstairs, all the boys looked at her, "She's okay…well she didn't hurt herself anyway. The breaking glass was her mirror, she shattered it, but she won't hurt herself she says she doesn't need to add to the scars. She refuses to talk to the cops about what happened though. She did say she might be able to record her side of things on camera privately."

"I'll call Helen and let her know." Jake said. He grabbed the house phone and dialed and began talking to someone they all assumed was Helen.

Bianca turned to Eli and Adam, "She won't hurt herself but there's still shards of glass all over her room. If I take her into Jake's room can guys clean it up?"

"Why does she have to leave the room? Why not just let her sit on the bed?" Eli asked.

"She…," Bianca hesitated unsure if she should tell them, "doesn't really want to be around you guys right now. She wants you both to go home, sleep in your own beds. I'm pretty sure if Jake didn't live here she'd want Jake to leave too. I told her that I'd tell you guys to go home tonight but I wouldn't force you." Bianca explained.

"Why is she pushing us away? She doesn't have to go through this alone." Eli asked, the evident pain on his face made Bianca feel bad for him. The boy obviously loved her deeply.

"I don't know Eli." Bianca said in a slightly defeated tone. "For me I was glad to have people around me when it was all over, but I was with Vince for months, and I'd been abused before. Clare hasn't and she was tortured for two weeks by her stepbrothers, without telling anyone. I wish I could tell you what's going through her head right now. All I can say is stay by her side and don't let her push you away, because I promise you she will need you, and sooner or later she will realize it."

Bianca put a comforting hand on Eli's shoulder and went back upstairs.

"Are they going home?" Clare asked as soon as she came back in the girl's room.

"I don't think so but right now they're going to come upstairs and clean up the glass." She held out her hand to the girl, "Let's go into Jake's room while they do."

Clare took Bianca's hand slowly getting up with a pained shriek and a few groans. They went in and sat on Jake's bed. They could hear the boys talking and cleaning up the glass in the room next door. Clare just curled up and put her head down again.

**(CLARE)**

Glen had come home and helped the boys clean the last of the broken mirror and Bianca had moved Clare back to her own bed. Her Mom returned home soon afterward but Clare refused to let her in the room, Helen had told her through the door that Constable Callaghan would allow her to tell her side on camera privately but she'd need a written statement as well. At dinner Jake had knocked at her door to say that they'd ordered food. Clare wasn't hungry but Bianca had gone downstairs to eat. She'd left after that knocking on Clare's door to say goodnight.

Now Clare lay in her bed staring into the black of her room. It had taken her almost an hour to get ready for bed. She'd brushed her teeth quickly while everyone was downstairs, but wasn't able to wash her bruised face, it was too painful. Changing into her pajamas had been the most painful. Bending, stretching and contorting to get her clothes on and off with no help. She'd tried to hold back her cries but hadn't been able to and they'd knocked on her door more than once to ask if she was okay. She refused to unlock her door no matter how much they requested it. She was trying to think about something happy, something pleasant but her mind betrayed her and she cried herself to sleep.

An earsplitting scream awoke the rest of the house just after two AM. Clare was awoken from her nightmare by the loud sound of banging at her door.

**BANG BANG**

"CLARE! OPEN THE DOOR!"

**Bang Bang**

"Clare are you okay? Open the door."

**Bang Bang Bang**

"Clare what happened?"

**Bang Bang**

"CLARE!"

"I'M FINE!" She screamed from her bed and the other side of her door fell silent, "It was just a nightmare and I told you two to go home."

She heard some quiet mumbling on the other side of the door and then footsteps as they all returned to bed. Clare fell back into her bed hitting the pillow with a soft thud. She was sobbing silently but now she was awake and there was no way she'd be able to sleep again that night. Something on her back began to itch; she reached behind her tearing off the bandage that Bianca had put on earlier. She waited silently until the other sounds in the house quieted and then she gingerly got out of bed. Slowly she opened her door and peeked her head out, the house was dark and quiet and she left her room. She made her way downstairs and had almost made it outside when she heard a gentle voice behind her and felt a soft hand on her arm.

"Clare what are you doing?" Adam sounded worried and astonished all at once.

"I can't sleep and I need some air." She stated as though it should be obvious.

"Clare it's freezing outside, you're wearing pajamas and you can't go walking around by yourself at three in the morning!" His voice was still soft and gentle but his tone was more worried and slightly angry.

Clare didn't have a response for this and she just shrugged. She heard Adam sigh and he carefully took her hand and pulled her back to the living room sitting her on the couch. She sat staring straight ahead at the blank TV, Adam sat next to her looking at her face, and she of course refused to meet his gaze.

"Where's Eli? Why didn't you two go home?" She asked when the silence became uncomfortable.

"Eli slept on the floor of Jake's room to be closer to you, and neither he or I are going home as long as you need us, and don't say you don't need us." Adam told her firmly.

Clare sighed, "But if you keep sleeping here none of you will ever get any sleep. My family has to be here, you two can go somewhere else." She began to feel tears brimming at her eyes and swallowed them back.

"You want to talk about your nightmare?" He asked ignoring her last statement. Clare shook her head. "Why'd you break your mirror?" He ventured.

"Because I couldn't look in it anymore." She said quietly. She saw Adam's eyes get wide with confusion and curiosity.

"Why not?" He asked.

"For the same reason I can't look anyone in the eyes." Before he could asked for further explanation Clare ran upstairs to her room and locked her door once again.

**(ADAM)**

She'd left him there on the couch bewildered, he hadn't been able to sleep the rest of the night, his mind racing with worry and questions. At six the rest of the house, except Clare, began to wake up. The others came downstairs; Adam must have looked tired because they all gave him a half curious half concerned look.

"She tried to go for a walk around three and I stayed up with her for a bit. She went back to sleep, I think, but I couldn't." He explained.

Helen sighed heavily, "I'm keeping her home from school today, she needs to rest. The rest of you should start getting ready. I'll call in and stay home with her."

"Let me stay with her." Adam said and they all looked at him. "I almost had her talking last night; she sort of explained some stuff. Maybe she'll talk to me again, and besides I barely got any sleep either."

Helen looked thoughtful for a moment. "Okay Adam I'll call the school and explain it to Principal Simpson I'm sure he'll understand. I'll call your Mom too."

By 8:30 the others had left and the house was silent, Adam sat on the couch and turned on the TV but soon heard noises coming from Clare's room. He turned off the TV and went upstairs gently knocking on her door.

"Clare, everyone else has left it's just me." Adam said gently hoping she would unlock her door. A few seconds went by and then he heard footsteps coming to the door, and the sound of the door unlocking. She opened it and stepped aside to let him into the room. Adam went in and was going to sit on the bed when he saw a large blood spot on the sheet. "Clare you're bleeding!"

Clare looked at the blood spot; she reached her hand behind her. "One of the cuts on my back must've opened again." She sounded unconcerned and monotone.

Clare closed the door and locked it again and Adam saw that the back of her shirt and pajama bottoms were also soaked with blood. "Clare we need to clean those cuts, and change your pajamas."

"NO!" She shrieked, backing into the door, her body tensed and folded, her arms held out in front of her defensively. "No you can't see!"

Adam stopped moving to her and looked at her confused. "Clare it's not like I've never seen a girl's body before. I see one every morning in the mirror remember?" He asked thinking the shy girl was being modest.

Clare shook her head, "No I don't care about that. I don't want you to see the cuts and whip marks and…" She was crying now and Adam gently cut her off.

"Clare I already saw the pictures and you're bleeding."

Clare put her head down to her knees crying heavily now, "Please Adam." She sobbed.

"Okay," he said giving up. "I'm just gonna replace your sheets then okay?"

Clare nodded and moved from the door slowly so Adam could get new sheets. Once he'd put new sheets on the bed he gently brought Clare over and they sat together.

"I don't want to talk." She said softly.

"Okay we won't talk, I'll just sit here with you and if you need anything I'll be here." He saw a small grateful smile creep across Clare's lips as she lay back in the bed.

They sat there for a couple hours in relative silence, Adam made her drink some water and asked if she was hungry but Clare just shook her head. Adam was staring out the window watching a bird when he felt a weight on his arm. He looked down to see her sleeping, her head on his arm. Adam felt his own eyes get heavy and soon he was asleep as well.

**(CLARE)**

"NO GET OFF ME! LEAVE ME ALONE! NO! ELI HELP!"

"Clare!" She was being gently shaken, a familiar concerned voice breaking into her nightmare, urging her to wake up. "Clare wake up your safe, it's Adam!"

Clare's eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright and then gasped in pain form the sudden movement. Her eyes were blurry with tears and she blinked and looked around. A figure sat on her bed. "Adam?" She asked in a shaky voice.

An arm went around her pulling her back into a soft but caring hug. "It was just a dream Clare, you're safe. They can't hurt you anymore."

She cried onto his shoulder soaking his shirt with salty tears. He was gently stroked her hair. "But they can." She said slowly through the tears, "Even if they never touch me again they're in my head Adam and they're never going to get out. They can hurt me, they still are. Every time I sleep, every time I think about it. Every time I see or feel the bruises and whips marks and…" She hesitated crying more, and trying to calm herself enough to get words out. "They branded me Adam! They carved their initials into my back and it hurts and those scars will always be there. Anyone who sees them will turn away from me in disgust. They broke me Adam they made me less than human and it hurts. I can't stop thinking about it and they won't leave my head!"

She began to cry hysterically now. Adam was silent he stroked her hair but he didn't say anything. What could he say? Clare was glad though she'd talked enough now she just needed to let the tears out. She grasped his shirt tightly and he put his other arm around her and she cried…and cried…and cried…

**Update Soon**

**Thanks for all the great reviews  
**

**For those of you following my other stories I'm going to update Friends with Benefits tonight, and every thing else by this weekend  
**


	16. The Days Are Getting Better

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi  
**

**Ch.16 The Days Are Getting Better**

**(CLARE)**

Eventually her breathing steadied and her crying ceased. She lifted her head from Adam's shoulder to wipe her eyes and he released one arm from her to allow her to move.

"Clare I know you don't like to talk but please Clare tell me why you broke your mirror?" Adam softly pleaded.

Clare took a deep breath looking over to the place her vanity mirror once stood. "I couldn't look in it anymore; I didn't see myself whenever I looked in the mirror. All I saw were the bruises and cuts and welts and what they did to me." She took a shuddering deep breath, gripping into the sheet and Adam took her hand. "I can't look anyone in the eye because I'm afraid that's what I'll see in your eyes. That you don't see me as a person anymore; only what they did to me and all that will be in your eyes when I look will be revulsion, disgrace and shame because of what I let them do to me."

Adam turned to her both her hands in his now. "Clare you did not let them do anything! They constrained you, there were two of them and you were scared, and you said yourself you tried to fight. Listen to me Clare this; what they did to you was not your fault. Do you hear me?" Clare nodded and they heard the front door open and close and heard Jake and Eli come in the house. "Clare I'm going to go talk to Eli and Jake, will you be okay by yourself for a bit? We'll be right downstairs."

"Yeah." She said quietly and she watched Adam leave her room. She knew Adam was going to tell them everything and she knew they would want to talk to her. She also knew she just couldn't handle that right now. She grabbed her phone off the nightstand, looked through the contacts found the one she was looking for and pressed the call button. "Hey does your offer still stand I need to get some air, get away for a while."

"Sure I'll pick you up in ten."

"Thanks, text me when you get here and I'll come out." She hung up the phone and got up breathing in sharply. She went to her dresser pulling out a pair of sweatpants, a bra and a sweatshirt from her closet. It took her the whole painful ten minutes to get dressed and slip on a pair flip flops. When her phone beeped and she saw the text alerting her that her ride had arrived she ran downstairs as fast as she could mange, every move stinging and smarting as her bruised and battered body struggled with all the movement. She ran past the guys opening the door, quickly shouting, "Going out for a bit to get some air." Then she shut the door behind her.

**(ADAM)**

He came down the stairs trying to smile, "Hey how was school?"

"Almost everyone asked about Clare even Dallas and Luke and Becky Baker, if she feels up to company later Owen, Alli, Jenna, Fi, Imogen, Bianca and Drew want to come by." Jake said as the two boys set down their backpacks.

"How'd it go here? Is she…" Eli started.

Adam took Eli's arm and sat him down on the couch. "I did get her to talk but it's ummm I don't know if it's going to make you feel any better." Adam sighed.

Jake came and sat down next to them. "You mean she told you why she's pushing us away? Why she broke her mirror?"

"Yeah and why she can't look anyone in the eye." Adam took a deep breath and they looked at them expectantly. He decided it was best to start at the beginning and just tell them everything. He started to tell them all about going into her room, seeing the blood on her bed and her pajama's and her freaking out about him seeing the injuries on her back. Suddenly they heard footsteps bounding down the stairs, and Clare appeared.

"Going out for a bit to get some air," she yelled back to them before disappearing through the door.

"Clare!" They all yelled, leaping up and running to the door.

Jake opened the door and they all froze in the doorway seeing Clare get into a small orange beater. In the driver's seat was that Jay guy he and Eli had met the previous day. They watched as Clare drove away with him.

"Who the hell was that?" Jake asked.

"Jay, we met him yesterday. He was friends with Darcy and he came to check on her. Clare said he's like an older brother." Adam told him.

Eli went and sat back on the couch in a huff.

"But I am her older brother why is she leaving with some hood I've never even met." Jake said angrily sitting down next to Eli in a huff of his own.

Adam went and sat by them again. "Look I don't exactly like the look of the guy either but he definitely seemed to be concerned about her yesterday and I doubt he'd hurt her. Mostly because Clare would not call someone she didn't feel a hundred percent safe with right now. And anyway this gives a chance to talk because I have lot more to tell you and it's not going to be easy to hear."

Eli's expression was hard to read and he sat pensively at the edge of the couch. Jake slumped back into the couch looking at Adam. "Okay we're listening." Jake said.

"She fell asleep and so did I; I woke up a while later because she was thrashing around, deep in a nightmare. She was yelling in her sleep for them to stop and get off her and…" Adam hesitated looking at his best friend unsure if he should say this next part, knowing it would break his heart. Jake and Eli looked at him waiting for him to continue, he took a deep breath. "She called out for you Eli she called for you to help her."

Eli slumped forward his head falling into his hands. Jake and Adam both put a hand on his back in effort to comfort him. "Did she call out to me when they had her tied to the bed and were…I failed her, I should have been there to protect her." His voice was a heart wrenching mixture of anger, pain and sadness.

"None of us were." Jake said, "We all failed her."

It was true it was how they all felt. From the very first night Drew found her at the mall and they all knew someone was hurting her, and none of them did anything to stop them. None of them were there when she needed them most. Adam took a deep breath deciding he needed to tell them the rest.

"I told her they couldn't hurt her anymore but she said that they could and they were." Both boys looked up at Adam once again and he continued. "They're in her head and they won't get out. Every time she sees or feels her bruises, cuts and welts it's like they're hurting her all over again. Every time she sleeps they penetrate her dreams. She called the cuts on her back a brand, and she's right in a way, they marked her as theirs in a sick way they did brand her. She knows they'll turn into scars and she'll permanently be marked with a B & T on her back. And she thinks anyone that sees them will turn away from her in disgust. She says they broke her and in a way they did."

Eli punched the coffee table his knuckles scraping the hard wood, turned red and bruised.

"I'm going to kill them! Fuck the police, fuck sending them to jail let's just go round everyone up and go kill them, slowly and painfully." Jake seethed through clenched teeth.

"I agree with you but I'm not done. She broke her mirror because she couldn't look in it anymore, because when she did she didn't see herself anymore, all she saw was her bruises and cuts and the things that they did to her. She won't look anyone in the eye because she's afraid that's what we see when we look at her. That we don't see her as a person that we only see the thing they did to her, she's afraid she'll see nothing but disgust and shame in our eyes. She said we'd be ashamed of the things she let them do, and I told her none of this was her fault but I don't know if she listened." Adam sighed slumping back into the couch finally done.

Jake looked astonished and ill and his eyes were full of agony.

"How could she think that?" Eli asked quietly.

"I don't know Eli; she's been through a lot. She's confused, they beat her down Eli, and they broke her just like she said. Now we have to build her back up." Adam told him.

"How she won't even talk to me."

"Then we'll force her too, as soon as she gets home. She may not want to talk but she's going to listen." Jake said determined.

**(CLARE)**

"So where do you wanna go?" Jay asked after they'd been driving a few minutes.

Clare shrugged, "Somewhere without people, and I don't want to talk about it." Jay nodded and he drove for a while, Clare put her phone on silent knowing the boys would call, eventually he parked on top of a hill that looked down toward the city. "Where are we?" She asked when he turned off the engine.

He chuckled. "I'm actually relieved to hear you have no idea where we are. It's where high school and college couples come to make out and have sex in their cars."

Clare smiled a little, her eyes still focused on the corny hula dancer Jay had on the dashboard. "Eli and I found an old burned out abandoned church for that." She said and when she felt Jay staring at her added, "The making out, not the sex."

Jay let out a relieved sigh. "Speaking of Eli, none of us ever pictured you with the guy who wears all black, several rings and colors his nails with a sharpie and according to Peter used to drive a hearse."

"Yeah well my first boyfriend lived in a group home because both his parents were in jail, and got into trouble after stealing cars. And after the first time Eli and I dated, I dated my Stepbrother, we started before our parents got married but continued the relationship a while after they got married. Oh and there was that date with Fitz to Vegas night when he almost stabbed Eli, but he did blackmail me into that so I'm not sure that counts."

From the corner of her eye she could see Jay gaping at her. "Geez! We need to keep a better eye on you. You're not sweet innocent St. Clare anymore." Jay laughed but Clare began to tear up. "Clare I'm sorry I didn't mean…"

"It's okay, I try not to think about it but I can't help it." He put a hand on her shoulder and she sniffled in the rest of her tears. "I want to just forget all of it, but these," she touched the bruise at her jaw, "make that impossible. The bruises may fade but I'll always have scars, horribly ugly scars as an ever present reminder."

"Paige, Elli and Marco say hi, they all asked about you." Jay said obviously changing the subject and Clare was glad for it.

"You still talk to them?"

"Well I talk to Manny and she talks to them, since they all live in L.A."

"I thought they hated each other."

"Highschool rivals, they got over it, they're not exactly best friends but they all get along pretty well now."

"So you pretty much keep up with everyone," Clare laughed.

"More or less, I really only keep up with a few but they keep up with everyone else." Jay said and proceeded to catch her up on all their lives it was over two hours before he was done.

Clare pulled out her phone to check the time and saw that she had 12 missed calls and 34 missed texts, all from Jake, Eli and Adam. She sighed, "I guess you better take me back, as much as I don't want to I'm going to have to face them sooner or later." They drove home in silence and Clare was just happy to not be bombarded with questions or asked how she was doing. They pulled up to the side of her house she saw the boys looking out from the kitchen window; she turned a little focusing on his hands on the steering wheel. "Thanks Jay I needed that."

"No problem, we'll see you this weekend unless you need me before then." Jay told her.

Clare smiled a little and got out of the car; she went in the house and could feel the guy's eyes on her. Jake's body was tense; Clare didn't need to see his face to know he was angry. Eli and Adam were standing together, she heard Jake take breath about to speak, not needing or wanting a lecture at the moment she grabbed Eli's hand and went upstairs to her room locking the door behind her. She let go of Eli's hand and went to sit on her bed, Eli sat in front of her, his legs crossed.

He took a deep breath and took her hands in his and she didn't pull back. "Adam told us everything."

"I figured he would." She said quietly.

Eli was quiet for a long time and she ventured a look at his face, carefully avoiding his eyes. His face was a mix of emotions but he seemed to be searching for the right things to say. He must have seen her look up at him.

"Clare look at me, look me in the eye." His voice was gentle but his tone was firm.

Clare shut her eyes tight turning her head away and shaking it, "No, I can't." She said quietly as a few tears began to trickle from her eyes.

"Clare, Baby look at me."

She shook her head again, pulling her hands from his and jumping from the bed. Then instantly regretted doing so as she nearly doubled over in pain. Eli was suddenly by her side trying to hold her but she pushed him away.

**(ELI)**

"No get away from me, go home." She shrieked.

"Clare I'm not leaving now look at me." His voice was no longer soft he was demanding her to look at him but her eyes remained shut tight. He gripped onto her sweatshirt and turned her to face him.

"I can't, you hate me and I don't want to see it in your eyes." She was almost hysterical her breathing was labored and her eyes would not open.

Eli gave up on trying to talk to her and brought his lips to hers. It took a few seconds but Clare began kissing back, her arms wrapping around his neck. After a minute her crying ceased and her breathing was regular and Eli pulled back from the kiss. Her head went down immediately, her eyes to the floor but her hands remained around his neck. Eli sighed and swiftly picked her up, she cried out in pain and clutched at him.

"Sorry," He apologized sitting on the bed with her on his lap, "But it's hard to touch you at all without hurting you."

"See you do hate me." She whimpered but buried her head in his shoulder instead of pulling away.

"Clare I don't hate you, I could never hate you. I hate what they did to you; I hate what they put you through. I hate that they caused you pain and sadness and made you feel ashamed and degraded. I hate them but I could never hate you. I love you Clare more than anything else in the world, now please look at me." His voice was soft and pleading, his grip on her never releasing.

For a couple of minutes Clare was perfectly silent and still and he hoped she was thinking about what he'd just said. Then slowly her head began to move from his shoulder, and she looked up at him and into his eyes. She managed a few seconds and then began crying again, "Eli…" Was all she managed through her tears.

He held her and let her cry on his shoulder again but only for a moment before placing a hand under her chin and forcing her head up to look at him once more. "Did you see hate in my eyes? Or shame? Or anything but love?"

"No," Clare sniffled trying to pull her head away but he wasn't about to allow that.

"Clare when I look at you all I see is my beautiful girlfriend whom I love that went through a terrible thing at the hands of two psychopaths because I failed to protect her." He admitted.

**(CLARE)**

Her eyes went wide with shock. "Eli this wasn't your fault. You couldn't have done anything, you weren't there." She said softly.

He finally removed his hand from her chin but this time Clare didn't feel the need to look away. "That's just it I wasn't there, I should have been there I should have protected you. I knew someone was hurting you and I did nothing. Adam told me you called out for me in your nightmare, did you…" He hesitated not knowing if he really wanted to know the answer. "Did you call out to me when they attacked you?"

"I didn't call out to you but I thought of you and wished you were there." She confessed.

"I'm so sorry Clare I should have been there, I should have stopped them." Eli said his own eyes beginning to tear up, but never leaving hers.

"Eli, you couldn't have been there that night, no one could have. And I didn't say anything, I should have spoken up before but I was afraid of hurting my Father, ruining his wedding and I wanted to protect you from it too. You Adam, Jake even Drew and the others I guess, I didn't want you to know they were hurting me I…it's hard to explain. But I never thought they'd go this far." She said touching the marks on her back and wincing in pain from the contact, her eyes filling with tears once again.

Eli took her hand and kissed it; he seemed to be searching for something to say but soon gave up and just kissed her. This time Clare kissed him back immediately, deepening the kiss, her bruised jaw ached horribly with every movement but she didn't care. Her grip tightened around him, suddenly after pushing him away from fear of losing him, now he couldn't be close enough. Now she hungered for his touch, his lips, his embrace she felt like she'd been lost at sea and Eli was her lighthouse bringing her into shore. As if being hit by a ton of bricks the realization dawned on her that she needed him, not just him but Adam, Jake and everyone else. If she had any hope of coming through this with any remnants of sanity she needed them all to fight with her.

She pulled away from the kiss and looked Eli in the eye. "Eli I am so so sorry."

Eli smiled genuinely, she loved when he smiled and didn't just smirk. "There's the girl I fell in love with. I see her again in those amazingly clear blue eyes."

She kissed his cheek and put her head down on his shoulder. "I need you Eli, I can't do this without you."

"I know beautiful and I'm here." He kissed her forehead, "Nothing you do can make me leave or run away."

"Can you go get Adam and Jake, I need them too. I need all of you."

"JAKE! ADAM!" Eli yelled as loud as he could.

Clare laughed, "That's not what I meant."

Eli smirked and the other two boys cam bursting in the room, terrified looks on their faces.

"What's wrong?" They said in unison and then seemed to take in the fact that Clare was actually smiling and sitting in Eli's lap wrapped in his arms and looking them in the eye.

"Clare you're looking at us! Actually looking us in the eye." Adam exclaimed happily and he came to sit on the bed.

Jake followed suit. "You look better." He said sighing in relief.

"I need you, all of you, to help me through this." She said.

"We're here Clare, all of us." Adam assured her.

"Actually if you're up for visitors a bunch of kids from school and Drew want to come by." Jake said.

"I guess that would be okay." Clare said. "And guys I'm sorry for being such a pain the last few days and pushing you all away."

"Don't be sorry Clare you went through a lot, you have a right to be a little crazy. I'm just glad you snapped out of it so we can help." Adam said.

Jake smiled and began calling people to come and visit and for the first time in days his voice was happy and light.

**Everything seems all better now doesn't it? But what would be the fun in that?**

**Update soon  
**


	17. A Little Help From My Friends

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi  
**

**Ch. 17 A Little Help From My Friends**

**(ELI)**

He sat on the couch an arm around Clare, Adam on his other side. They heard a knock at the door and Jake got up and answered it. They heard a chorus of hey's and then the Edwards-Martin living room was full of people. One by one they came over to Clare to say hi and find somewhere to sit.

"You're smiling!" Alli said happily.

"You're looking us in the eye." Said Bianca.

"You look so much better." Commented Fiona.

"Thanks everyone, for everything you've done. After a lot of talking with Adam and Eli I've realized a few things, one of them being that if I'm going to make it through this in one piece I'm gonna need of all you." Clare said.

"Whatever you need Clare, anything at all." Drew said.

"That goes for all of us." Owen agreed and everyone in the room nodded.

Clare gave the group an appreciative smile and they began talking about school that day and everyone who asked about her, and general high school gossip. They continued talking until Helen and Glen got home an hour later.

"Hi everyone what are you all…" Helen began to ask but stopped when she saw Clare in the middle of the group. "Oh Clare you look so much better." Clare smiled at her Mom, who looked like she might cry but incredibly relieved.

"Is everyone staying for dinner?" Glen asked.

"My Mom is on her way to get me and Jenna." Said Alli.

"Fiones and I need to get going too, we're having dinner with my Dad." Said Imogen.

"Yeah I gotta get home too, but we'll see you in school tomorrow won't we Clare?" Said Owen.

"Yes you will." She assured them.

"We don't need to get home but we'll leave you to your family dinner, Clare looks like she's had enough company for one day." Bianca said for her and Drew.

Everyone started getting up and gathering their stuff, Clare looked over at him and Adam, darting her eyes between the two. "You two will stay won't you? The night I mean. You won't get much sleep but…"

Eli silenced her with a soft kiss. "As long as you need us Clare we'll be here." Eli assured her and Clare smiled.

"But I do need to have my Mom bring me some clean clothes." Adam commented.

"Yeah good idea," agreed Eli.

**(CLARE)**

She had just finished dinner, managing to eat half her plate, more than she'd eaten in the last week. Eli had watched her take her medication, to make sure she did so. Jake had migrated to the couch to watch football with his Dad, Mom was washing dishes and Eli and Adam sat at the kitchen table with her until there was a knock at the door and they got up to answer it. A moment later Cece Goldsworthy and Audra Torres entered the house. The two Mother's were polar opposites in almost every way. If Adam and Eli had not been best friends the two women probably never would have met.

"Clare sweetie oh you poor dear." Cece exclaimed rushing to Clare's side and taking her hand.

Audra was standing near her son at the other end of the table, "Oh Clare Adam told me but…" Her sentence sort of drifted off, for once Audra Torres was speechless.

"Hi Cece, Mrs. Torres." she smiled, "It looks worse than it is and I'm sorry for stealing your sons it's just…"

"Clare don't be ridiculous Adam cares about you and I understand how much you need him right now. He can stay as long as you like him to." Audra assured her.

"Eli needs to be with you right now honey, as much as you need him." Cece told her.

Eli and Adam took the bags containing clean clothes from their Mom's and went upstairs, reappearing a minute later without the bags. Cece and Audra began talking with Helen, Adam and Eli sat back at the table with Clare. She was trying to be polite and social but it had been a long day, with lots of people and lots of talking, and she was terribly tired. Eli must have seen this because he got up from the table and went to his Mom.

"Thanks for bringing the clothes Cece," he hugged her, "Clare's had a long day and I'm gonna take her upstairs."

Suddenly everything stopped and everyone looked at Clare, "No I'm okay." She said quietly.

"No you're tired and you need your rest, I really should be getting home anyway." Cece said.

"Yes me too," Audra agreed.

They kissed their sons, said goodbye to everyone else and left the house. Eli helped Clare from the table and took her upstairs followed closely by Adam and Jake. She left Eli's arms at the top of the stairs to use the bathroom, brush her teeth and run a warm washcloth over her face in lieu of washing it, for it was still too battered to scrub. When she had finished she exited the bathroom to find them all waiting for her.

"I need to change into pajamas." She said when they all followed her into her room.

"And we're going to help you." Eli told her.

Clare shook her head, "I can look at you all again but that doesn't mean I'm any more comfortable with anyone seeing…everything they…did." She said slowly.

"Clare I already saw all the pictures, and Adam saw most of the ones of your back. Besides which, none of us will look and we all love you." Eli encouraged.

Clare still didn't want them to see, she looked at her feet and shifted uncomfortably trying to think of an argument that would get them to leave so she could change.

"And when you change without help it hurts you so much you shriek and scream in terrible pain and it hurts us to hear you in pain." Adam argued.

Clare looked up at them again, "Fine, but all of you don't need to be here just Eli." She gave in.

Jake went to her dresser searched through her pajamas pulling out a long nightshirt handing it to Eli, then he and Adam stepped out of the room closing the door behind them. Clare lifted her arms and Eli slowly pulled her shirt over her head. Never averting his eyes from hers, so she would know he wasn't looking at her injuries. He tossed the shirt in her hamper and then slipped the nightshirt over her head.

"Now do that magic thing girls do where you take your bra off with your shirt on." He smirked.

Clare gave him a lopsided smile, reaching behind her and unhooking her bra through her nightshirt, then slipping her bra off with her shirt still on. Eli gently led her to the bed and laid her down and helped her off with her pants, tossing them in her hamper as well.

"Thanks, no go outside with Adam and Jake while I put on clean underwear." She demanded pointing to the door.

Eli mocked disappointment helping her back up and then leaving the room as requested. Clare went to her dresser getting out a clean pair of underwear, she began slipping her underwear off which required a bit of bending and squirming. She did her best not to shriek in pain but she didn't quite succeed. But when she stood upright again after pulling on her panties, a sharp wave of pain wracked her body, and for just a moment she felt dizzy. She stood clutching the closet door until there was a soft knock on her bedroom door.

"Clare are you done yet?" Eli's voice asked.

She let go of the closet and turned to the door. "Yes you can all come in."

The door opened and all three boys traipsed in followed by Helen.

"Do you need anything sweetheart?" Helen asked.

"No Mom I just need to get some sleep."

"Alright honey goodnight." Her Mom said kissing the top of her head gently.

"I'll be downstairs for a while before I go to bed, I know you're in good hands." Jake said and left the room.

Clare looked at the other two misfits, "I know it's kinda early and you don't need to sleep right away, but will you both stay with me and sleep in here like before?"

"Of course, we can read comics till we get tired." Eli smiled and Adam nodded.

Clare looked relieved; she went and laid down in the middle of her bed. Adam got a comic out of his backpack and began reading next to Clare while Eli went into the bathroom to change into pajamas and brush his teeth. When Eli returned he got a comic out of his bag and laid down next to Clare while Adam got ready for bed. A few moments later Clare was contentedly lying between her two favorite guys, she felt safe and at ease. And it only took a few moments for sleep to overtake her.

The four of them arrived at school in Jake's truck the following morning. Clare had slept all the way through the night and was feeling quite good this bright morning. Jake carried her backpack, and Eli had an arm around her waist to help her walk, Adam at her other side ready to help if she needed it. Some students were pointing and whispering but Clare ignored them. When they approached the front steps, Alli and Jenna came up and they all exchanged hello's.

Alli and Jenna went ahead bouncing up the steps, Clare of course had to go slower and the boys were kind enough to stay at her pace. She made it up three steps before a stabbing pain shot through her chest, she inhaled sharply grabbing onto Eli's shirt, and hiding her face in his chest so they couldn't see it contorted in pain. The pain quickly subsided but left her feeling out of breath and dizzy.

"Clare are you alright?" Eli's worried voice whispered down to her.

She took a deep breath and looked up at him and nodded but she still felt dizzy, she reached her hand out for Adam to help steady herself. Adam took her arm and they walked into the school.

"You sure your okay Clare?" Adam questioned when they reached her locker. He was examining her face closely.

"Yes but I think I should start heading towards my first class, it'll take me a while to get there." She said.

"You guys take her, I know what books she needs and I'll drop her backpack to her." Jake told them.

It took over five minutes for the three of them to walk down a few halls to get Clare to her first class. "I can make it form here." She told them when she reached the doorway.

"Okay don't try to carry your books, wait for us to come and help you." Eli instructed her.

She nodded and Eli and Adam left the classroom, she tried to get comfortable in the plastic chair but it wasn't working. Jake appeared a minute later, setting her backpack on the back of her chair and placing her text book and notebook on her desk. She thanked him, he nodded and left. Other students began filing into the classroom, almost all of them staring at her, like that hadn't seen her two days before. She did her best to stay invisible for the rest of class.

When the bell rang the other kids jumped up and began pushing their way out of the classroom. Clare remained seated, patiently waiting for Adam and Eli, they appeared a moment later helping her to her next class. Owen was already seated in science class when they came in, and Clare smiled when she saw him. Eli, Adam and Owen helped her to sit in the high stool next to him. Eli kissed her cheek and they left to go to their own classes.

Mr. Perino came into the room he looked at Clare his face full of pity, something Clare hated and she turned away to look at Owen. Soon other kids began coming in and sitting down, to Clare's disdain Luke Baker sat at their table.

"Hey Clare," Luke greeted, "You look better."

"Thanks," she said softly, looking back at the front of class.

Luke seemed to get the hint because he struck up a conversation with Owen and left her alone. After a moment Mr. Perino informed them they would be working with ammonia, measuring the toxicity of the chemical. After several minutes of safety instructions he told them to place a few drops of ammonia into the dish. Luke took the eyedropper from the jar on their table and dispersed four drops to the dish in the middle of the table. The smell of the potent chemical hit Clare's lungs like an invasion and suddenly she was having trouble getting any air.

"O…Owen." She said shakily, he turned to her. "the ammonia is…" she was starting to wheeze.

Owen put an arm around her back and whisked her out of the classroom. "Do you want to go to the nurse?"

She shook her head, "No I think it was just the smell, the classroom was permeated with it. I'm already feeling better."

"What's wrong?" Mr. Perino asked coming out of the classroom.

"The smell was bothering her, she was having trouble breathing." Owen explained.

Mr. Perino eyed her closely. "Okay why don't you take her to the library, she can study in there for the rest of class."

Owen nodded, he went back into the class and then reappeared carrying Clare's backpack. She managed to walk to the library without Owen's aide but it was slow going. She sat down at the first table she came to in the library.

"I'll text Eli so he knows you're here." Owen told her setting her backpack on the table.

"Thanks Owen." She smiled.

He patted her head giving her a sweet smile and exited the library. Clare lay her head down on the table feeling slightly dizzy and lightheaded, and waited for Eli and Adam to come get her.

At lunch Clare wasn't really hungry but they had all forced her to eat several bites and watched her take her medication. At least she didn't feel dizzy anymore. Owen had of course told the others about the reaction she'd had to the ammonia and they'd all given her a worried look. After lunch Jake, Eli and Adam had all walked her to the MI lab setting her backpack next to her. They left just as Dave and Connor came in, taking seats on either side of Clare.

They made small talk until class started, they all had independent projects to work on so the classroom was fairly silent. Clare found what she needed and was about to start taking notes when she knocked her pencil to the ground. She bent to the side to pick it up, when a wave of pain consumed her body, emanating from her chest. She tried to muffle her cry, but it still came out as a shrill pained shriek. She heard a few students gasp in surprise, and could feel everyone looking at her.

"Clare are you alright?" Miss Oh asked coming over.

She nodded her head but the pain in her chest would not subside, her face was contorted in agony. Dave must have seen this or known something was wrong because he put a hand at her back.

"Clare you don't look okay." He said his vice stricken with concern.

"Why don't you two take her to the nurse." Miss Oh said.

Clare was vaguely aware that Dave and Connor were helping her to stand, and then they walked out of the classroom. "I'm not going to the nurse." She insisted after they'd walked down the hall a bit.

"Clare you really don't look well." Connor informed her.

"I shouldn't have bent over to get my pencil, it hurt. I'll be okay once the pain dissipates." She told them, even though she felt dizzy again and slightly out of breath. "I just need to sit for a few minutes." She was trying to keep her face even but the stabbing pain in her chest was making it difficult.

She slipped out of their hands putting her hands to her chest and hunching forward a little while simultaneously dropping to the floor. Dave caught her before she hit the floor hard, easing her down.

"Clare what class does Jake have now?" Dave asked sternly.

Clare had to think a moment her head felt all fuzzy. "Civics with Miss Cosnell."

"Go get Jake now!" Dave's voice instructed urgently.

**I know a terrible cliffhanger to leave you with. I really wanted to get this chapter up for you all tonight and it was supposed to be longer but I am very tired so am ending it here. I will update this weekend.**


	18. One Step at a Time

**I Do Not Own Degrassi**

**Ch.18 One Step at a Time**

**(JAKE)**

He was in civics class listening to Miss Cosnell's lecture intently until the classroom door flung open. Standing in the doorway looking very agitated and slightly out of breath, Jake recognized one Clare's friends, he just couldn't remember the stocky kids name.

"Can I help you?" Miss Cosnell asked.

"I need Jake it's about Clare." The kid said urgently.

Jake jumped up and ran out of the classroom with Clare's friend, a minute later he saw Dave on the floor sitting with Clare.

"Clare!" He went to her side, kneeling down to her and looking her over. She had broken out into a cold sweat was pale and her face was contorted in pain.

"I'm fine Jake, Connor really didn't need to get you out of class." She insisted in a sort of pained wheeze.

"Yeah cause you look great," he said in a half scolding, half sardonic tone. He looked at Dave, "What happened?"

"Her pencil fell, she bent over to get it and then screamed in pain, when she straightened up she was pale and Miss Oh told us to take her to the nurse, but she refuses to go."

"I shouldn't have bent over to get the pencil it was dumb. I just wasn't thinking. It hurt the bruises along my ribs and stomach. But I'll be fine once the pain subsides, no reason to go to the nurse." Clare assured him and she was actually getting some color back in her face.

"Clare you never went to the hospital, Natalie said there was a possibility your injuries were more serious than they look. Maybe we should…"

She cut him off, "NO! The pain is dissipating I'll be fine in just a minute." Jake scowled at her, but she was looking better, she took a deep breath her face relaxing, she no longer looked in pain. She took Jake's hand and he helped her stand up.

"Fine, can you two take her back to class?" Jake asked looking at Dave and he nodded. "I'll check on you after class, and if you feel sick again please go see the nurse."

**(CLARE)**

She'd gotten through the rest of the day with only a few minor incidents of dizziness and feeling out of breath. Jake, Eli and Adam had hardly left her side all day.

"You guys wanna go to the Dot?" Imogen asked the group afterschool had let out and they all gathered on the front steps.

"Yeah sounds…" Clare started but Jake cut her off.

"You almost passed out today, we're going home and you're going to rest. You guys can come see her tomorrow."

Clare scrunched her face up at Jake for treating her like a small child. Eli put an arm around her, "Jake's right you need to rest."

"We'll come by tomorrow Clare," Fiona assured her.

Clare sighed and waved to the others and the misfits plus Jake walked to his truck. Clare headed straight into the house and up to her room. She sat on her bed feeling slightly light headed and out of breath and suddenly tired.

Eli came in the room and looked at her, "You alright Clare?"

"I'm fine Eli, just tired Jake was right I need to rest. I'm just gonna lay down for a while, will you stay with me?"

"Of course beautiful."

They lay on the bed, his arms around her, and her head on his chest. Clare felt her eyes get heavy, her body fatigued, she listened to the gentle thrumming of Eli's heart and soon she was asleep.

**(ELI)**

Her breathing became regular; he looked down to see her fast asleep. He gently rolled her over and left her room going downstairs. Jake and Adam were playing video games but looked up when they saw him.

"She's sleeping." He informed them as he joined them on the couch.

She slept for the entire time they played video games, she slept while her Mom made dinner, and she was still sleeping when dinner was ready. She'd been asleep for over three hours and Eli was beginning to get worried. While Jake and Adam set the table he went upstairs to check on her. He went and sat on the edge of the bed; he could see her chest rise and fall with her breath so he knew she was still breathing. He brushed some hair from her face and kissed her cheek gently.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, "Eli?"

"Hey Blue Eyes, dinners ready you wanna come eat?"

She shook her head just slightly, "Not hungry, just tired." She said her voice small and cracked with sleep.

"Okay I'll let you sleep." He said getting up from the bed, she caught his arm suddenly and he looked back at her.

"You'll sleep in here again right? Adam too? I just sleep better when…"

"Shhh, of course we will."

She smiled a little and her eyes closed again, her hand gently falling from his arm. Eli left her room and went downstairs, he sat down at the table with the others.

"Clare not coming down to dinner?" Helen asked, the stress and worry in her voice terribly evident.

"She's said she wasn't hungry just tired." Eli told them.

"I'm sure she needs the rest, it'll help her heal." Glen reassured his wife.

Eli looked at Adam, "She wanted to make sure we would sleep in her room again."

"Of course we are."

After dinner the boys helped clean up and then everyone settled into the living room to watch TV, they only watched a short time before a high pitched scream brought them all to their feet and running into Clare's room.

**(CLARE)**

She awoke with a start, she was sitting up her throat was sore, her breathing reduced to frightened panting, her chest was tight and her bruises smarting. Her door burst open as the rest of the house rushed in and came to her bed.

"I'm okay, I'm okay it was just a nightmare." She tried to assure them.

Eli sat next to her draping an arm over her shoulders. Jake and Adam stood at the side of her bed, both letting out a relieved sigh. Her Mom and Glen lingered in her doorway.

"I think we'll go to bed kids." Glen said.

They all said goodnight and her parents disappeared into the hallway. Adam sat on the bed at her legs looking at her curiously concerned.

"You didn't have any nightmares last night what changed?" He asked.

Clare looked at her friend tenderly biting her healing bruised and busted lip. "Last night you two were with me. Falling asleep next to you, both of you, knowing your there…I know they're only in my head but somehow having you two there it keeps them out of my dreams or at least you both get in my head enough to fight them off and it keeps the nightmares away." She explained and then she yawned and blinked her eyes sleepily.

"You should get back to sleep." Eli told her, she nodded a little she must have looked scared or unsure because he smiled reassuringly and added, "I'm coming to bed, I just need to brush my teeth and stuff."

"Yeah me too," said Adam.

"You don't need to if you're not tired, I'm okay I probably won't…"

"Clare." Adam interrupted her, "shut up, yes we do and we are."

"Yeah we couldn't be there when it happened to protect you, any of us, but we can be here now and protect you in this small way." Eli insisted.

"I'll go turn off the TV and go to bed myself. Right next door if you need me." Jake told her, kissing her forehead and then leaving her room.

Eli followed Jake out and they heard him enter the bathroom. Adam turned to look at Clare, "You know I'm happy to sleep next to you as long as you need, but can I ask why don't you have Jake and Eli do it? Your brother and your boyfriend, seems like it would be…I don't know more comfortable?"

Clare thought about it a minute, "I love Jake and he's a good brother but you and Eli came that night I showed up on Fiona's doorstep. I know I was kinda out of it and trapped in my own head but I knew when you were both next to me, surrounding me on either side. And honestly it wasn't until that point, that I felt you both next to me that I really felt safe, felt that Ben and Travis couldn't get to me. And you both stayed, and continued sleeping at my sides the next few nights and it just…felt right. You're my best friend Adam, I've technically known Jake longer but I know you better and you know me better than he does. There's just something I feel when you me and Eli are together you know?"

Adam nodded, "Yeah I do." Eli walked in sitting on the other side of the bed next to Clare. Adam smiled at Clare and left the room to go get ready for bed.

Clare yawned leaning into Eli, "Get to sleep baby, I'm not going anywhere and Adam will be back in just a minute."

She nodded and closed her eyes lying back with Eli; she was almost asleep when she felt Adam lay on top of the comforter next to her. A wave of safety and comfort wrapped over her like a security blanket and she was soon asleep.

The following morning she woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon. She opened her eyes and looked to her sides but the boys were already up. She stretched and then grimaced in pain and sat up slowly. Mornings were always the worst, her bruises and muscles always hurt more after a night of sleep and she had to make slow calculated movements. It took several minutes and gripping the wall for her to get down the stairs, everyone was at the table eating and they all turned to look at her.

"Why didn't you holler for one of us to help you down the stairs?" Eli frowned.

"I made it just fine Eli stop worrying."

He shot her a look for suggesting such a thing but she paid no attention as she took a couple pieces of bacon. She ate a little and Jake brought her meds to her. Her Mom and Glen began cleaning up and Eli's phone rang, then Adam's alerted him to a text as Jake's phone rang and Clare heard her text message sound coming from her phone in her room. Jake ran upstairs bringing back Clare's phone to her.

"You know your voicemail is full and you have almost 60 unread texts?" Jake said handing her phone to her.

"Yeah those are mostly from when I had it turned off, I should probably go through them." She looked at the texts the most recent was from Alli, saying she and Jenna had chores but would be over later that morning.

"Imogen wants to know when she and Fi can come over." Eli said.

"Yep so do Drew, Bianca and Owen." Adam said.

"Alli said she'll be over later with Jenna," Clare told them and she looked at her other message from that morning it was from Jay. "Jay says Spin, Em and Peter are here and want to drop by." Clare smiled.

"Well we have some errands to run but I suppose they can all come here, you guys can hang out at the house." Said Helen.

Adam, Eli and Clare began texting the others letting them know to drop by any time. Helen and Glen went upstairs just as Jake hung up his phone and looked at Clare.

"Hey ummm Katie's back, she wants to hang out and she heard that something happened to you, but she got it second hand from Maya who heard it from Tristan and…"

Clare interrupted Jake's babbling, "Jake it's fine go see Katie, I know you missed her while she was in rehab. You can tell her as much as you like as long as I don't have to repeat it. I will be far from alone as everyone wants to come see me."

Jake smiled and went upstairs to get ready.

"Well we should probably get dressed too, they could start coming at any moment." Eli said.

Adam got up from the table, Clare started to get up from the table too breathing in sharply and then she felt Eli's arms around her helping her to stand. He kept his arms around her until they reached the bedroom. After she dressed, with a lot of help from Eli, she made her way downstairs joining Adam on the couch.

An hour later the Martin-Edwards living room was filling up with teenagers, Adam, Eli, Clare and Owen on the couch. Drew with Bianca on his lap in one armchair, Fiona and Imogen in the other, the doorbell rang again signaling the arrival of more visitors. Imogen hopped up to answer it.

"Who are you?" Clare heard Imogen question curiously to the new visitors.

"Friends of Clare's." She heard a familiar deep voice.

She began to get up and Eli and Owen helped her, she walked towards the door just as they entered, Imogen sat with Fiona again.

"Oh my god Clare!" Emma exclaimed dropping her purse and rushing to Clare, throwing her arms around her.

"Owwww!" Clare yelped.

Emma let go immediately stepping back, "Sorry."

"It's okay it's hard not to hurt me, pretty much everything above my waist is bruised." Clare stated but Emma looked sick rather than relieved, "It looks worse than it is." She tried to assure her.

"Sorry Baby Edwards not buying it, Jay told us everything." Spinner said coming in and kissing one of the few un-bruised spots on her face.

Peter and Jay did the same and then Eli came to stand next to her. Clare took care of introductions then she and Eli took their seats on the couch onece more and the new arrivals found places to sit.

"You hear from Darcy?" Peter asked.

"Yeah she e-mailed a few times, I haven't been checking but Mom got a few. She was going to fly home but I told her it wasn't necessary."

"Paige, Manny, Marco and Elli wanted to come out from L.A. too but they're all super busy with work, but they say hi and send their love. They wanted to be sure to tell you that you can call them anytime if you need anything. Jay has all their numbers, oh and he's officially our ambassador and will be checking up on you more often. We didn't even know you'd had one boyfriend let alone 3 and getting blackmailed into a date with a guy that brought a knife to school?!" Spinner exclaimed a partly shocked partly amused expression on his face.

"Hey I heard plenty of worse stories from Darcy about all of you." Clare retorted sticking out her tongue at Spinner.

The front door opened and Alli and Jenna came in. Alli said hi to Peter, Spinner, Emma and Jay and introduced them to Jenna. They sat down and the group began talking again, Clare didn't talk much but she was enjoying sitting with Eli's arm around her, leaning against him and watching her group of friends, old and new. It was the first time in a long time she felt a sense of normalcy.

**(ELI)**

He, Clare and Adam were walking back from the Dot, the group of visitors at Clare's had decided to go there for lunch and they'd stayed and hung out for nearly three hours. After spending almost an entire day getting to know Jay and the others he had to admit they were actually nice and they truly cared about Clare. Peter, Spinner and Emma would have to leave tomorrow night but they had made plans to meet up the next day so Clare could visit with them more before they left. They arrived at Clare's and Eli saw that Helen and Glen were home, as soon as they walked in the door, Helen came over to them.

"Oh good your home, how was your visit?"

"It was nice Mom, feels good to know I have so many friends and so much support."

Helen smiled a little, "Good I'm sure you'll feel the same at church tomorrow."

Eli felt Clare's body tense, he looked at her and her face had turned almost hard. "I'm not going to church tomorrow Mother."

"Clare!" Helen gasped as though Clare had just admitted to losing her virginity to Eli and Adam at the same time.

"I'm doing better but I still have a long way to go, I just started looking people in the eye again and it's bad enough that everyone in school points and stares and whispers. I don't need the gossipy women at church starting in too." Clare said in harsh resolved tone.

"Oh Clare the women at church do not gossip."

"Yes they do Mother, it's their favorite pass time. Besides I can't sit in a wooden pew for 3 hours, I can barely sit at school for 45 minutes at a time in class. It's not like I'll be alone, Adam and Eli will be with me and I have at least 11 other people programmed into my phone who are ready to run to my side if I so request it." Clare informed her Mother.

Eli couldn't help but smile at how Clare was standing up to her Mom and fighting for what she needed, he was very proud of his girlfriend at that moment.

Helen stared at her daughter a moment and then sighed, "Okay Clare, you stay home with Eli and Adam and we'll be home after lunch like always."

"Thank you for understanding Mom." Clare said and began walking to the steps.

"Oh Clare wait," Helen said and they turned to look at her again. "Constable Callaghan dropped this by earlier, instructions for your written statement. She said they want you to do that before they tape it, but to take your time and we can drop it by whenever you're done. You can work on it tomorrow while we're at church."

Helen held the paper out to Clare but she seemed to be frozen. Eli looked at her, all the fire that had been in her eyes, all the fight she'd had in her just seconds ago had completely disappeared. Eli took the paper from Helen and putting an arm around Clare he walked her upstairs followed closely by Adam.

**(CLARE)**

She sat at the kitchen table staring at the notebook in front of her, her pen resting on it ready to write but she just couldn't. Eli and Adam were on the couch a few feet away, playing video games, her family had left for church an hour ago. She stared at the instruction sheet, her fist clenched, her chest got tight, she felt sick and angry. She pushed the paper and notebook on the floor as a few angry tears crept down her cheeks.

Eli and Adam looked at her, dropping their video game controllers and coming to either side of her. "Clare?" Eli said softly.

"I can't do it Eli, have you read the instruction sheet? I have to write down exactly what they did from the very first incident. I have to be as detailed as possible including what I was feeling, where they touched, what they used to…" She was beginning to cry and took a shaky breath. "I have to relive it, every terrible detail as I remember and write it down for them like some sick twisted memoir. I don't want to remember, I don't want to think about it. I just want to forget and move on. I can't do this."

Adam took her hand and Eli put an arm around her. "Yes you can Clare, I know you can your strong. I know it hurts but Adam and I will be right here with you the whole time."

"But you can't go into my head and protect me from the memories."

"No we can't but you can do this. We'll take it slow, write down a few sentences at a time and then take a break and I promise you for every tear you shed while writing Adam and I will make you laugh on the breaks to help you get your mind off it."

"Really?" She asked looking at Eli, her tears ceasing. He nodded and she looked at Adam.

"Really." Adam smiled comfortingly, "We can be very hilarious."

Clare had to smile at the face Adam was making. "Okay, I'll try."

Eli placed the notebook and instruction sheet in front of her on the table once again and he and Adam pulled chairs around next to her so they could sit at her side. Clare took a deep breath, touched the pencil to the paper and slowly began to write.

**Update soon with more time with Jay, Spinner, Emma and Peter.**


	19. Crazy Like Me

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.19 Crazy Like Me**

**(CLARE)**

Her hand was holding the pen to the paper and shaking slightly, she was trying to will herself to write but her hand wouldn't move. She took a shaky breath as tears began to fall on the paper for the fourth time and she was only on her third paragraph, she hadn't even finished what had happened that first day. Eli gently put his hand over hers and took the pen away.

"I'm trying Eli." She said in a small voice.

"I know Clare, you're doing fine." He said with a reassuring smile, wiping away her tears as gently as he could so as not to hurt her bruised skin.

"Come on it's almost time to go meet Jay and the others anyway; I think that's enough for today." Adam said.

They each gripped an arm gently and helped her to stand. Eli helped her get her shoes on and they all got in Helen's car she had agreed to let them borrow so they could drive to Little Miss Steaks that day. They arrived a few minutes later, Eli helped her out of the car and they went inside.

"Hey guys," Marisol greeted when they entered.

"Hey Marisol, we'll need a booth, there's going to be seven of us." Adam informed her.

She grabbed 7 menus and showed them to a booth in the back. They sat down at one end of the circular booth, Clare between the two boys. A moment later Peter, Jay, Spinner and Emma walked in and sat down. Everyone exchanged hellos, Marisol came over and took their order and then walked to the kitchen.

"You okay Clare? You look like you've been crying." Peter said from his spot next to Adam.

"Yeah I'm okay." She said quietly none of them looked like they believed her but they didn't press.

"Oh Mia called this morning." Peter told her, "She wanted me to tell you hi for her and Izzy and she's thinking of you."

"That was sweet of her. I can't believe she called all the way from Paris! Tell her I'm okay and I said hi when she calls again." Clare said with a small smile.

"Oh that reminds me," Eli spoke up, "Fiona called this morning, she said Declan called and wants you to call him when you feel up to it. Also Sav called and he wants you to call him back, he's been worried and doesn't like getting second hand information from Alli."

"Whoa Sav I haven't thought of him in ages not since Janie and the Studz broke up." Spinner said.

"What is Janie and the Studz?" Adam inquired.

"They were the hot DeGrassi band a couple of years ago." Clare informed them.

"Yeah we rocked." Peter said.

"Yes well now DeGrassi's hot band is Whisper Hug, of which Adam is member." Clare boasted for her friend.

While Adam, Spinner and Peter talked about bands and music, Eli and Jay began talking about cars. Emma leaned over the table to talk to Clare in relative privacy. She took Clare's hands in hers and looked at her intently.

"Hey you really doing okay sweetie? After Darcy was raped she wouldn't talk to anyone or ask for help. She shut herself up and started acting out and hurting herself." Emma told her.

"I remember," Clare said quietly.

"My point is sweetie don't shut yourself up, you have an odd but very caring boyfriend that obviously loves you, and lots of friends. You can always call me or Spin or Peter or Jay. For anything, if you want to talk about what happened or just need Spin to tell you a corny joke to get your mind off things. I mean it okay?" Emma advised the younger girl.

"I know thanks Em." Clare smiled appreciatively.

"Hey no girl talk at the table." Spinner teased, leaning in toward the girls.

Clare and Emma straightened up and she slapped her husband playfully. "Well you guys were talking about bands and cars which is guy stuff."

Marisol and another waiter brought their food and they began eating, Spinner and Jay attacked their food much like Jake always did and Clare rolled her eyes. She'd ordered a sandwich but she wasn't really hungry. She opened the sandwich and took out the tomato, tore off the lettuce and turkey that spilled over the bread. She picked at the bread, and ate bite of her pickle.

"Clare honey you need to eat so you can take your meds, and you barely ate half your breakfast." Eli whispered in her ear. His words didn't get her to eat but the terribly worried tone that accompanied them got under her skin and she managed a few bites.

She ate almost one half her sandwich but that was about all she could take, she decided that was enough and reached into her purse, taking out her meds and dispersing them into her hand. She swallowed them with a sip of Sprite and watched the others as they ate and talked.

"So where are your step bastards now?" Jay asked.

Clare looked up from her soda. "I…I don't know I hadn't really thought about it." She said looking at Eli and Adam.

"Jake said they're Mom's keeping them under a kind of house arrest, only allowed out for school. They talked to the cops, I don't know what they said but the cops couldn't arrest them yet. There is a restraining order on them though." Adam informed them.

"Great." She said sarcastically, "a piece of paper cause that'll keep them away."

"Maybe not but we will." Eli said in a steely determined voice.

"Helen said they have to get your statements and then it depends on the trial." Adam finished.

"Trial?" Clare questioned in a small voice.

"Man I say fuck the cops, let's just round up everyone that wants to beat the hell out of them and do just that." Jay said.

"I'm game we got time before we leave." Spinner said and Peter nodded.

"That's sweet guys but you can't just go beat them up." Clare said.

The boys all kinda grumbled and rolled their eyes but went back to eating. When they had finished and paid the bill they all got up, Clare being helped by Adam and Eli.

"We still got a while before we need to leave do you guys wanna go somewhere?" Spinner asked.

"Yeah sounds good." Clare said. They began discussing where they could go. Clare wasn't really paying attention; she didn't care much where they went.

They stood there for a few minutes and Clare began to feel dizzy, Eli had his arm around her and she gripped the back of his shirt to steady herself. The others didn't see but Eli looked at her his eyebrows arched just slightly and his eyes filled with concern. She smiled at him to assure him nothing was wrong. She was having some trouble breathing, feeling like she couldn't get enough air, but she was working really hard not to show it. Until a sharp pain rang through her chest and she had to hide her head on Eli's shoulder, and tightened her grip on his shirt even more.

"Clare you okay?" Jay asked.

She took a deep breath as the pain dissipated, relaxing her face and body. She looked at everyone smiling as brightly as she could. "I'm okay but I'm pretty tired. I'm sorry guys I feel like I barely got to see you."

"Don't be silly Baby Edwards you need to rest." Peter said kissing the top of her head.

"We'll be back as soon as we can." Spinner said also kissing the top of her head.

"Call us if you need anything remember." Emma said kissing her un-bruised cheek.

"I will." Clare smiled.

"Yeah well I live here so I'll be around if you need me and don't forget I'll be checking in with you, and if you do need me I'll come running." Jay assured her.

"Thanks Jay."

Emma hugged Eli and Adam and the boys shook hands, and the group exited the restaurant. Clare was being supported by Eli and Adam but still felt dizzy, after a few shaky steps she faltered nearly falling even in their grip so Eli picked her up and carried her to the car. He set her down in the front seat, Adam got in behind her and Eli into the driver's seat. They drove home in silence but Eli kept giving her worried glances, and even though she couldn't see him she was sure Adam was doing the same. By the time they arrived home she was no longer dizzy and could breathe normally. She got out of the car with only a little help from Adam, and she walked in without help from either of them.

"Oh there you kids are," Helen greeted as soon as they came in the door. "How was your visit?"

"It was nice Mom."

"That's good, everyone asked about you in church honey. I told them you weren't feeling well." Clare rolled her eyes. "Oh boys I did your laundry so you have plenty of clean clothes now with the ones your Mothers brought yesterday."

"Thanks Helen." Both boys said in unison.

"Dinner will be ready soon are you hungry or did you fill up at the restaurant?" Helen asked.

"I'm hungry." Eli said.

Clare shook her head, "I'm not and I'm tired, I'm just gonna go upstairs and lay down." She said softly.

Eli looked at her, "You sure you're okay Clare?" He asked quietly after her Mom had turned away. "You were kinda weak when we left Little Miss Steaks."

"I'm okay, just tired it's been a long day trying to write the statement and visiting with Emma and them." She assured him kissing his cheek softly.

"I'll go with her, I'm still pretty full." Adam said.

Eli nodded and Clare walked up to her room Adam at her heels. She sat on her bed taking her book from her nightstand; Adam picked up his comic book and sat down next to her.

"You don't have to stay with me Adam." He gave her a look, "I mean if you're hungry go downstairs, I'll be okay."

"Clare you didn't look well when we left from lunch I'm not leaving you and I'm not hungry." He insisted.

"Okay if you insist but I'm not gonna be very good company." He rolled his eyes at her and she went back to reading for a minute before looking back at him. "You're both staying again right? Sleeping…"

He cut her off, "Clare listen good because I'm only saying this once and I'm speaking for Eli and I, until you tell us to get the hell out and go home we'll be here got it?"

"Got it." She smiled. She went back to reading her book but only got through a few pages before sleep overtook her.

She awoke abruptly, her eyes shooting open, she was trembling slightly and tears crawling down her cheeks. Her nightmare so fresh on her mind she couldn't stop the tears. With both Eli and Adam lying on top of her blanket on either side of her she couldn't move much. She tried to bury her head in her pillow trying not to wake them.

"Clare, baby you okay?" Eli's gentle voice whispered into her ear, his hand softly rubbing her back.

"What's wrong?" Adam whispered groggily sitting up.

"Just a bad dream." She told them turning and sitting up a little.

"I thought the point of us sleeping in here was to keep the nightmares away?" Eli asked.

"It is and usually you do but…" she paused taking a deep but shaky breath. Eli put an arm around her and kissed her forehead softly. "Just with trying to write my statement today it brought it all back like it happened yesterday. It all became fresh in my mind and…" another shaky breath and Adam took her hand. "Then finding out they weren't even in jail…I mean I know they won't get near me, not that I believe the restraining order will stop them but I know if they tried to get near me you would all…"

"Rip their heads off." Eli finished for her.

"Right, but then finding out I may have to go to trial…I mean they'll have all the pictures of my injuries, my written statement and one on camera assuming I can even manage to do them…I can't face them at trial. I can't repeat everything they put me through in front of a judge and jury…I just can't."

She was shaking and crying uncontrollably now, Eli kissed her softly and stroked her arm trying to comfort her.

"You probably won't have to go to trial with them, they'll probably plead guilty and they'll just enter your statements in to evidence. But even if they don't plead guilty we won't let you face them in court, we all talked about it with your Mom and Glen and we would all testify on your behalf." Adam assured her.

Clare looked at him and he nodded, she stopped crying and gave a sort of half smile.

"Come on let's get back to sleep." Eli yawned.

Clare lay down still with Eli's arm around her, she felt better but still wouldn't let go of Adam's hand and that's how she fell back asleep. She slept fitfully all night and was tired when she awoke the next morning. She showered and got dressed with some help from Eli. She ate all of five bites of toast for breakfast, her mother didn't seem to notice but Eli, Adam and Jake did. Jake of course drove them all to school and Adam carried her backpack while Eli wrapped an arm around her in case she needed him.

"Hi Clare." Katie greeted coming up to them and kissing Jake on the cheek.

"Hey Katie," Clare smiled, "glad to be back at school?"

"You have no idea." She smiled and then she and Jake walked off into the school hand in hand.

The misfits walked to their lockers to find Alli, Jenna, Owen, Bianca, Imogen and Fiona waiting for them. They exchanged greetings and everyone looked at Clare carefully, she was used to it by now, it was everyone's way of trying to read her and see if she was really okay like she kept insisting that she was. Then Owen, Alli and Jenna walked away to their own lockers and Imogen and Fiona began talking with Adam and Eli. Clare was getting tired of standing and walked a few feet to a bench and sat down. Eli looked over at her and she smiled at him to let him know she was fine and to keep talking, but Bianca came over and sat by her anyway.

"I just couldn't stand any longer; standing gets uncomfortable with bruised ribs and all." Clare said.

Bianca smiled sweetly, "I figured, just thought you could use some company."

Clare smiled she had to admit she was growing really close to Bianca and was really glad they had become friends. Mostly because Bianca seemed to know what Clare needed without her having to say it. Like this moment for instance Bianca knew she needed company but didn't want to talk and that seemed to be just fine with Bianca. Clare watched Eli and the others for a minute, and then the other kids in the hall, and then she looked outside and saw Ben staring at her smiling wickedly. She gasped and closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them again his face was gone.

"You alright?" Bianca asked.

Clare looked at her blinking away the tears in her eyes. "Just losing my mind." Bianca cocked her head a bit. "I thought I saw Ben outside the school, he was smiling at me like he did when…but I blinked and he was gone."

"Oh Clare you're not losing your mind hun, you went through something terrible and you're having to write your side of things for the cops, it's just bringing it all back. Drew went through the same thing after Vince's gang jumped him." Bianca assured her putting an arm around her shoulders.

"And Drew tried to kill himself in amateur MMA how is that not crazy?"

"You have a point but Drew got over it and so will you." Bianca told her.

"Yeah maybe but in the meantime they're in my head and they're still hurting me, getting to me and I'm slowly losing my mind." Clare lamented.

**(BIANCA)**

It was lunch and she'd come to the mall always happy to fit some time in with her wonderful boyfriend, but this time she was on a mission. She saw Drew with a customer at his kiosk, she walked up and patiently waited till he had finished.

"Hey Babe." Drew greeted her with a happy kiss as soon as the customer was gone. "If you came to have lunch I don't take mine for another hour."

"No I came with a request." She told him and Drew cocked an eyebrow, "After you get off work I think you should go talk to Clare."

"Did something else happen? Adam didn't call."

"No but she feels like she's going crazy because she keeps seeing her step bastards faces when they aren't there. I told her you went through the same thing but she might actually hear it if it comes from you. I mean she listened to me when she was pushing everyone away." She told him.

"Yeah sure I get off at six I'll go straight over."

Bianca smiled and kissed him one more time before leaving to go back to school.

**(DREW)**

He parked outside the Martin-Edwards house and knocked on the door. A minute later the door opened and Jake smiled at him.

"Hey Drew come on in," he said stepping aside and Drew entered the house "we were just finishing dinner."

"Hey bro." Adam waved.

Eli nodded and Mr. and Mrs. Martin smiled at him. "Hey everyone didn't mean to interrupt your dinner, just dropped by to see Clare, why isn't she eating?"

"Said she wasn't hungry, she says it a lot and barely eats when she is." Adam informed him as Jake took his seat again.

"She's up in her room doing homework, I'm sure she'd be glad to see you." Eli said.

Drew gave a small nod and ascended the stairs, knocking softly on Clare's door, he heard say come in and he opened the door.

"Hey Drew what're you doing here?"

"Well I heard you were going crazy like me."

She gave him a lopsided smile, "Bianca talked to you didn't she?"

"Yeah she did, but you're not going crazy you went through something traumatic and your suffering from post-traumatic stress." He told her sitting on the foot of her bed.

"Great but what am I supposed to do about it and don't say talk to a therapist because I just can't do that." She sighed.

"Okay so talk to one of us, talk to Eli or Adam, they're almost always with you right?"

"I can't do that, I already feel like I'm putting too much burden on them just having them stay and sleep here." She admitted.

"Clare they want to be here, you're not forcing them but you can always talk to me or Bianca or Alli, even Owen, any of us. Sometimes as much as it hurts to do so talking helps. We can't go into your head and get out all the bad memories or keep them from hurting you but we can be here for you. If you think you see one of them again tell yourself they aren't really there and it's all in your head, then tell whoevers with you understand?"

"Yeah." She nodded. Drew smiled, got up and began walking to her door, "Hey Drew," he turned back to her, "thanks I feel less crazy now."

"Anytime Clare."

**Update Soon**


	20. You Okay Honey?

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.20 You Okay Honey?**

**(CLARE)**

She was in science class sitting uncomfortably in her stool, made all the more uncomfortable because Luke was sitting at her table and Owen was late. She didn't like Luke or most of the hockey team for that matter. She wished that Owen would hurry up and get there, him she liked, well now anyway.

"The person sitting across from you is your lab partner for the day." Mr. Perino informed the class.

"_Great I'm partners with Luke! Where is Owen and why won't my chest stop hurting?"_

"You'll be classifying bacteria, put the slides and petri-dishes under the microscope and work together to identify and classify the bacteria from the list. The samples are at the back of the room each table get two slides and one petri-dish to begin with." Mr. Perino instructed.

Like the rest of the class Clare and Luke got up to get samples, unlike the rest of the class when Clare got up she got very dizzy and clutched at the table to keep from falling. Luke was at her side suddenly.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine I just stood up to fast and got dizzy." She said with a labored breath as her face contorted in pain.

Luke put an arm around her waist, she tried to swat him away but she didn't have much strength and he ignored her.

"Sir, Clare isn't feeling well I think I should take her to the nurse." Luke informed him.

Mr. Perino was quiet for a moment, "Okay go ahead."

Luke gently escorted Clare out of the class room, as soon as they were in the hall she got out of his hold.

"I'm fine I don't need to go to the nurse and I don't need you to escort me so just go back to class." She insisted just as her steps faltered as a sharp pain caused yet another wave of dizziness.

He grabbed her arm to steady her, "Yeah you look fine. Come on we're going to the nurse."

"NO!" She yanked her arm from him and began walking away but he stayed at her side none the less.

"Clare you're starting to look pale."

"Baker what's going on?" Dallas asked suddenly appearing in front of them.

"_Great Dallas just what I need!" _She thought as soon as she heard his voice. "I'm fine both of you go away and leave me alone."

"You don't look like your fine." Dallas commented.

"I'm telling you I'm f…MMMAAAAA!" She was cut off by her own painful scream as a horrendously sharp pain stabbed from her chest and wracked her body. Her face contorted, she clutched her chest and she fell against the lockers nearly doubling over.

Dallas and Luke came to her sides each grabbing an arm. "Clare you need to…"

"No." She squeaked out in wheezing sort of breath. "I just need to sit for a minute."

Next thing she knew she was being lifted by both arms, she took in a sharp breath and groaned a little but couldn't get enough air protest. A few seconds later she was being set down gently on a bench and they released her.

"Why won't you go to the nurse?" Dallas asked and she heard actual genuine concern in his voice which surprised her.

"I don't want anyone to see…everything they did." She explained between sharp slightly labored breathing.

"But you look kinda pale and you just looked like you were in terrible pain and…" Luke was starting to argue but Clare cut him off.

"I have badly bruised ribs I probably cracked a few it hurts to move or sit or breathe for that matter. The pain will pass in a minute and I'll be fine." She assured them, all though in the back of her mind she wondered if she would be okay. She was having trouble breathing, she still felt light headed and dizzy and while the pain had lessened some, she still felt a sharp aching stabbing in her chest.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dallas and Luke never left her and she absentmindedly wondered why? Finally the pain subsided and she felt like she could stand again. Her breathing was still a little labored and she still felt a little dizzy and light headed but she stood up anyway.

"Clare?" Dallas questioned.

She closed her eyes and waited for a few seconds and when she didn't falter or fall, she took as deep a breath as she could manage at that moment. "I'm going back to class."

"Are you sure?" Luke asked.

She nodded her head so they came to her sides and each gently taking an arm walked her back to science class.

"What the hell is going on?" Owen demanded when they'd reach the classroom door.

Clare pulled out of Dallas and Luke's hands and went to Owen as she actually felt safe with him, still slightly dizzy she gripped onto his jacket. He looked down at her with a worried face and she smiled as brightly as she could and let go of his jacket. He lightly put an arm around her waist, for support, protective instinct or out of concern she wasn't really sure.

"She got dizzy in class so I was going to take her the nurse but she refused to go, Dallas saw us, she screamed in pain and clutched her chest but still refused to go to the nurse. So we sat on a bench until she wanted to come back to class but she's still breathing funny." Luke explained.

Owen looked at her again even more worried than before. "Clare maybe you should go home."

"No." She shook her head, "I've missed enough school and I'm fine now really. You know how my ribs and other injuries always hurt."

He studied her a minute, but even her breathing was starting to become even and normal again. "Fine come back into class but I'm telling Jake and Eli when class is over. Thanks for your help Dallas but you should get back to your own class."

Dallas nodded and left. Owen kept his light hold on Clare and helped her to sit in the high stools at the work table, Luke followed them.

"Feeling better Miss Edwards?" Mr. Perino inquired when she was sitting again.

"Yes sir." She nodded.

They got back to work; Owen had apparently been doing it on his own while they were gone. Both Owen, and Luke surprisingly, kept giving her concerned looks for the rest of class and they wouldn't let her do any of the work.

**(ELI)**

He met up with Adam and they walked to Mr. Perino's class to get Clare and carry her books to her next class. Owen had that class with her and he could have done it, but he hadn't been there when they dropped her off and Eli preferred that he and Adam escort her anyway. When they arrived Clare was leaning against the wall with Owen on one side of her and Luke Baker of all people on the other. Owen had her book bag and he looked concerned and had one arm protectively around Clare. Eli furrowed his brow at this sight, this couldn't be good. Owen handed him her bag as soon as they were close enough and quickly explained what had happened and why he was so worried.

"I'm fine really, I stood up too fast and got dizzy, my bruises hurt it was painful now I'm fine." She said with a bright smile.

Somehow this didn't comfort Eli and from the way Adam went up and put an arm around her he knew it didn't comfort Adam either. He looked at Luke and thanked him and then Owen.

"I have Jake in my next class so I'll tell him what happened." Owen said giving Clare one last worried look and a gentle sort of hug, then pulling Luke away by the jacket the two hockey players sauntered down the hall.

"Come on let's get you to your next class," Adam said to her.

Eli was worried; she was getting dizzy a lot, and out of breath, and almost always in some kind of pain. Yet she refused to go to a doctor or a hospital even the school nurse. She was so worried about anyone seeing her injuries that she didn't seem to care how bad they could actually be or what hidden injuries she may have because of them. He, her mother, Jake, Glen, Adam even Alli had pleaded with her to go to the hospital to get checked out thoroughly, x-rays and blood work and everything Natalie hadn't been able to do but she always became hysterical and they always gave in.

They reached her next class and she sat at her desk, he set her book bag down and kissed her softly. "If you get dizzy again text one of us right away, I don't even care which one." He pleaded with her.

Clare nodded and smiled at him, "Okay Eli."

Alli came in the classroom and sat next to Clare, "She got dizzy last period watch her okay?" He requested of Clare's other best friend.

"Of course I will." Alli assured him.

Eli felt a little better knowing that if Clare wouldn't bother to call anyone then Alli's big mouth would definitely spread the word.

**(CLARE)**

It was lunch and she'd made it through the rest of the morning without getting dizzy or out of breath, she was still in mild pain but at this point she could just about ignore it. She was walking toward the picnic tables with the other two misfits but the constant pain only made her feel nauseas not hungry.

"I'm not hungry Eli." She said quietly, softly touching his arm.

He stopped and turned to look at her as did Adam. "You barely ate anything at breakfast and you need to eat at least enough to take your meds." Eli said with a worried look.

She sighed, "Fine I'm going to the washroom first I'll meet you guys at the table in a few minutes."

Eli and Adam exchanged a look as though silently having a conversation as to whether to let her go or not, finally they both nodded and she turned around and went inside. She began walking slowly to the washroom but it became increasingly difficult to breathe with every step and as getting oxygen to her brain was getting harder she got light headed and dizzy. She'd just passed a row of lockers when she felt a sharp stabbing pain in her chest again. The pain was immense; she made a high pitch agonized screech involuntarily and collapsed against the end of the lockers. She sank to the floor clutching her chest and curling up into a sitting fetal position.

She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that it felt like forever, the pain finally dissipated but breathing was still hard and she still felt light headed and shaky so she remained sitting there her head on her knees. That is until she heard a gentle and familiar voice and she looked up.

"Clare you okay honey?" Bianca asked kneeling down next to her.

She tried to smile but wasn't sure she'd succeeded, "F…ine." She choked out between rasping breaths.

Bianca looked her over and squeezed her eyes together making a face that said she clearly didn't believe her. She put an arm around Clare's back and under her arms and helped her to stand. "Eli and Adam eating outside?" Bianca asked and Clare nodded.

They turned around to go back outside but Clare couldn't see straight and she was having trouble walking even with Bianca's help. She tried to take a deep breath but couldn't and the desperate attempt at getting in air only made her dizzier and she almost collapsed. Bianca managed to catch her but they stopped walking and Bianca set her on the floor gently. She got out her phone and called someone.

"Hey I need your help we're near the MI lab." She said into the phone.

Clare heard a deep male voice say something in reply and Bianca hung up. She kneeled down next to Clare again and put a hand on her shoulder.

"She get dizzy again?" Owen asked coming next to them and Clare realized he was who Bianca must have called.

"Dizzy, she can barely breathe, or talk or walk. I was trying to get her outside to Eli but she almost collapsed. I can pick her up but I don't think I can carry her all the way out to the picnic tables." Bianca told him her tone was both nervous and agitated.

Owen gave Clare a worried scowl before scooping her up. She put her arms around his neck for support and he began walking to the front of the school, Bianca following close behind. By the time they reached Eli and Adam she was almost breathing normally again. Owen set her in Eli's lap and he and Bianca sat down at the table.

"She got dizzy again and was breathing funny." Owen informed them.

"Clare you need to go home." Eli insisted sternly.

She shook her head which was nuzzled into the crook of his neck. "I can make it the rest of the day, I feel better now. Please Eli I don't want to miss any more classes. If I get dizzy again then you can take me home." Her voice was pleading but her breathing was once again even.

She felt him sigh heavily underneath her. "Okay baby, but if you get dizzy again straight home."

"I can make it the rest of the day." She assured them.

And she did, she still felt a little pain but when school let out she hadn't gotten dizzy or short of breath again. Now she was on the couch wrapped in Eli's arms, Adam at her other side and Jake in the chair watching TV.

"Kids could you please set the table for dinner." Her Mother requested.

The boys got up and Eli and Adam helped Clare to stand. "I'm not hungry." She said in a low voice.

"You ate half an apple at lunch how can you not be hungry?" Adam questioned.

"Everything hurts and the pain makes me queasy which in turn makes me not hungry. Anyway I want to shower." She told them.

"I'll eat later." Eli said as he always sat in the bathroom with her when she showered, both to help her get dressed and undressed and just in case she needed him.

Adam nodded and she and Eli walked upstairs to the bathroom. He turned the water on and helped her undress and she got in the shower. The water even at the luke warm temperature, stung her open cuts, welts and bite marks. She gingerly washed her body as best as she could manage. Eli would have helped but she was always to embarrassed to ask. Washing her hair was the worst, lifting her arms above her head caused a sharp aching in her bruised ribs and she was certain she'd cracked a few. She gasped and groaned in pain; Eli asking if she was okay and if she needed help and she always assured him she was alright. But soon she began to feel dizzy and weak and she turned the water off. Eli opened the curtain and wrapped her in a towel.

"I'm tired I want to lie down." She requested when he had finished helping her dry off and dress again. Eli took her to her bed and she lay down, holding on to Eli's arm. "Stay with me?"

"Of course beautiful." He smiled lying down next to her and wrapping her in his arms.

**(ADAM)**

He was sitting on Clare's bed next to her as she slept. She'd fallen asleep after her shower and he was staying with her now so that Eli could eat. He expected her to sleep through the night barring another nightmare of course, and he was fully engrossed in his 'Goon' comic when he heard a strange sort of noise. He looked around the room trying decipher what the noise was and where it was coming from. He listened intently and suddenly became aware of the fact that noise was coming from Clare, she was trying to breath but as her lips were turning blue she wasn't succeeding. He pulled her to a sitting position and shook her gently to wake her up.

"Clare! CLARE!" He knew his voice sounded squeaky and frightened but at the moment he didn't care.

Slowly her eyes fluttered opened she yawned and took another deep breath. "What's wrong?" It was barely above a whisper but her breathing seemed to be somewhat better.

"You weren't breathing." He said letting out a relieved sigh.

She took another deep breath, to appease him or because she needed more oxygen he wasn't sure, maybe both. "I'm fine now Adam don't worry. Where's Eli?"

"Eating dinner he'll be back up soon." He told her.

He must have looked worried still because she gently kissed his cheek, "Adam stop worrying I'm fine. I was probably just lying in a bad position."

She smiled a little turned on her side a bit so she was facing him and closed her eyes once more. Adam watched her, he knew she kept insisting that she was fine but he felt in his gut that she wasn't. He also knew that she refused to go the hospital, but he was sure that she needed to. _"Maybe we can all trick her into going." _As soon as Eli was done with dinner he decided to talk with him and Jake about how they could all get her to go the hospital whether she wanted to or not.

**Update soon.**


	21. Catch Me I'm Falling

I** Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch. 21 Catch Me I'm Falling**

**(ADAM)**

"I'm starting to think we should just take her at lunch, she keeps insisting she's fine but she looked even worse this morning and she continues looking worse by the hour." Eli told him.

Third period had just let out and it was morning break, they were walking to Clare's class to get her. He, Eli and Jake had planned to take her to the hospital after school whether she liked it or not. They were going to force her to get checked out thoroughly if Eli had to carry her in and they had to hold her down. They had made the plan yesterday night after she'd struggle to breathe while sleeping. However when she got up that morning she'd been pallid, and she had already gotten dizzy twice that morning and hadn't even made it up the front steps of the school without getting short of breath. She of course had maintained that she was fine and blamed it all on bruised ribs and her other injuries. At this point though they were all sure something deeper was going on.

"Go talk to Jake about taking her at lunch instead, I'll get her from class and take her to band practice with me." Adam instructed his friend.

Eli nodded and walked off to go find Jake; Adam went into Clare's classroom to find her sitting at her desk looking worse than before.

"Where's Eli?" She questioned.

Adam picked her backpack up, slung it over his shoulder, helped her to stand and they began walking out of the classroom. "He went to talk to Jake I'm taking you to Whisper Hug rehearsal, Tristan, Tori and Cam will probably be hanging out too so you'll have company."

She didn't say anything only smiled and nodded, they reached the music room a few minutes later and sure enough Tris, Tori and Cam were there talking to Maya and Zig. Imogen smiled sweetly at them when they walked in. Adam set Clare gently on a table and walked over to pick up his bass. When he looked back at Clare she was clutching her chest, her face contorted in pain, she was suddenly ghostly pale and sweating, she stood up and looked at him her eyes were filled with fear.

"A…Adam!" She wheezed out then couched up some blood, closed her eyes and fell to the floor like a dead weight.

"CLARE!" He screamed and rushed to her.

Tristan managed to catch her before she hit the floor and he laid her down gently. The girls in the room all gasped.

"Adam she's not breathing!" Tristan exclaimed in a distressed voice.

For Adam time seemed to slow down almost to a stop, he was aware of what was happening around him and yet was totally focused Clare. He kneeled down beside her and checked her breathing and just as Tristan said she was not taking breaths. He checked her pulse, it was faint but it was there. He heard Maya say she and Campbell were getting Principal Simpson and Tori was calling for an ambulance. Adam tilted Clare's head back and began rescue breathing, giving her a breath counting out five seconds and then another.

"I'm calling Eli." Imogen said frantically.

"You have to get to the music room Clare passed out, she isn't breathing!" Tristan said in an agitated voice into his cell.

Adam continued to breath for Clare, he knew he was crying he knew he had some of the blood she'd coughed up on his lips, he didn't care he just wanted her to breathe again. And then finally after what felt like an eternity, he lifted his head and she took a strained and gurgling breath but it was a breath under her own power. Adam rolled her on her side, hoping it would help her breathe assuming the gurgling sound she was making meant she had more blood in her throat. Her eyes fluttered open a moment and she looked at him, she reached her hand up and he took it, and then her eyes closed again but she continued to breathe. Labored, shallow and gurgled breaths but breaths none the less.

He squeezed her hand, "You'll be okay Clare. You just have to be." He pleaded quietly.

The room quickly began filling up with people, first Maya and Cam returned with Principal Simpson.

"We need to call for an ambulance." Principal Simpson exclaimed.

"I already did they're on the way." Tori said between sobs.

"What happened?" Principal Simpson asked just as Eli and Jake rushed in the room.

"Clare! Oh God!" Eli cried rushing to her; he began stroking her hair as a few tears slipped down his cheeks.

"I got her to breathe again." Adam said his own voice high pitched and squeaky like a girls, something that only happened when he was truly distraught, normally it would have bothered him, right now his only concern was his best friend. "But she's still not breathing well."

Jake sank down by Eli, he took Clare's other hand, he was crying too but he didn't say anything. Just then Owen and Bianca came in the room pushing past Principal Simpson to do so.

"I'm going to call her Mother." Principal Simpson said exiting the room quickly.

"Fuck! What the hell happened?" Owen asked.

Adam heard Tristan and Tori telling him in a hurried manner just as the paramedics came in with a stretcher. They forced Eli, Jake and himself away from Clare so they could look at her. They listened to her breathing and Adam could tell by the way the paramedic looked it was not good.

"We need to get her to the emergency room right away, is anyone riding with her in the ambulance?" A paramedic asked.

"I am." Said Eli.

"Me too." Said Jake.

They put a mask on her with a bag at one end and began pumping it to get air into her. Then lifted her to the gurney and rolled her out, Eli and Jake following close behind. The ambulance had commanded quite a crowd in the hallway, including Alli and Jenna who began crying at the sight of their unconscious friend.

"Was that Clare?" Fiona asked appearing next to them and going to Imogen.

"Yes." Mo confirmed quietly.

As soon as the ambulance took off Owen turned around and looked at the group. "Tris, Adam come on we're going to the hospital."

"I'm going to pick up Drew we'll meet you there." Bianca said a few tears escaping her eyes as she ran out of the school.

"We'll take Alli and Jenna with us." Imogen said and she and Fiona began walking toward the two crying girls.

"What about us we want to go too." Maya pleaded.

Owen looked at Cam. "Find Dallas he drove the Torres minivan to school, he'll bring you guys. Adam, Tris let's go."

Adam went into the classroom grabbing Clare's backpack and followed Owen out to his car.

**(ELI)**

He sat in the waiting room of the hospital, it felt to him as though it had been hours since they had gotten there in the ambulance and the paramedics had rushed Clare back, but really it had been less than fifteen minutes. He and Jake had tried to explain what had happened to the doctor, about her injuries and how she got them. They had done their best to tell them how she'd been weak and getting chest pains and out of breath since the attack. But they had both been on the verge of hysterics and he wasn't sure how much the doctor had truly understood. Shortly after the doctor had left them and they'd sat down Adam, Owen, Tristan, Imogen, Fiona, Alli and Jenna had come in. A few minutes later Helen and Glen had arrived and a distraught Adam had told them through choked breaths and tears what had happened. Including how he'd given her mouth to mouth when she wasn't breathing, which explained the blood on his lips. Helen had thrown her arms around Adam and nearly squeezed the air out of him in appreciation that he'd saved Clare's life.

The waiting room was fast becoming full with people, Drew and Bianca had arrived sitting next to Adam. Then Dave, Wesley and Connor, followed quickly by Maya, Campbell, Tori, Zig and to Eli's surprise Dallas and Luke and Becky Baker. And now they all sat in the sterile waiting room, in the uncomfortable plastic chairs that were bolted together for some reason. Eli mostly looked at the floor, his head in one hand a never ending river of tears falling from his eyes to his knee or the cold white tile at his feet. His other hand was firmly grasping Adam's, for Eli it was the one thing keeping him from going entirely crazy. Occasionally he would chance to peek up from the floor, both to see if the doctor was finally coming out to tell them some news and to assure himself that he and Adam weren't there alone as they all sat in stark silence.

He did this now, lifting his head just slightly; Adam sat there tears in his eyes, his brothers arm around him. Drew held onto Bianca's hand and they were both staring at their interlaced fingers as though it were the one thing reminding them that this horrible nightmare was not a dream. Jake was there at his other side his head in his hands. His Father had one hand at his son's back and an arm wrapped around Helen who had her head on his shoulder. Across from them was Alli and Jenna huddled into each other, neither of them had stopped crying. Next to Jenna was Fiona and Imogen also huddled into each other, desperately holding onto one another. On Alli's other side was Dave who had an arm around Alli and Wesley and Connor were at his side.

In the corner was Owen who hadn't cried but the pain and distress on his face was plainly evident. On his one side sat Tristan and then his friends including Campbell. On Owen's other side sat the other two Ice Hounds and Becky next to her brother, he had an arm around her, as her head was buried into his shoulder. No he and Adam were not alone; the room was filled with people who loved Clare or at least cared about her. Some caring more recently than others, but at the moment Eli didn't care. The more people there to wish Clare well the better he thought. He quickly regretted that thought when the door chimed and he looked over to see her Father walk in. Eli clenched his fist; he did not want him there.

"How is she Helen?" Randall asked approaching them

Eli stood up tearing his hand from Adam's and getting right in Randall's face. "Get out you shouldn't be here!" He said through clenched teeth.

"I'm her Father." Randall argued softly.

Eli was aware that Jake was standing next to him and so were Adam and Drew. Behind Randall he saw Owen stand his own fists clenched and he began walking over, looking every bit as terrifying as the bully he used to be.

"YOU'RE THE REASON SHE'S IN HERE!" Eli yelled through hot tears.

"He's right," Jake said in an incensed tone, "you left her with them! You should have known they were hurting her! You should have seen, your wife should have seen! She's in here because of you."

"Maybe you should go, we'll keep you updated." Glen said getting up and gently pulling Randall toward the door.

Randall left without another word, Adam put an arm around Eli's shoulders and they were about to sit down again when the doctor came out. "Clare Edwards family?"

"Yes." Half the room chorused.

The doctor looked around, Helen got up holding onto her husband. "Just tell us all doctor, these are all her friends. Please how is my daughter will she be alright?"

"I'm afraid she has a number of things wrong with her at the moment. The next 48 hours are the most critical and if she makes it through…"

"If?" Helen questioned in a shaky breath.

Eli felt his breath leave his own body, his legs faltered and he only remained standing because Adam and possibly Drew were supporting him.

"Your daughter has sepsis; in other words her blood has been poisoned by bacteria. The cuts on her back were not cleaned or bandaged properly and I have no idea what she was cut with or how clean it was but she has a severe staph infection that most likely started in those cuts. She also has two bite marks; both are infected with a strain of eikenella bacteria. Her body was already struggling to heal her wounds among which are 2 broken ribs, one of which came dangerously close to puncturing her lung. It is likely that they scratched the tissues of her lungs allowing the bacteria to get in and leading to the bacterial pneumonia she has. Which is why she was having such trouble breathing and why she coughed up blood. Right now we're giving her strong doses of antibiotics to fight the infections. We're going to keep her in a medically induced coma for the next 24 hours to help her heal and we have her on oxygen support. We need to see the damage to her lungs more thoroughly and she may need surgery but right now her body simply isn't strong enough."

The doctor finally finished talking and everyone was frozen. All Eli could think about was that he couldn't lose her, not like he'd lost Julia. Clare could not die.

"Can we see her please?" Helen asked.

"Yes I'll take you both back but remember she's not conscious and she's hooked up to many different machines it may be shocking to see her at first. The rest of you wait out here, you can all see her for a few minutes at a time." The doctor instructed and then he, Helen and Glen disappeared down the hall.

Eli sank back into the cold hard plastic of the chair. Adam sank down next to him as did Jake. Anyone who had stopped crying before was now crying fresh tears.

"I should call Declan, he can't afford to come out again but he should know." Fiona sobbed then she and Imogen walked outside so they could call.

"I have to call Sav, he needs to know that she might…" Alli couldn't finish as she was weeping uncontrollably.

"So should K.C." Jenna blubbered and both girls got up and went outside.

"We should call Jay." Adam said softly. Eli just looked at him and nodded. "I brought her backpack I'll get her phone and call him." Adam reached down and pulled out the backpack, finding Clare's phone and walking outside.

Eli clenched his fists he was angry that they'd waited so long to take her to the hospital, angry that they'd listened to her refusals to come, that they'd all given in to her every time she became hysterical at the thought of going to the hospital. He was devastated at the thought of losing the girl he loved, the girl he was in love with, more than he had ever been with Julia. He felt lost and helpless and he hated it.

Adam came back in, taking his seat once more, "Jay's on his way and he said he'll tell the others."

Then Fiona and Imogen came back still wrapped in each other's arms. "Declan said to keep him informed and he wishes he could be here." Fiona said as they sat down again.

And last came Alli and Jenna, "K.C. was so upset he said he'd try and come out."

"I couldn't call Sav, I called my Mom she's going to call him for me."

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Principal Simpson came in and asked how she was. Connor repeated what the doctor had said and after another minute of shocked silence Principal Simpson said that he'd explain to all of their teachers why they'd all missed classes and they could all have the rest of the day off. Eli hadn't even thought about school or missing classes and he was sure none of the others had either. When Helen and Glen returned a few minutes later they talked with Principal Simpson for a moment and then he left taking Connor with him.

"You can all go in two at a time and only for a few minutes each. She's up one floor in the ICU in room 204. After you see her you should all go home and get some rest. Kids if you don't want to see her you don't have to. She's hooked up to a lot of tubes and wires and doesn't look like the Clare you know." Glen told them.

For a moment nobody moved then finally Imogen and Fiona stood up together, they held each other's hands tightly and vanished into the hallway towards the elevators. Eli was looking at the floor again; he couldn't move or think, he was breathing purely out of instinct. He suddenly became aware that Dallas was speaking and he looked up just a little.

"Come on we're taking you guys home." He was saying to Campbell and the younger kids.

"But…" Maya began but Dallas cut her off.

"None of you need to see her like that, you can see her if…when she wakes up." He affirmed.

Luke and Becky stood up to go with Dallas and the niners but Tristan stayed seated.

"That means you too Tris." Owen commanded his younger brother. Tristan got up and the eight of them left with sullen goodbyes.

Fiona and Imogen came back just then crying even harder, they bid a tear-filled goodbye to the room and exited the hospital just as Jay came in.

"Can I see her?" He asked as soon as he was inside.

"Come on I'll go with you." Owen said and they walked down the hall.

"Come on Wes." Dave said standing up, "I think Dallas is right we should see her when she's awake."

Wesley nodded sadly and stood up and they left without another word, there was nothing they could say. The rest of them sitting frozen in relative silence again, aside from the background sounds of the bustling emergency room. Jay and Owen returned a few minutes later and both looked sick and angry. Bianca and Drew got up from their seats beside Adam.

"We'll wait for you two and take you home." Drew said to Alli and Jenna before he and Bianca went back to see Clare.

"Call us all if anything changes." Owen requested to them.

"We will." Adam assured him.

Owen gave them one more sullen look and left.

"I don't know how I'm going to tell this to Manny and the others." Jay lamented, "I'll be back tomorrow to see her." He told them and then he too left.

Drew and Bianca came back a moment later, she was crying, he looked sick but his eyes were filled with tears, they sat down again and Alli and Jenna got up to go see their friend.

"Son go in with the girls." Glen instructed.

Jake lifted his head from his hands and looked at his Father. He nodded so Jake got up and walked back with Alli and Jenna. The doctor came over and stood in front of Clare's parents and they looked up.

"Mr. and Mrs. Martin you really should go home there is nothing you can do for Clare now. She needs to rest, let the antibiotics do their job. If there is any change we'll call you immediately."

"We'll go home as soon as our son comes out from her room." Glen said.

"Good." The doctor nodded. "You need to rest too and that goes for the rest of you as well. You should all go home; you can't do anything for her right now."

Eli tensed in his seat and clenched his fists, he couldn't leave her, he wouldn't. He had to be with her, she needed him and he needed her. He was about to jump up and demand that the doctor let them stay but there was no need.

"No." Helen said suddenly in a steely and determined tone. "The rest of us will go home but if Eli and Adam want to stay then you have to let them stay, as long as they want."

Eli was looking at her and she was looking at them, as was the doctor. "Of course I want to stay." Eli confirmed.

"Me too." Agreed Adam from behind him.

"Mrs. Martin listen…" The doctor began.

Helen stood up and got in his face, "No you listen doctor these two have been by her side since her attack, sleeping next to her, staying with her for nearly every minute of every day since she was attacked. She needs them, she'll know if they aren't there. I don't care how you do it but you make sure they can sleep in her room and you tell the hospital that visiting hours do not apply to them. As much as you're sure that Clare needs antibiotics and oxygen to get better I am sure that she needs them to get better!"

The doctor looked at her a moment and then him and Adam and then he finally nodded. "Okay I'll speak with the hospital administrators." He resigned and walked away.

The girls and Jake returned just then, Alli and Jenna were crying and holding each other, Jake looked despondent and angry all at once. Drew hugged his brother saying to call them if there was any change, Adam said he would and Drew and Bianca said goodbye to the others as they escorted the two younger girls out to take them home.

"Thank you for making sure we could stay with her." Eli said when Drew and the girls had left.

He and Adam stood up and Helen took a hand from each of them clasping them in her own. "You two stay with her and give her the strength and the will to get better and fight this."

"We will." Adam assured her.

"We'll call your Mothers and make sure someone brings your clothes and things you'll need." Glen told them and they nodded.

The Martins left and the two best friends looked at each other, Eli swallowed hard and began walking down the hall, Adam fell into step at his side. They entered the elevator, the loud ding when they reached ICU making them both jump. The elevator doors opened slowly and to Eli the hallway looked dark and ominous. In reality it was light and sterile. They stepped out of the elevator and walked a few feet down the hallway. Eli put his hand on the door and looked at his friend one more time, both of them took a deep breath steeling their nerves for the sight they were about to see.

**Before you all go ballistic on me I'm not going to kill her.**

**Update soon.**


	22. In the Darkness

I** Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.22 In the Darkness**

**(ELI)**

He turned the handle and pushed the door to the ICU room open, the room was dimly lit and contrasted starkly with the neon lights in the hallway. It took a few seconds for their eyes to adjust and when they did both boys let out choked gasps of horror at the sight before them. Clare laid in the hospital bed the covers brought up to her chest her arms draped on top of the thin blanket, her right wrist had thick tape on it nearly covering her hand where the I.V. tube was connected. Her hospital gown was barely visible under the mess of tubes and wires connected to the various machines beeping and humming around her. Her head was gently cradled on a pillow but half her face was covered by an oxygen mask. Her eyes were closed, her skin was ashen and she looked lifeless. If not for the pumping sound of the oxygen machine and the constant beeping of the heart monitor, Eli would have been sure that she was dead.

He could feel the tears bursting from his eyes running in a hot stream down his cheeks and crashing to the cold tile floor. He wanted to run to her, to take her in his arms, to will her through the sheer force of his love to command her to live and be healed; but he couldn't seem to move. He stood frozen in the door way, unable to move, speak or think the mere fact that he was still able to breathe seemed a miracle. That he could see the girl he was so deeply in love with lie in a bed and look so terribly lifeless and continue breathing and living it didn't seem right. He hadn't seen Julia like this, she had died instantly and she had been cremated so there were only pictures of her at the funeral.

Adam took a couple of steps into the room and then seemed to notice that Eli wasn't moving. He stopped and looked back at him, Eli was aware of Adam staring at him but he couldn't tear his eyes from Clare as much as it hurt to see her like this. Seeming to sense that Eli was unable to move under his own power Adam grabbed Eli's hand and pulled him into the room, the door shutting shutting with a soft bang behind them. There were already two chairs on the left side of her bed and they sat down, Eli sitting in the one closer to her head and taking her hand in his. Her soft pale hand didn't grasp his back as it should have; it just lay on his unmoving, her fingers draped over his thumb instead of clutching.

From the corner of his eye he could see Adam crying, the younger boy reached out his hand to lay it on Clare's blanket covered leg, and then he pulled it back as if afraid to touch her. He couldn't blame Adam; she looked so fragile and lifeless. Instead Adam wrapped his arms tightly around his own torso and curled up a little in his chair. Eli sat holding her hand as tightly as he could without bruising her. All he wanted was for her to open her crystal blue eyes and look at him, to show him her angelic smile, to hold his hand and caress his thumb with hers the way she always would; it used to drive him crazy but now he'd give anything for her to do it. No longer able to look at her in this condition he laid his head down on his arm squeezing her hand just a little bit tighter.

"Please don't die." He pleaded quietly into the bed.

He felt Adam's hand on his back squeezing his shoulder, "She won't. She can't." Adam affirmed between choked sobs.

He knew that it would devastate Adam nearly as much as it would him if she died. They were the misfits; the three of them together, they had a bond beyond friendship. If Clare didn't make it, what would they be then? They couldn't be the misfits not without Clare, the misfits would be broken, they would simply be Eli and Adam but they would never be the same. Eli's terrible thoughts brought a new fierceness to his crying, the blanket under his arm becoming quickly soaked. He became aware that the door had opened but lifting his head to look up just seemed like too much effort at that moment, but he felt Adam's arm move from his back and new he had looked over.

"Hello I'm Daphne one of the hospital administrators, you two must be Eli and Adam. Don't worry I'm not going to kick you out I feel it's very important for a person, especially in Clare's condition to have lots of support. She may be unconscious but she knows you're here. I spoke with her parents and they've requested that you be allowed to sleep in her room and that's just fine. I'm afraid all we have to offer you are cots and they aren't very comfortable, oh here they are now."

Eli heard some clinking and shuffling noises as the cots were brought in and set up.

"Those'll be fine." Adam said quietly after choking back some tears.

"It'll be a bit cramped in here but that's all right." Daphne continued. "The cafeteria is downstairs, it closes at 9 o'clock but the hallway leading to it is filled with vending machines. There's a phone by her bed, if you need anything press 0 to get the nurses desk, they've been apprised of your situation. And if Clare shows any change good or bad simply press the call button there. Well I'll leave you now."

A few seconds later he heard the door close and he knew they were alone again.

**(ADAM)**

He couldn't be sure how long they sat there before the door opened again. Neither of them had moved or talked since Daphne the administrator had left. It was long enough that they had both stopped crying, had their bodies been able to they would have continued crying but there simply were no more tears. Eli remained with his head down on his arm, but Adam looked to the door when it opened to see Jake and Jay standing in the doorway. They both looked green and on the brink of tears with an underlying rage in their eyes.

"We brought your stuff from the house." Jake said quietly as they set down the boys bags near the door.

"It's almost dinner time you both should go get something to eat, we'll stay with her. If there's any change we'll come get you." Said Jay in a soft and caring manner. It reminded Adam of the way Drew would speak to him when he was sick or hurt.

He nodded and got out of his chair but Eli was frozen again. Adam grasped his friend's biceps firmly pulling him out of the chair.

"Come on Eli Jake and Jay will be with her, she won't be alone, they'll watch over her." He urged.

Finally it seemed to register in Eli's green eyes, he nodded just a little and slowly let go of Clare's hand as he took a few steps away. Jake quickly replaced Eli's hand with his own and this seemed to finally convince him as he began moving under his own power. They left the dimly lit room for the bright hallway, blinking as their eyes adjusted to the harsh lights. They walked slowly, sullenly and silently to the elevator, taking it down to the first floor. He noticed that Eli's steps were becoming faster, harder almost determined. The older boy's posture began tensing, his fists clenching and his features growing hard and thin. They turned down a hallway filled with vending machines of all kinds. Suddenly Eli stopped and Adam turned back to him only to see him turn quickly and **BAM! **His fist made contact with a vending machine. Adam jumped a little at the resounding noise and before he could stop him **BAM! **Hard knuckles hit harder plexi glass once again.

Seeing his friends hand turn red and begin to look swollen Adam stepped forward and grabbed his arm before he could punch again. "Eli STOP! I know you're angry but the vending machine didn't put her in the hospital."

"I know." Eli conceded, sinking to the floor his features softening but his body staying just as tense and his fist remaining clenched. "I know but they aren't here, I can't go near them. They should be languishing in a hospital bed not Clare. It's more than that though I'm just as angry at myself I'm just as guilty for not protecting her for not dragging her to the hospital that first night at Fiona's."

Eli brought his knees up laying his arms on them dropping his head down. Adam went to his friend's side sitting beside him, putting an arm round his shoulders as Eli's tears began flowing again.

"I'm just as guilty as you for not protecting her; we knew something was going on. I heard it in her voice when I called her that first night she went to her Fathers, but she said she was fine and I brushed it off. And we're all guilty of not getting her to the hospital in time. Jake wanted to take her remember? She got scared, she became hysterical and she was so…broken, in so much pain we all gave in to her. We were in such shock that it had even happened and she was so fragile, none of us wanted to cause her any more anguish and she was so insistent." Adam lamented feeling a few fresh tears of his own as the painful memories stabbed at him.

"How did she even get so sick? Natalie prescribed her the antibiotics, she's been taking them, she shouldn't have any infections let alone be septic." Eli cried looking up at Adam a little.

"We don't know that she's been taking them this whole time. She pushed us all away for that couple of days and none of us were watching her that closely. She's barely eaten two days worth of food since the attack." Adam reminded him.

They were silent for a moment, each silently sobbing curled up on the cold tile floor, leaning against the vending machine.

"She can't die Adam. I can't lose her. We can't lose her." Eli stated in a determined but sad voice.

Adam looked at his friend, tear filled blue eyes, meeting tear filled green ones. "She won't, Clare's strong she'll wake up." Adam said assuredly clamping onto Eli's good hand. "And we'll be right by her side when she does. Now come on you need to have your hand looked at and I know you probably don't feel hungry but we have to eat. Won't do Clare any good if we end up in the hospital too from malnutrition."

The tiniest of smiles broke from Eli's lips and he nodded. Adam stood up and pulled Eli up after him and they walked to the emergency room. One of the nurses at the desk recognized them from earlier and got a doctor to see him right away. An X-Ray determined that Eli hadn't broken his hand it was only sprained so the doctor wrapped it and put a brace on it telling Eli to ice at least twice that afternoon and keep the brace on if he wasn't icing it. They finally made it to the cafeteria, each grabbing a sandwich and sitting down at one of the blue tables. They both ate about half their sandwich, not much but something was better than nothing.

"What happened to you?" Jay asked when they once again entered Clare's room.

"He punched a vending machine in lieu of punching Ben and Trevor." Adam explained to them.

"Oh can't blame you there. I'd like to do much more than punch those two…." Jay's sentence trailed off into a string of mumbled explicits.

"Come on we should go eat ourselves." Jake said to Jay, "We'll be back tomorrow."

Adam waved to the two as they left and he and Eli took their positions at Clare's side once again.

**(ELI)**

He lay in the hospital cot unable to sleep. It wasn't that the cot was uncomfortable, it was; or the fact that his right hand was throbbing painfully, it hurt like hell but that wasn't what kept him from sleep. It was fear. Fear that if he closed his eyes and fell asleep she might slip away. He lay very still on his side watching her intently; every so often glancing at her heart monitor to be sure it was keeping steady.

"You're not sleeping either?" Adam's anguished voice came from behind him.

"Can't she might…" Eli swallowed hard unwilling to bring the word from his throat.

"We have to try Eli when she wakes up if we've both made ourselves sick it isn't going to help her get better."

"But what…" He began but Adam interrupted him.

"We'll take shifts; you sit up with her for a couple of hours and then wake me up so you can get some sleep." Adam instructed.

"Okay." Eli nodded slowly. He got up from the cot and sat in the chair taking her hand in his once again.

After a short time he heard Adam's breathing become regular and heavy and he knew the blue eyed boy had finally succumbed to sleep. For some time he sat in the chair, hardly moving or even thinking, just stroking Clare's hand and watching her heart monitor steadily beeping. It was rhythmic almost mesmerizing and he became lost in it. Pushing any negative thoughts out of his head, for as long as it was beeping it meant Clare was still alive and that was all that mattered. The sudden feel of Adam's hand on his bare shoulder made him start and he looked up at him.

"It's been two hours Eli try and get some sleep I'll sit up with her." Adam reassured him.

"How do you know it's been two hours?" Eli questioned but he felt himself getting fatigued, the emotions of the day taking their toll on him.

"I set an alarm on my phone I knew you wouldn't wake me up. I've set another one, when it goes off I'll wake you up again. You have to sleep Eli."

He knew Adam was right and he trusted him to watch Clare as he would. Somewhat reluctantly he nodded letting go of Clare's hand. He saw Adam take her hand in his place and his eyes got heavy. He fell onto the cot, listening to the machines and monitors in the room beeping and buzzing and soothing him to sleep.

"Eli…Eli." Adam's tired voice and gentle shaking woke him from his sleep. He opened his eyes and blinked at Adam. "I let you sleep for three hours. I set my phone again wake me when it beeps."

Eli nodded sleepily and watched as Adam lay down on his cot and shut his eyes. Eli was going to sit in the chair but instead he carefully climbed onto the narrow hospital bed. He laid on his side laying one leg over Clare's and wrapping one of his arms around hers, interlacing their fingers. Gingerly laying his head on the pillow just below her oxygen tube, careful not to bump any wires or tubes or anything attached to her. Feeling her warm body next to his was immensely comforting, he watched her heart monitor and in a few minutes he was asleep again.

**(ADAM)**

The sound of clicking heels walking down the hallway at a hurried pace brought Adam from sleep back to reality. He looked at his phone and realized Eli should have woken him up over two hours ago it was now six in the morning. He looked over to see Eli asleep in the bed with Clare. Knowing the nurse or doctor would come in to check her vitals soon he got up and grabbing his bag went into the bathroom to dress. When he was dressed he went out and woke up Eli.

"They're gonna come check on her soon you should get dressed."

Eli yawned and nodded, untangled himself from Clare hopping off the bed and stretching. Adam sat in his chair at Clare's bedside and heard Eli go into the bathroom. Clare looked just the same as last night. Adam closed his eyes and said a silent prayer just as he heard the door to her room open.

"Clare!" Came a familiar voice that was choked with distress from the doorway.

Adam opened his eyes and looked over. "Hey Sav, you came home?"

Sav came over standing near Adam. The bathroom door opened and Eli emerged fully dressed he looked at Sav and gave him a sad smile in greeting.

"After Mom called she and Dad bought me a ticket home. They're in the waiting room talking with Clare's Mom and stepdad now. I'm supposed to tell you guys to go get some breakfast we'll be here with Clare." Sav explained swallowing the rest of his tears posturing to appear strong in front of the younger boys. It didn't work; they could see how upset he was.

"Come on Eli, she's in good hands we should go try and eat something." Adam insisted pulling Eli's arm.

They made their way to the hospital cafeteria slowly, neither boy was very hungry and they both opted for coffee instead of actual food. They stayed down there long enough to make the others think they'd eaten something and returned to Clare's room. Mrs. Bhandari was crying with Clare's Mom in one corner, the Fathers talking quietly in another. Jake had joined the group and he and Sav were talking angrily in the chairs next to Clare's bed. He and Eli went in and sat on her bed at her feet. After about an hour the Bhandaris all left, but Clare's family stayed.

Adam's Mother came by later that morning saying that she'd spoken with Principal Simpson about the boys missing school to be with Clare. Adam had rolled his eyes, leave it to his Mom to worry about school at a time like this. She'd stayed for a short time and then left after giving Adam a crushing hug. Shortly after she had left Eli's Mom had come by with a canister full of cookies and hugs for everyone. At lunch Jay had come and forced them all to go to the cafeteria to eat while he sat with Clare. None of them ate much, not even Jake. They all returned to Clare's room and just as Jay was leaving to go back to work the doctor came in with a nurse.

"We're taking her off the anesthetic to bring her out of the medically induced coma. But she won't wake up right away, it could take hours and given the poor oxygen saturation in her blood we're going to keep her hooked up to oxygen therapy." The doctor explained as the nurse was busily doing things with her I.V. bags.

"But she'll be alright now won't she doctor?" Helen pleaded her voice laced with hope.

"The next twenty four hours are still critical and there is still a small chance that she won't wake up. We're taking some blood now to run some tests and check her white blood count and the levels of her infections still. We still have her on an aggressive course of antibiotics. She's young and strong and has lots of support from people who care about her and that's all in her favor. Go home Mrs. Martin, get some rest I assure you that someone will contact you immediately if there is the slightest change in her condition." The doctor instructed.

Helen was sobbing again and wouldn't move.

"Come on honey lets go home, Eli and Adam will be here. The three of us need to rest; none of us slept last night." Glen said gently but firmly pulling his wife to the door.

Jake got up following his parents out of the room waving goodbye to Eli and Adam, and then there were three once again.

**(ELI)**

They sat at their posts in the chairs by her bedside Eli squeezing her hand. It had been hours since the nurse had taken her off the anesthetic and still Clare lay unconscious, just as still and as lifeless looking as before. The afternoon had seen a steady stream of visitors; Sav had come again bringing Jenna and Alli with him. When they left Fiona, Imogen, Owen, Drew, Bianca, Jay and even Dallas had come by. And even with all the bustling of people coming in and out, kissing her head and talking to her and begging her to wake up, Clare lay still. Her parents had brought them dinner at six and they had eaten a little. Before Helen left she kissed Clare's cheek and begged her daughter through tear choked words to wake up, and still she remained unconscious.

It was late now and they should be asleep but neither of them moved. They weren't tired, just scared and beginning to lose hope that she would pull through. They both sat there stoically, whether because they were afraid to cry or simply couldn't produce any more tears Eli wasn't sure. Adam put his head down on her bed, and Eli did the same. They wouldn't admit it to the other but he knew they both had the same thought.

"_What if she doesn't wake up?"_

It was a horrible thought and it was silently killing them inside and then her fingers curled around his just slightly…

**Update Soon**


	23. Wish I Were Here

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.23 Wish I Were Here**

**(CLARE)**

She struggled to open her eyes but her eyelids felt so heavy and the simple task of opening them became a terrible struggle. She felt like she was being almost restrained, her whole body felt heavy and weak. Her mind was foggy and dark, the last thing she remembered was being at school. She could hear beeping and other terrible noises, and couldn't discern where she was. But she didn't panic because she could feel Eli's hand holding hers; she didn't need her eyes to open to know he was there. She was trying to squeeze his hand back but that too was an effort past her abilities at the moment. She managed to move her fingers minutely apparently enough to get his attention because she heard his voice calling to her. Another voice beside Eli was calling her name as well; it was of course Adam but they sounded fuzzy and far away. She tried to speak; to say their names but she could not, her voice was ghosting into nothingness. Something covered her nose and mouth; it felt like rubber, smelled like it too. Then she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder, she knew it was Adam he was calling her name again but still sounded far away. She urged her eyes to open; she needed to know where she was; why she felt so weak, frail, so discombobulated and disconnected. Finally after what seemed like a tremendously long time for such an undertaking and what felt like the effort of climbing Mt. Everest, her eyes opened.

"Clare your awake!" Eli said his voice full of relief. His lips curled into a joyous smile but his eyes wet with tears, they were happy tears though.

She heard Adam's voice near next to her head and moved her eyes to see his bright smile and relieved face. He stroked her hair as he told her how worried she had them. Her eyes darted around the room.

**(ELI)**

Her fingers moved the tiniest bit, at last a sign of hope, his head shot up and looked at her. "Clare?!" Her eyes were attempting to open. "Open your eyes baby we're here." He encouraged.

"Open your eyes Clare, you can do it." Adam urged from beside him.

Her fingers still trying to grasp his, he tightened his hold on her hand. Adam moved to Eli's other side, standing at her head now and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Come on baby wake up; show us those beautiful blue eyes." He gently commanded.

"Wake up Clare please." Adam softly pleaded. "Clare, Clare."

Finally her eyes managed to open, even this small effort seemed to tire her as if she had run a marathon and not done the simple habitual act of opening her eyes. He smiled elatedly upon seeing her crystal blues. She looked at him; her eyes looked happy, relieved, tired, confused and sad all at once. He tightened his hold on her hand even more seeing her awake and alert.

"Clare your awake!" He breathed.

"You had so worried." Adam told her with a relieved sigh as he stroked her hair, she looked up at him and he smiled at her.

She started to look around the room and Eli saw her look of confusion, Adam noticed it too.

"You're in the hospital Clare, you collapsed at school. You stopped breathing; I thought you were going to die." Adam confessed his tone growing sorrowful and Eli saw tears breaking at the corner of his eyes again.

"Adam saved you; he gave you mouth to mouth." Eli told her proudly, a few happy tears spilling from his own eyes.

Clare looked from Eli to Adam again, her eyes conveying her silent thanks. Adam smiled again wiping the tears from his face. "I'm calling the doctor." He said pressing the call button.

A moment later the doctor and a nurse came in. "You're awake Clare that's good. I'm Dr. Barton. You have an oxygen mask on so you won't be able to speak but I'm going to ask you some yes and no questions. I want you to blink once for yes and twice for no can you do that?"

They all looked at Clare and slowly she blinked once.

"Excellent. Are you in pain?"

One blink.

"Is the pain in your chest?"

Again one blink.

"That's to be expected, nurse start a morphine drip please." The doctor commanded and the nurse left the room and appeared a moment later with an IV bag and began hooking it up. The doctor turned back to Clare. "Now I need you to tell me how easy it is for you to breathe. I'm going to start counting from one to ten and I want you to blink once when I get to the right number. 1 being it is very difficult for you to get a breath even with the oxygen mask on and ten being you can breathe without problem, understand?"

Clare blinked once.

"One…two…"

Clare blinked.

Eli looked at the doctor. "She's on oxygen therapy why is she still having so much trouble breathing?"

"It could be that the bacterial pneumonia has spread, or that she's having trouble fighting it off. She could have a drug resistant strain of bacteria in her lungs, but most likely it is because one of her broken ribs did indeed scratch her lung tissue and I'm afraid it may be more severe than we originally thought." Explained the doctor and then turning to the nurse again. "Draw some blood so we can get an O2 saturation reading and then notify her family that she's awake I'm going to need to speak with them."

"Yes Dr. Barton." The nurse nodded and then began preparing what she needed to draw blood.

"But she woke up she'll be okay right?" Inquired Adam his tone was hopeful yet frightened.

"It's a good sign that she woke up it means she's getting stronger but she's not out of the woods yet. The next 18 hours are still critical but she's young and strong and those are both in her favor." The doctor turned back to Clare. "I know you feel weak, we had to put you in a medically induced coma to start the healing, your quite ill Clare. The anesthetics we used will completely leave your system within the next few hours but you will still be fairly weak. Your body is expending most of its energy fighting the infections and healing your wounds."

"Her parents have been notified and are on their way and the lab has her blood work." The nurse said from the doorway.

"Thank you nurse. Your parents will be here soon so I'll leave you now. If you need something or you begin to feel worse I want you to blink three times. That is the signal for Eli and Adam or anyone else with you to press the call button understand?" Asked the doctor.

She blinked once.

The doctor smiled and left the room and Clare looked between him and Adam again. She looked sad, worried, scared and puzzled.

"We'll explain it all later baby, your family will be here soon." Eli assured her.

She relaxed a little and Eli began gently stroking her arm. Adam returned to his seat, leaning on the bed so that she could see them both. They sat in silence, her happily watching them and them watching her thankful that she was awake and that meant getting better.

"Oh Clare honey, it is so good to see your eyes." Her Mother exclaimed rushing to Clare's bedside and gingerly slipping her hand under Clare's other hand that was hooked up to the IV.

"Good to see you awake Clare; you had us all quite worried." Glen greeted coming up behind his wife.

"Don't ever scare us like that again sis." Jake scolded sitting on the edge of the bed.

Clare's eyes lit up a little more and became wet with tears upon seeing her family.

"Oh good your all here." The doctor's voice said from the doorway, but no one looked at him. None of them willing to take their eyes off Clare. "Mr. and Mrs. Martin we need your permission to take Clare to get a cat scan."

Now Glen looked over at the doctor. "Why do you need our permission and why does she need one?" Her step father inquired.

"She still has terrible hypoxemia or low oxygen saturation even with the oxygen therapy. Normal levels are 95% or higher and anything below 90% is considered low. Clare is barely at 80% and we need to know why. If she did get a tear on her lung tissue from a broken rib this could be the sole cause in which case we would need to perform surgery. It may also be that the bacterial pneumonia has spread or she's infected with a drug resistant strain of bacteria we did not previously identify in her tests. We are running further tests on her blood work right now but the cat scan will give us a clearer view of her chest. I need your permission to do so because we have to take her off the oxygen while the scan is being conducted. We'll switch her to a portable machine while we take her upstairs and up to the very second we put her in the machine, but she will go around three minutes without the aid of the oxygen therapy. She is breathing on her own but not well, and so she will likely go unconscious again at least for a short while. There is however also the possibility that her body will go into shock and given how weak she is…we will of course be with her the entire time and be ready in case anything happens."

For a minute the room stood in a fearful shocked silence. They had been so happy and full of hope just a moment ago knowing that Clare was awake and now the process of a mere test might throw her into shock and kill her! But if she didn't get the test she would probably get worse and may die anyway. Eli squeezed her hand a little harder, shut his eyes so she could not see the fear in them and kept his face calm.

"Do it." Helen insisted with a steady voice, Eli opned his eyes again and could see the fear in her eyes. "We need to know what's wrong. We need to know how to make her better."

"We'll get everything prepared and be back in a few minutes to take her." The doctor said and then left the room.

Eli watched Clare's eyes drift over all of them, she was trying to appear stoic and unfazed but he could see the underlying trepidation in her eyes. A few moments later the doctor returned followed by two nurses. The nurses began preparing to take Clare while the doctor explained what would happen. When the nurses had Clare ready the doctor asked them to wait there as they began rolling Clare's bed out of the room.

"You're going to be fine blue eyes; we'll see you in a few minutes." Eli reassured her, holding onto her hand until the last second.

Everyone continued staring at the doorway long after Clare had been wheeled out of the room. They sat silently looking at each other; each had the same hopeful yet apprehensive look on their face. Every so often one of them would look like they were about to say something and then think better of it. Eli watched the clock, the seconds ticked by into minutes. It felt like time had slowed, it seemed to be taking forever for Clare to be brought back and he was beginning to get anxious, fearing that something had gone wrong. His leg began bouncing up and down nervously and he was wringing his hands together.

Adam looked over at him and put his hand on Eli's arm. "She'll be okay Eli."

He stopped bouncing his leg and looked at his friend letting out a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding. Just then the nurses wheeled Clare back into the room asking them all to move so they could get her hooked up to all her machines again. As soon as the nurses were gone everyone resumed their positions around Clare again, Eli and her mother taking her hands once more. Her oxygen mask was on her face and her eyes were half lidded and sleepy but Eli knew she was smiling. A minute later the doctor came back in.

"She did very well no problems but it was exerting on her body and she is very tired now, she'll likely fall asleep soon just remember she's only sleeping. Now I've had a look at her scan and she does have a fairly severe tear on her left lung under her broken rib. The ribs were broken in what looks like a compression or crushing fracture and quite frankly I'm surprised she made it so long without puncturing her lung. Every time she moved it jostled her broken ribs wich scratched at her lung tissue gradually cutting longer and deeper. She was extremely lucky though they could have torn her pericardium, the sac that surrounds her heart and that would almost certainly have been fatal."

Eli breathed in sharply catching it in his throat, _"Did he just say she could have died? That every time she moved she cut into her lung, could have punctured it!? Why did they give into her why didn't they just take her to the hospital?" _He reached over and grabbed and Adam's hand and they held each other tightly. Somehow he just knew Adam was having exactly the same thoughts.

The doctor continued talking, "We need to get her into surgery as soon as possible, both to repair the tear in her lung and her broken ribs. They've already begun to heal on their own but are healing in the wrong position so we will have to re-break them and set them correctly. The surgery is in a delicate area so it will take several hours and as with any surgery there are risks. Normally I'd like for her to get stronger before we attempt surgery but we simply can't wait that long right now. With your permission I'll schedule the surgery for tomorrow morning."

"Do whatever you have to do doctor." Helen said in a guarded tone.

"Alright I'll schedule the surgery for eight o'clock tomorrow morning. She's about to fall asleep Mrs. Martin and it's late you should all go home and get some sleep you can come back tomorrow before the surgery." Suggested the doctor before he left the room.

"We'll be back in the morning sweetheart and so will Darcy; the Red Cross got her a ticket home. She gets in early tomorrow morning. Get some rest honey we'll see you tomorrow and Eli and Adam will stay here with you as they have been." Helen said kissing Clare's forehead.

Jake and Glen said goodbye as well and then her family left and it was just the three of them again.

"Go to sleep baby, we'll be with you, we aren't going anywhere." Eli said soothingly.

Clare's eyes began to close she looked exhausted but she was trying to grip his hand more tightly, she simply didn't have enough strength. It was her way of asking him to stay at her side, not to leave her.

"Don't worry Clare I'll sleep next to you, but the bed isn't big enough to fit Adam, he'll be on a cot on the floor right next to your bed though. We'll both be here with you all night long okay?" He asked.

She blinked once and he kissed her hand.

"Goodnight Clare, I'll see you when you wake up." Adam assured her squeezing her arm lightly and then going into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Eli didn't even bother, he didn't want to let go of Clare. He climbed onto the bed carefully and lay down on his side next to her. He moved his hand and interlaced their fingers, laying his free arm over her lightly. He watched as her eyes closed and her light grip on his hand loosened as she fell asleep. Just as he heard Adam get into his cot; Eli closed his eyes and soon was asleep.

**(CLARE)**

Her eyes blinked open, the effort easier than the previous night but still much too strenuous for such a benign act. She felt a weight on her legs constraining them, not that she could have moved them anyway. She averted her eyes down to see Eli's leg over hers and no longer minded the weight. She squeezed his hand that was holding hers as tightly as she could manage. She couldn't see Adam but she could hear his breathing from close by and knew he was there. She felt safe and peaceful, as long as they were with her she knew she was going to be fine and protected. She heard the door open and looked over to see Darcy come in followed by Jake. They both smiled at her and then looked over at the sleeping boys.

"Hey baby sister." Darcy greeted in a quiet voice stroking Clare's hair.

Clare wished she could talk, that her weak voice wouldn't vanish into the oxygen mask, communicating with her eyes was simply insufficient. Jake and Darcy sat on the edge of her bed and the movement seemed to wake up Eli. He sat up, keeping hold of her hand, and yawned.

"Hey Darcy, Jake when did you guys get here?" Eli asked his voice splintered with sleep.

Clare heard Adam stirring in his cot. "Morning," he yawned.

"We just got here, I picked Darcy up from the airport and we came straight here." Jake informed them.

"Your Eli and Adam I recognize you both from the pictures she sent. It's good to meet you; I just wish it was under better circumstances." Darcy said.

"Yeah us too." Adam agreed getting up and coming to Clare's bedside as well, scratching his head sleepily.

Then her door opened again and her parents came in. "Hi sweetheart, they're going to come in and prepare you for surgery but we'll all be here when you get out okay?"

She tried to nod but couldn't get her head to move enough so she blinked once and Eli explained to them that meant yes. And then the doctor and a couple of nurses came in the room.

"Good morning Clare we're going to prepare you for surgery now, the surgery will take about eight hours. Eli, Adam and your family will be here when you wake up so don't worry." The doctor assured her and then turned to her mom, "You can wait in here or the O.R. waiting room up one floor, a nurse will show you how to get there. Alright then ready to go now Clare?"

She looked at Eli he gave her an encouraging smile; she looked back at the doctor and blinked once. The nurse slipped off her oxygen mask and then slipped on another one for the portable oxygen therapy. Jake and Darcy moved off her bed smiling at her reassuringly. Adam kissed her cheek and whispered that he'd see her soon. Her Mother and Glen both kissed her head. Eli kissed her hand and held onto it as long as he could but as the nurses wheeled her bed away her fingers were pulled from his. She did her best to take a deep breath as they wheeled her down the hall. She watched the lights go by and the gap in the celeing as they entered the elevator. She heard the customary ding signaling that the elevator had reached its destination. She heard the doors open and felt her bed begin to move again, watching as more bright neon lights passed overhead. Then she came to a stop in a room, more bright neon lights and a sterile white ceiling.

The doctor leaned over and gave her a kind smile, "Okay Clare we're giving you anesthesia now and in a few minutes you'll be asleep. I know you can't speak well yet and we couldn't hear you with the oxygen mask on anyway so I want you to count backwards from 100 in your head and just tap your finger as much as you can every time you count a number understand?"

She blinked once.

"Very good you can start now."

"_100…" _she twitched her finger just slightly and felt her eyelids get heavy. _"99…" _she twitched her finger again and her eyes closed. _"98…" _she wasn't even sure she managed to twitch her finger that time. The last image in her mind before she succumbed to the anesthesia were Eli's piercing green eyes.

**Update Soon.**


	24. I'm Alive

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**It's a bit of a filler chater but necessary**

**Ch.24 I'm Alive**

**(ELI)**

He sat in Clare's room with Adam, Darcy and Jake they were waiting for Clare to come out of surgery. Her parents were eating for the first time that day after making all of the kids eat a short while ago. It was nearly four and she should be done soon, he couldn't sit still and was pacing back and forth along the room. Darcy sat in one corner quietly talking with Jake, Adam was on Clare's bed but he couldn't be still either and kept changing position. The door opened but it wasn't the doctor it was Alli, Jenna and Sav. He waved to them and continued pacing.

"She's still in surgery?" Alli asked.

"She should be out soon, you should go out to the waiting room and tell anyone else who comes to see her that we'll come get you when she's out and awake." Jake commanded.

The three of them nodded and left the room again. Eli glanced at the clock _"Where is she? It's been eight hours they should be done."_

"Eli she'll be in here soon if something went wrong they'd send someone to tell us." Adam assured him apparently able to read his thoughts.

The door opened again but it was Glen and Helen, they came in and sat down silently. When twenty minutes had passed and Clare was still not back in the room Glen said he was going to the nurse's desk to make sure that everything was fine. He returned a few minutes later with a nurse at his side.

"I came in to assure you all that the surgery is going fine, accessing the tear in her lung and sewing it up took a little longer than anticipated because of its precarious position so close to her pericardium. They are just setting her broken ribs now and then they have to close her up before bringing her back, it'll be another forty five minutes to an hour. But her vitals are fine and there have been no complications so don't stress." The nurse assured them all.

"Thank you." Helen said softly.

"I understand you have some people in the waiting room, I'll explain it to them as well." The nurse said.

"Just ask for Alli or Sav." Jake told her.

The nurse nodded and left. Eli felt better but he was still nervous and still would not sit. His mind was muddled with half thoughts; he couldn't quite concentrate on a single one. Various emotions flashing through him with each half thought; sorrow that Clare even had to go through surgery, intense anger and hatred for Ben and Trevor for causing her the injuries in the first place, guilt and regret for not protecting her and getting her to the doctor before she nearly died.

Finally the door opened and she was wheeled back in, her oxygen mask had been replaced by a tube in her nose. They hooked her back up to her heart monitor and arranged her IV bag. Her eyes were closed and she was asleep but even Eli could see she looked somehow better, more alive than before.

"She did just fine, she's a strong girl. The nurse is giving her a medicine to help her wake up but it's still going to take about fifteen minutes or so and she'll be pretty groggy when she does. I'll be back in an hour to check on her so you all some time to visit." The doctor said before leaving the room.

The nurses followed and they all converged at her bedside, He and Adam taking up their positions in the chairs at her left side and Eli taking her hand in his. Darcy and Jake sitting at the foot of her bed and her parents sitting at the other side. And they waited and watched anxiously for her to wake up.

**(CLARE)**

She slowly came out of the darkness, aware of a room full of people and someone holding her hand. Her head felt foggy and disoriented, her whole body felt heavy and ached. She heard beeping sounds and pumping sounds and slowly it came back to her that she was in the hospital, that she had just been in surgery. Her eyelids felt heavy but slowly she was able to open them.

"Eli?" It came out in a strained sort of whisper but at least her voice wasn't ghosting into nothingness now.

Eli looked at her and smiled, he squeezed her hand. "Hey blue eyes." He stood up and kissed her softly before sitting back down again.

She averted her eyes to the other side of her and could see Glen and barely make out her Mom's hair. "Mom?"

"I'm here sweetheart right here. The doctor said you came through your surgery just fine." Her mom said standing up and stroking her hair.

Clare could see tears in her Mothers eyes, she tried to smile but she still felt groggy and weak. She looked down to see Jake and Darcy and vaguely remembered Darcy getting there, she thought it was unnecessary that she had come all the way from Africa because Clare needed surgery. Someone was missing, she couldn't see him but she knew he was there.

"Adam?"

"I'm here Clare." He assured leaning forward so she could see him.

She became aware of something in her nostrils and she reached up her hand to pull it out. Her hand moved slowly and it felt funny, almost as if it were disconnected from her body. Her fingers gently clawed at something that felt like rubber and she began pulling it out but Eli stood up and stopped her, gently removing her hand.

"That's oxygen baby you need that. I know it's not comfortable but it's better than the mask right?" He asked.

She looked directly into his vibrant green eyes and somehow felt stronger and better, she nodded slowly.

"I know at least Sav, Alli and Jenna are here to see you. Darcy and I will go tell them they can come see you just for a few minutes though." Jake told her.

Feeling stronger and more in control of her body now she managed a smile at her brother and watched as he and Darcy left the room.

"Glen and I are going to call family to let them now she came out of the surgery just fine and Randall of course." Her mother said kissing her head and they left the room just as Sav, Alli and Jenna came in with a big teddy bear.

Sav put the teddy bear beside her in the bed and kissed an uninjured spot on her forehead. "Hey Clare, it's good to see you awake."

"Hi Sav." Her voice didn't sound right it was a shallow and strained, hoarse sort of whisper but she was glad she could speak. "You didn't have to…"

"Of course I had to come home from University to see you, I'm just glad you're okay." He insisted, sitting down where her Mother had been before.

"We're so happy you're awake Clare you had us so worried." Alli said from Sav's side, putting a hand on Clare's arm.

Clare smiled at her friend.

"K.C. sends his love and wishes he could be here, but wants you to know he's thinking about you." Jenna told her.

"Tell him thanks," She had to pause to take a deep breath, she didn't remember talking being so taxing. "and I miss him."

"I will I promised to call him as soon as we left." Jenna nodded and Clare could see tears at the corner of the girl's eyes.

They stayed a few more minutes for most of it Sav talked about university and then they said goodbye so that others could come in and visit. A few seconds after they left the room Fiona and Imogen came in with two bouquets of flowers.

"These are from me and Fiones," Imogen said setting down the blue vase that held white lilies.

"And these are from Declan and Holly J." Fiona said setting down the roses they had sent.

"Thanks." She said and then took in a deep breath. She saw both Eli and Adam look at her as she did so, their eyes flashed with worry and she squeezed Eli's hand.

After a couple of minutes Fiona and Imogen left and Drew and Bianca entered, they were carrying flowers for her and a bag she assumed was for Adam. Her assumption was confirmed when Drew handed the bag to his brother.

"Never thought I'd be so glad to see another girls eyes," Drew teased.

Clare smiled, "It's good to see you too Drew."

Another deep breath and another worried look from her boys.

"How do you feel?" Bianca asked.

"Groggy, kinda heavy but better." Her voice nearly disappearing in the end.

"We'll let you rest, we'll come tomorrow to see you." Bianca said and Clare nodded.

"Could you get her parents and the doctor back in here? He said he'd come check on her soon but she seems to be having some trouble breathing still." Eli said as they moved for the door.

"Sure." Drew said and they exited.

Clare looked at Eli and smiled to assure him she was fine but he didn't look comforted. A moment later her parents returned with the doctor

"She's had to take a lot of deep breaths after talking just a little." Eli explained.

"I'll have the nurse take some blood so we can get an oxygen saturation reading. Does it feel easier to breathe Clare?" The doctor asked turning to her.

"Yes more than before but it's still not," she paused for a deep breath, "as easy as it should be."

The doctor pressed the call button and a few seconds later the nurse appeared. He instructed her to take some blood and asked her to bring something in. She started taking blood and the doctor turned back to Clare.

"You still have bacterial pneumonia and your lungs are still weak, it's going to be a while before you can breathe as easily and as normally as you could. Keep you're talking to a minimum if you can, the nurse is going to bring in a portable oxygen machine, to supplement the oxygen your already receiving, if you should need it. I understand you still have quite a few visitors in the waiting room do you feel up to seeing them?" Clare nodded and the doctor turned to her parents. "Her blood work will be back in about an hour and I'll come speak to you again then. Keep her visits short, no more than two minutes each."

Her parents nodded and the doctor left, a minute later Owen and Tristan walked in the room, Tristan was carrying a stuffed dog and Owen had a purple vase filled with yellow and orange roses.

"Hey guys." She smiled.

"Hey Clare." Tristan smiled placing the stuffed dog by her stuffed bear.

"You look better." Owen smiled, setting down the flowers.

Just then the nurse came in with portable oxygen machine and hooked it up, she set the mask next to Clare's free hand and told her to use it if she felt she wasn't getting enough air and then she left the room again.

"We just wanted to say hi and see you, we'll go so everyone else can come see you but I'll be back tomorrow." Owen informed her.

"So will I." Said Tristan.

The Milligan brothers left and a moment later the Matlin sisters entered. They said hi and they were glad she was okay and then left saying they'd come back tomorrow. No sooner had they left than Dallas and Campbell came in, Clare was quite surprised to see Dallas. Campbell was holding a big card with the Ice Hounds logo on it and large lettering that said get well soon, he placed it behind her flowers.

"The card is from the team, they all signed it." Campbell said.

"I'm glad you're okay Clare." Dallas said and he looked sincere.

She smiled at him and he relaxed a little. "Thanks."

"We should go, you look tired but we'll be back tomorrow." Dallas told her.

Clare smiled and they left and then Tori and Zig came in, when they left Luke and Becky came in and when they left Dave, Wesley and Connor came in. They stayed a bit longer than the others but they left when Jay came in. He was carrying his own vase of flowers and set them with the others. He kissed her cheek and said he was so happy she was awake and sat down on the foot of the hospital bed just as the doctor came in followed by Jake and Darcy.

"I have good news her saturation levels are up to 85% and climbing. Her lungs are still weak as I said before due to the pneumonia and being so strained so long. It's going to take some time for her to be 100% again and truthfully she may never be, but her lungs will get stronger and she will be able to breathe easier. We're going to keep her another 48 hours for observation but after that she should be able to go home. She will have to be on bed rest for a couple of days still and have someone with her just in case. After that as long as she's had no further complications she can go back to school provisionally. As for right now she needs to rest and all of you not sleeping here should go home." Said the doctor.

Her Mother stood up and kissed her forehead and said they'd be back in the morning. Glen smiled at her; Darcy kissed her cheek and Jake her forehead. Jay said he'd be back in the morning too and left with her family. Now alone with Adam and Eli, he moved onto the bed to hold her, tossing her stuffed animals onto one of the cots to do so. Adam moved to the chair Eli had been sitting in so he was closer to Clare.

"You two should go down to eat." She said after several minutes of silence.

"I'm not leaving you." Eli insisted.

"Eli you two need to eat." She said and then took a deep breath and reached for her oxygen mask.

"I'll go grab a couple of sandwiches and sodas and we'll eat in here." Adam assured them both. Clare smiled and Adam left the room.

**(ELI)**

It was the middle of the night and he was sleeping precariously on his side in Clare's hospital bed. He was awoken by a strange sound, he shot up and looked at Clare and realized she was struggling to breath. Somehow her oxygen tube had slipped out of her nostrils her head was on its side and tilted down. He propped it up correctly on her pillow and put the oxygen tube back in, affixing the tape again. Then he reached over and grabbed her oxygen mask placing it over her nose and mouth and turned the valve so she was getting air. He left it there a moment and removed it and watched her a second before putting it back on her bed. But now he couldn't sleep, he sat up and watched Clare slumber, so entirely unaware as to how close she'd come to not breathing. A painful realization stabbing at his heart and ripping through his mind, she may be better but she was still terribly fragile, still teetering on the edge of death.

He took her hand in his gently and sat awake all night watching her sleep, afraid to close his eyes, afraid that she would stop breathing. When the nurse came in at six to check her vitals and take some blood he was still awake. He must have looked worried or tired because the nurse paused a minute to look at him before checking Clare. After a few minutes she left and he heard Adam stirring and Eli turned his head to look at him.

"Morning." Adam yawned and rubbed his eyes, "What happened? You look like you didn't sleep and why didn't you wake me?"

"She knocked out her oxygen tube and wasn't breathing well and I didn't think there was any reason for us both to sit up all night."

Adam stood up and scowled at Eli, he looked over at Clare who was still sleeping, before grabbing his bag and going into the washroom to get dressed. He emerged a minute later fully dressed, with his hair combed.

"Go get dressed I'll sit with her." Adam told him.

Eli nodded, kissed Clare's forehead and grabbed his bag going into the washroom, he dressed and combed his hair quickly, then brushed his teeth before going back out. Clare was awake and talking with Adam she looked over to him when he came out of the washroom and she made a face at him, he could tell this caused her pain to scrunch up her bruised face so much.

"You look tired." She stated.

"You knocked out your oxygen and after I fixed it I couldn't get back to sleep." He told her as Adam got off the bed so he could sit at her side.

"Eli if something happens an alarm will go off at the nurse's station, stop worrying. If you worry yourself sick I won't be able to have you with me."

"I know but I can't stop worrying Clare, you almost died. I nearly lost you and you may be better but your still so…" He wasn't sure how to finish but it didn't matter because her family came in just then.

**(CLARE)**

Her parents and Jake had just dragged Eli and Adam from her room to eat breakfast leaving her alone in the room with Darcy who had taken Eli's place sitting on her bed.

"I am so sorry you had to go through that alone Clare, if I had been here to go to Dad's with you…"

"Darcy stop they would have abused you too or just abused you instead and you've already been raped. Or they still would have done it to me behind your back and you'd be feeling twice as guilty for not noticing." Clare had to stop to grab her oxygen mask, it was terribly annoying and she wished her lungs would hurry up and get stronger.

"Your right but I just feel…"

Clare took the oxygen mask away from her mouth to talk. "Darc you're my sister and I know you love me and care about me and I know you'd give anything for me to not have gone through this." She put the oxygen mask back on and took a deep breath. "I love you and I'm glad you came but you're needed in Africa, I know how important that work is to you or you wouldn't have stayed these last three years." She paused again for the oxygen mask. "You're my big sister and I'll always need you but I have a bunch of people around me to support me and help me get better some of which I never thought would be my friends." Another pause for a deep breath of oxygen. "I'm okay now and getting stronger and I can see it in your eyes, you want to be back there and you feel guilty for not being here and for wanting to leave well don't. I'm okay Darcy and you'll be happier there doing good for others."

Darcy was crying and squeezing Clare's hand so tightly she thought she'd cut off the circulation. "When did you get smarter than me baby sister?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Clare smiled, "I've always been smarter than you. Don't forget I was in the gifted program and I am taking grade twelve classes."

Darcy laughed and wiped some tears away, "You have always been smarter than me, but I'm not going back until your home from the hospital."

Clare nodded and Darcy kissed her cheek.

**Update soon**


	25. Dead Walking

**I Do Not Own Degrassi**

**It's another long one sorry**

**Thanks for all the reviews everyone**

**Ch.25 Dead Walking**

**(CLARE)**

"Come on," Eli smiled, "Let's get you dressed." He took her hands to help her sit up.

It was Sunday afternoon and she was recovered from her surgery enough that the doctor was releasing her to go home. Her parents were signing her out and getting her prescriptions for more antibiotics and more pain meds filled. Darcy and Jake had already piled all of her flowers, cards and gifts into his truck to take them home. The doctor had spent an hour talking with her, and Eli and Adam, about how she had to remain on bed rest for the next 48 hours and then come back to see him before he would let her return to school. Even when she did there was a mile long list of provisions. She would have an inhaler and portable oxygen if she felt it was hard to breathe. She wasn't supposed to walk much and there would be a wheelchair for her to use at school. The doctor had said the bacterial pneumonia would take another two to three weeks to clear up entirely. That coupled with the damage already done to her lungs it would be at least a month before her lungs would heal and she could breathe easily again, even so her lungs would never be the same she'd lost about 10% capacity. The doctor had assured them that she'd be fine and live a perfectly normal life, but she may have reactions or trouble with harsh chemical smells and things like that. Her oxygen saturation was up to 86% and climbing steadily but she would be weak for a while longer, her muscles atrophied a bit and tasks that typically came easy to her would be a struggle until she got her strength back. She would have to start physical therapy but not until next week, she needed more time to heal from surgery and regain some strength. And until her stitches dissolved she couldn't bend or stretch or do any heavy lifting, not that she could or wanted to bend, stretch or lift anyway. She and even Adam had absorbed it all and been relatively happy about it but she had noticed that Eli had looked sick or scared the whole time the doctor was talking. But he'd kissed her softly and looked fine as soon as the doctor had left.

She took his hands and he helped her to sit up straight, but when she took in a sharp gasp and wrenched her face in pain from the movement his hands tightened around hers so much he began cutting off the circulation. She opened her eyes to look at him; he looked terribly concerned and sort of guilty. She let out a deep breath and smiled at him and his face relaxed. He let go of her hands and took folded the blanket off her legs, then gingerly grasping her ankles moved her legs so they were hanging off the bed. Then he and Adam each came to her sides and she put an arm around each of their shoulders, Eli put an arm around her lower back and Adam had his around her upper back and going under one arm to help her off the bed to stand. As she hadn't stood or used her legs in five days when her feet hit the floor she felt a little like a newborn fawn, her legs shaky and weak, she gripped their shoulders and they strengthened their hold on her to keep her from falling. After a minute she loosened her grip a little.

"I think I'm going to need you both to get me to the washroom. I'm sorry." She said in a bit of a pained breath, then biting her lip and looking down slightly embarrassed. She hated how the simplest tasks like sitting and walking were suddenly so ridiculously hard.

"Clare you've barely moved in five days, you collapsed, stopped breathing had surgery and you've still got pneumonia and infections that your body is using most of its strength to fight. The doctor told you that you'd be weak and it would be hard to do things don't feel bad." Adam reassured her.

She smiled, "I know but I'm seventeen and I can't even stand on my own, it's terribly frustrating."

"I know, it felt like it took forever for me to get use of my arm back but this is temporary Clare, you'll get stronger and until you do we'll be by your side to help." Adam affirmed.

"Okay let's go." She said pointing to the washroom with her finger.

She took a few shaky slow steps and then Eli sighed and just picked her up. She looked at him and blinked wondering why he'd seemingly gotten so frustrated so quickly but she was afraid to ask.

"Adam get the door will you?" Eli commanded.

She looked at Adam and he was giving Eli a confused look as well, but he shrugged and walked ahead opening the washroom door for them. "I'll be right outside the door if you need me to help just holler." Adam said.

Eli gave a curt nod and shut the washroom door setting Clare gently on the on the closed toilet seat so she could sit. "Stay right there I'm going to get the bag your Mom brought for you." He commanded.

He left the washroom and reappeared a few seconds later with the small blue duffle bag. He set it on the edge of the bathtub, opened it up and took out her bra and shirt. He was moving hurriedly and his face was hard and unreadable. She bit her lip afraid he was angry at her or something.

"I can do it Eli you don't have to help me." She said in a small voice.

He stopped and looked at her, either her tone or her facial expression seemed to get through to him because his face softened and he came to her kneeling down so he could meet her eyes. "No you can't you could barely stand, I'm going to untie your gown now."

He reached behind her and untied the two ties in the back of her gown. He began to pull it down her arms and she jumped the tiniest bit and gasped just slightly. He immediately jumped back from her a look of pained guilt on his face.

"You didn't hurt me Eli your hands are cold." She explained.

He let out a sigh and smirked, "Sorry." He began rubbing his hands together to warm them, Clare grabbed the sink bracing herself and using all of her strength slowly stood. He came to her side placing his hands at her hips to support her and she winced. "Clare what are you doing?"

"Can you leave for a minute please?" She asked taking a deep breath and looking into the sink.

"Clare…"

"Eli please," She pleaded cutting him off.

He looked at her a minute and then sighed heavily. "Okay but I'll be right outside the door."

She nodded and he let go of her, keeping his hands hovering over her hips another moment ready to grab her again if she faltered, when she stayed standing under her own power he went to the door and opened it, Adam's curious face appeared and Eli shrugged at him closing the door leaving her alone in the washroom. She moved around the sink, taking a minute to let her legs steady and then let go of the sink, she looked in the full length mirror on the back of the door. She had of course already seen her battered face in the mirror before and by this point most of the bruising had healed to a green or pale yellow, same with her arms. But she'd never looked at her front and back, not once and although Eli had seen the pictures he'd always looked her in the eye when helping her to dress and undress so he'd never seen them in the flesh so to speak. She pulled at her hospital gown and let it fall to the floor, but instantly closed her eyes afraid to look.

She gripped the sink again and turned a little so her back was partially facing the mirror and slowly opened her eyes. She swallowed hard, tears breaking free and streaming down her cheeks, it seemed unreal; scattered over her back and hips some of the welts had begun to turn to scars some of the others had healed or nearly healed completely. She moved her eyes down and her heart stopped, she knew they were there she had felt the knife trace the letters into her lower back but she had never looked at them. No longer open cuts but swollen and red and made all the worse by the infection, the B and the T they had carved into her, branded her with were strawberry red. They seemed huge, she felt like they took up her entire back and as hard as she tried to stop them the memories came rushing back flooding her mind. She bit hard on her lower lip breaking the newly healed blood vessels into a fresh bruise. She closed her eyes and took a breath turning again to view her front. Before she dared to open her eyes there was a knock on the door.

"Clare are you okay?" Eli's worried voice resonated through the door.

"I'm fine Eli, just give me another minute." She called, knowing her voice sounded distressed and tear choked.

When there was silence on the other side of the door her eyes opened slowly. Her stomach was variegated with shades of blue, green and yellow. The inside of her right breast ranged from bright red to deep purple, in the middle of which was a circular bite mark now scabbed over and healing into a scar. And then there was the sutured incision from her surgery, it was about 6 inches long and more diagonal than horizontal, it was a straight cut unlike the ones on her back but it was also fresh and to her mind was just another wound to heal into yet another scar. She sank to her knees, the cold tile shocking her skin and sending a wave of goose bumps over her bare flesh. She grabbed her hospital gown pulling it to her chest to cover herself and broke into hysterical crying. It only took a second for the door to burst open and Eli and Adam to rush to her sides, each sinking down next to her. Eli took her hand and Adam placed a hand gently on her arm.

"What happened? Are you in pain?" Eli asked.

"Did you fall? Are you okay?" Inquired Adam.

They both talked at once in nearly the same worried tone and it took her brain a minute to register the questions. She shook her head gripping her hospital gown into her chest and crying into it, her head down.

"I look like Frankenstein." She sobbed.

Both boys let out a relieved sigh and chuckled lightly. She sobbed harder scrunching up her face in anger she didn't think it was funny.

"You look beautiful blue eyes." Eli assured her kissing her head.

"Adam make him stop." She complained.

"Stop what?" Adam chuckled from her side.

"Telling me I'm beautiful when I look hideous." She said.

"I don't think I can, he loves you so I'm pretty sure to him you always look beautiful." Adam assured her.

"But I'm still all bruised and the scars and cuts and now there's another one and…"

"From surgery Clare to keep you alive." Eli said wrapping an arm around her.

"I never looked before, I knew they were there I could feel them that was enough for me, but I looked. I saw everything, the belt marks, their initials in my back, the bite on…" She couldn't finish because she was crying to hard.

Adam took her hand and held it tightly and Eli hugged her close leaning her head onto his shoulder and stroking her hair gently. "Baby the bruises will heal." Eli soothed into her ear.

"What about the scars? I have some from being whipped with the belt, two bite marks, the one from the surgery and let's not forget the brand on my back my step bastards way of making sure I never forget I belong to them." She wailed into Eli's shoulder.

Eli cupped her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him, she was crying so hard his face was a blur but she could make out the green of his eyes. "You belong to me blue eyes and they will never lay a hand on you again. You hear me? You belong to me and no one else." Eli stated his voice was kind but had a strong determined edge to it and she smiled, "Well maybe Adam." He added and she laughed.

"Oh definitely me." Adam said sardonically.

Clare smiled taking a deep but shaky breath to stop the tears, she kissed Adam's cheek softly and then turned and took Eli's lips in hers kissing him gently but just for a second, pulling away nervously. Eli didn't seem to notice just kissed her forehead and smiled at her reassuringly.

"Come on your parents will back soon ready to leave so let's get you dressed so we can all go home." Adam said standing up and pulling her hand with him.

Eli stood too and pulled her other hand and they helped her to her feet, her gown falling to the floor once again. She shyly bit her lip and looked down as much from the shame of her battered and scarred body as from modesty from being nude with Adam watching, she chanced a glance at him but his eyes were closed, he was only there to help her stand.

"Adam take her hips so I can let go." Eli instructed.

Adam moved behind her taking her hips, she could see in the mirror that his eyes had opened just slightly to find her hips and he quickly shut them again. Eli let go and grabbed her bra sliding it onto her arms and then hooking it for her in the back. A skill he was now good at having helped her so many times. It took nearly ten minutes for her to get dressed, even with their help. When she was finally dressed, Adam brushed her hair and then Eli carried her back out to the room where her parents and a nurse was waiting with a wheelchair ready to wheel her out.

"Ready to go home sweetie?" Her Mom asked.

"Very." She breathed.

Eli set her in the wheelchair and the nurse wheeled her out to the curb, Glen had pulled the car up and she moved to stand but Eli picked her up again before she could. He set her gently in the backseat and then he went around sliding into the middle and Adam sat on his other side, her parents got in and they began driving home. The entire drive home her Mom repeated everything the doctor had told them, most of which Clare had already heard from the doctor himself. But her Mother was saying it an almost condescending manner, talking to Clare like she was a small child, telling her all of the physical restrictions and things she could and could not do. Clare rolled her eyes, she'd already heard all of this and she knew very well the limitations of her body at that time. Finally they arrived home, everyone else got out of the car and Eli came around and picked her up again before she could even try to stand on her own. Glen unlocked the door and stepped aside and Eli carried her in.

"**SURPRISE! WELCOME HOME CLARE!**"

She smiled widely, the downstairs was packed full of her friends and of course Jake and Darcy. It seemed like everyone she'd ever known who still lived there was at her house; Jay, Connor, Wesley, Dave, the entire Bhandari family, Jenna, Cece and Bullfrog, Katie, Drew, Bianca, the Torres parents, Dallas, Campbell, Luke and Becky, Imogen, Fiona, Zig, Maya, Tori, Tristan and of course Owen. Eli set her down in the oversized arm chair and she saw a pile of gifts and flowers and cards on the coffee table, new ones that hadn't been in her hospital room. Jake told her that most of the gifts were from the people that couldn't make it to town to welcome her home like Declan and K.C. and said she could look at them later.

Everyone stayed almost three hours, her parents or someone had gotten food and people were eating and talking and spilling out to the back porch. It was a real welcome home party and Clare wished she had the energy to fully enjoy it, but she didn't. She ate a little, only enough to take her meds, and even though she sat in a chair in the back of the room, never moving from it she wasn't lonely. Mostly because everyone came to talk to her, ask her how she was feeling and when was she coming back to school and the like. As much as she was enjoying the fanfare and the company she quickly became tired of answering the same questions and smiling at everyone to assure them she was fine. And as much as she appreciated everyone being there to welcome her home and wish her well, she was beginning to feel weary but she didn't want to say anything after all everyone had come there for her sake. Dallas and Luke had just finished apologizing for being jerks for what had to be the fifth time since they'd first come to see her in the hospital and she hoped this time they had listened when she said she'd forgiven them. There was about a three second gap between them leaving her side and Owen sitting on the arm of her chair.

"You look tired, you should go lay down we can all leave." He said giving her a slight scowl.

She shook her head, "I don't want to kick everybody out they all came to welcome me home."

"And we have and you're still sick, I don't want you to get overwhelmed your first day home I heard your Mom telling Adam, Alli and Eli's parents everything the doctor told her." Owen said.

Clare rolled her eyes, of course her Mom was telling everyone. "I'm okay Owen really, it's been a long afternoon and I am a little tired but it's my first day home and all my friends came to see me." Owen looked her over carefully and nodded but he stayed at her side. A few minutes later she readjusted in the chair and then coughed; taking in a wheezing breath and Owen grabbed her hand. She looked down to see a little blood on it. "It's the pneumonia the doctor said I might cough up a little more blood, its fine really."

He grimaced at her and turned, "Drew," He called to the spiky haired boy talking to his girlfriend near the food, Drew looked over. "bring me a napkin." Owen commanded.

Drew walked over a few seconds later and handed the napkin to Owen and then turned going back to Bianca. Owen wiped the blood from her hand tossing the napkin over everyone's head into the trash bin her mom had put out near the table.

"You should have gone out for basketball." She laughed.

He shook his head, "Conflicts with wrestling season. Now you need to rest." Owen insisted to her and before she could argue he stood up. "PARTY"S OVER CLARE NEEDS TO REST EVERYBODY OUT!" He yelled over the caucus of everyone talking. Everyone stopped the entire house was still and quiet; they all looked at Owen and then Clare and then back to Owen. "I SAID MOVE!" He commanded and then they all began to gather their things.

Clare laughed at how quickly everyone even the adults jumped to attention and did as Owen told them. Before leaving they all came over to say goodbye everyone she went to school with saying they'd see her when she returned to school, Drew said he'd come by tomorrow. Sav said he had to get back to university but he'd be calling to check in on her and of course Alli would keep him informed. When everyone was gone her mother, Glen and Darcy began to clean up and Eli picked her up from the chair and carried her upstairs followed closely by Adam and Jake. He carried her into her room and laid her on her bed, only it wasn't her bed it was bigger and the bedding was different.

"Your Father and Stephanie had it delivered, they gave your Mom some money and she and Darcy picked out the bedding. Guess my Dad told them how Adam and Eli were staying with you, sleeping at your side and they thought you'd all be more comfortable in a larger bed. I think it's a small token of apology." Jake explained all though the words came out of his mouth with a fair amount of venom still.

**(BIANCA)**

"Ummm Drew why are we at the park, I thought we were going to your place?" She asked as Drew parked her car.

He got out, came around opened her door and held out his hand. "Walk with me." Was all he said.

She took his hand and got out of the car, their arms linked and their fingers intertwined they strolled in silence for a short while and then Drew stopped, he turned to her taking both her hands in his.

"I love you Bianca."

"I love you too."

"If these last three weeks have taught me anything it's that life is short and precious and the only thing I'm sure of is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Drew said suddenly dropping to one knee and Bianca gasped. "Bianca will you marry me?"

She stared at him for a minute unsure if she'd heard him right and when the words repeated in her mind and she was sure she'd heard him correctly a smile spread across her face. "Yes Drew I will marry you."

He got up and kissed her passionately and she kissed him back meeting his passion. He swung her around and set her back down and she was giggling. She was actually giddy, happier than she'd been in a long time.

"I want to celebrate with you and revel in this but…" She began.

"We should go back and tell Clare and my brother." He finished for her and she nodded.

They wrapped their arms around each other and walked in a state of elated bliss back to the car.

**(CLARE)**

She was on her bed between Adam and Eli they were watching a movie on the TV Glen and Jake had set up in her room. Her family was still cleaning downstairs as the party had ended about half an hour ago, so when someone knocked on her door she expected it to be Darcy or Jake or perhaps her Mom and was surprised to see Drew and Bianca open the door with bright smiles on both their faces.

"Hey what are you guys doing back here already?" She asked as Eli paused the movie.

"Well we wanted to tell you guys first," Bianca said pausing for a second and Clare looked at her expectantly, "that we're engaged!"

"That's fantastic news congratulations you two! I couldn't be happier for you guys!" Clare squealed sitting up a little and then holding out her arms. "Now come here so I can hug you both."

Adam got off the bed and Drew and Bianca came over hugging Clare together. Eli leaned over and shook Drew's hand congratulating him when Clare released them from the hug. Then Drew got up and Adam hugged him and kissed Bianca's cheek welcoming her to the family.

"It just happened and I don't even have a ring yet let alone a date but I would love it if you'd be my maid of honor Clare?" Bianca requested.

Clare blinked at the vivacious raven haired girl, "Are you sure isn't there…"

Bianca cut her off, "I don't see my parents I don't have any siblings, I live with my aunt but I'm not close to her. The only other close girlfriend I have is Fiona and I want her to be my bridesmaid. I know we haven't been close very long but these last three weeks have been a lifetime and you've become one of my best friends in that time."

Clare could feel tears at eyes but for once they were happy, "I feel the same way Bianca and I would be thrilled to be your maid of honor."

Bianca smiled and hugged Clare again. "We'll wait until your all better and can walk down the aisle so don't worry."

"You'll be my best man of course bro." Drew said to Adam.

"I better be." Adam joked, "So uh when are you telling Mom?"

"We'll tell her tomorrow, right now we'll let you rest and we want to go celebrate." Drew said pulling Bianca off the bed and Adam resumed his spot.

**(ELI)**

He woke up suddenly he was panting for breath, sweating and tears rolling down his cheeks. He'd been torn from sleep by a horrific dream; it had disturbed him so badly he was wide awake now. He stilled his breathing not wanting to wake Clare or Adam for that matter. He looked at the clock it was just past five in the morning, he and Adam were supposed to go to school that morning, at Clare's request. She had sworn she'd be fine that her Mom was staying home from work to care for her and all she could do was lay in bed anyway. He got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to shower, he turned the water on letting it get hot, he disrobed and stepped in to the hot water hoping it would wash away the images in his head.

**(CLARE)**

Aware that her comforter suddenly felt lighter, that she was suddenly able to move beneath the covers she woke up. She looked to her side to find Eli was gone, she tried to sit up but Adam's weight was still on the comforter at her other side and the movement woke him up. He yawned and looked at her, she smiled at him, he looked at the clock and then back at her then he seemed to notice Eli was gone as well.

"I hear the shower it's probably him." He told her, and she nodded. "You sure you want us to go to school today?"

"You guys have missed almost as much school as me and you're not sick, you have to go back. I'll be fine, Mom will be here and I have a whole pile of school work I'm supposed to work on if I feel up to it." She assured him.

Adam looked at her a second and then nodded. "You want some breakfast? I can carry you down the stairs."

"No I'm not hungry but I hear Jake in the kitchen if you're hungry you can go eat." She told him.

"I'll sit with her." Darcy said entering the room. "After all I have to leave for the airport in an hour."

Adam nodded and got up, leaving the room to eat and Darcy took his place on the bed. "I can cancel you know and stay here, I'm sure Jake can sleep on the couch a few more nights."

"Darcy you need to go back I'm gonna be okay and you saw how many people were here yesterday I've got tons of support. Just be sure to e-mail more often." Clare requested.

"You got it baby sister, once a week I promise." Darcy smiled.

They talked for a while longer until they heard the shower shut off and then Darcy said she was going down to eat breakfast. A minute later Eli appeared in her room a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair dripping wet.

"You were up early this morning." She said noticing that he looked tired and somehow distant.

"Didn't sleep well, guess I got so used to that cramped hospital bed." He smirked but she knew he was lying.

He took off the towel, he already had boxers on she saw, and he began getting clothes out of his bag locking her door so he could get dressed.

"Eli is everything okay? Are you worried about leaving me because I'll be fine, my Mom is going to be here I won't be alone."

He slipped on his shirt and came over to her kissing her cheek lightly. "Everything's fine blue eyes." He left her side going to his bag again and pulling out his jeans, he began putting them on and she threw off the covers moving as fast as she was able but he was faster pulling his jeans up quickly and fastening them and then rushing to her taking her arms and stopping her from moving. "Clare what are you doing, you're not supposed to get out of bed."

"I can get up to use the washroom Eli, I'm not totally helpless."

"Ask for help Clare I'll carry you to the washroom." He scolded her scooping her up before she could protest.

"Eli the doctor said I should try and walk a little, you were there." She sighed as they entered the washroom.

"I know but I don't want you to try too much too fast and hurt yourself even more. You heard the doctor give you all those warnings and safety instructions he told you to stay in bed for the next two days so you can heal from surgery. You still have the bacterial pneumonia, your still coughing up blood and…"

"Eli I know!" She snapped at him, "I'm the one who's sick remember, I know my bodies limitations right now. You can wait outside the door I can use the washroom on my own."

He nodded and left the room and she sighed, he was acting weird and she wasn't sure why. As much as he was being overly protective and hovering he also seemed to be somehow absent or distant. She moved slow not able to bend very much because of her stitches, she sucked in pained breaths unwilling to make any noise afraid Eli would just break down the door to come to her aid. She finished and went to the sink to wash her hands catching sight of her face in the mirror and a thought occurred to her, had Eli been lying to her when he kept insisting she was beautiful despite the bruising, that the scars really did bother him? Not that she could blame him, she knew she looked horrid, disfigured her scars painful and permanent reminders. She opened the bathroom door and looked at Eli, his eyes were full of worry, his face hard to read his arms out ready to scoop her up again but she batted them away.

"I want to try and make it on my own Eli, I'm not going to get stronger if you carry me everywhere." She said bracing herself on the doorway.

"But Clare what if you fall?"

"Adam tell him I have to try and walk a little that I have to use my muscles a little." She pleaded to her friend as he reached the top of the stairs, unwilling to start fighting with Eli but feeling frustrated.

"Why don't you go eat dude I'll stay with her." Adam insisted.

Eli looked between them a second, then hung his head a little and moved past Adam and began descending the stairs.

"I have to try and walk on my own Adam." She said in a determined voice letting go of the doorway and standing under her own power. She felt proud and pathetic at the same time, that standing under own power was such a victory seemed so terribly paltry.

"I know Clare I'll be right behind you just in case." He told her.

She smiled at him, "Okay here it goes." She took a deep breath and took a step and then another, her legs felt weak and she felt again like a newborn fawn, her legs shaking but her muscle memory was good and she made it all the way to the bed on her own. She collapsed on it exhausted feeling more like she'd been running for two hours and not walked across the hall but hey it was a start.

"See you did it, we'll have you up and dancing again in no time." Adam smiled sitting on the bed at her feet.

"Could you tell Eli that." She said scrunching her eyebrows together.

"He's just worried about you Clare, don't forget we watched you almost die, and worried that you may never wake up."

"Yeah but you did too, you saw me collapse in the music room and you gave me mouth to mouth and saved me, which I never did thank you for. Adam I can never repay…"

He interrupted her, "You're my best friend Clare, when you collapsed my own heart stopped, I wasn't about to let you die. You being alive is all the thanks I need. I don't know what I'd do without you or Eli."

She smiled at him gratefully and blew him a kiss rather than risk bending forward. "My point is you're not worried like he is, you don't hover over me and treat me like I'm helpless."

"I know but I can relate a little and Eli's…well Eli." He said.

"I know, I just feel like something is going on with him. I feel like he's pulling away Adam."

He moved to her side and put an arm around her, "Eli loves you Clare."

She nodded. "I know." She said laying her head on Adam's shoulder.

**Update soon I'll try and get one up by Sunday evening.**

**So this story has a few more chapters in it but will be ending relativley soon. I've had the more requests to do a Clare/Owen story next so that's what I'm going to do. I may even start it before I end this one.**


	26. The Hardest part is the Night

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.26 The Hardest Part is the Night**

**(CLARE)**

She was on her bed opening her gifts and cards from her welcome home party the previous evening when there was a knock on her bedroom door.

"Come in." She called dryly expecting her Mother for the tenth time that morning but was happily greeted by Drew's face instead. "Hey Drew come on in, I was just opening my gift from Owen and the hockey team."

"Hey Clare." He smiles a little and sits at the edge of her bed as she opens up the box and pulls out an Ice Hounds jacket, it's her size and even has her name embroidered over the left breast. "Your very own Ice Hounds jacket cool." Drew comments.

She smiles thinking about when Owen leant her his team jacket to keep everyone from seeing the blood on her clothes. "The card says they had it made special and I'm an honorary Ice Hound. I'm sure it was Owen's idea but still that was nice of the team, it is a very nice jacket and Owen's was warm and soft."

"Yeah." Drew says quietly and Clare notices that he's looking down and he looks a little sad but also angry.

She puts down the jacket, leaning forward just slightly and pulling on his sleeve so he'll look at her. "Drew what's the matter?"

"Sorry Clare I didn't mean to bring you down, you want to open the rest of your gifts?" He sighs.

"No I want to know what's wrong, something's bothering you. Last night you guys were so happy when you came to tell us about your engagement, so what happened since then to bring you down so much?" Clare asks.

"During Bianca's morning break she and I met my Mom at the Dot to tell her and well…" He sighs, "and she flipped out and basically told us we should never get married."

"Oh Drew I'm sorry. I thought your Mom liked Bianca?" She bites her lip feeling terrible for her friends.

"So did I, so did Bianca but apparently not enough for us to get married. It's not like we're getting married tomorrow I mean it was gonna be like a year with planning and everything. I love Bianca and I know she loves me and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We both still want to get married and I know Adam supports us but this is going to be harder without my parents support." Drew sighes heavily sounding slightly defeated.

"You know you've got my support and Eli's too." Clare says smiling sweetly.

Drew smiles finally, "Yeah I know and Owen, Fiona and Imogen too which is basically everyone we wanted at the wedding anyway. When I dropped Bianca back at school she said we should just elope over spring break, maybe we'll just do that. Get all you guys together and go to one of those quickie chapels during spring break, I'm sure you'll be strong enough to walk down the aisle and stand by Bianca as her maid of honor by then."

"I'm sure I will." She smiles but then bites her lip and brings her eyebrows together in thought.

"Hey don't worry about it Clare, we'll figure it out. You just concentrate on getting healed. I should get to work but I'll be back tomorrow morning if not tonight and don't hesitate to call if you need anything." Drew says brightening his smile and she knows it's for her sake.

"I know thanks Drew and thanks for coming by." Clare says bringing a smile back to her lips.

He leans forward hugging her gently and kissing her cheek. "See you later Clare."

"Bye Drew." She says and then he's gone from her room. She feels bad for Drew and Bianca and then she gets an idea and leans over to get her phone from her nightstand.

"Clare is that you? Are you…"

"I'm fine Dad." She interrupts him. "Do you think you and Stephanie could come here on your lunch? I need to talk to you both."

"Sure honey absolutely we'll be there in an hour." He says eagerly.

"Okay see you soon." She says and hangs up.

An hour later her Mom opens her bedroom door, "Sweetheart your Father and Stephanie are here." She steps aside and lets them into the room.

"Thanks for coming and thanks for the new bed." Clare says as her Father and Stephanie walk to her bedside.

"You're welcome it was really…" Her Father starts but she holds up her hand to get him to stop.

"Don't say anything until I'm finished please. Now I know Eli and Jake and the others blame the two of you for what happened just as much as Ben and Trevor. As for me well I don't know how to feel. I know that I probably never want to see Ben and Trevor again. I may never want to go to your house again. And it's hard for me to even be around you two because honestly it just brings back the memories, seeing you both is harder than I thought it would be. Nothing you can say or do can ever erase what your sons did but there are ways you can help. So here's what I need, two of my friends got engaged but they've hit an obstacle. They're thinking about eloping at one of those quickie churches in two weeks during spring break. They have both been here for me during this whole ordeal. They've done more for me in three weeks than most people have my whole life and have become two of my closest friends. I want to give them a wedding, a nice one and you two are going to pay for it. I want you to get plane tickets for everyone on this list." She hands a piece of paper to Stephanie and her stepmother takes it and glances it. "I'm thinking Atlantic City, and two hotel rooms for a weekend plus a third one for the happy couple on their wedding night. Plus you know food and stuff. If you can do this for me and my friends I'll not only talk to Eli and the others about forgiving you both but I'll also work hard on repairing my relationship with you Dad and building one with you Stephanie, even coming to the house again, as long as Ben and Trevor aren't there anyway." Clare takes a struggling deep breath as she finishes.

Her Dad and Stephanie are quiet for a minute, looking at the list of nine names and then at each other. Then Stephanie smiles, "Of course Clare whatever you want. If you write down everyone's ages I'll go see my travel agent as soon as I leave here." She says and hands the paper back to Clare.

Clare smiles and takes the paper she leans over to her nightstand to grab her pen wincing in pain as she does. Her Father leaps up and grabs the pen handing it to his youngest daughter; she writes down the ages of everyone and gives the paper back to her stepmother.

"Thanks Stephanie I do appreciate this."

"Absolutely Clare it's nothing at all and if you need anything else don't hesitate to ask. I'm gonna go to the travel agency right now and I'll come back here as soon as everything is set." Stephanie says almost nervously as she leaves Clare's room.

Her Father looks at her and smiles hopefully, "Get better Clare, I love you." He says and follows his wife out of the room.

"_Well that went easier than I thought it would. Okay so I did kind of just blackmailed my Dad and Stepmom into paying for Drew and Bianca's wedding, you'd think I'd feel a little bad but I just feel good. Hey I was abused and assaulted and came close to dying a couple of times and had to have surgery. I paid the price of innocence and trust so really this is a small price for them to pay."_

**(ELI)**

He was walking to Math when his cell rang, he pulled it from his pocket and seeing that was Clare instantly began to panic that something was wrong.

"Clare what's the matter? Do you need me to come back? Are you…"

"Eli I'm fine take a breath I just wanted to call, my Mom's driving me crazy she keeps pushing me to do my homework and when I finally took a break from homework she told me I should write my statement." She pauses for a minute and he can hear the tears. "I told her I couldn't write it without you and Adam with me."

He feels a pang in his chest, guilt for leaving her for the day. "I shouldn't have left I'll come home right now."

"What? Eli no you need to go to school, I'm okay really. You know how writing the statement upsets me because I have to remember, and it's already on my mind after…" She pauses and he just knows she's biting her lip. She takes as deep a breath as she can manage before continuing, "Hey could make sure Owen, Fi and Imogen are coming over later? I don't have the energy to call them all right now."

"Of course baby but are you sure you don't want me to come home?" He asks just as the bell rings.

"No stay at school I'll see you in a few hours now get to class." She assures him softly and then hangs up. He sighs, internally debating whether he should ignore her and rush home or do as she asks and go to class. After a few minutes he walks to class but that pang of guilt remains.

**(CLARE)**

She was in her bed of course, Eli and Adam at her sides as per usual, Bianca, Owen, Fiona, Imogen, Alli and Jenna in her room. They had all come straight from school to see her. Currently Alli was telling her every detail of Alli's day when there was a knock at her bedroom door and Mrs. Bhandari came in.

"Hello Clare how are you feeling?" Mrs. Bhandari asks.

"Better." Clare smiles sweetly.

"That's good, I'm sorry but I have to take Alli and Jenna home now."

"We'll be back tomorrow Clare." Alli assures her and she and Jenna push Adam and Eli out of the way to hug their friend.

"Bye see you guys tomorrow," Clare waves to them. They wave back and leave her room just as Drew enters. "Hey Drew thanks for coming." Clare smiles and then turns to the others. "Would you guys mind waiting downstairs while I talk to Drew and Bianca for a minute, but don't go anywhere."

"Sure Clare we'll be right downstairs." Eli says for everyone.

The others leave her room and Drew and Bianca sit next to each other on the side of her bed. "What's up Clare?" Bianca asks.

"Drew told me about Audra and how you guys were thinking about eloping at one of those quickie chapels over spring break. Well I just can't have that for two of my close friends, you guys have done a lot for me and been there for me these last three weeks so I wanted to give you a wedding." They both look shocked and are speechless, she points to her nightstand. "Drew could hand me that envelope?" She requests.

Drew leans over and hands her the manilla envelope, "Clare you…"

She cuts him off, "My Dad and Stephanie paid for it so don't worry about the money. I hope Atlantic City is okay?"

"Atlantic City is amazing, this is amazing! I don't know how we can thank you Clare." Bianca exclaims hugging her and she can see tears in the corner of her curly headed friends eyes.

"Thank me by having a fabulous wedding. We have plane tickets for the two of you, me, Adam, Eli, Fiona, Imogen and Owen. Three days and two nights at the Grimaldi arms hotel, it'll be a quick trip but…"

"No it's perfect Clare." Drew smiles widely and Clare smiles back happy to see the large grin back on the olive skinned boys face.

"They even provided us with prepaid credit cards for meals and such. We leave on the seventh so I have two whole weeks to get strong enough to walk down the aisle." She says smiling proudly that she could give this to them.

"I don't care if Adam carries you down the aisle as long as I'm marrying the man I love and all of you are there to see it." Bianca assures her, taking Drew's hand.

Clare watches them a minute happy to see them so happy and in love. "Drew can you get the others up here so we can give them their airline tickets please?"

Drew nods and disappears out of the room, appearing a minute later with the rest of the gang in tow.

"What's going on?" Adam inquires.

"Well the first weekend of spring break we're all going to Atlantic City so Drew and I can get married and you can all be there. Clare took care of everything." Bianca gushes.

Clare opens the envelope and pulls out the airline tickets. "Here's your plane tickets," she says handing them each a small envelope. "We also have a hotel suite and Bianca and Drew have a private room for their wedding night. We don't even have to worry about food because we have prepaid credit cards to pay for meals."

"This is awesome but how did you pay for all this?" Adam inquires.

"I didn't my Dad and Stephanie did, they were quite happy to do anything I wanted, they feel guilty." Clare informs them.

"They should feel guilty." Eli comments through clenched teeth.

Clare looks at him and puts her hand on his; he takes it holding it between both his hands.

"I have to get back to work, my lunch hours almost over but thanks again Clare this is amazing." Drew says hugging her more tightly than that morning, but still careful not to hurt her and kissing her cheek again.

"I'm gonna walk Drew out." Bianca says taking his hand and the two leave Clare's room.

After Drew left the others stayed for about another hour talking excitedly about the wedding and Atlantic City. Not long after they left her Mother called them to dinner.

"I'm not hungry can you just bring me one of those protein shakes my Mom picked up for me please?" Clare asks.

She sees Eli and Adam look at each other and then grimace at her a little. "You should try and eat a little Clare; the doctor said you need to keep up your strength." Eli reminds her.

"That's what the protein shake is for Eli. I swear I'll drink the whole thing." She says scrunching her mouth to one side.

"Fine but you've been in bed all day why don't you come downstairs and drink your shake and sit with us for a bit." Adam suggests.

"Yeah okay." She nods. The boys move off the bed and help her up. Once she's on her feet Adam moves away just a bit but Eli keeps his arm around her. "Eli you can let me go. I made it to the washroom and back twice today, all on my own."

"That's great but you have to walk downstairs and if you get faint and fall you could pop your stitches or…"

"Eli." She cuts him off, "You two will be right at my sides and I know you won't let me fall."

He looks at her another minute a hesitant look on his face, finally Adam pulls at Eli with a firm hand and he lets go of her. She walks slowly, her legs stronger than the previous day but still weak and somewhat shaky. Each step, every movement careful and calculated but she makes it to the top of the stairs without help. She pauses leaning her hand against the wall, the exertion from moving and walking even such a small distance taxing her damaged lungs and she's short of breath. She tries to take a deep breath but her pneumonia ridden lungs simply can't and she coughs instead and then winces in pain.

"Clare?!" Eli's anxious and worried voice questions from behind her, his arms instantaneously around her waist to support her.

"I'm okay Eli I just need to catch my breath." She pants putting her hand on his arms still encircling her.

She coughs again in an effort to catch her breath and Eli scoops her up and carries her down the stairs. She sighs wraps her arms around his neck for support and looks over Eli's shoulder to see Adam shake his head and roll his eyes. Eli sets her down at the table and her family smiles at her. He gives her a protein shake and everyone starts eating. When she finishes her shake Eli dispenses her meds for her and watches her closely as she takes them. Now Clare rolls her eyes, she knows she wasn't great about taking her medications before but after a few days in the ICU and surgery she was disciplined about taking her meds now.

**(ELI)**

He woke up suddenly, the dream fresh on his mind his breathing fast and shallow, he felt tears going down his cheeks.

"Eli?" Clare questioned from beside him. Her voice was small, cracked with sleep and filled with concern.

"You okay man?" Adam asked groggily from Clare's other side, sitting up a little.

He turned to both of them, only able to make out their silhouettes in the dark room. He put a hand on Clare's arm to comfort her. "I'm fine sorry I woke you guys, go back to sleep."

"Why'd you wake up?" Clare asks her voice still filled with worry.

"I woke up from a dream blue eyes, it was nothing. Get back to sleep now, you need our rest." He says in the most soothing tone he could.

She reaches for him finding his hand on her arm and she clasps it, and then she yawns and he hears her wince at the end and the sound of her in pain causes him pain. He bends down and kisses her cheek, she squeezes his hand just a little as her pain dissipates. He lays down again laying an arm across her both to assure her that he's there and to comfort him that she's still breathing. In a few moments Adam is fast asleep again, and it isn't long after that Clare falls asleep again as well. His mind is racing and he lays awake for a while doing his best not to think of his dream or anything else upsetting, it isn't easy. Just as he begins to feel tired again he hears a strained, high pitch wheezing sound and he sits bolt upright knowing its Clare struggling to breath.

"CLARE!"

**(ADAM)**

He's awoken unexpectedly by Eli frantically calling Clare's name, and then he hears her short, shallow, wheezing breaths. He sits up turning on the light on Clare's nightstand. Adam looks over and Eli is helping her to sit, she's awake but her lips are slightly blue. Adam reaches over grabbing the portable emergency oxygen; he turns it on and places the mask over Clare's nose and mouth. She was clutching Eli's hand, her eyes shut tight and they watched her try and take a deep breath and then wince.

"Steady breaths Clare they don't need to be deep just breathe okay?" Adam instructs in a calming voice.

She opens her eyes, he smiles at her and he sees the smallest smile appear on her lips. It took a few minutes of having the oxygen mask on but her breathing finally became steady and regular, her lips turned pink again and she removed the mask. Adam turned off the compressor and he and Eli let out a relieved sigh as Adam placed the emergency oxygen back on her nightstand.

"I'm okay guys sorry I…" She was interrupted by her own fit of coughing, culminating in her coughing up some blood. It splattered on her hand and her pajama top.

Adam looked at Eli to see that his ebony haired friend looked petrified and seemed to be frozen. Adam took a tissue from the box at Clare's bedside and handed it to her and she began cleaning her hands.

Finally Eli was able to move again, "Let's get that shirt off you baby." Eli said after she tosses the bloody tissue in the trash.

"I'll get you another shirt." Adam says tossing his blanket to the floor and getting off the bed.

He went to her drawer and pulled out another pajama top, this one buttoned up. He turned back around just as Eli was pulling Clare's camisole over her head; Eli threw it across the room to her closet, missing the hamper. Eli looked back at Clare and suddenly he looked sick, the boy literally took on a green hue. Adam hated to do it but he followed Eli's gaze to see a scabbed over bite mark, in the middle of a large red area on one of Clare's breasts. Clare bit her lip, covered her chest with her arms and looked down; closing her eyes tightly and Adam saw a tear escape from the corner of her eye.

"I'll be back." Eli says weakly, getting off the bed quickly and leaving Clare's room shutting the door behind him.

Adam stares at the closed door for a second and turns back to Clare, her eyes are still shut tight and he can see tears running down her cheeks. He sighs his heart breaking for his friend while he wonders why his other friend ran from her room. He goes back to the bed sitting down and she still doesn't open her eyes.

"Give me your arms Clare." He says in a gentle voice. She reaches out one arm while keeping the other protectively clutched over her chest. "Clare I promise I won't look its okay." He assures her.

Slowly she releases her other arm, he slips on both sleeves and she puts her arms at her sides. "I can do the buttons." She says quietly.

He nods as she opens her eyes, but she doesn't look at him. She buttons her top quickly, and Adam looks at the door wondering where Eli is and why he isn't back yet.

"Can you turn out the light please Adam?" She requests in a small voice.

He turns light off and he feels her lay down again. "Do you want me to go get Eli?"

He can feel her head shake as her hair brushes his arm. "No give him space I don't blame him for leaving." Her voice is choked by sobbing and he can feel her body shaking just slightly as her sobbing increases.

He doesn't know what to say to her, or how to comfort her so he just lays down at her side once more and gently rubs her arm until she cries herself to sleep again. Assured that she's once again asleep he gets off the bed and quietly exits the room. He goes downstairs seeing that a lamp is on in the living room. Eli is on the couch staring at a blank TV screen, his eyes bloodshot and tear tracks on his cheeks.

"Eli she's fine, the doctor said this would happen until she got over the pneumonia and her lungs got stronger." Adam says sitting on the couch next to Eli.

"She's not fine Adam," Eli replies dropping his head to his hands, "she's not fine…" he stops and his head shoots back up to look at Adam. "Wait what are you doing down here, what about Clare?"

"She's asleep Eli." Adam tells him.

"But who's with her? What if she stops breathing again? What if she coughs up more blood in her sleep and chokes? What if…"

"Eli stop! I just came down here to see what was with you. I'll go back up but she was here all day alone in her room most of the time and was still alive when we all got here afterschool." Adam points out.

"I know but she has the most trouble at night, didn't the doctor say something about her having to lay down in the right position to keep breathing? Adam please go back up there, she needs you." Eli beseeches him.

"Okay but she needs you too Eli, more than she does me." Adam says in a firm tone.

"I just can't right now, please go be with her Adam. If she stops breathing again or coughs up more blood she may not wake up to get her oxygen. Just please stay with her." Eli's voice is cracked with sorrow.

Adam resigns, "Okay I'm going, I won't leave her side but Eli she needs you too, she cried herself to sleep after you left."

He turns and goes back up the stairs, opening Clare's door slowly and stepping into the room. He goes to the bed and lays down again she's still fast asleep and her breathing is normal, steady and as deep as her still ill lungs can manage. He closes his eyes as he feels fatigued from the day and the events of the night. As Adam feels sleep coming on he hopes that Eli gets over whatever his problem is soon, for Clare's sake and for his.

**Update Soon**


	27. Carry That Weight

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.27 Carry That Weight**

**(CLARE)**

She awoke before the alarm went off for the boys to get ready for school, she sat up slowly looking to her side but she already knows he's not there. Hearing Adam stir she looks over to him, he opens his eyes and gives her a sleepy smile. She smiles back and gets up slowly, he sits up alert, ready to help her should she need it but hanging back so she can do it on her own. Not a word is spoken between the two, there is no need, he knows she's headed for the washroom and she knows if she falters or so much as winces in pain he'll be at her side to help her in a split second. When she makes it to the washroom door it's closed and seeing that Jake's door is closed she knows it's Eli, she knocks softly on the door.

"Eli, I need to use the washroom." She says quietly.

A few seconds later the door opens, he's fully dressed and ready for school and has dark circles under his eyes and she knows he never got back to sleep. He looks at her, his tired eyes conveying concern and anxiety. "Did you walk by yourself? Where's Adam?"

She sighs lightly, "In my room ready to help if I need it but I don't, can I please use the washroom now?" He steps out and she goes in shutting and locking the door behind her. She does what she needs and then she opens the bathroom door only to find Eli leaning on the wall waiting for her. She begins walking back to her room and he comes to her side, putting his arm around her waist. "Eli you have to let me try, I can walk back to my room, I did it yesterday without either of you here and I made it just fine."

Hearing her frustration or simply because he saw Eli trying to help her, Adam comes to the doorway. Eli looks at Adam and back at her, he looks pained, whether from her words or the thought of letting her do it on her own she isn't sure but he releases her. Adam moves aside and she walks to her bed without help. Sure her legs are aching, she's a bit out of breath and she feels taxed but she made it all on her own and it's a victory however small.

"I'm going to get ready for school; you should help her get dressed, that she can't do on her own." Adam suggests before taking his bag and walking to the bathroom.

She gets up and walks to her closet, he doesn't help her but he hovers ready to catch her. There is fear on his face and she doesn't understand why. She picks out a dress and grabs her bra, sitting back on her bed. Eli sits next to her as she takes off her nightshirt setting it on the bed behind her she sees that Eli is looking away, his eyes closed. She bites her lip hard and closes her eyes tight as a tear run downs her cheek. _"He doesn't want to see me, he is disgusted by the bruises and scars. I disgust him." _She wipes the tear away putting on her bra, reaching behind her to hook the back stretching her ribs and causing her pain. She bites down harder on her lip so she doesn't cry out so Eli won't know. She slips the dress over her head but can't zip it up. She doesn't want to ask Eli because he'll have to see the scaring on her back.

"I'm okay you should go eat." She says softly.

He turns back to her opening his eyes finally, "What about you?"

"I'm just going to sit in my bed and watch TV and I'm not hungry. Mom will bring me a protein shake when I do get hungry." She tells him looking at her hands in her lap.

He looks at her, seems to be considering whether or not he should leave her and then gets up. "Don't try to leave your room without help."

She nods and he leaves her room she slides back on her bed, propping up her pillows and turning on the TV in an effort to keep from thinking; about anything. Adam comes back into her room a few minutes later, setting down his bag he smiles at her and looks around.

"He's eating breakfast, could you zip up my dress please Adam?" She requests leaning forward a little so he can reach the zipper.

Adam comes over and zips up the dress. "Why didn't you have Eli do it?" He asks as she leans back against the pillows.

"He looks now, at the scars and bruising and wounds, he looks and they disgust him." She confesses before pulling her lower lip in between her teeth and beginning to nibble on it.

Adam looks at her concerned, his face scrunched up, his eyebrows knot together. "Clare stop chewing on your lip, you're going to break the skin and add to your scars." She releases her lip and starts wringing her hands. "Eli loves you, I'm sure that's not it, he's seen…what they did to you before. Have you talked to him?"

She shakes her head. "You should go eat breakfast too." She commands him no longer wanting to stay on this subject. He remains seated at her side and she points at the door, "Go Adam I'll be fine and I know you must be hungry."

"When will you eat?" He asks as he stands up.

"Drew said he'd come by around nine if I'm not hungry by then Mom will send a protein shake up with him." She assures him.

Adam smiles and leaves her room, and she goes back to watching TV. Jake, Eli and Adam say goodbye before they leave for school. While the TV doesn't succeed in keeping her from thinking about Eli she keeps it on anyway, at least until Drew gets there.

"Hey," He smiles appearing in her doorway. "Your Mom gave this to me said you needed breakfast." He says sitting on the edge of her bed and handing her the bottled protein drink.

"Thanks I figured she'd send it up with you. I'm still not that hungry but I have to take my meds." She says opening the drink and taking a couple of sips.

"Are you okay? You seem sad and distracted, did something else happen? Are you feeling sick again or…"

She puts a hand on his arm as he starts getting agitated. "Drew no I'm fine, nothing else happened."

"Then what's wrong?" He asks as she takes a few more sips.

"It's nothing don't worry about it. Do you know what you're wearing at the wedding?" She tries changing the subject.

"Clare come on you can talk to me. What's bugging you?" He prods.

She sighs putting the bottle on her nightstand. "It's Eli, ever since the doctor talked to the three of us in the hospital he's been…different."

"Different how?"

"One minute he's hovering over me, barely letting me walk on my own and the next he can't seem to get far enough away from me. Adam heard everything Eli heard and he hasn't been like that at all." Clare tells him.

"It's different for Eli." Drew says.

"How?"

"Adam's your best friend I mean he loves you no question but in a different way than Eli. I'd go crazy too if I almost lost Bianca and had to watch her go through everything you went through. Speaking of crazy Eli's meds keep his moods more or less stable but he's still bipolar, maybe he's just having more trouble dealing than Adam is." Drew explained.

Clare thought for a minute as she finished her protein drink. "Yeah I guess you're right."

"Of course I am," he smiled, "now take your meds."

He handed her the case with her medications and she opened it dispersing the correct amount of each and swallowing them. She knew Drew was right but she knew something else was going on. She hadn't told Drew about Eli being repulsed by her, she wasn't sure how to. She was pondering Eli and his behavior as Drew was talking about how excited he and Bianca were about the wedding and she absentmindedly pulled her lip into her teeth and began chewing on it. Drew stopped talking furrowed his brow, put his finger on her chin and pulled her lip out.

"You're lip is already purple stop chewing on it." He scolded her. "Clare I know Eli loves you, he just needs time to deal."

"You know for not being related by blood you and Adam sure are a lot alike." She smiles.

He smiled and kissed her cheek, "I gotta get going, I know you have your doctor's appointment tonight. Call me and let me know how it goes okay?"

"I will, promise." She smiles.

He got up from her bed and began walking to the door before turning back to her. "If Eli doesn't snap out of it soon I can always beat some sense into him for you." Drew joked.

Clare laughed a little, "Thanks Drew, I'll keep that in mind."

He smiled and waved to her before vanishing out her door.

**(ADAM)**

He had wanted to speak with Eli since he went down to breakfast that morning but he wanted to do it privately and they had yet to be alone. They had just arrived at school in Jake's red truck and were walking to the entry, he was hoping they could talk at their lockers but as soon as they entered the school they were accosted by Alli and the others.

"How is she?"

"Is she better?"

"Will she be at school tomorrow?"

"You look tired Eli, she's okay isn't she?"

"Clare's fine, I mean nothing happened, I just didn't sleep that's all." Eli tells them and walks away quickly.

With Eli gone they all turn to Adam and Jake. "She's good, getting stronger; she can walk to the washroom and back without help. She slept pretty well last night and has her doctor's appointment at five and as long as he clears her she will be at school tomorrow." Adam informs everyone.

"You're all welcome to come over after school to see her of course. I know she wants to see everybody." Jake tells them.

"Well duh we're coming over." Alli answers for everyone.

Seemingly satisfied the group disperses and Adam go's to his locker hoping to find Eli but he's not there. It isn't until morning break that Adam gets his chance.

"Okay what's up with you?" Adam asks sitting down next to him.

"What do you mean?" Eli inquires.

"You didn't sleep last night after your nightmare and you never came back to the room to be with Clare." He points out.

"She had you." Eli shrugs.

"Yes but that doesn't mean she didn't need you." He tells Eli.

"She doesn't want me to help her; she gets mad when I do." Eli says playing with his skull ring.

"I'm not talking about helping her walk to the washroom Eli, she needs you. She needs you to be there with her, just be at her side, you're distant lately pulling away. She thinks you're repulsed by her, that seeing her scars and wounds disgusts you and therefor you find her repulsive. You know she asked me to zip her dress for her today?" He asks in a more accusatory tone than he intends and stops for a couple deep breaths to calm himself.

Eli looks at him he opens his mouth as if to talk but nothing comes out, he closes it again and walks away. Adam calls after his friend but Eli ignores him. Adam sinks back into the picnic table and as much as he knows Eli still loves her, he's beginning to think Clare is right.

**(CLARE)**

She was in the exam room with her Mom, Jake, Adam and Eli as they waited for the doctor to come back and tell her if she was well enough to go back to school. Her Mother and Jake were sitting in the chairs along the wall; Adam was standing at her side. And Eli, he was leaning on the wall as far from all of them as he could get and remain in the room. He had done the same thing when everyone had come to see her after school. She was trying to not let it bother her, to give him time but it wasn't easy.

"Well Clare," the doctor said coming back into the room, "your O2 saturation levels are up to 88% that's very good. The rest of your tests are also looking well, the pneumonia is regressing at a pace I'm comfortable with and the staph and eikenella infections are about 70% eradicated. So if you feel up to it you can go back to school tomorrow."

"Yes, thank god one more day in bed and I would have gone crazy." She exclaims.

"I'm clearing you to go back to school but remember there are provisions."

"I know Dr. Barton I should try and walk short distances but only if I feel up to it, otherwise I'm supposed to use the wheel chair. I have to take the inhaler and the oxygen and use them if I feel like I need to. Take my meds on time, not carry or even try to lift my backpack or the oxygen and no bending or stretching because it might pop a stitch." She recited all the provisions he had told her on Sunday.

"Very good, but remember its very important you listen to your body. Don't try to push yourself to hard or over exert yourself because then you'll end up back here and we don't want that." Dr. Barton warned her and she nodded, "Okay you're all set to go, and as long as nothing else goes wrong I'll see you in a week for a follow up."

The doctor left and a minute later a nurse came in with a wheel chair and wheeled her out to the parking lot, Eli and Adam waited with her while her Mom and Jake went to get the car. After a few minutes of standing Clare's somewhat atrophied leg muscles began to weaken and tire and her legs started shaking a little. Already gripping their hands she gripped a little harder, they both looked at her instantly.

"I'm okay just getting tired of standing my legs are…" She wasn't able to finish her sentence as Eli swiftly let go of her hand and picked her up.

She didn't even bother to argue, a moment later the car appeared and Eli set her in the back seat, he went around to the other side and slid into the middle. Adam got in last and when they were all buckled her Mom started driving home. He may have been sitting next to her but Eli seemed to be a million miles away, he didn't hold her hand, look at her or hardly touch her at all the entire drive home; in fact he seemed to be going out of his way not to. Her Mother parked the car and everyone got out, Eli rushed to her side and picked her up carrying her into the house. She sighed silently but didn't fight this time either. Glen had dinner all ready when they arrived and they all sat down. Her Mother served her some food and she began eating.

"What did the doctor say?" Glen asked.

"I can go to school tomorrow." Clare smiled.

"Yeah but she has to be careful and she needs the wheel chair and her oxygen and if she feels tired or pain or…" Eli was beginning to rant so Jake cut him off.

"But the three of us will be there with her and so will Alli and the others and we'll watch her and help her."

"Right of course we will." Eli said.

While her Mother and Jake told Glen every detail about her appointment Adam scarfed down his food hungrily while Eli and Clare ate slowly.

"Well Clare since you're well enough to go back to school you should be able to keep working on your written statement for Constable Callaghan." Her Mother said suddenly.

Clare froze fork in hand ready to take a bite staring at her Mother hoping that she was kidding. Her Mother just looked at her Clare closed her mouth and dropped her fork onto the plate with sharp clang. "No I'm not!" She said angrily pushing herself up from the table.

"Clare…" Her Mother started.

"Don't." Was all she said, she wanted to run to her room but she simply couldn't so she walked to the stairs as fast as she was able. When she got to the bottom step Eli and Adam were both behind her. "Both of you go back and eat I can do it on my own!" She demands.

"We're just going to be here if you need us." Adam insisted.

She rolled her eyes but didn't have it in her to argue anymore. She started ascending the stairs, gripping the banister using it to help her she was pushing her body to move faster than it wanted to. She made it about half way before she started wheezing, her damaged lungs gasping for air, her muscles began aching taxed to their limits, she felt pains in her chest as she tried to take in a deep breath.

"Clare stop!" Eli pleaded softly.

She shook her head but before she could take another step Eli picked her up and carried her into her room, followed closely by Adam. He placed her gently on her bed and as she was gasping for air he turned on her oxygen and placed the mask on her. She held the mask on a few moments and looked down at her bed avoiding the worried looks she knew were on the boy's faces. She took the mask off and Eli turned off the compressor and placed the mask back on her nightstand.

"I'm fine now go back and eat." Clare said lying back on the bed.

"Clare you pushed yourself, exactly what…" Eli began but she cut him off.

"I Know Eli." She snapped at him, and when she saw him flinch just slightly she softened her voice. "I know and I'm sorry it's just my Mom made me mad. I'm sorry okay I'm fine now please go and finish your dinners I'm not hungry anymore."

They were silent for a moment and then Adam spoke. "Okay Clare but you need to take your meds and I think one or both of us should eat up here with you. I know you said your fine now but just to be safe."

Clare took her meds from her nightstand picking out the ones she needed and swallowing them with a sip of water. "I'm just going to lay in my bed and watch TV what could possibly happen?"

"The way you just strained yourself we're not taking any chances. I'll go down and get Eli's plate." Adam said and left the room before Clare could argue.

Eli was watching her carefully, his face was hard to read but she did see how fatigued he looked. "Maybe you should sleep at home tonight Eli." She said after a minute.

He looked hurt by this suggestion. "You don't want me here?"

"If you stay here again tonight you may not get any sleep." She told him just as Adam came in the room and handed Eli his plate.

Eli looked at his plate and waited until Adam left before looking at her again. "Clare I didn't sleep last night after a nightmare I had. If I slept at home I'm sure to have the same nightmare and I wouldn't sleep anyway because I'd be constantly worried that you'll stop breathing in the middle of the night."

"Adam will still be here, you know he won't let anything happen to me."

He cupped her face in his hands his touch was soft and it was the first time he'd touched her in the last couple days that he wasn't picking her up or helping her to walk. She pulled her lip between her teeth again biting down hard to keep back the tears.

"Clare do you want me here?" He asked and she nodded. "Then I'm staying here tonight and if I don't get any sleep again I'll live."

Eli sat next to her on his side of the bed and she turned on the TV. "Do you want to be here?" She asked after a few minutes.

He stopped eating and looked at her. "Clare of course I want to be here and as long as you need me I will be." He assured her. She nodded biting down on her lip once more. "Clare the bruise on your lip is never going to heal if you keep doing that."

"Sorry." She said quietly releasing her lip.

A short time later her Mother came into the room. "Eli why don't take your plate downstairs to the sink and go do your homework with Jake and Adam. I need to speak with my daughter."

"Sure." Eli said but his voice betrayed his trepidation.

Eli left her room and her Mom sat on the edge of the bed. "Clare I don't know why it upset you so much. You know you need to write that statement and you were in the hospital and so weak for several days that you couldn't work on it. But now your home and healing and you need to finish it."

Clare gave her Mother an incredulous look. _"Did she seriously just say she doesn't know why it upset me so much?! Is she kidding?!" _"I'm not talking about this Mother and I'm not writing that stament!" Clare stood up and began walking out of her room.

"Clare!" Her mother stood up grabbing her wrist to stop her.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Clare screamed wrenching her arm away, tears streaming down her face she walked quickly to the washroom and slammed the door behind her.

Clare sank down along the door she was crying furiously and that coupled with how fast she'd moved and how loud she'd screamed she was having a terrible time catching a breath.

"Clare Diana Edwards you get out here! I am not done talking to you young lady!" Her Mother demanded from the other side of the door.

Clare didn't respond, she couldn't, lack of oxygen making it both impossible to speak and making her light headed. She heard a stampede of footsteps coming up the stairs, then a flurry of voices, then Glen's voice telling her Mother to give Clare some space and then banging on the door.

"Clare let us in." It was Eli's voice.

She moved away from the door so they could open it, she was struggling desperately to stop crying and get a breath but she could do neither. The door opened a second later and the boys faces appeared in the bathroom.

"She can't breathe!" Jake stated the obvious in a worried voice. "Her lips are turning blue!"

"Jake go turn on her compressor." Adam commanded and Jake disappeared from her view.

Eli knelt down beside her, tears in his eyes and scooped her up and she clung to his shirt as tightly as she could at that moment. He carried her into the room and laid her on the bed, Adam put the mask on her face but she didn't let go of Eli's shirt. They all sat on her bed watching her intently for several minutes while she breathed in the oxygen. Slowly her lips turned pink again and her breathing became regular and they all heaved a collective sigh of relief. She handed the mask to Adam and he set it back on the compressor and turned it off.

"I'm tired." She sniffled.

"Then you should rest if you're going to go to school tomorrow." Jake said.

"Maybe you shouldn't go to school tomorrow, that's your second episode since we got home from the doctor." Eli stated

"Both of which were triggered by fights with my Mom you really think leaving me home with her for another day is a good idea? Especially without you guys here? I'm going to school tomorrow Eli I just need to sleep." She insisted lying down, she moved her hand from the back of Eli's shirt to his arm and he took her hand.

"Okay baby," Eli resigned.

She closed her eyes and within a few moments she was asleep.

**(ADAM)**

He was woken up by Clare thrashing around under her comforter, he sat up quickly turning on the light and looked back at her and that's when he noticed Eli wasn't in the bed. Clare's yelling in her sleep brought his attention back to her.

"Clare wake up, you're okay." He assured her shaking her gently.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Oh Adam I was…" She began but she started to cry and couldn't speak.

"It's okay Clare your safe I'm here but you have to stop your crying or you're going to have trouble breathing again." He told her.

She nodded and swallowed hard to keep back the rest of her tears; she shut her eyes tight and breathed as steadily as she could, then looked to her other side. "Where's Eli?"

"Downstairs I think." Adam told her.

She didn't say anything just nodded and laid back down, a sad look in her eye. Adam sat up gently stroking her hair until she was asleep again and then he got up and went downstairs to talk to Eli.

"What's wrong?" Eli asked as soon as Adam came down the stairs.

"She had a bad dream and she's asleep again. And you? Why are you downstairs again instead of with Clare?" Adam queried.

"I had a nightmare, same one I've had the last couple of nights. Now please go back and be with her." Eli requested.

"Eli…"

"Adam you saw her tonight she over exerted herself twice and nearly stopped breathing twice." Eli stated.

"Yes I was there, I saw her and I was scared too but that doesn't explain why you're down here and not with Clare. I'd think you'd want to stay with her after her episodes not distance yourself." Adam declared.

"Adam please go stay with her, she's nearly stopped breathing twice tonight and she wants to go to school tomorrow. What happens if something happens at school?" Eli questioned his voice constrained by distress.

"Then we'll be there, so will Jake, Alli, Jenna, Fiona, Imogen, Bianca and Owen. Not to mention Dave, Wesley and Connor or Tristan, Maya, Campbell, Zig and Tori. Hell even Dallas, Luke and Becky are ready and willing to help if she needs it. She's not going to be alone tomorrow; if something happens we have her inhaler and her oxygen. She'll be okay Eli we'll make sure of it, all of us." Adam assured him.

"But she's not okay Adam she will never be okay again." Eli asserted.

"Eli what do you…"

Eli cut him off, "Adam one of us needs to be with her in case she stops breathing and doesn't wake up in time to get her oxygen. Please."

"Okay I'm going but you need to snap out of this, you didn't see her face when you weren't there after she woke up from her bad dream. I know these last three weeks have been stressful and hard for you and your dealing with a lot but so is she Eli, a lot more than you and she needs you. I'll be there for her but she needs you." Adam contended and then turned and went back up the stairs.

When he went back into Clare's room she was soundly sleeping and breathing normally for her at the time. He laid back down pulling his blanket over himself and then the door opened and Eli came in laying on Clare's other side.

"Your right Adam she needs me and I need to be with her." Eli whispered pulling his blanket up.

"So this nightmare you keep having, the one that seems to be making you distance yourself from her, you wanna tell me what it's about?" Adam whispered back, smiling a little that Eli got at least some of his senses back.

"Yeah but not right now I don't want Clare to hear." Eli said in a low voice.

"Eli?" Clare whispered suddenly and they both looked at her. Her eyes were opened just slightly but she reached out her hand for him.

Eli took her hand and kissed it, "I'm here blue eyes, I'm not going anywhere."

**Update Soon**


	28. Slipping Through My Fingers

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch.28 Slipping Through My Fingers**

**(CLARE)**

The feel of Adam leaving the bed woke Clare, she blinked her eyes open to see him walk through the door and a second later heard the washroom door close. She dug the palms of her hands into the mattress and pushed herself to a sitting position which of course awoke Eli, his eyes shot open and locked with hers and he smiled.

"Good morning blue eyes, how do you feel? You sure want to go back to school?" He asked in sleep graveled voice as he sat up.

"I don't want to miss school again and I'm not staying here with my Mom for one more day." She insisted.

He cupped her face in his hand and kissed her nose lightly. "Your Mom means well."

"I don't care; she doesn't have to live with it. She doesn't know what I went through, no one does." She said scrunching her face up in annoyance and then falling into melancholy.

She looked away from Eli taking interest in her chipping nail polish; Alli and Jenna had promised to give her a mani-pedi as soon as her lungs could take the chemicals from the polish.

Eli sighed sounding just slightly defeated, "Okay to school it is, I know everyone will be glad to see you back."

She smiled once more, turning to get out of bed as she heard the washroom door open again. Eli threw off his blanket and came around to help her up; he took her hands in his and pulled her from the bed. Her weak legs were rigid and sore from sleeping and she faltered just slightly, his expression turned to fear and his arms shot around her back for better support.

"It's okay Eli, first thing in the morning is always the worst because my muscles are stiff from sleeping." She assured him with a kiss on the cheek.

He relaxed and smiled at her, "I know I'm sorry I just worry."

She kissed his lips gently, he was different this morning, less distant and she was thankful for it. Feeling Adam watching them from the doorway she looked over and smiled at him, he was smiling at the both of them. Eli let go of her once she was stable and she walked to the washroom without help. When she was done in the washroom Eli was leaning on the wall waiting for her.

"Let's get you dressed before we go down for breakfast." He said.

"I want to wear my Ice Hounds jacket." She told him as she walked back to her room.

Adam was already at her closet and pulling the jacket out for her. She picked out a pair of jeans and a pink top and then Adam left the room leaving Eli to help her dress. She hated getting dressed and undressed it was an arduous task with broken ribs, abrasions, cuts, welts and now stitches limiting even more how much she could bend, stretch and maneuver as she got her clothes on and off. She hated even more that Eli looked now; he would look and then look away always with the same expression on his face, an expression that made her feel horrid, dejected, sub human in a way. She learned to close her own eyes so she wouldn't have to see the look on his face. She may have had her eyes closed but she still felt him tense every time she winced or cringed in pain. When she was finally dressed for school, he grabbed her jacket and she walked out of the room, now she found Adam fully dressed and ready for school as well leaning on the wall waiting for them. Eli took her into the washroom to help her brush her hair and such. She grimaced at the sight of her face in the mirror the fading bruises looked almost more horrid now that they were pale green and yellow, but she wasn't going to bother with makeup it took to long for her to put it on. Eli opened the washroom door again and she walked out and stood by Adam.

"Can you get her downstairs while I get ready for school?" Eli asked Adam handing him her jacket.

"I can get downstairs on my own." She insisted.

Eli scowled at her, "Can you be there to help her if she needs it?" Eli corrected himself and she smiled.

"That's why I was waiting." Adam nodded.

She made it down the stairs with minimal help from Adam but accepted his help to the table as she was feeling fatigued by the time she reached the bottom of the stairs. When Eli came down and joined them at the table a few minutes later Adam was eating cereal and she was drinking one of her bottled protein shakes. Eli made himself some cereal as did Jake when he joined them a moment later. When she finished her shake Adam got her some water while Eli ran upstairs to get her meds. Her Mom and Glen came downstairs with Eli and her Mother seemed to be watching her closely as she took her medications.

"Are you sure you want to return to school today?" Her Mom asked.

Clare sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes, "I'm going to school."

Her Mom looked at her another moment and then went about making herself breakfast. As soon as the boys finished breakfast Clare wanted to go to school. They left her at the table while they ran upstairs to get backpacks and her emergency oxygen. Eli checked that they had her inhaler and meds as she slipped on her shoes Adam helped her on with her Ice Hounds jacket and finally they were ready to leave.

"Be careful today, don't push yourself and if you feel like you need to come home call me right away." Her Mother persisted as they all stood at the door ready to leave.

"I will Mom." Clare said with an edge of annoyance in her voice.

Helen kissed her forehead and Glen wished her a good day and the four teenagers walked out to Jake's truck. Eli helped her in to the truck and out again when they arrived at school, to save her from walking from the parking lot Jake pulled up to the stairs and Eli and Adam got their backpacks and the case with her oxygen, then Jake went to park the truck. Eli and Adam stood on either side of her as they began ascending the stairs, Adam carrying her backpack as well as his own and Eli carrying her oxygen in addition to his backpack. They hadn't made it up three stairs when Alli and Jenna came running up.

"CLARE!" They exclaimed together as they both hugged her.

"How do you feel?" Allis asked.

"Better I guess, stronger." She assured them with a smile.

"I'm so glad your back." Jenna said.

"So am I, if I had to stay home with my Mom one more day I would have gone crazy." Clare told them.

Suddenly she was surrounded by people, some of them her friends others she barely knew but had of course heard that she'd been rushed to the hospital and almost died and were coming to welcome her back and wish her well. She was grateful for the concern and everything but with everyone surrounding her she couldn't move up the stairs and standing still for so long was taking its toll on her weak and slightly atrophied muscles. She was trying to smile and not let it show but Eli and Adam either knew or could tell as they both moved a little closer to her and put their arms around her back for support.

"EVERYONE DISPERSE AND GIVE HER SOME SPACE!" Owen's boisterous deep yell quieted the crowd immediately and everyone but her friends walked away and into the building.

She looked over to him and smiled gratefully. "Thanks Owen." She said as she gripped onto Adam and Eli just slightly feeling her legs falter.

"Anytime," he smiled. "Can you make it up the stairs?"

"I think so." She said but her voice and possibly face betrayed her hesitation.

Owen waved for someone to come over and she looked over her shoulder to see Dallas approaching. Owen took hold of Dallas' arms near his elbows and Dallas did the same to Owen thus making a seat with their arms, they went behind Clare and Eli and Adam guided her to sit.

"Nice, insta-chair." Adam said.

Clare smiled and put her arms, around their shoulders for better support and the group began walking inside, Alli and Jenna held the doors so they could all enter.

"The jacket looks good on you." Dallas said.

Clare smiled at him, "Thanks, I love it."

"You're supposed to check in with Simpson." Jake said as he joined the group.

"Jake and I can get your books from your locker and take your backpack to the MI lab. Eli you should go with her." Adam instructed.

Eli nodded and Jake took her oxygen from him, Alli and the others began to disperse to their own lockers and Owen and Dallas carried her to Simpson's office. She got many looks from people, some curious others pitiful, she wasn't sure if it was because they knew she'd been in the hospital or if it was because Owen and Dallas were carrying her. They got a curious look from the secretary and Principal Simpson aswell when they walked into his office.

"Thanks guys." She said as they set her down.

Owen and Dallas smiled at her and left and she and Eli sat down. Simpson told her all her teachers and the rest of the staff had been informed of her condition. Her wheel chair was being kept behind the secretary's desk so other kids wouldn't mess around with it when she wasn't using it. Should she need it she just had to send someone to retrieve it. He also told her to be careful and not push herself and to go home if she felt the need.

"You want your wheel chair?" Eli asked as they exited Simpson's office.

She shook her head, "I want to walk a bit."

Eli looked scared or uncertain she wasn't sure but he nodded. She must have been a curious sight, walking so slowly, every step carefully calculated and the occasional wince from pain. It seemed to her as though every pair of eyes that she passed turned to look at her and there was certainly much whispering as she passed. Not that she expected anything less after being taken from school in an ambulance. By the time the MI lab came into sight her legs were beginning to shake just slightly and her damaged, pneumonia ridden lungs were burning to take in more air. Eli already had an arm around her waist and one of her arms was around his neck for support, she wanted so badly to make it on her own but it wasn't just a simple walk down the hall for her. Feeling somewhat disheartened and pathetic she turned to Eli with tears at the corners of her eyes.

"I don't think I can make it the rest of the way." She admitted in a small defeated voice.

Eli smiled at her and picked her up, kissing her lips softly. "You did amazing baby, you walked really far. Much farther than from your room to the wash room, don't feel bad."

She nodded but still felt fairly pathetic even though she knew he was right. He carried her into the MI lab and Alli, Dave, Wesley and Connor were already at their seats waiting for her. Alli pushed out her chair for her and Eli set her down gently, then leaned on the table and looked her over a minute.

"You need your oxygen? You're still wheezing a bit." Eli pointed out.

"No I think I'm okay, if it doesn't get better in a minute I'll use the inhaler." She assured him.

He looked at Alli, "Make sure she does." Alli nodded and Eli kissed her cheek and told her he'd be there after class and to wait for him and then he left.

Adam and Jake had set her things near her chair and Alli picked up her backpack and began opening all the pockets seemingly taking stock of everything in case Clare might need it. Dave, Wesley and Connor meanwhile were asking her all kinds of questions about her condition, what the doctor said, how she was feeling ect. The other kids in class were just glancing at her and whispering, Clare just hoped they would stop by tomorrow. Miss Oh came into the room and gave Clare a look of pity, she hated those looks, the looks of feeling sorry for her they always made her feel worse. After telling Clare she was glad to have her back Miss Oh started class. When class ended Dave and Wesley offered to take her backpack and oxygen to art class for her and she thanked them. She waited at the table until Eli and Jake appeared. She wasn't wheezing anymore but her lungs still burned and her breaths were shallower and Eli gave her a frightened and anxious look. She smiled at him to assure him she was okay but didn't argue when he picked her up to carry her to class.

"Clare how lovely to see you in class again, welcome back." Miss Dawes said cheerfully as Eli carried her through the doorway.

Clare thanked her and Eli set her down. "Don't forget you can call me, Adam or Jake if you need us." Eli reminded her.

"I know Eli I'll be fine." She assured him managing to keep the annoyance out of her voice this time.

They both stayed another minute watching her carefully and then left. Soon after they left Tristan came in and sat by her with a big smile. She greeted him and tried to ignore the other students who just stared and whispered. They were supposed to be working with oil paints that day, and Miss Dawes put a stool at her easel so she wouldn't have to stand. For a short time she painted away and then her chest began to feel compressed, her breathing got shallower and sharper as the fumes from all the paint in the room infiltrated her ill lungs. She slid off the stool and went back to the table retrieving her inhaler from her backpack. Miss Dawes asked if she was okay and she nodded, the inhaler worked well enough to get her to the end of class but her breaths remained shallow and slightly strained.

**(ADAM)**

He left class a few minutes early telling the teacher he was going to help Clare but went to Owen's class instead waiting at the doorway for Owen to come out.

"Hey can you guys take Clare for morning break? I want to talk to Eli." Adam requested.

"Sure I'll get Dallas." Owen said.

"Thanks." Adam replied. Owen nodded and Adam ran down the hall to grab Eli before he went to get Clare from art class. "Eli." He called out to him when he saw his friend.

Eli stopped and turned around at the sound of his name. "We need to get Clare."

"Owen's on it, they'll take her for break, you need to tell me about this nightmare you keep having." Adam asserted. Eli sighed and looked hesitant. "Come on Eli, you said you'd tell me when Clare wasn't around to hear. Owen and the team will take good care of her."

Eli nodded and the two walked outside to their usual picnic table. They sat down close together so they could talk quietly without others hearing. For a couple minutes Eli was silent and then he took a deep breath before telling Adam about his reoccurring nightmare from the past few nights. "It's always the same, I'm in a dark house and I hear Clare screaming and I try to find her but I can't figure out where her screaming is coming from. I search frantically hearing her screaming in pain and terror and sometimes calling to me to save her. Finally I find her but it's too late, I reach her just as they, Ben and Trevor I'm assuming all though I've never seen their faces and in the dream the two guys with her have their faces in shadow. Anyway in the dream as soon as I find Clare she's in this enormous room naked and tied on a bed and their hurting her, cutting her and whipping her with a belt and touching her like she told us they did." He stops cringing at the thought of them hurting or touching his Clare and the painful memories of the dream. Tears start trickling from his eyes and Adam puts a hand on his shoulder. "I want to run to her and take her away and kill them for laying a finger on her but I can't move. They vanish and Clare sits on the edge of the bed and she always looks the same; like she did when we saw her that first night at Fiona's. Now I can move and I run to her and she gets off the bed and tries to run to me but she can't, she falls to the floor as soon as she tries to take a step. I reach her side, kneel down next to her, kiss her softly and tell her it's going to be okay but she's crying. She looks at me and her eyes are so full of pain and fear just like they were that night, she tells me she's okay but her eyes clouded with fright and hurt are pleading for help and then she stops breathing. I pick her up to hold her in my arms, to help her and take her out of there but as soon as she's in my arms she shatters, breaks into a million pieces like a china doll and her pieces fall through my fingers to the floor and then I wake up." Eli finished with a deep breath and wiped away his tears.

Now it all made sense to Adam; Eli's reluctance to let her try and do anything on her own, the need he felt to always hover at her side or do something for her at the first sign she was having trouble. The look of fear he always had on his face when she would walk on her own even short distances. And why he had begun to pull away and distance himself from her, for fear of losing her like he did Julia and the guilt he felt for not protecting her in the first place. For a minute they sat in silence, Eli with his head down and Adam with his hand on Eli's shoulder as he worked out the words in his head to comfort his friend.

"As terrible and as guilty as I and even Jake feel for not protecting Clare from them I know it must be a hundred times worse for you. I know you're scared that she'll exert herself to much, try too hard and get even sicker or worse collapse and need to be taken to the hospital again. I know because that fear is always at the back of my mind too but we have to let her try Eli or she won't get any stronger or better. You must see how frustrated she is like this, hardly being able to walk on her own, not being able to dress or do much of anything on her own. She's fragile right now, weak and sick and everything that happened to her is weighing on her and making her all the more fragile but Eli she won't shatter. She needs you Eli to be there for her, with her but not to do everything for her. The effort of trying isn't going to kill her and if she needs help, you'll be there; we'll be there." Adam advised his other best friend.

Eli was looking at him now and nodded, "I know Adam but I…I should have been there. I should have protected her from ever getting hurt to begin with and I failed. And then…then I should have protected her from getting sick. She nearly died more than once and I just watched her, we all did I guess, watched her get weaker and sicker and I was too afraid to do anything. So afraid of upsetting her emotional and mental state I ignored her physical one and failed her again and now I'm afraid to not be there when she needs me but just as afraid that she's going to…" Eli's sentence trailed off as his voice choked with sorrow and anxiety.

"I know Eli but I don't think she does. She's strong Eli, stronger than your giving her credit for currently. She survived Ben and Trevor's abuse and was strong enough to get to Drew's that night. She probably made it worse by running there on just her fear and adrenaline but she made it. She almost died Eli but she didn't she pulled through; she woke up and made it through her surgery. And while it was stupid of her she was strong enough to hide most of her pain and difficulty from us. She thinks your pulling away because of the scars and everything they did. She says that you look now when you help her get dressed and then you turn away in disgust and she thinks you're repulsed by her." Adam told him.

"But I'm not, not by her." Eli said in a small voice.

"Look I know you're afraid you're going to burden her more if you talk to her, but you need to Eli. She needs to know why you look away and she deserves to know. Don't you think it's harder for her not knowing, guessing as to why you look away and distance yourself hardly let her do anything? Talk to her Eli, she can handle it but if you keep going like you have been you will lose her." Adam said just as the bell rang.

"I will." Eli said as they began walking in. "I'll talk to her."

**(CLARE)**

"Luke get her backpack and oxygen, I'll just carry her to class." Owen said when the bell rang signaling the end of morning break.

Owen and Dallas had collected her from art class and she'd spent break with the Ice Hounds, her next class was science which she had with both Owen and Luke.

"Owen I can walk some." She argued.

"Science class is far and I'm not risking it." He told her.

With almost anyone else she would have tried to argue or simply got up from the table and begun to walk on her own but not with Owen, his commanding presence overpowering her will to argue like it did for everyone else. So she sighed just a little as Luke picked up her stuff in addition to his own, Owen put on his backpack and then picked her up and she put her arms around his neck for support. She saw the other students pointing and staring and whispering again and she shook her head. When she had entered at the beginning of break being carried by Owen and Dallas, like they had carried her into school earlier that morning, some of the other students had started to approach her, looking like they were going to ask something but had quickly turned away after stern and warning looks from the team.

As soon as Owen carried her into the science lab her chest felt heavy and constrained again and her breaths became just a little more shallow. Owen set her in a stool at their work table and he took the one next to her. Luke set her things at her feet before sitting on the other side of the table. Mr. Perino turned and looked at her, giving her the same pity filled look that most adults gave her, looking at her like she was a lost and beaten puppy; she hated that look. The bell rang again and class soon started but the longer Clare was in the class room the more difficult it became to breath, her lungs began to burn again as her breaths became ever more shallow and sharp stabbing pains shot through her chest. She stopped listening to Mr. Perino's lecture on cellular mutation and concentrated on breathing.

"You need your oxygen Clare?" Owen asked next to her ear.

She hated to draw any more attention to herself but was sure that passing out would really draw attention to her and her Mother and Eli would most certainly not let her come to school tomorrow. She nodded just as she began coughing and reached into her pocket for a tissue. Of course now the whole class had eyes on her and when Owen brought up her oxygen and switched it on the whispering began. When she finished coughing she put the tissue down on the table and it was red with blood and the whispering turned into loud murmuring and worried talking.

"Are you alright Clare?" Mr. Perino asked as Owen handed her the oxygen mask and she put it on.

She nodded in reply as a cacophony of well-meaning but wrong voices began to speak up.

"She's not okay she can't breathe!"

"Get principal Simpson, she's not breathing!"

"She coughed up blood call 911!"

"She's going to die!"

"Someone get Eli or Jake she's dying!"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Owen bellowed and the whole room, including Mr. Perino fell silent and became still. "That's better, now listen she'll be fine in a minute just give her some space."

Still everyone watched her until she removed the mask and switched off the machine. "I'm okay." She said quietly and the class resumed. Within a few minutes however it became difficult to breathe again and she turned in her stool to face Owen. "I think it's the room Owen, there are too many chemicals in the room and my lungs are too sensitive, I didn't have this much trouble until we came in here."

"We're taking Clare to the library she can't breathe with all the chemicals." Owen announced interrupting Mr. Perino.

The teacher only nodded and went back to his lecture while Owen picked her up and Luke got her things. The librarian looked up when they came in but didn't say anything, just gave Clare that same pity filled look.

"You want us to get Eli?" Luke asked as he put her things on the table.

"Just let him know I'm here, it's already easier for me to breathe." She told them. Owen set her down but didn't turn to leave like Luke did. "I'll be okay Owen you can go back to class. As soon as we left the room I was breathing better."

"Fine but if you have trouble again call Eli, Adam or Jake." He instructed.

"I know." She said with slight annoyance.

He grimaced at her just slightly and then left to go back to class. Shortly after the bell rang Eli and Adam came to the library for her and by the looks on their faces she was sure that Owen had given them a detailed account of what had happened in science class.

"I'm fine, that room is permeated with chemicals I'm breathing normal again, well normal for me right now anyway." She assured them.

Eli took her face in hands gently and looked her over closely and then relaxed. "Should we go get your wheel chair or do you want to try and walk to your next class?" He asked.

She was so surprised by this question coming from Eli that for a second she couldn't answer. "Yes I want to walk, I don't want to use that chair everyone stares enough as it is." She said standing up.

"We could always get Owen and the Ice Hounds to carry you again." Adam laughed as they began walking.

"No I don't want to bother them and I feel like walking." She affirmed.

She made it to her class; Jenna and Wesley were already at their desks and waved to her. She sat at her desk happy that she had done it on her own but taxed by the effort. Adam put her things by her side and sat down at his desk and Eli kissed her cheek before leaving the room. At lunch she was sitting at her picnic table with Eli, Adam, Fiona, Imogen, Bianca, and Owen. She wasn't eating but she had a protein shake and was slowly sipping at it when suddenly there was a pair of lips on her cheek and they weren't Eli's she jumped just slightly from shock and then smiled when she saw it was Drew.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as he took a seat next to Bianca.

"Came to spend lunch with my two favorite girls of course." Drew said and then kissed Bianca softly. "Oh and my brother." Drew added when he pulled away from Bianca.

"Gee thanks bro so glad you remembered me." Adam said sarcastically with a roll of his eyes.

"How's your first day back been?" Drew inquired ignoring Adam's snide comment.

"Fine, I do wish everyone stop whispering and pointing though." She lamented.

"It'll stop just ignore them." Drew told her.

"She almost passed out in science." Eli said.

"I did not!" She countered.

"Yes she did." Owen affirmed.

Clare groaned in exasperation and lunch talk turned to the wedding and Atlantic City. She made it the rest of the school day without any further episodes or need of her oxygen and only some difficulty breathing and moving. She still refused to use her wheel chair but it didn't matter Owen, Dallas and Luke had taken to carrying her around if she became weary of walking or had even the slightest bit of trouble breathing. When they arrived home she walked into the house on her own, Jake dropped them off and went to meet Katie and with her parents at work it left only the three of them. Clare was about to start walking up the stairs when her phone rang, Eli fetched it from her backpack and handed it to her.

"Hi Mom." Clare said into the phone.

"Hi sweetie how was school?"

"It was fine, I'm fine." She said rolling her eyes.

"Good do you have much homework?"

"No just what I missed when I was absent none of the teachers gave me any new homework."

"Good then I expect you to spend the afternoon writing your written statement while the boys are doing homework. I want that statement done by Monday Clare." Her Mother said sternly and hung up.

Clare threw her phone to the ground and sank to the floor in tears. Instantly Eli and Adam sat down next to her, Eli put his arms around her and hugged her close.

"What's wrong baby?" Eli asked but Clare was crying too vigorously to answer.

It took several minutes for her to control her sobbing enough to get any words out at all and the act of sobbing had made her breathing labored and choked.

"Take me to my room please." She finally requested in a tiny voice that sounded strained and odd even to her. She wasn't even going to try and walk she knew she wouldn't make it and she had lost the will to do much of anything at that moment.

Eli nodded and scooped her up, carrying her to her room and laying her on her bed. Adam came in a few seconds later with her oxygen and turned it on placing the mask on her so she could at least breathe while she cried. She wanted to curl onto her side but broken ribs and stitches prevented her from doing so. She settled for sinking back into her pillows and shutting her eyes tightly. They never left her side, Eli taking one of her hands and interlacing their fingers while he gently stroked her cheek, Adam held her other hand and eventually her crying ceased.

"What made you so upset?" Adam inquired after he turned her oxygen off and removed the mask.

"She still insists I write the statement for the cops she said to work on it while you do your homework, she wants me to have it done by Monday." She told them.

"I'll get it for you Clare; we can do it just like before, just write a few sentences and then take a break. Adam and I will be with you the whole time." Eli assured her.

Clare bit her lip chewing on it until Eli pulled it from her teeth and she nodded finally, but she didn't want to write it, she didn't want to think about what happened let alone write it down in a firsthand account detailing everything she felt, heard or saw. Everything they did to her down to the tiniest detail. Eli left the room and returned a moment later putting the partially written statement, the instructions and a pen on her bed tray. He left the room again returning with his and Adam's backpacks; they pulled out their homework and began working silently on either side of her. She sat there staring at the paper, the pen in her hand resting on the page but it would not move. After a few minutes of her sitting statue like still and staring at the page Eli looked over at her and put a hand on her arm squeezing gently to encourage her to write. She took a shaky deep, as she could manage, breath and began writing, the two times she had worked on it before she had gotten as far as Sunday morning. She started writing slowly about finding them in her room that evening and being grabbed roughly by her neck and tossed on her bed. Eli got up again saying he was getting a snack and Adam asked if he would get him one too, as soon as Eli was out of the room she put the pen down. Silent tears had been running down her cheeks since she began but they started coming more rapidly now and Adam looked at her.

"I can't do this Adam, I can't write about it. I'm certainly not going to be able to repeat it on camera even by myself." Adam put his arm around her shoulders and she laid her head down on his.

"You were able to tell us what happened, you can write this Clare." He tried consoling her.

"But I didn't tell you, I mean I did but I glazed over everything, I didn't tell you in detail I gave you the bare facts. I left out a lot but they want it all, every horrifically sick detail of everything they did, I felt, they said." She wiped her tears on his shoulder and tried to take in a deep breath but winced in pain and coughed when she could not.

Adam took her hand and squeezed it waiting a moment for her to calm herself before speaking. "What do you mean you left out a lot?"

**Next update will continue from right here and should be up sometime this weekend**


	29. Breaking Silence

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Thanks for the reviews everyone**

**Ch.29 Breaking Silence**

**(ADAM)**

"What do you mean you left out a lot?" He ventured after giving her a moment to calm herself.

Rather than answer his question she got up from the bed turning her back to him and leaning on the back of the desk chair for support. He went to her gently placing his hand on her back.

"I can't write the statement Adam, I just can't." She was sobbing harder now, he watched the tears as they fell onto her desk. "I don't want to have to think about it, to remember. It hurts too much to think about it. I can't write it all down, not the way they want me to; not at all and I can't repeat it on camera. They have the pictures; they can get statements from the rest of you and Natalie. Ben and Trevor's own mother turned them in and that's going to have to be enough because I can't do this." She cried walking across the room and stopping to take a breath although she was too upset and crying too hard to get much air in.

He went to her side again internally debating for a moment if he should push the subject and risk upsetting her more or drop it for the time being. He decided to try one more thing but was ready to grab her oxygen from her nightstand should she need it.

"What about punishing them Clare?"

She sank to the floor, "There is no punishment, no jail sentence that can ever make right what they did! I have to live the rest of my life with the scars and no amount of jail time is ever going to be enough. They will never have to suffer like I did! It doesn't matter if I write the statement or not because nothing done to them will ever take away my pain! No prison sentence will ever make the scars go away! For the rest of my life I will have their initials carved into my back to remind me that to them I was nothing more than property! That as they cut into my skin to brand me they told me I was their fuck toy!" She was near hysterical now and fighting desperately to breathe.

Adam got up and brought her oxygen to her, turning it on but before he could get the mask over her face she coughed up some blood, she wiped it on her jeans and Adam put the mask on her. She leaned against him and he noticed she was shaking a little, whether this was due to how upset she was or hard she was struggling to take a breath at the moment he wasn't sure.

**(CLARE)**

Eli came in the room and picked her up and she knew by the look in his eye he'd been listening, she turned her head into his chest as much as she could with the mask on. Adam picked up her compressor and followed them as Eli set her on the bed, Adam put her compressor on the nightstand and the boys took their places at her sides. It was nearly ten minutes before she could take off the mask. The exhaustion of crying and struggling to breathe had taken its toll on her physically and the memories that had invaded her mind when she was trying to write and when she was talking to Adam had taxed her emotionally and mentally.

"I should take a bath." She said quietly. As she wasn't supposed to get her stitches or her cuts wet, bathing meant a sponge bath on a stool in the bathtub.

Eli looked at her a minute but he didn't argue just nodded and helped her off the bed. He walked with her to the washroom, shut the door and started the water and got everything set up for her before turning around to help her undress.

"I can do it Eli; I don't need your help." She insisted in a very meek voice. She was feeling more self-conscious than usual after all the memories had come flooding back. The last thing she wanted right now was to feel even worse knowing that Eli was looking at her scars and wounds and being repulsed by them.

"Clare…"

"Eli please I just can't deal with you looking right now." She pleaded, her voice choked and she shut her eyes as a few tears slipped out.

She heard him sigh and felt his fingers come under her chin and then his lips on hers in a soft, tender kiss; when he pulled his lips from hers she opened her eyes to look at him again.

"I won't look okay? I promise but you need to let me help you. If you pop a stich because you bent over too far or stretched too much you'll have to stay home with your Mom again tomorrow." He reasoned with her.

She bit her lip and nodded and he helped her to undress, she got into the bathtub on her own and shut the curtain asking him to get her pajamas and clean underwear. She heard him exit the washroom and return a couple minutes later and then he waited silently for her to finish. By the time he had helped her to dry and dress and they had returned to her room her Mom and Jake were home and judging by the sounds coming from the kitchen her Mom was making dinner.

"Could you get me a shake so I can take my meds." She requested.

"You don't want to try and a little bit of solid food?" Eli asked as all she had eaten today were protein shakes.

She shook her head, "I'm tired and I don't feel like sitting at the dinner table."

Eli and Adam exchanged a look but Adam got up and went downstairs. Eli put an arm around her and held her close; her head fell to his shoulder finding solace at his touch. Whatever Adam had said to him or whatever had knocked Eli out of his distant yet overbearing state she was immensely grateful for. While she still felt the need to be somewhat guarded around him he was once again her safe place. Adam returned with a shake for her and an aggravated look on his face.

"Your Mom wanted to know how the statement was coming," he told her as he handed her the shake, she bit her lip and felt tears at her eyes again. Adam took his seat and put a hand on her arm. "I told her you were too tired from school to work on it tonight." He told her.

"Thanks Adam." She said with an appreciative smile.

She sipped at the shake slowly as the boys continued on their homework, she could feel they had questions for her and every so often one of them would turn to her as if to ask her something and then look back at their homework. When her mother called that dinner was ready Adam said he would go down and get a plate for him and Eli so they could eat up there with her. She nodded and smiled, finished her shake and asked Eli to get her meds for her. Adam returned a moment later, handing Eli his plate while Clare turned on the TV for them to watch while they ate. The stresses of the day began to take over making her realize how tired she was and she fell asleep before they had finished eating.

She sat up suddenly and then shrieked when the sudden movement wracked her sides with pain. Her breathing was shallow, hard and fast paced. She was damp with sweat and shaking slightly, tears crawling down her cheeks. She barely had time for her eyes to focus on her dark room before both Eli and Adam were sitting up at her sides.

"Clare what's wrong baby are you in pain?" Eli questioned frantically as he put his arms around her.

"You need your oxygen?" Adam asked in a worried tone putting a hand at her back.

She shook her head and tried to control her breathing to answer them but gave up after a few seconds and put her head down on Eli's chest. He put his other arm around her and kissed her forehead. After a few minutes she felt them both relax and her breathing began to slow and become more regular.

"Bad dream." She told them. "I'm okay go back to sleep." She insisted pulling away from Eli enough to lie down again.

She felt their hesitation for a moment and then felt as they lay down again. She had lied, she wasn't okay and she couldn't go back to sleep but she didn't want to worry them. When she heard their breathing become deep and regular once more she wanted to get up but with them on top of her comforter on each side of her she was pretty well trapped. She dug her palms into the mattress and slowly pushed herself up; she went slowly simply to not disturb the boys. Then brought her knees up as far as she could and was finally able to get out of the covers but she still had to get past the two of them, so with some difficulty she managed to turn and slowly crawl to the end of the bed. Turning again she sat at the edge of the bed before standing up. She heard Eli stir and stopped for just a second and when she was sure he hadn't woken up she walked to her door as quickly as her legs would allow. She slowly and quietly closed her bedroom door behind her and easily made it to the stairs. Making it down the stairs was not as easy but she managed, she sat on the couch pulling the blanket from the back of it and wrapping it around herself. She looked at the sickly green glow of the cable box clock it was just after 1am. She didn't particularly want to watch TV but she didn't want to think either so she put the TV on anyway.

After an hour of the educational channel she still didn't feel tired and it hadn't kept her from thinking either. She got up and began to slowly pace but suddenly felt the need for air, not her oxygen but fresh air. She went to the back door unlocked it and went out the porch, the cold night air nipped at her skin and gave her goose flesh and she shivered slightly. The crisp fresh air felt good to breathe in and she took as deep a breath as she was able, it smelled like pine and morning dew.

"Clare Diana Edwards what are you doing outside!?" Her mother's sleep cracked yet shrill voice shattering her moment of peace and Clare turned around in a huff. "Get back inside young lady before you catch your death of cold!" Her mother demanded.

Clare crossed her arms over her chest and walked a few steps back inside. "A cold is a virus mother you can't catch one from standing outside." Clare said snarkily.

"Maybe not but you can catch pneumonia." Her mother said emphatically.

"I already have pneumonia." Clare retorted.

"All the more reason you shouldn't be outside at this hour. And why are you by yourself? What's the good of having those boys here if they aren't going to watch you?" Her mother questioned.

"Sleeping Mom they are sleeping it's late and they need to rest and I didn't want to bother them. I'm seventeen I can take care of myself." Clare insisted sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"I didn't mean it like that Clare, you know what I mean. You're weak right now, you heard the doctor we have to be careful or you could end up back in the hospital." Her mother reminded her.

"I know Mother I am well aware of my limitations, they irritate to no end every day. I can feel the broken ribs and stitches and cuts and welts and bruises because they are on my body! Every time I try to do anything I am reminded of how weak I am as my muscles struggle to do even the simplest of movements and even when I'm sitting still I struggle to breathe normally! And if you're so concerned with how weak and fragile I am why you don't you seem to care how fragile I am when you're constantly insisting I write that stupid statement!" Her tone was hard laced with ire and animosity, she wasn't yelling but her voice had risen fairly high.

Her agitated state coupled with how fast she had been talking had taxed her ill lungs but she was trying not to show it and just dug her hands into the arm of the sofa. She heard two sets of footsteps descending the stairs rather fast and knew it was Eli and Adam well before she saw them. They came to her sides, Eli taking her hand and Adam putting a hand on her shoulder.

"That statement is important Clare they need it to convict them, think of it like homework you said you didn't have any and you always do well on homework. I honestly don't see what your problem is Clare, it needs to get written and if you're well enough to go to school then you're well enough to write." Her mother said sternly.

Clare felt her face get red with rage and umbrage she couldn't believe her mother was so dense. She squeezed Eli's hand and he put an arm around her waist as she swallowed hard to keep the tears at bay.

"But it's not homework…" Adam started to argue for her but she interrupted him.

"Don't bother she doesn't care." Clare said pushing herself up from the couch. "I'm going to bed." She told them as she walked to the stairs.

"Clare…" Her mother called after her in an indignant tone.

"She needs to sleep let her go to bed." Adam said with a hard angry edge to his voice.

Clare made it up four stairs before she was crying too hard to see; her legs began to shake, more from her agitated and upset state than anything else and she was already struggling to breath. She gave up trying to walk and turned to Eli who was of course at her side, she put her head on his chest and her arms around his neck and let the tears come. He kissed her temple lightly as he picked her up and carried her to her bed. He set her on the bed and went around to his side sitting next to her, putting an arm around her and she put her head on his shoulder. She heard the door close and knew Adam had come back in the room, a few seconds later she heard her compressor get turned on, felt as Adam sat beside her and placed the mask on her. Eli began rubbing her back softly while she took in the oxygen and felt the burning in her lungs decrease as slowly it became easier to breathe once more. After a few minutes she felt like she was breathing as normally as she was able and handed the mask to Adam again.

"What were you doing downstairs?" Adam asked.

"Couldn't sleep." She spoke softly.

"Then you should have woken us up." Adam scolded.

"I didn't want to disturb you." She replied.

"Waking up to find you not in bed and hearing you argue with your Mom was more disturbing." Eli scolded her now.

"Sorry." She apologized.

"If you're going to go to school tomorrow you'd better get to sleep." Adam said after a few minutes.

"I'm not sure I can get back to sleep." She lamented taking Eli's other hand.

Eli kissed her forehead and squeezed her lightly while Adam found the remote and put on the TV. Adam fell asleep first, sinking down into the bed and pulling up his blanket. Eli fell asleep sitting up and still holding her. Eventually Clare did fall asleep but it was a restless fitful sleep. When the alarm went off the next morning the three of them groaned simultaneously; Adam reached over and smacked the button to silence it, siting up with a grunt. Clare felt Eli stroking her back and she opened her eyes. Suddenly realizing that in her sleep she had folded and had her head in Eli's lap now, which was fine what was not fine was her current position had her bending to far on her bad side; the side with broken ribs and stitches. Now that she was awake she became aware of immense pain from this current position, she put her hands on Eli's legs and began to push herself up. She sucked in a sharp breath shutting her eyes tight as the pain increased with movement, Adam took her arm and helped her to move but she still yelped in agony as she finally came upright. She could feel them both watching her carefully and after a couple of breaths she opened her eyes and assured them she was fine. Knowing that she was okay Adam grabbed his bag and left the roomand she turned to Eli.

"Could you bring me a shake please? As soon as we're all dressed I want to go to school, I can't deal with my mother today." She told him.

He kissed her lips softly and nodded disappearing from the room, returning a moment later and giving her the shake. Adam ate while Eli helped her get ready for school and after she pleaded with him Jake got ready quickly and drove them all to school, dropping the misfits at the stairs again so Clare didn't need to walk from the parking lot. As it turned out she didn't need to walk at all as Owen and Dallas picked her up like they had the previous morning and carried her to class. When she was safely deposited at class with Wesley and Connor to keep her company, Eli went to the lunchroom to get something to eat as he hadn't had breakfast. Her morning went fairly well; after her attack the previous morning Mr. Perino had talked to Principal Simpson and it had been decided she shouldn't go into the science lab again until her lungs were stronger, instead she would do independent study in the library. At lunch the whole gang ate outside and had a visitor again but not Drew, this time it was Jay. As she was only drinking a shake again she spent her whole lunch telling Jay about Drew and Bianca's upcoming wedding. She had no trouble during the afternoon, mostly because the hockey team insisted on carrying her from class to class. When the four of them got home she went into the house without help.

"I'm starved what do we have to eat?" Jake said as soon as he came in the door.

"Me too, I think there's leftovers." Eli said.

"I'm going to my room, I'm not hungry." Clare stated rolling her eyes.

Adam nodded and watched her go up the stairs; she turned to smile at him when she got to her doorway to assure him she was okay. He smiled at her and she saw him vanish behind the wall, she walked into her room to see something lying on her bed. As she got closer she saw that it was the instructions for her statement and a note from her mother.

**Clare you need to work on your statement I expect you to spend at least two hours on it today while the boys do their homework. I know it isn't easy to write but it needs to get done.**

Clare crumpled the note in her hand as it balled into a fist, clenching so hard her knuckles turned white. She collapsed to the floor with a loud bonk on the wooden floor beneath her as she hit it and then screamed as loud as she could in frustration before bawling. Within seconds there was a small stampede up the stairs and then her door flew open and the boys rushed to her.

"Clare what is it what's wrong?" Jake asked.

"Are you in pain are you hurt?" Eli questioned anxiously taking her in his arms.

"What happened?" Adam queried sitting on her other side and putting a hand on her shoulder.

She was sobbing too hard and too curled into Eli to answer but she unclenched her fist enough to drop the note onto Adam, she heard him open it and then sigh.

"Helen is still insisting she write the statement." Adam informed the other boys.

"I don't understand, she's supposed to write it." Jake stated in a confused voice.

Clare curled into Eli even more gripping him tightly like a small frightened child to a teddy bear. "Make him leave." She requested into Eli's chest.

Eli tightened his hold on her just slightly and she felt him look up from her. "She wants you to leave." Eli told Jake.

"But…" Jake started.

She turned her head and glared at him, "GO!" She screamed and then turned her head into Eli's chest again.

There was a minute of tense silence and then she heard Jake get up and leave the room, closing the door behind him. Eli kissed her forehead and began gently stroking her arm, she heard Adam get up and looked up from Eli's chest worried that he was leaving too but he was only getting her oxygen. He brought it to her and she smiled gratefully at him as he placed the mask on her and then pulled herself into Eli's lap.

"I can't do it, I just can't." She sniffled into Eli's shoulder when she'd removed the mask and Adam had switched off the oxygen.

"Clare," Adam said in his soft smooth voice and she turned to meet his kind blue eyes. "Can you tell us now? What you left out when you told us all what happened?"

She bit down on her lip hard, shook her head and turned back into Eli feeling him sigh underneath her.

"Baby please…"

"No I can't I won't! I told you all that you needed to know. You don't want to hear the rest." She told them as she wiped fresh tears from her eyes.

"Clare you need to tell us, you need to say it and get it off your chest it'll help." Eli encouraged.

Clare sat up and glowered at him, "It'll HELP! How will reliving it help ELI? How will you hearing that the first time they whipped me with the belt and I screamed in pain they laughed. Then they whipped me again and again and when I stopped screaming so loud they used the side with the buckle." She wailed gripping Eli's hand tightly as the memories pushed to the front of her mind and she could feel the sting of the belt as it hit her skin just as painfully as if it was happening again.

She could feel that Eli had tensed underneath her and from the corner of her eye she saw Adam sitting just as tense with an angry expression and horror in his eyes. She was certain that Eli had a similar expression on his face but she was looking at his shirt as she talked to carefully avoid their eyes. She didn't want to tell them anything else she wanted to stop talking; they knew enough as it was and were horrified enough by everything they already knew but now that she had started she couldn't stop it was like the flood gates had opened. She took a shaky shallow painful breath and continued.

"You really want to know that after they were done whipping me they were so turned on they masturbated on me?! That when he squeezed my breasts so hard and so long I could feel the blood vessels breaking, I tried to scream but the other one was kissing me and when I opened my mouth to scream he shoved his tongue in my mouth. It was repulsive and I gagged, to punish me for gagging he traded places with his brother and put his tongue between my legs. I squirmed and tried to struggle but I was tied, they were sitting on me and I couldn't fight and I gave up I wanted to die but it only got worse!" Stopping only to try and take a deep breath she failed of course and began coughing.

Adam handed her the mask but she shook her head, Eli tried to kiss her cheek but she turned away. She took another wheezing breath and wiped away her tears and as much as her mind told her to stop there her mouth wouldn't or couldn't, she was in hysterics.

"What good could it possibly do you or Adam to hear that before he one of them fingered me they used the handle of the knife and when that didn't seem to get the reaction they wanted he crammed four of his fingers in as far as they would go and his thumb in the other hole, jamming his hand in and out of me like sex! What good does that do me to say? I don't feel better now do you feel better hearing it?!" Finished finally she took the oxygen mask from Adam and turned into Eli as Adam turned the compressor on for her. Crying hysterically, shaking nearly uncontrollably she concentrated on breathing again.

**Update this weekend picking up from right here.**


	30. Drowned

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Thanks for the reviews everyone**

**Ch. 30 Drowned**

**(ELI)**

She was hiding in his arms as buried into him as she could be with her oxygen mask on, her body shaking as she sobbed. At the same time she was finding comfort in his embrace, almost using him as a shield he knew this from the way she clung to him. Her arm around his back gripping tightly at his shirt, her other hand had been gripping the front of his shirt until Adam put his hand on her arm and she reached back for him. Adam took her hand assuring her he was there, she was gripping their friends hand so tightly her knuckles were turning white but if she was causing Adam any pain the boy wasn't showing it. Eli bent his neck down to kiss her forehead but she flinched away.

"Adam grab the compressor let's move her to the bed." Eli said his voice cracked, strained and small it didn't sound like his own voice at all.

Adam looked up at him and for the first time since she began recounting their eyes met. Eli wondered if he looked as ill as Adam; if his eyes had the same mixture of horror, rage, hate, anguish and abhorrence in them. Was his face as ghostly white as Adam's, the boy looked as though he had been entirely drained of blood. After a few seconds Adam nodded and picked up her compressor while Eli picked her up, in the process of standing her hand got torn from Adam's and her grip on Eli's shirt tightened even more while her hand began flailing around trying to find Adam again. She tensed in Eli's arms and even through the mask he heard her make a tiny whimper, she was frightened, terrified all over again after telling them. He wondered what she was feeling what was going through her head, was she reliving it in her mind? Is that why she was so terrified or was it the mere act of filling in what he could only hope were the last missing details.

Adam took her hand again and she gripped it even tighter. "I'm right here Clare, we have you." Adam's soft voice soothed and she relaxed a little in Eli's arms.

They moved to the bed, Adam set the compressor on the nightstand while Eli sat on the bed with her in his lap. Adam had to twist his arm a little to keep hold of her hand but he wouldn't let go of her now. Eli leaned against the backboard as Adam sat next to them. There was a knock at the door, he and Adam looked up but Clare didn't move except to huddle into him more. The door opened and Jake peeked his head in.

"How much did you hear?" Eli asked him.

"Not much just her talking but I couldn't make anything out just that she was upset. Is she okay?" Jake asked.

"I'm not sure she'll ever be okay again." Eli admitted.

"She filled in some details." Adam informed him.

"Details? What kinds of details?" Jake inquired.

"It's better if you don't know trust me." Adam insisted.

"He's right." Eli agreed. "I don't feel any better for knowing. Horrified, angrier, repulsed by what they did. I want to kill them, beat the hell out of them even more. I hate them so much it hurts. I am so disgusted I feel physically ill and…" he stopped feeling Clare cringe into him and begin to cry harder, his shirt getting soaked by her tears. He took a deep breath to still his inner fire; right now she needed him and nothing else mattered. "Not you Clare, I don't feel any of that for or about you. I love you." He whispered in her ear keeping his voice soothing and calm for her sake.

Jake lingered a minute and then left the room, leaving the three of them to sit in silence. They didn't talk, they didn't move, they didn't even look at each other just sat on the bed lost in their own thoughts. After a while Eli realized she hadn't removed the mask yet and she was still sobbing softly. He brushed some hair from her face, kissed her forehead and she flinched, he tried to turn her face to look at him but she wouldn't turn her head from his chest. He sighed and tightened his grip on her. They fell into silence again and that's how they remained until they heard the front door close with a bang. He felt her pull her mask down a little and turn her head up a bit; he looked down at her, she was looking up but wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I'm tired." She said barely above a whisper.

"You need to eat baby." Eli said.

"Not hungry." She shook her head a little.

"Just enough to take your meds," Adam reminded her, "I'll go get one of your shakes." Adam told her and started to get up but she wouldn't let go of his hand and seemed to only grip it tighter. "You have to take your meds Clare; I'll be back in a minute."

"Let him go Clare he's only going downstairs." Eli encouraged.

It took a few seconds but she finally released Adam's hand, he left the room and Eli heard him run down the stairs exchange a few quick words with Clare's Mom and run up the stairs again.

"Here you go Clare." Adam said sitting on the bed with the shake in his hand.

"Baby you need to sit up a little." Eli said setting her on the bed so she was propped up a little, she had put her mask back on and Eli was worried.

She took the bottle from Adam but couldn't seem to open the top so Eli took it and did it for her. She took the bottle from Eli and pulled the oxygen mask off placing it in her lap; she took a few sips before handing the bottle back to Eli. She hadn't even managed half the shake and Eli scowled at her worriedly but she wasn't looking at him so she didn't see. Adam put her meds and her water in her hands; she swallowed her pills with a sip of water, put the oxygen mask on again, sunk down in the bed a little, grabbed Eli's hand and Adam's and closed her eyes.

"Don't leave me." She requested in a very tiny frightened voice without opening her eyes.

"We're not going anywhere Clare." Eli assured her.

Her body relaxed a little, sinking into the mattress and within minutes she was asleep. Eli pulled her mask of a bit but she was wheezing a little, her breathing was strained still and he placed the mask over her nose and mouth again. He could see Adam looking at her and they exchanged a worried glance, she had stopped crying at least fifteen minutes ago. It had been over an hour since she had been nearly hysterical she should be breathing better now. They're troubled thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Helen says dinner is ready," Jake told them after he opened the door.

Eli looked at Adam they had both insisted she eat something but he wasn't hungry and he was certain Adam wasn't either, not after hearing what she had gone though, again, in more detail.

"We're not hungry." Eli said.

Jake nodded and gave a worried look at Clare before closing the bedroom door.

"She should be breathing better now." Eli whispered when Jake was gone.

Adam looked over at him. "She was really upset, agitated, she cried for a long time and her lungs are weak give it some more time." Adam said although he didn't quite sound like he believed it himself.

Eli nodded stroking Clare's arm with his free hand, Adam may not have believed what he had just said but Eli was glad that he had, it had helped a little. Clare leaned on both of them for support, relied on them to be there and help her and make her feel better. Eli leaned on Adam when he needed to, when it became to much for him but now Eli wondered who Adam was leaning on when he needed someone.

**(CLARE)**

She woke suddenly, her eyes shooting open her dream fading from her consciousness as tears slipped down her cheeks. The room was dark save for the moonlight filtering in through her blinds; by their deep rhythmic breathing she knew the boys were asleep. She felt the oxygen mask still on her and let go of Adam's hand to take it off, she tried to reach over to place it on the nightstand but she couldn't lean very far to that side so she settled for simply dropping it off the edge of the bed. She took Adam's hand again and turned on her other side a little, just enough to be able to lay her head on Eli's shoulder.

"Baby?" He whispered sleepily.

"I'm okay, just woke up." She whispered back.

He sat up a little letting go of her hand for just a second before taking her hand again with his other one, his now free arm came around her. She nuzzled into his chest a little more and he bent down to kiss her forehead but she flinched away again. She felt him tense a little when she flinched and she bit her lip. She didn't know why she flinched from him while still clinging to him and wanting to be in his arms.

"I'm sorry Eli." She whispered into his chest shutting her eyes tightly as the tears came a little faster.

She felt him relax under her with a deep breath. "Shhhh its okay baby." He soothed.

"I'm not…I don't mean to shy away when you kiss me. I need you Eli don't be mad, don't leave me. I know…" She was pleading, gripping his hand tighter. Her sobbing increasing as her fears began to take over.

"I'm not mad Clare, not at you. It's okay relax baby or you're going to need your oxygen again and I'll keep you home from school tomorrow." He told her in a calm gentle voice. She felt Adam stir at her side and felt bad for waking him. "Sorry Adam."

"For what?" He yawned sitting up.

"Waking you." She said drying her tears on Eli's shirt as her crying slowed and it occurred to her that Eli was still dressed; he'd never changed for bed.

"It's a little after four in the morning, you slept for almost eleven hours." Adam said groggily sitting up.

Clare lifted her head from Eli's chest and looked over at Adam, he too was still dressed. She put her head back on Eli's chest. "I'm not tired anymore but you two should go back to sleep, we don't need to be up for school for over two hours." She told them.

"I'm fine and I'm awake now too." Eli said.

"So am I." Adam told her.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you guys." She apologized.

"Don't worry about it Clare, you have enough on your mind. Waking us up is not a big deal." Adam assured her.

She heard Eli's stomach growl next to her ear and picked her head up to look at them but avoiding their eyes. "You two didn't eat or change for bed, you didn't leave my side at all."

"You asked us not to and anyway we were worried about you." Eli told her.

"I didn't mean for you not to eat." She replied.

"We weren't hungry." Adam said.

"Well you are now and you need to eat." She commanded moving so Eli could get up and releasing both of their hands.

Eli stood up and the picked her up into his arms. "Fine we'll go eat but you're coming with us." He told her.

She didn't even argue that she could walk down the stairs on her own, just lay her head on his shoulder and put her arms around his neck. Adam opened the bedroom door and they went downstairs, Eli set her on the couch gently. After the boys made themselves toaster waffles they sat on either side of her and Eli put on the TV. Clare moved a little and wrapped her arms around his, he moved to kiss her forehead again and then stopped and she bit her lip.

"I want to get dressed and go to school, I don't want to see my Mom at all or speak to her." Clare requested when they were done eating.

One hour, note to her family and cab ride later they were at the Dot since it was only a little after five and school was not open yet. Adam put all their backpacks and the bag with her oxygen on the bench and slid in, Clare slid in opposite Adam and Eli sat next to her wrapping her in his arms. The boys ordered coffee and Clare ordered tea, Eli ordered her a muffin as well commanding her to eat at least a few bites. She nibbled at it sipping her tea and leaning against Eli, when she'd eaten enough she pushed the muffin away and Adam dispersed her meds for her and she took them.

At seven they walked to the school, she walked almost the whole way but allowed Eli to carry her up the stairs. He set her on the bench inside the doors and sat by her side while Adam leaned against the wall. Aside from a few teachers the school was void of people, she could feel them both watching her but she was looking away, avoiding their eyes. Only this time it wasn't because was afraid she'd see disgust in their eyes, that all they'd see is what was done to her. No this time it was the simple fact that she was ashamed, they knew it all and she was ashamed. Her logical brain telling her that it wasn't her fault, that she did all that she could but her logical brain was being smothered by the voices in her head. Voices that sounded like Ben and Trevor and said all manner of terrible things, she tried not to listen to them but after last night, after revealing the horrid details to her boyfriend and best friend she couldn't help but listen.

"You guys are here early." It was Bianca's voice and Clare looked over to her.

"We woke up early." Adam told her.

"I'll stay with her if you guys want to go to your lockers." Bianca offered.

"I'm okay go." She nodded.

Bianca traded places with Eli and she watched the boys walk away with all three backpacks.

"I can't do it Bianca I tried but I just can't." Clare lamented when the boys were out of earshot.

"Can't do what?" Bianca inquired.

"Write the statement, I just can't but my Mom she's insistent she doesn't understand. She compares it to doing homework but it's not like doing homework. Writing it is physically painful for me and she doesn't get it." Clare told her starting to tear up and she wiped them away.

"Then forget about the statement for now. Focus on good things like Atlantic City and my wedding that we're having thanks to you." Bianca advised.

"My Mom won't drop it she expects me to have it done by Monday." Clare complained.

"I'll come over after school and talk to her. I do understand how hard it can be, she might listen to me and even if she doesn't it's your life she can't force you no one can." Bianca told her.

"Thanks Bianca." She said.

Clare felt like a ghost for most of the day, she barely paid attention in class not that any of the teachers said anything. She didn't complain or argue once when Owen and the other Ice Hounds carried her from class to class. Just as she promised Bianca came home with them, the five of them sitting downstairs doing homework until Clare heard her Mother's car in the driveway and asked Eli and Adam to take her upstairs. They sat on her bed, they couldn't entirely make out what was being said but the talking quickly turned into an argument. After a few minutes the yelling died down and a few minutes later Bianca came into her room.

"Hey she agreed to back off for a while and give you more time heal. I don't think she entirely understands still but its better than nothing." Bianca told her.

"Thanks Bianca." Clare smiled.

"No problem peaches now come on." Bianca said.

"Come on where?" Clare inquired.

"Drew's lunch is in half an hour, Owen's going to meet us at the mall so we can all eat dinner together now come on shoes, oxygen, pills gather it up and lets go." Bianca insisted.

Clearly not taking no for an answer Clare slid off the bed and slipped her shoes on while the boys gathered up her supplies. She did eat a little at dinner, enough to take her pills but that was it. She spent most of the time leaning against Eli, his arm around her and her legs on Owen's lap as he was sitting on her other side. Still it was nice to feel a sense of normalcy even if for a short time. Hanging out with her friends at the mall like a normal teenager, a teenager who hadn't been tormented, tortured, assaulted, dehumanized. For at least an hour she could forget, pretend that it hadn't happened, that she was just a normal seventeen year old hanging out with her friends. Never mind that three weeks ago Drew and Bianca were little more than acquaintances and she didn't even consider Owen to be that. In the last month she had become close to all of them and now considered them to be three of her closest friends. Owen took her and the boys back to her house afterwards and said that he'd come by tomorrow. Her mother was downstairs when they walked in and looked like she wanted to talk but Clare started walking straight upstairs; the boys followed her up, Eli closing the door behind them.

"Don't let her in, I can't talk to her. I don't want to see her." She told them.

"She did agree to give more time before trying to write your statement again." Eli pointed out.

"I don't care! She doesn't get it, she doesn't understand! She still wants to talk about it; she doesn't understand how hard it is for me! What it does to me to write it!" Clare said sitting on the bed, she was getting agitated as the thoughts began invading her mind and she no longer felt like a normal teenager all she felt was broken.

"Okay baby, you don't have to talk to her if you don't want to." Eli comforted her, sitting beside her and wrapping an arm around her. She cuddled into him but when he tried to kiss her forehead she flinched away again.

**(ADAM)**

"Clare why are you recoiling when Eli kisses you now?" Adam asked her when Eli went to the washroom to get ready for bed.

He'd watched her recoil from Eli all day and at the same time never wanted to be out of his arms or away from him at all really. Actually anytime Adam had been too far away from her she'd reached out for him, anytime he'd been away from her side more than a few minutes she would look nearly terrified when he came back and then would cling to him. Ever since she'd talked to them yesterday and told them the gory details she had previously omitted she'd been different, she had been getting better, stronger, physically and mentally but today she seemed worse. She'd needed her oxygen more, she'd barely tried to walk, she wouldn't look anyone in the eye again, she was sad almost depressed and scared a lot even when they were with her she still seemed scared.

"I don't mean to Adam, I don't mean to shy away from his kiss. Is he mad? Did he say…"

He squeezed her hand and put his other one on her arm. "No Clare relax, Eli didn't say anything and he's not mad, not at you anyway but I've watched you all day. You cling to him and me you want him to hold you but anytime he tries to kiss you, you recoil."

"I know but I can't explain it I'm just…just scared." She said.

"Scared of what? He's holding you; you must know it's him kissing you and not them. We will never let them get near you again." Adam told her.

"I know Adam but they're still in my head remember? You can't get them out and you can't protect me from my own mind. After I said it out loud yesterday, ever since I told you and Eli the things I left out they've take over my thoughts. I hear them talking like they would to me and I'm afraid that they're right. I try not listen but it's hard, almost impossible and sometimes it feels like they're here, like I can feel them touching me again. That's why I cling so much to Eli and to you. If I feel you and Eli then I know they aren't here and it makes it easier not to think about it, not to hear them, not to let those thoughts into my mind." She confessed to him.

Adam sighed he wished there was a way to make her feel safer, to block out the thoughts or erase the memories. "You're afraid they're right about what Clare? What did they say to you?" He prodded. She bit her lip and looked away. "You can tell me Clare." He encouraged.

"It's not like Eli and I had gone all the way or anything before this all happened but we had done some stuff. But now…now I've been branded and scarred and raped sort of I mean I don't know what else to call it. I feel disgusting, I look disgusting and I can't forget and move on because even if my mother never again hounds me about writing that fucking statement I will always have the scars on my body to remind me what they did. For the rest of my life I have to live with their initials on my back. I know Eli is repulsed by the scars, by me because I've seen his face, the look in his eyes when he sees them. I can't blame him really anyone would be disgusted. And as much as I want Eli to hold me and not let go I'm afraid to be touched…I don't want to be touched it scares me. I know it's Eli but it still feels like them. I'm scared Adam that I'm going to lose him." Clare confessed.

**(ELI)**

He left the washroom ready for bed and could hear Adam talking, asking Clare what she was afraid of. Worried that she would stop talking if he went in the room he leaned against the wall to listen.

**Update soon picking up from here and Eli's POV**

**This weekend is unfortunatley very busy for me so I'll get Reese Returns up tomorrow and will try to get I Was at This Party up but it probably won't be up until Monday.**


	31. I'll Cover You

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**I had a guest reviewer request more Eli/Clare alone time so I'm working more in and will keep doing so for upcoming chapters.**

**Ch. 31 I'll Cover You**

**(ELI)**

Eli opened the washroom door and heard Adam and Clare talking. "Scared of what?" Adam asked Clare, worried that she might stop talking if he went back in the bedroom Eli leaned against the wall just beside the bedroom door. "He's holding you; you must know it's him kissing you and not them. We will never let them get near you again." Adam assured Clare.

"_He must be asking her why she keeps flinching away every time I kiss her."_

"I know Adam but they're still in my head remember? You can't get them out and you can't protect me from my own mind. After I said it out loud yesterday, ever since I told you and Eli the things I left out they've taken over my thoughts." Clare confessed.

Remembering Clare's enumeration yesterday Eli felt ill all over again, she had been so tormented and tortured and violated by her stepbrothers and even though she hadn't seen them in nearly a month she still was being tormented by them. She was right they couldn't get in her head and protect her from her thoughts or her mind; Eli desperately wished he could though that he could help her in some way. A tear ran down his face as he became awash with guilt for not saving her from all that hurt and pain in the first place.

"I hear them talking like they would to me and I'm afraid that they're right. I try not listen but it's hard, almost impossible and sometimes it feels like they're here, like I can feel them touching me again." She was telling Adam.

"_What does she mean she hears them talking like they would? Afraid they're right about what? They really have taken over her mind; I wish I could take away the memories for her."_

"That's why I cling so much to Eli and to you. If I feel you and Eli then I know they aren't here and it makes it easier not to think about it, not to hear them, not to let those thoughts into my mind."

"_If clinging to us can keep the thoughts away then she should never let go again. I wish she would tell us when those thoughts enter her head instead of clinging to us and shrinking away at the same time."_

"You're afraid they're right about what Clare? What did they say to you?" Adam inquired and Eli smiled just slightly having Adam in there talking to her was really just as good as Eli doing it himself as the boy was asking all the questions just the way Eli would. But Clare would actually open up to Adam something she seemed reluctant to do with Eli since her attack. Still Clare was silent for a minute so Adam prodded her to continue. "You can tell me Clare." Adam encouraged.

"It's not like Eli and I had gone all the way or anything before this all happened but we had done some stuff." She told Adam.

"_Adam knows perfectly well how far we've gone he's best friends with both of us." _Eli's smile grew a little bigger as a myriad of very pleasant sexy memories flashed through his mind but he mentally slapped himself to concentrate when Clare began talking again and her voice had become very distressed.

"But now…now I've been branded and scarred and raped sort of I mean I don't know what else to call it."

His smile disappeared as his jaw clenched in rage, his hands balling into fists. _"Raped seems accurate to me, intercourse or not, they violated her in the most terrible way. What kind of horrible monster brands another human? I'm not sure what hurts her most the way they touched her or the scars they left? She's so self-conscious about the scars, so worried about anyone seeing them thinking that's all they'll ever see again when they look at her. They broke her and they don't care, broke her past the point of ever being the same again."_

"I feel disgusting, I look disgusting and I can't forget and move on because even if my mother never again hounds me about writing that fucking statement I will always have the scars on my body to remind me what they did. For the rest of my life I have to live with their initials on my back." Clare was telling Adam.

Eli's heart broke listening to her, they had done so much more than damage and scar her flesh and Eli didn't know how to fix it or if he even could. He wanted his Clare back, like she had been before but that was impossible she'd never be the same again, she would heal over time but she'd never be the same. Regardless she was still his Clare and he still loved her but he was pretty sure she didn't see it that way.

"I know Eli is repulsed by the scars, by me because I've seen his face, the look in his eyes when he sees them. I can't blame him really anyone would be disgusted." Clare continued confessing.

"_Repulsed by the scars yes but not by her. I'm disgusted that they did that to her, that they hurt her and violated her but I'm not repulsed or disgusted by her." _Eli silently lamented his chest tight with guilt for making her feel like that even if it wasn't his intention. His heart aching that she had such a terrible self-image and outlook now.

"As much as I want Eli to hold me and not let go I'm afraid to be touched…I don't want to be touched it scares me. I know it's Eli but it still feels like them."

"_I have to fix this, make her feel comfortable, secure and safe again but how? I'll happily hold her in my arms forever but I doubt that'll fix it, really it just lets her hide from all of it."_

"I'm scared Adam that I'm going to lose him." She sighed and Eli could hear her tears even from out there.

"_Lose me? Why would she be afraid she's going to lose me? She knows I love her doesn't she?"_

"Why are you afraid you're going to lose Eli? You know he loves you Clare." Adam told her.

"I know he loves me or did." She said so quietly Eli almost didn't hear her.

"_DID? She doesn't think I love her anymore?!" _Eli felt his heart shatter at the thought.

"What do you mean did? Eli loves you Clare I know he does." Adam assured her.

"I know he did but sometimes I worry that he's only with me still out of guilt or obligation. I'm broken Adam, damaged goods I wouldn't blame him for not loving me anymore." She said stoically.

"_How could she even consider that possibility; how could she ever think I'm only here out of guilt?!" _Eli felt himself getting angry again and had to tell himself to calm down the last thing she needed was for Eli to be angry with her no matter how ridiculous her thinking was. He managed to still his anger as she continued explaining to Adam.

"As wonderful as Eli is he's still a teenage boy. What if I never want to be touched again?" She asked Adam.

"Clare it hasn't even been a month since you were attacked, tied to a bed, whipped, raped, branded! Give it time. You won't always feel this way I mean you haven't exactly had much time to start healing you almost died and spent a few days in ICU. The attack or the ICU and surgery would have been a lot to process in that short amount of time, you went through both. I know you're scared to be touched now but that won't always be the case." Adam comforted her.

"Okay but what about Eli? How long can he be patient with me? How long will he wait? I'm afraid he's going to lose patience get upset with me when I won't let him even kiss me because I don't feel him, I'm feeling them. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him to someone better, someone not…broken." Clare admitted and that was all Eli could take.

He stepped into the room, Clare and Adam both looked up at him but Clare looked away after a second.

"I'm just gonna go get ready for bed." Adam said quickly getting off the bed, grabbing his bag and shutting her bedroom door as he left.

"How much did you hear?" She asked in a very timid almost frightened voice as he sat in his spot on the bed.

"Enough." He told her before pulling her into his lap, she came willingly clinging to him and laying her head on his shoulder. He wanted her to look him in the eye so he gently titled her chin up and she obliged but her eyes were filled with tears and she wouldn't quite meet his eyes. "Clare you are not going to lose me, if I have to wait a week, a month, a year for you to want to be touched again then I will." He assured her.

"You say that now Eli but…" she began but he put his finger on her lips to silence her.

"I will say that always. I love you Clare, I am in love with you and nothing they did changed that. You're not broken Clare you're hurting and there is no one better than you, not for me. You are perfect for me, always were and always will be no matter what. And you're right the wounds and scars bother me and disgust me but you don't." He told her.

"But they're on my body if you're disgusted by them then you're disgusted by me." She countered.

"No Clare, they're on your body but they don't define you. I hate that you're scarred like that; I'm appalled by them because of what was done to you to scar you like that. But you are still the most beautiful and sexy girl in the world in my eyes Clare. Yes the scars bother me but not the way you're thinking. Yes I'm sickened by them but not by you, I'm sickened that anyone hurt you like that, branded you and marked you with such torturous pain. That look on my face when I see the scars is disgust that anyone could hurt you at all let alone in such a terrible way. I'm sorry I ever made you feel anything less than beautiful blue eyes." He assured her.

She bit her lip and nodded as more tears came to her eyes, she wiped them away and tried to hide her face again but he wasn't about to let her. "I love you Eli I'm sorry." She said in such a soft whisper he barely heard her.

"I love you too Clare and you have nothing to be sorry for. You went through hell Clare; you've been through more in these last few weeks than most people do in their whole life. And you keep having to relive it, have it run through your head again and again. Do I like it when you flinch away when I go to kiss you? No of course I don't but I understand. You're hurting and damaged and okay maybe a little broken but it just happened Clare and you will heal and get better and I will be here with you the whole time. You aren't going to lose me Clare I promise you. I'm not with you virtually twenty four hours a day because of guilt or a sense of duty. I'm here with you because I love you and I want to be here you understand me? I'm here because I love you Clare. Now I'm going to kiss you, it's me kissing you not them. I want you to look at me while we kiss, look into my eyes and know it's me, feel my lips and not there's. If you still flinch away I won't get mad but keep your eyes on mine." He insisted.

She didn't say anything but her eyes finally did look into his, he smiled at her lovingly and leaned forward slowly and she kept her eyes on his. Their lips met and she didn't flinch away, he felt her relax slightly in his arms and smile a little into the kiss. He wished he could simply continue kissing her but he didn't want to push and he pulled away, she continued looking into his eyes.

"Okay here's the deal blue eyes, we have one week of school left and midterms at the end of the week and then we have spring break. So from right now until the end of spring break I don't want you to worry about the statement or even think about it. Your Mom promised to back off from it for a while so you're not allowed to worry about it until after spring break. In fact I want you to do your best not to think about any of it, focus on midterms and the wedding and what else you want to do during spring break. I know sometimes they invade your head or memories do even though you try to keep them out and if they do then you have to speak up about it. Stop hiding and tell me, or Adam or whoever is with you. Promise me Clare." He encouraged.

"I promise." She said softly.

"Good and I promise to support you and let you do things without thinking you're going to break every time you try and do something on your own. That's what my nightmares were about that you would shatter if you tried to walk or anything without help. Starting tomorrow you and I are going to go on walks, just the two of us so you can work on getting stronger and I think we need some time together every day away from everything and everyone else. And if you're afraid you're going to lose me, or I'm repulsed by you or any other fear no matter how small you tell me on our walks got it?" Eli questioned.

"Got it." She smiled.

"Good and one more thing, we will work on your fear of being touched. We'll go slow as slow as you need; if you need me to just hold you and kiss you with our eyes open for the next three weeks then that's what we'll do. When you're ready you will tell me and I promise you Clare I'm not going anywhere and I have all the patience in the world for you. You just need to speak up Clare because we can't read your mind and I've been guilty of it too, hiding instead of talking to you and I promise you from now on I will talk to you. From now until the end of spring break we're going to work on making you strong and happy again understand?" He questioned.

She nodded and smiled a bit more, putting her arms around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder. He tightened his hold on her, pulling her as close to him as was physically possible and they stayed that way for a few minutes until she lifted her head once more and looked him in the eyes again.

"Eli?"

"Yes blue eyes?" He queried.

"Will you kiss me again?" She requested and he smiled widely.

"As many times as you like beautiful, remember watch my eyes." He instructed.

She nodded and smiled, he slowly brought his lips to hers again. Tenderly, softly and without ever looking away from her eyes; it was nothing like their kisses a few weeks ago still the feel of her lips on his was heaven to him. She pulled away slowly after a minute but she wasn't flinching any longer and she was enjoying his touch again and no longer afraid.

"I'm pretty sure Adam's ready for bed by now, I should get ready for bed, with your help of course." She said.

Eli laughed a bit. "Yeah I'm pretty sure Adam either went downstairs or into Jake's room so we could have time to talk."

"Does it bother you Eli?" She asked suddenly.

"Does what bother me blue eyes?" He questioned.

"That Adam's here too, that I wanted him to stay with me in my bed and by my side just like you, that I need him too?" She inquired.

He let out a relieved chuckle. "Not a bit because honestly I've leaned on him almost as much as you and I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't been here to knock some sense into both of us more than once; I don't know what either of us would have done without him here these last weeks."

"I wonder who Adam talks to and leans on if we both use him?" Clare pondered.

"I was wondering that myself." Eli admitted.

"Everyone else." Adam said coming into the room again right on cue. "You two lean on me when you have to and I lean on everyone else. Drew, Bianca, Alli, Imogen, Fiona even Owen; they've all been more than willing to listen and help when I needed them to. Don't worry I didn't divulge any of your confidences though."

"Wasn't worried you keep secrets better than most spies." Eli commented and they all laughed a little.

"You two seem better." Adam said.

"We are." Clare smiled.

**(CLARE)**

"What do you want to do today?" Eli asked her as they sat at the breakfast table with Jake, her Mom, Glen and of course Adam.

She was still angry with her mother but after the boys had talked to her they had reached a sort of tense treaty. Her mother agreeing not to talk about the statement or the police or Ben and Trevor until the end of spring break at least and for this Clare had agreed to speak to and look at her mother again.

"Bianca, Imogen and Fiona are going to the mall to get their dresses for the wedding." Clare said.

Adam gave her a dubious yet stern look. "I don't think you're ready for a day of shopping at the mall and I doubt Bianca, Fiona and Imogen want to carry you like the hockey team."

"If the Ice Hounds didn't have practice today I'm sure they would carry me around the mall." She said sardonically but was only half joking.

Eli and Adam both gave her the same look, Jake laughed and her parents just looked confused.

"Why don't we go to the mall for lunch, we can meet the girls and then the three of us can go looking for a dress for you if you want." Eli suggested.

"Drew's working today I'm sure he'd meet us for lunch and Owen's practice is out at noon I'm sure he'll come down if you want him to. And Jenna and Alli never need a reason to go to the mall." Adam said.

"Okay lunch then, you two call the others and be sure they can make it though." Clare insisted having eaten an entire half of a bagel and cream cheese, a lot for her, she got up from the table to go upstairs and get dressed.

She saw Eli start to move fast to come to her side but he stopped himself, and eased his chair back ready to help her but not do it for her. When she got to the stairway both Eli and Adam got up and came behind her in case she needed them. She got up the stairs and all the way to her bed on her own but with great difficulty. She'd hardly moved at all yesterday and stairs were always hard and now her legs ached and she was out of breath. She sat on the bed and Eli put her mask on her, turning the compressor on smiling proudly at her.

"You did excellent Clare." Eli praised.

She took her mask off to speak. "I'm going to have to get a lot stronger this next week or I'm going to spend our whole Atlantic City trip in the hotel room." She complained in a scolding tone against herself.

Eli scowled at her and put the mask back over her nose and mouth. "Don't worry baby we have a whole week for you to get strong and we will help you. Stay in the bed with your mask on, I'll be back in a minute to help you dress." He instructed and she nodded.

Eli and Adam left the room and she heard them going back downstairs to finish their own breakfasts she assumed. Eli returned a couple minutes later and she removed the mask as she was breathing better. He helped off the bed and she got out clothes, opting for a dress as it was easy to get on and off. They went into the washroom and he helped her off with her night shirt and she, for the first time since the day she got out of the hospital, looked at her reflection in the mirror.

The stitches and cut from her surgery still looked horrid, the bruises on her breasts had faded to a horridly sickly green and yellow, the bite mark was paling into a wretched scar and she could see the individual teeth marks forming into welts of shiny skin. The bruising on her stomach was nearly gone but she could see the few welts that wrapped around from her back. She turned and looked over her shoulder the whip marks strewn across her back had almost all formed into permanent scars now. The few that still had scabbing were the ones where they had whipped her with the buckle end and it had cut fairly deep, deeper than just the leather end had.

"How many?" She asked quietly and Eli looked at her.

"How many what baby?" Eli questioned, his eyebrows knit together, although it looked to be more from worry than from curiosity.

"Whip marks and welts how many?" She asked again.

Eli gave her an almost admonishing look but turned her a little and counted quietly and she heard him swallow hard. She turned to see his face and tears were running down his cheeks. "Fifty nine." He choked out. Clare began sobbing, sinking to her knees and he caught her, bringing her to his lap. She put her head on his shoulder and he embraced her as tightly as he dared. "It was done to you Clare, it isn't who you are." He soothed her but she could feel he was still crying.

"I hate that the scars are there, that they are ever present permanent reminders of what happened. Every time I see them or feel them I see their faces, and I doubt that will ever change." She lamented into his shoulder.

"We can get some of that cream that's supposed to help scars fade. I'll help you put it on everyday it may not help but it can't hurt." Eli offered.

She nodded into his shoulder, staying in his lap and arms until her sobbing ceased and he finally helped her dress. They went back to her room and Adam gave them both a worried look upon seeing their tear streaked faces.

"I'll get ready and then I'll stay with her while you get ready." Adam said after she and Eli had sat on her bed.

"Thanks." Eli said as she curled up to him.

She heard Adam enter the washroom and looked up at Eli. "Kiss me again." She requested.

"Happily." He smiled.

Keeping their eyes open he brought his lips to hers, she saw him, felt him, smelled him and she was able to keep Ben and Trevor out of her head. For the first time in a while she was enjoying kissing Eli again, free of fear, free of worry. She put her arms around his neck and parted her lips to deepen the kiss. She saw pleasure flash in his eyes and then hesitation figuring he was afraid to push Clare took control, her tongue gliding between her lips and into his mouth and she felt him jump just slightly at the feel. As soon as her tongue passed his lips his tongue found hers, stroking it gently welcoming it willingly. After a minute she pulled away with a smile and he had a bigger smile spread across his lips.

"I love you Eli." She said softly before laying her head back on his shoulder.

He kissed her forehead and she didn't flinch away. "I love you Clare."

**Update soon**


	32. Whispering

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch. 32 Whispering**

**(ELI)**

He and Adam were walking with Clare into the mall, Eli had dropped her and Adam at the entrance but she had insisted on waiting for Eli before they started walking in. Currently they were only walking on either side of her, she was walking pretty slow but entirely under her power and Eli was very proud of the progress she was making and the strength she was showing. A month ago being proud that his girlfriend was walking into the mall on her own would have seemed preposterous then again a month ago for Clare walking was second nature; an instinctual act and not a struggle.

They were meeting everyone, Jay included for lunch and as Clare had requested not to sit in the hard chairs at the food court again they were all headed for the burger joint situated near the middle of the mall. They could see the restaurant entrance now but Clare was beginning to slow, he could see her face becoming tight with pain and discomfort. He looked at Adam and they were both getting ready to put their arms around her for support and then suddenly Clare was being scooped into the arms of another boy. Eli would have been angry and jealous and started hitting the other boy except for one thing; the other boy was Owen.

"Sorry but I'm starving and I'm not waiting for you," Owen chided her, "and anyway you looked like you were in pain. You walked pretty far though; you're getting a lot stronger."

"Thanks and yes it was getting too hard to walk." Clare smiled at their friend.

Once again a month ago if Owen had come along and scooped up Clare Eli and Adam both would have started hitting him. But now Owen was one of their closest friends, he had proved remarkably level headed, loyal and fiercely protective of Clare, nearly as much as himself and Adam. The group of them entered the restaurant garnering a few looks for the fact that Owen was carrying Clare but none of them minded. Everyone else was already there, seated at a large table. Owen set Clare down in an empty seat next to Jay and Eli sat on the other side of her.

"You look better." Jay smiled.

"She's getting a lot stronger." Owen complimented.

"I'll definitely be able to make it down the aisle; don't know how much walking I can do around Atlantic City though." Clare said.

"Eh we'll have four strong guys to carry you around Atlantic City." Imogen smiled.

Clare nodded and smiled too but Eli thought he saw something behind her smile, it was just slightly impish. He didn't have time to question it as the waitress came to get their drink orders. Talk quickly turned to the wedding and all the things they wanted to do in Atlantic City. Alli and Jenna requested lots and lots of pictures and said they'd stay after lunch for a while and help Clare pick out a dress. Imogen and Fiona showed off the dresses they bought; Imogen's was pink and Fiona's was yellow. Bianca refused to show off her dress however as Drew would see it. Clare actually managed to eat nearly her whole hamburger, more than she'd eaten in one sitting for weeks. Drew left first to get back to work, kissing his fiancé and hugging Clare; Jay left hugging Clare as well, as did Bianca, Fiona, Imogen and Owen when they left. When Clare was ready she stood and he, Adam, Alli and Jenna stood as well and followed her out. She seemed to be walking alright and wasn't asking for help so they came to her sides and let her lead the way.

The last time Eli went shopping with a girl he and Julia had been shopping at the gothic clothing stores downtown. He was not prepared for shopping with three girls especially ones that got so very very excited over, well he really wasn't sure. Alli and Jenna both had particularly high squeals and it seemed like one of them would squeal every few minutes.

"We might have permanently damaged ear drums after this." Adam commented after Alli had made a very high squeal over some very sparkly dress.

When they had picked out six dresses for Clare the five of them headed for the dressing rooms and the sales lady gave them a very odd look. Alli said that the dresses were for Clare and told the sales lady how many there were.

"Fine the rest of you may sit there." Said the sales lady pointing to a bench along the inside wall of the row of dressing rooms.

"Umm I need help getting the dresses on and off; he'll need to come in with me." Clare said a bit timidly and pointing to Eli.

"I'm sorry that's against store policy, one person per dressing room and certainly no boys in the dressing rooms." The lady said with a very snide tone.

"You don't understand I physically can't get the dresses on and off by myself I have broken ribs and I had surgery, I can't bend and stretch very far. Do you want me to scream in pain scaring the other customers and sue the store for discrimination or let someone come in with me?" Clare questioned in a much firmer tone and Eli smiled.

The sales lady looked pensive for a minute. "Very well but one of them can go in with you." She finally said pointing at Alli and Jenna.

"Fine, Alli you've already seen for the most part." Clare said and Eli heard the apprehension in her voice.

He knew how much she hated for anyone to see her wounds and scars, he kissed her cheek and he Adam and Jenna sat on the bench while Alli and Clare were let into a dressing room. They waited silently and patiently, they could hear the sounds of Clare beginning to undress and then a few gasps from Alli.

"Is that from the surgery?" Alli asked.

"Yes." Clare said very softly.

"I'm sure it will heal well, it only looks bad now because of all the stiches. You're umm bruising looks better…oh Clare is that…I'm sorry here sit and we'll get your jeans off." Alli instructed.

More sounds of clothes coming off and then the rustling of dress and the sound of zipper.

"You'll have to zip it up for me." Clare said.

"Of course, turn around. Oh I forgot how many…I mean they look a lot better. They're almost all healed and…oh Clare the…oh no it's...it's not that bad. You can barely see them." Alli was trying to comfort her as they heard the sound of the zipper sealing again.

"Yes you can, that was the intention to brand me." Clare said in a small sorrowful voice.

"Never mind all of that now, what do you think of the dress?" Alli asked.

"I don't know. I'm not sure of the color; the green brings out too many of my bruises unless they all completely heal by next week." Clare said and Eli just knew she was crinkling her nose in dissatisfaction.

"Let us see." Jenna requested.

He heard Clare sigh but Alli opened the door, Clare was right the pale green dress made her healing bruises stand out too much. Jenna shook her head and the dressing room door closed again, Clare didn't like any of the dresses at that store, too long, too short, not comfortable, something had been wrong with all six. So they left the store and began walking to the next store, but the next store with formal wear was a fair distance and after a short time of walking even with support Clare began to falter.

"I think we should go home." Eli told her. "You've been walking a lot and you did a lot of standing in the store. You need to rest for a while."

"But I didn't find a dress and we leave on Friday after school." Clare whined.

"Alli and I will go to the other stores and we'll put the dresses we think you'll like on hold. Then you guys can come back tomorrow and all you'll need to do is try the dresses on." Jenna offered.

"Yeah you could probably get Owen or Jay to come and carry you so you don't have to walk too." Alli suggested.

"Thanks guys." Clare smiled and hugged her friends.

She was gripping Eli and Adam with her arms around their shoulders and they had their arms around her. They walked out of the mall supporting her a lot, Clare made it but when he left her with Adam on the bench so he could get the car, she needed her inhaler and she looked tired and in pain. Eli retrieved the car and pulled up to the curb, Adam carried her to the car putting her in the back so she could stretch out a bit, but instead of getting in the passenger seat Adam sat back there with her and by the look in his eye Eli could see Adam was a bit worried.

"You want your oxygen?" Adam asked setting the bag with her oxygen at his feet.

Eli started driving them home, well back to Clare's but it had become home for him and Adam this last month, he saw Clare shake her head from the rearview mirror.

"I'm breathing okay, my legs hurt though." She said.

"You did a lot of walking and standing and your muscles are pretty weak still so that's not so surprising." Eli said.

Clare nodded and yawned. "I know, I'm tired too and my chest hurts." She said.

The fact that she was tired was understandable but she hadn't complained about her chest hurting for a while. Clare's eyes were closing, she yawned again made a small pained cry, leaned over to use Adam's shoulder as a pillow and was asleep before they were half way home.

"Her breathing sounds just a little strained I'm putting on her oxygen just to be safe." Adam told him when they were almost to her house.

Eli nodded and a minute later he heard the compressor come on. Eli parked in front of the house and went around to the back of the car; Adam had Clare's head in his lap, propped up a little by his arm with her mask on. Adam took the mask off of her and seemed to be satisfied as he turned off the oxygen and put her mask back in the bag. Eli unbuckled her seatbelt and Adam helped to move her so Eli could pick her up. She woke up just a bit as her arms came around his neck and she gripped him. Adam gathered her oxygen and purse and got out of the car using his key to unlock the front door. Eli carried her up the stairs and put her on the bed, covering her with his blanket he listened to her breathing for a minute but she was breathing as normally as she was able. He removed her arms from around his neck but she sort of whined and grabbed his shirt.

"I'm not going anywhere blue eyes." He assured her taking her hand in his and sitting next to her.

She smiled a bit and moved closer to him and then her face scrunched a little again and she began feeling around the other side of her. Adam was setting her oxygen in its place on her nightstand and he laughed a bit, sitting beside her and taking her other hand.

"I'm right here Clare, I'm not going anywhere either." Adam said.

She gave a bigger smile and a satisfied sigh and quickly fell back asleep. She slept through Adam turning on the TV, Glen and her Mother arriving home, and all the noises of the two of them making dinner. It wasn't until Glen called them down to dinner that he and Adam woke her up.

"Baby it's time for dinner." Eli said before kissing her lips softly.

Her eyes fluttered open in shock and he worried that he'd upset her, by kissing her without warning and with her eyes closed. For a few seconds she was tense but once she seemed to take in their faces she relaxed, squeezing their hands a little as she started to sit up.

"How long was I asleep?" She asked.

"About three hours." Adam told her turning off the TV.

She let go of their hands to get off the bed and Adam smoothed her hair a bit. She walked downstairs a little shakily after sleeping for so long but she didn't need any help. Jake came in just as they were sitting at the table.

"How did dress shopping go?" Jake asked as everyone began serving themselves.

"Not well, didn't find anything but Jenna and Alli put some dresses on hold for me to try on tomorrow." Clare said, she was looking at the food on the table but wasn't taking any. So Eli did it for her, giving her a little bit of everything the portion you might give to a child. She started nibbling at it with the tiniest bites and chewing slowly and he looked at her worriedly. "I'm not that hungry, I ate a lot at lunch." She said.

"True but you and I are going for a walk after dinner, so you need to eat more than that." Eli said sternly.

She glared at him just a bit but sighed and started taking larger bites. She managed about half her plate and Eli got her medication for her. When he and Adam were done eating Adam helped Clare to get her shoes on while Eli went upstairs and got her oxygen and inhaler just to be safe. When he came downstairs again she was waiting for him by the door, he took her hand interlaced their fingers, called that they'd be back shortly and they exited the house. For a few minutes they walked in silence, moving slowly, Clare breathing in the fresh spring air as deeply as she was able.

"Alli saw everything well almost." Clare said quietly all of a sudden. "She'd seen my back before but…" her sentence trailing off into shame and sorrow.

Eli squeezed her hand. "It's not your fault Clare. You have no reason to be ashamed, they do and the wounds and scars they left don't detract from you're beauty blue eyes." He affirmed.

"You're my boyfriend you have to tell me I'm beautiful." She argued. "What do you think Jay or Owen or Drew would say if they saw the welts, bite marks and the initials carved into my back? Would they still think I was attractive?"

Now it was Eli's turn to scrunch his face. "First of all none of them have any reason to see your body because it belongs to me. Secondly I have a feeling if they saw everything it would only piss them off more that it had been to done to you. It's one thing to hear about it and another to see the damage, and I have a feeling that they'd just snap and go find your step bastard to seek revenge. Believe me blue eyes every time I see the wounds and scars or think about what they did I want to kill them in the most painful way I can think of. I've thought of many wonderfully painful torturous ways to kill them and if I wasn't spending so much time with you I would have by now. And lastly blue eyes Adam has seen most of the scars and everything and he still thinks you're beautiful."

"Yes but Adam doesn't count, he's practically you." She countered.

"Well as far as I'm concerned Adam and I have the only opinions that matter; so no more insecure worries from you about your battle scars taking away from your beauty because I'm telling you they don't and I know Adam agrees with me." He told her.

She giggled a little releasing his hand and putting her arm around his waist; he put his arm around her and felt that she was trembling just slightly. They had walked almost half a block at a good steady pace and she had already been on her feet a lot today so the fact that she was just starting to slow and falter meant that she was getting much of her strength back.

"Eli." She said stopping suddenly a few minutes later, he turned to look at her. "I…I can't walk any farther." She told him gripping his waist and shoulder tightly.

"Okay we'll go back, you did good baby. You've been on your feet a lot today." He praised as they turned to walk back but she didn't let go of his shoulder and when he looked at her face again it was contorted in pain.

"I don't think I can walk back." She said. He picked her up into his arms and she put her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder. When they reached her front steps again she picked her head up and looked at him. "Kiss." She demanded.

He smiled happy to oblige, keeping his eyes on hers and bringing his lips to hers gently. For the first couple of seconds she had her eyes locked on his and then her eyes closed but she didn't pull away.

**(CLARE)**

She was on her bed between Eli and Adam as always, they were watching a late night movie on TV. It was an action movie and Clare really wasn't paying much attention, her mind was wandering as it often did when she was bored.

"Is it bad that part of me doesn't want to get better?" She asked and they both gave her a scolding look.

"Why wouldn't you want to get better?" Adam asked.

"As soon as I'm better you'll both have to go home." She confessed pouting just a bit and they both chuckled.

Eli cupped her chin in his fingers and turned her face to him. "Baby we aren't going anywhere as long as you need us healed or not." He assured her.

"Besides," Adam said and she looked over at him, "we've been sleeping together in one room and for the most part one bed for a month now. Something tells me none of our parents will have a problem letting us all sleep over at any of our houses from now on."

Clare thought about it a second. "Good point, still it's going to be so weird the first night you two aren't here. I know eventually you have to return to your own families and I'm being horribly selfish keeping you here but…" her sentence drifted off into thought and she bit her lip.

"Needing us is not selfish." Eli told her, squeezing her hand that he was holding.

"Anyway it's just as much for us as you. I'm not sure we could get to sleep in our beds in our own houses if we were constantly worried that you were going to have a nightmare or stop breathing or something." Adam informed her.

"Exactly." Eli agreed.

She smiled, kissed Adam's cheek softly for being the best friend in all of history and then turned to Eli. "Kiss." She requested.

"Any time beautiful." He smiled, looking into her eyes and bringing his lips to hers.

She kept her eyes open and anchored on his for just a second and then her eyes closed. She didn't feel Ben or Trevor, she felt her wonderful, caring, sweet boyfriend. She pulled away after a few seconds and cuddled up to him as much as she could comfortably. Even though she'd slept for three hours that afternoon she found herself growing tired again and before the movie ended she was asleep.

She woke suddenly and in terrible pain, somehow in her sleep, even between the two of them she had managed to twist and wrench her body so that she was lying on her bad side and was curled; bending farther than she knew she should. Her room was dark, the TV off and both boys fast asleep as evidenced by their gentle snoring. Her hand still loosely held Eli's and she let go, she had broken into a cold sweat presumably from the pain she was feeling. She was sucking in sharp shallow breaths almost wheezing but she didn't quite feel the need for oxygen. She thought if she could straighten it would ease her pain and discomfort, thinking that she was feeling such affliction from lying on healing broken ribs. She turned on her back and straightened herself moving faster than she probably should have but she wanted the pain to go away.

This however did not help, in fact it made the pain considerably worse and she bit her knuckle to keep from screaming and waking the whole house. She had hot stinging salty tears racing down her cheeks and falling to her chest. She was panting a result of the pain she was in more than trying to catch her breath. She felt woozy but considering the amount of pian she was in currently this made sense. She knew she still had powerful pain reliever prescribed by Natalie, in the washroom. Not wanting to wake and worry Eli or Adam she decided she would get it herself. After all walking, at least as far as the washroom was no longer a Herculean feat, getting out of her bed with a boy lying on her blanket on either side of her just might be. She managed to reach behind her and grab the back of her headboard, biting her lip to keep from shrieking in agony.

After a minute to recover she pulled herself up and managed to get her legs about halfway out from under the blanket. She let go of the headboard bracing herself on her arms, and pulled her legs from the blanket completely. Now she had to figure out how to get off the bed without waking the boys. Giving herself another minute she turned to her hands and knees crawling slowly and excruciatingly laborious to the end of the bed and climbing over Adam's feet. Both the boys stirred a little but neither one woke up and she began quietly making her way to the door, biting her lip and clenching her fists as she sucked in shallow agonized breaths with every movement. By the time she reached the washroom she felt weak and dizzy from the amount of pain she was in, her face and chest entirely soaked with tears and her fingernails had dug into her palms so hard she knew she'd broken the skin.

She closed the washroom door quietly and let out a breath and a horrendously shrill pained whimper. She sank to the floor against the wall as making it as far as the medicine cabinet was just too much for this moment. She was sure that she just needed a couple minutes to recover and then she could get up again, but she continued panting and pulling in sharp pained breaths through her teeth. The pain she felt did not dissipate even minutely and she was getting dizzier by the minute. Aside from huffing in pain she felt like she was actually breathing fairly well so she wasn't sure for the cause of the pain and faintness. She was clutching her side with the broken ribs and then she realized her hand was wet and warm. She lifted it from her side to see the whole of the front of her hand painted crimson red with her blood. She gasped in shock and suddenly aware of where the pain was truly emanating from it seemed to increase even more. She looked down at her nightshirt to see the one side soaked with blood, which explained her feeling faint.

She whimpered trying to scream but somehow, be it the shock or the pain she simply couldn't get out a loud enough sound. The room began to wobble and spin and go dark and she felt herself losing consciousness. She knew she must have popped a stitch and was beginning to think that she was going to bleed to death on her washroom floor and one of the boys would find her in a puddle of her gore in the morning. She tried banging on the door but she couldn't make out where the door was and she didn't have the strength to hit very hard. She began crying harder as her body, no longer able to be upright, began falling to the side. _"ELI! ADAM!" _She screamed in her head as if they would somehow telepathically hear her, but what other options did she have. Repeating their names over and over and over in her head as the last bit of light vanished and she fell to the tile floor unconscious, her blood covered hands slumping to her sides!

**(ADAM)**

He woke up with a startled gasp, his chest tight with an unexplainable fear. His hand reached to his side instinctually to feel for Clare, but all he felt was Eli who had woken at the same time in the same way and was feeling for Clare as well.

"Where is she?" Adam asked anxiously feeling a terrible foreboding premonition of dread.

"CLARE!" They called together but there was no answer.

Bounding out of the bed at the same time they ran from her room…

**I only included the last bit from Adam's POV so y'all wouldn't freak out on me. Will update soon continuing from here and still in Adam's perspective and no I'm not going to let her die so don't go all ballistic on me.**


	33. Light

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch. 33 Light**

**(ADAM)**

Seeing the light on in the washroom Eli threw open the door and both of them froze in terrified dread. Adam thought, hoped, prayed he was dreaming; surely the scene before him was something out of a horror movie and not real. Clare was slumped over to one side, she was ghostly ashen and pale, her lips slightly blue, her hands lying limp at her sides were covered in blood and worst of all she was lying in a very large puddle of her own blood. It took a few seconds but they snapped back to reality, it was real, Clare was dying in front of them and she needed their help. Eli went around to her head picking it up and cradling it in his lap.

"She's breathing but it sounds shallow." Eli said in a small distressed voice. "Don't die baby I need you." He pleaded lifting her eyelids only to see her eyes had rolled back into her head.

Adam saw that the bleeding was coming from her side, where her surgery incision was. "**JAKE! HELEN!**" Adam yelled as he grabbed a clean towel from the linen closet. Hearing Jake's door and Mr. and Mrs. Martin's door open as he knelt down beside Clare and lifted her pajamas enough to look. "Call 911 I think she popped a stitch!" Adam said frantically holding the towel over the incision. He had seen blood coming from it in a fairly rapid stream and it had seemed to him to be bubbling a bit, but he had only looked at it a second before holding the towel on it and applying pressure to stop the bleeding.

"Oh my god Clare!" Helen's terrified voice rang out.

"Send and ambulance right now it's my sister she's bleeding everywhere!" Jake cried into his phone. "She had surgery last week we think she popped a stitch please hurry." Jake insisted in a panic. "Is she breathing?" He asked.

Adam looked up from Clare to answer; Jake was in the doorway his cell to his ear and he looked ill and anxious. Helen was cuddled into Glen, sobbing profusely and hiding her eyes from the sight. Glen was holding her tightly; he looked horrified but couldn't seem to take his eyes away.

"Yes she's breathing but it's kind of shallow. I don't know how long she's been like this, there's so much blood and she's so pale." Adam said swallowing hard so he would stop crying long enough to talk.

Jake told the 911 operator she was breathing and answered some more questions. Eli sat with his girlfriend's head in his lap stroking her hair and repeating over and over and over that he loved her and she couldn't die. Adam put all his concentration on applying pressure to stop the bleeding. After what seemed like an eternity the doorbell rang and Jake ran down to answer it. A second later he reappeared followed by two EMT's carrying a gurney.

"Move out of the way boys we need to get her to the hospital." Said one EMT in a stern tone.

Adam got up reluctantly but Eli didn't move, Adam went over and removed her head from his lap and pulled his friend up; the EMT's talked quickly and anxiously, putting a bandage on her wound and oxygen on her and getting her on the gurney fast. Adam was able to pick out a few words none of them sounded good.

"We have to get her to the ER right now she's lost a lot of blood and she's going hypoxic." Said the other EMT.

"Let's all get dressed so we can get down there." Glen said in a calm voice but it was strained with distress.

Adam took Eli by the hand and led him back to Clare's room, he was already in sweats and basically dressed taking off his sweatshirt to apply his chest binder and putting his sweatshirt back on and his shoes. Eli was already in sweatpants and simply slipped on a shirt and his shoes. They were the first ones downstairs followed quickly by her family, they all got in Helen's car and Glen drove them to the ER in a terrified anxious silence. Glen parked and they all rushed out and ran in, up to the reception desk.

"My daughter she was brought in by ambulance, Clare Edwards." Helen told the nurse her tone frantic and filled with fear.

The nurse typed something and looked at the screen a moment. "Yes they're giving her blood and plasma now and preparing her for emergency surgery. Steve could you show them to the family waiting room for OR1 please?" She requested to an orderly.

Steve nodded and motioned for them to follow, he took them to an elevator and up a couple of floors, down a hallway and into a decent sized room with comfortable chairs and a few small sofas.

"There are a couple vending machines down the hall, that button there will connect you to the nurses' station." Steve told them.

"We need to call some people." Adam said.

"There's a phone there, as long as it's a local call, otherwise you'll have to take your cell phone outside. If you need anything call the nurses' desk." Steve informed them, before closing the door to give them some privacy.

Helen collapsed onto a sofa in tears; Glen sat beside her taking her in his arms. Jake sat in the armchair next to them, his hands balling into fists and his face fallen into sorrow. Eli sank down to the nearest sofa, his elbows propped on his knees, head in his hands he was crying silently and repeating the words don't die on me. Adam was doing what he could to stop picturing Clare on the floor in a puddle of blood and trying to stop crying long enough to call people. He went to the armchair by the phone and sank down, picking up the phone he somewhat selfishly called the one person he needed to be there, his brother.

"Hello?" Bianca's sleep cracked voice asked on the other end.

"B…" he tried but he was sobbing too hard, his voice to choked to get anything else out.

"Adam? What's wrong? What happened? Drew wake up now!" She snapped entirely alert now.

"Clare she…hospital." Was all Adam could manage.

"We're on our way, we'll bring Fi have you called the others?" Bianca asked, he could tell she was trying to keep her voice even and calm for his sake but heard the distress laced in it.

"No." He said shaking his head.

"Okay we'll call them." She told him and Adam hung up.

He went and sat by Eli and the green eyed boy looked up at his friend, tears pouring from his eyes, his eyes filled with pain, fear and heartache. Adam was fairly certain he didn't look any better. He put an arm around Eli's shoulders and Eli put his head back in his hands. The attempt to take away the image of Clare on the washroom floor in a pool of blood from his head was failing miserably. He had thought watching Clare collapse in the music room was the worst thing he could see, or when she had stopped breathing in her sleep but now those were both replaced. Eli was physically there but Adam could tell he was gone, lost to the melancholy in his head. Adam must have been pretty lost in his head himself because he wasn't even aware that the waiting room door had opened until he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into his brother's dark blue eyes. Adam stood hugging Drew and Bianca and from the corner of his eye could see Fiona sitting on the other side of Eli and hugging him.

"What happened is she okay?" Drew asked as he and Bianca sat on the sofa across from the three of them.

"I…I don't know if she's okay we haven't heard anything yet. We think she popped a stitch, there was blood…everywhere. So much blood, I've never seen so much blood, she was so pale, her eyes were rolled back…" Adam's sentence trailed off as he closed his eyes and tears come rushing with a new ferocity. Feeling an arm around his shoulders pulling him to a sort of hug he opened his eyes a bit to see Drew had sat in the arm chair next to him.

"Everyone else is on their way; we called everyone we could think of." Bianca said.

No sooner had she said this than the door opened and a flood of people came in; his Mom and Dad with Dallas, Mr. and Mrs. Bhandari, Alli, Jenna, Eli's parents, Owen, Imogen, Dave, Wes and Connor and finally Jay. His parents hugged him and sat down nearby; once everyone was seated Drew told them what Adam had said saving him from having to repeat it and then they fell into an anxious silence. Time seemed to drag by at an excruciatingly slow pace; Adam would look at the clock after what felt like an hour to see only a few minutes had ticked by. The only sounds in the room were the ever present ticking of the clock and the occasional sound of someone shifting. After an hour Jake stood up quickly and began pacing.

"Why haven't we heard anything? What's happening? Someone should have told us something by now!" He stated in annoyance and anger.

"Press the button for the nurses' station son." Glen said doing his best to keep his voice calm.

Jake did just that and a moment later a nurse came in the room, looking at the large group of people.

"Why hasn't anyone given us any news? What is going on?!" Jake demanded.

"She's in surgery right now; they had to stabilize her before they could begin. She had lost over two pints of blood; if you'd gotten to her much later she would have died from massive blood loss." The nurse said. The entire room tensed, Eli was sobbing harder, Adam swallowed hard trying not to think of the terrible possibility. "The surgery is going well, there haven't been any alarms, I assure you someone will be in to talk to you as soon as she's out of surgery." The nurse told them.

"Why is it taking so long? I thought she just popped a stitch putting in another shouldn't be taking this long should it?" Imogen asked.

"She had some internal bleeding; it appears she tore the suturing on her lung as well so they had to re-open the incision to clear out the internal bleeding and close the tear on her lung again. That's why it's taking so long, our best thoracic surgeon is leading the team; she's in good hands I promise. I know it's hard to be patient but I assure you someone will be in to talk to you as soon as she's out of surgery and if anything should go wrong, which we don't anticipate so please don't panic. If you need anything press the call button again." The nurse said before leaving the room once more.

Eli looked up at Adam, and he knew they were having the same thought. _"Internal bleeding!"_

**(ELI)**

After what felt like eons the door opened once more and a doctor came in. "I'm Dr. Peirce who are the parents?"

"We are but you may as well tell all of us." Glen said.

"Very well, Clare made it through the surgery and is currently stable. She's being taken to recovery now and as soon as she's set up you may go in and see her but just a few at a time and she probably won't wake up for a few hours yet. We were able to drain the internal bleeding and used a stronger suture on the tear in her lung. It appears it tore sometime in the last 36 hours, the tear was small but she'd been bleeding for a while as it had built up and that contributed to the stich that broke. Did she complain of chest pain recently?" The doctor asked.

Eli looked up at Adam and he wondered if he looked as guilty and terror stricken as his friend. "Yes, earlier today but I…we never thought…" Eli choked out.

"Take it easy son it isn't your fault and she's okay now, you're lucky though she lost a lot of blood. We're still not entirely sure how the stitch came out but we've put in staples this time which she will need to get removed in about three weeks. We'll keep her here for the next 48 hours for observation and to continue giving her blood and fluids. She will be weaker than she has been for a few days as she recovers from the surgery and will continue needing to be careful about her range of movement, bending, stretching, lifting that sort of thing. I consulted with Dr. Barton and he told me Eli and Adam slept in her room while she was in ICU and I'm assuming they would like to do the same this time around?" Dr. Pierce asked.

"Yes." He and Adam said in synchronization.

"That's fine I'll have the orderly's put in a couple of cots, she should be set up by now. Mr. and Mrs. Martin if you'll follow me I'll take you to her room." Dr. Pierce said and Glen and Helen got up and followed him out of the room.

"Adam she told us her chest hurt we should have checked, we should have brought her in, we…" he started ranting until Fiona took his hand and squeezed it.

"Eli you heard the doctor it isn't your fault; you couldn't have known. You got her here in time, she's okay. If you're all stressed out when you go in there it isn't going to do her any good." Fiona cautioned him.

Eli nodded but he didn't feel any better, if they hadn't woken up when they did she would have lost too much blood. She looked dead when she was lying on the floor in her blood. She had complained of her chest hurting and while he had been a little concerned he had shrugged it off and all he could think was he'd failed her yet again. Glen and Helen returned, Helen was crying but Glen's expression was hard to read.

"You guys can go back and see her, room 306 no more than three at a time and only a few minutes each. I'm going to take Helen home but we'll be back in a few hours, can one of you give Jake a ride home?" Glen asked.

"Yeah we'll make sure he gets home." Jay told him.

Glen nodded his thanks and escorted his wife from the room. Slowly, in groups of two or three the others went back to see Clare. Adam's parents went first, and then Dallas and Jake together. They all came back with the same sort of expression, not entirely as horrified as the first time they had all rushed to the hospital to see her but not exactly happy or even hopeful either. Audra and Omar said that they would take Jake home, hugged their sons and Bianca and Audra even hugged Eli and said they would return later during visiting hours. The Bhandari's went next followed by Jenna and Alli and then they left to go home, Jenna and Alli crying almost hysterically as they left. Dave, Wesley and Connor went next and they all looked kinda pale when they returned. Dave said they were leaving but would be back later. Bullfrog and Cece went in to see her and came back with very stoic expressions, hugging Eli and Adam before they left. Fiona and Imogen went together and came back crying but they sat on the sofa again saying they'd rather stay. Jay and Owen went together as did Drew and Bianca and the four of them decided to stay as well.

Now only he and Adam remained to go see her but of course they would stay in her room. They stood up from the sofa and walked out of the room together, Eli swallowed hard, he was shaking and couldn't seem to walk very well. Adam took his arm to support him and he looked up giving his friend a small but appreciative smile. They came to her door and they froze, Eli was almost too terrified to go in. To see her unconscious in a hospital bed again, hooked up to machines and near death yet again. He couldn't count how many times he'd almost lost her in the last few weeks and he wasn't sure if he could stand it again. He thought losing Julia would be the worst thing he ever went through but he was wrong. With Julia she was there and then she was gone, there was no getting her back it had been terribly horrible but it was like fate was toying with him; she would seem to be better and then she would be near death again.

"Let me go in first, I…I just need a minute." Eli requested.

"Yeah of course." Adam nodded releasing his friend's arm.

Eli opened the door, the room was dimly lit and it took a minute for his eyes to adjust from the bright neon lights in the hall. He heard the familiar beeping of a heart monitor and pumping sounds of the oxygen, no mask this time however just a breathing tube in her nose. She lay in the bed; she looked peaceful but still very pale. There was an IV in her again and three bags hanging on the IV pole, one of them very obviously blood. Eli went and sat on her bed, facing her and taking her hand in both of his.

"Don't die on me Clare I can't lose you, not now, not ever. I love you Clare more than I've ever loved anyone. I need you Clare, Your Mom needs you and Jake and Adam, all of us so you just can't die alright you just can't." Eli demanded.

He wasn't exactly expecting a response, after all the doctor said she wouldn't wake up for a few hours but he felt her squeezing his hand just a bit and he looked up at her face. Her eyelids were still closed but her eyes were moving underneath them, a sign that she was coming back to conciousness.

"Eli?" She questioned on the softest breath of whisper he wasn't even sure he'd heard her.

"I'm here Clare, right here baby I got you." He assured her squeezing her hand a little harder.

She seemed to relax a little and gave a tiny smile, and then she tensed again her eyebrows squeezing together a bit her other hand searching beside her weakly, only moving minutely as she was still coming out of the effects of anesthesia.

Eli laughed a little realizing what she was doing, he stroked her hair. "He's here baby right outside the door, hang on." He stopped stroking her hair but kept hold of her hand moving close to the door as he could while still holding her hand. "Adam!" He called toward the door and it opened, Adam stepping in. "She's asking for you, well sort of." Eli said.

Adam looked over to see her hand searching and he smiled in relief too, like Eli he knew that this was a good sign. Eli took his place on the one side of her bed and Adam sat down on the other gingerly holding her hand with the IV in it. Once they both had hold of her, she smiled, let out a breath and relaxed into the bed.

"Where?" She asked, again in a such a small whisper it was nearly inaudible.

"The hospital Clare, we found you bleeding on the washroom floor the sutures on your lung tore and you popped a stitch." Adam told her and they saw a few tears begin to come from her eyes, Eli wiped them away.

"Sleepy." She said after a couple of minutes.

"You just came out of surgery, your still under anesthesia and you're weak from all the blood loss and the surgery. Go to sleep baby Adam and me won't leave your side, promise." Eli assured her.

She smiled, squeezed Eli's hand just a tiny bit harder. "Kiss." She requested.

Eli smiled bending down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. He sat up smiling, she was going to pull through, she had gone back a few steps and she still had a long hard road ahead of her but she was going to pull through. Would he ever again have his Clare back the way she had been, no that was very unlikely but he wasn't losing her either and to Eli that was all that mattered. Clare fell back asleep again fairly quickly and Eli sat by her side the whole time, gazing at her lovingly and happily.

**(CLARE)**

She yawned and wiggled her nose as the breathing tube in her nostril was horridly uncomfortable.

"Hey beautiful how do you feel?" Eli questioned in a happy and relieved tone.

She blinked her eyes open to see him and Adam looking down at her and she smiled. "Tired, weak, kind of numb from whatever drugs they have me on but you two are with me so everything's fine." She said. She attempted to lean forward to kiss Eli but this effort was monumental at the moment so she gave up. "Kiss." She demanded of her boyfriend and he smiled only too happy to indulge her. He leaned forward ensnaring her lips in a soft kiss. When he pulled away she looked at Adam. "Can't sit up, cheek." She commanded. Adam laughed leaning down so she could kiss his cheek and then he sat up again.

"What happened baby how'd you get to the washroom and why didn't you wake us?" Eli questioned.

"I woke up in pain; I had sort of bent and twisted in my sleep onto my bad side. I thought I just needed to straighten so I did straighten but too fast I think. It made the pain much worse and I started to feel woozy. I wanted my pain reliever from the washroom and I didn't want you guys to worry I honestly didn't think it was anything that bad. I got to the washroom okay but I was in so much pain and so dizzy I sank down to the floor and it wasn't until then that I realized I was bleeding. I tried to call for help but I was too weak by then." Clare confessed tears beginning to fall from her eyes.

Eli wiped her tears and kissed her cheek softly. "Next time wake us up please. I don't care how small it seems. If we'd been just a little later in finding you, you would have died from blood loss." Eli told her and she began crying again.

"I'm sorry." She said in a small voice.

"Next time wake us up okay? For everything, if you need something, if you're in pain, if you feel sick anything." Adam instructed and she nodded.

"I will." She promised just as the doctor came in.

"Good morning Clare, how are do you feel?" He asked.

"Okay I guess, kinda numb and tired." She said.

"Yes the anesthesia is wearing off and you'll get some of your energy back, although we do have you on morphine so you'll still feel pretty numb for a while and weak as we replace the blood you lost." The doctor explained.

"She twisted in her sleep and thinks that's how she popped the stitch." Eli told him.

"Yes that's always a risk but with the stronger suturing in her lung and the staples in the incision it will be much harder for you to open them again. You'll still have to be careful how much you move." Dr. Pierce explained.

"Will I be able to travel? We're flying to Atlantic City for a wedding on Friday." Clare told him worried that this latest hospital trip would prevent her from going.

"Traveling should be okay with assistance, get a wheelchair at the airport and remember don't lift or carry your luggage. Walking short distances is fine and in fact recommended to start building your strength up again but just be cautious and don't push yourself. All the same cautions and provisions as before should be taken. If you feel up to it, I have no problem with you returning to school on Tuesday just remember you'll be quiet weak again and should use your wheelchair to get around for the most part. The nurse is going to come take your vitals and I believe you have some friends in the waiting room, I can send them in if you like?"

"Yes please." Clare nodded.

The doctor nodded and left, a second later the nurse came in and took her vitals and as soon as she left Imogen, Fiona, Drew, Bianca, Owen and Jay came in and they all smiled upon seeing her.

"You got you're color back! You look alive again." Imogen chirped.

"What did the doctor say?" Bianca asked.

"I can go back to school on Tuesday but he wants me to use the wheelchair to get around." She pouted.

"No need for that, you have the Ice Hounds to carry you." Owen assured her and she smiled.

"He said I can still travel so I won't miss the wedding but I don't have a dress still and he said I shouldn't walk much." Clare told them.

"We can get you a dress when we get there." Fiona told her.

"And we'll carry you around if we have too." Drew smiled.

"Thanks guys, but I hate to be such a burden." Clare said.

"Clare you are not a burden, without you there would be no wedding trust me we're more than happy to carry you around." Bianca insisted.

"Maybe we can make her one of those thrones that we can carry on our shoulders." Owen teased.

Clare laughed a bit. "Like I need more attention on me." She sighed.

"I'm just glad you're feeling better, you had me scared." Jay admonished.

"You had us all scared." Drew said.

"You guys didn't have to find her lying in a pool of her blood; never ever scare us like that again." Adam scolded.

"Promise." She smiled.

"We should let you rest and I gotta go call Spin and the others. I know your parents and Alli and everyone else will be back to see you later today so you should probably rest now while you can." Jay told her before coming over to kiss her cheek.

Owen, Bianca, Drew, Imogen and Fiona all did the same and then they left.

"I didn't mean to scare you guys so badly." She apologized.

"We know just don't do it again and next time you feel any pain anywhere we need to know and actually look at it and see if there's something wrong. If we'd looked when you'd complained of chest pain we might have seen that something wrong and gotten your internal bleeding fixed before it became a problem." Eli said sounding a bit guilty.

She squeezed his hand as hard as she could. "Kiss." She commanded and he happily granted her request.

**Update Soon**

******Those of you that read Her Unexpected Hero already know this so you don't need to reed this I will be posting it for the next update to all my stories: Okay so I had a guest reviewer do a stroy request for a story where Eli cheats on Clare, now originally I just scoffed on the idea but as my head never shuts down (hence the insomnia) it came up with a sort of plot. After all fair is fair if he's going to cheat on her then she gets to cheat on him, more and better (insert evil laugh here). But still not sure if I want to add it to my list over upcoming stories so I'm putting it to a vote, if I get enough votes that this is something you guys want to read I will add it to my lsit. Just know now it will be raunchy and dirty and well you all know I'm a gutter bunny so yeah. **


	34. Lovelight

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch. 34 Lovelight**

**(CLARE)**

"I don't like these hospital beds the three of us don't fit very well on it." Clare pouted.

It was Sunday evening and she was happily sandwiched between Eli and Adam, however the both of them were nearly falling off the bed. She'd had a full day of visitors, after Jay and the others had left that morning her family had come back and stayed most of the day. Alli, Jenna and Mr. and Mrs. Bhandari had come by; so had Adam's parents and Eli's. Dallas, Luke, Becky, Tristan, Tori, Zig, Maya, Campbell, Dave and Wesley had all come to see her. She'd also gotten phone calls or flower deliveries from Declan, Spinner and Emma, Mia, Darcy and K.C.

"We fit fine." Eli assured her stroking her hair.

"Yeah you both look like your about to fall off the bed, and I'm not allowed to turn on my side." She said.

Adam was about to answer when her door opened again and Connor and Principal Simpson came in.

"Hey Clare, how do you feel?" Connor asked as they sat down in the chairs by her bed.

"Well I'm not bleeding internally anymore so that's good but now I'm weaker again. I was just starting to get stronger too." She frowned, Eli kissed her head and Adam squeezed her hand.

"I've spoken with all your parents and since Clare won't be released from the hospital until tomorrow afternoon; Eli and Adam have been cleared to stay here with you and miss school tomorrow. Most of the week is just review for exams and I brought all the material you'll need to review for the tests from each of your teachers. Clare you've missed a significant amount of school days and classes even when you were present. However you were an A+ student and one of the top students in your classes so all of teachers will either be giving you a special project to complete or a different test just to be sure you understand all the material." Simpson told them.

"Thanks Principal Simpson." She smiled.

"Now I know you two have missed several days as well to be with Clare so if you review the material for the test and find you are too far behind, come see me on Tuesday when you get to school." Simpson instructed.

"Thank you sir." Eli and Adam said in synchronicity.

"Well I'll let you visit with Connor for a few minutes while I go get the box from my car." Said Simpson before getting up and leaving her room once more.

**(ELI)**

He was awoken by Clare stirring in the hospital bed next to him and sort of whimpering in her sleep. His eyes opened, his arms instinctually coming around her, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. Her eyes shot open and she gasped a little, he stroked her arms and heard her let out a relived sigh.

"You okay baby?" Eli asked in a whisper, trying not to wake Adam.

"I'm fine, just a dream I don't even really remember it." She whispered back.

He sat her up a little so he could put an arm behind her, therefore encircling her in his arms. "You're okay I got you." He told her.

"I know you do." She replied resting her head on his chest. "I hope I'm strong enough to walk at the wedding. I can already feel my legs getting weaker, I was getting stronger. I mean I couldn't walk much but…"

He put his finger to her lips to silence her. "Baby no one cares if you can walk down the aisle or at all, they only care if you're there. I know you hate that you've been taken back a few steps but starting tomorrow, when you're not hooked up to so many machines, we'll start walking again. We have until Saturday afternoon to get you strong enough to walk down the aisle on Adam's arm…"

He was suddenly interrupted by Adam's sleepy voice. "I think we should just make her one of those thrones and we can carry her down the aisle on it like Owen said."

Clare laughed a little and then winced in pain. "If you're awake Adam then get up here and I want to walk down the aisle on your arm, I might need a lot of support but I'm determined to walk."

Adam got up brining his pillow and blanket, lying with his head at the foot of the bed. "Then we'll get you strong enough to walk." He yawned.

"Don't worry about it tonight blue eyes, get back to sleep." Eli soothed stroking her arm softly.

"Kiss." She demanded.

He smiled and softly grazed her lips in a kiss. He actually liked that she demanded kisses now by simply saying kiss, instead of timidly asking for one. When his lips left hers she looked at Adam who had fallen asleep again, lying on his side, his arm draped over the blanket and her legs. She smiled, yawned and snuggled into Eli a bit more, he kissed her head and she was soon asleep again.

**(ADAM)**

"Alright Clare your mom is signing your discharge papers and here are your new prescriptions and instructions. Your oxygen saturation levels are up to ninety two percent which is very good. You won't be able to start physical therapy for a few weeks yet, not until we've removed the staples but you should start building up your strength by taking short walks every day." Dr. Pierce was telling her.

"Eli and I are going to go on walks every day." Clare informed him.

"Excellent I've also made a recommendation for a good therapist to your parents." Said Dr. Pierce.

Adam watched Clare's face suddenly drop; it was like he'd just told her she'd never walk again.

"A therapist?" She questioned her tone full of trepidation.

"Clare you've been through a lot for anyone in the last several weeks, it's good to talk about it with someone." Dr. Pierce told her but Clare still looked terribly nervous about the idea of a therapist.

"Okay your all set to go Miss Edwards." A nurse said bringing in a wheelchair.

"Well Clare hopefully we won't see you again until it's time to get those staples out." Dr. Pierce said.

She got in the wheelchair and the nurse wheeled her to the reception desk where they met up with her Mom. Helen said Jake was going to get the car so the nurse wheeled her out to the curb and when Jake pulled the car up Eli helped her into the backseat. When they got back to Clare's house Eli carried her up to her bed and she didn't argue. Adam helped Jake and her Mom bring in Clare's flowers and their bags and such from Clare's hospital room.

"I assume we'll be flooded with visitors soon so I'm going to tidy up a bit. Jake can you help me please?" Helen requested.

Jake nodded and followed Helen out of Clare's room, when Adam heard them downstairs he turned to Clare.

"Why are so unsure about seeing a therapist Clare?" Adam asked her and she just sort of shrugged. "It's really not a big deal Clare, I see a therapist, so does Eli and Fiona. Drew saw one for his PTSD even Bianca goes to one as part of her probation." Adam told her.

"I just don't like the idea of talking to a stranger." Clare said in a very quiet voice. "If I'm supposed to concentrate on having fun between now and the end of spring break then I don't want to talk about going to a therapist until the end of break either." She insisted in a firmer louder voice.

Adam and Eli exchanged a look. "Okay blue eyes we'll talk about it at the end of break." Eli told her.

Clare seemed satisfied with this and it wasn't long before they started getting visitors to welcome her home. Her room quickly became full so Eli carried her downstairs but it wasn't long before even the living room became full. Clare sat on the sofa, he and Eli as always by her sides, Alli and Jenna were sitting in front of her on the coffee table giving her all the recent gossip at school. Unfortunately for Clare most of it was about her.

"Allia, Jenna it is time to go you'll see Clare at school tomorrow." Mrs. Bhandari ordered.

Alli and Jenna hugged Clare and she waved goodbye to them as they left the house and then Clare began shifting, her face contorted.

"You okay?" Adam asked.

"Without the morphine drip these staples hurt, I think I've been sitting like this too long." She complained.

"I'll get your pain meds," Adam said hopping up. He ran up to her room and grabbed the bag with her meds. He went back downstairs and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He went back to the sofa where Eli and Clare were sitting length wise, she encircled in his arms. Adam opened her water and handed it to her and handed her two pills but she was beginning to look tired.

"Why don't you and Eli go on your walk?" Adam suggested.

"But everyone came to see me and…" she started to argue but Adam cut her off.

"And they'll understand but if you'd rather I can have Owen throw everyone out again, you know he will." Adam said.

"He's right baby we should go now and you've been off your feet for over two days, I don't think we'll get very far. We'll be back in a few minutes and you can visit with everyone for a bit longer." Eli urged.

"Okay." Clare nodded.

Adam helped Clare to stand; he could tell how shaky she was as she stood. Eli stood up and put his arm around her and they walked out the door.

**(CLARE)**

It was finally Friday afternoon and she, Eli, Adam, Drew, Bianca, Imogen, Fiona and Owen had just arrived at the airport to fly to Atlantic City. Drew's parents thought they were all taking a short spring break vacation to cheer Clare up, they knew nothing about the wedding. To Clare's disdain she had to be transported by wheelchair through the airport and onto the plane. She'd been able to avoid a wheelchair all week at school thanks to Owen and the hockey team carrying her everywhere she needed to go. A wheelchair was brought for her while Owen and Drew went to get a cart to transport everyone's bags.

The only good thing about the wheelchair was they got through check-in and security rather quickly. Once they reached the gate Clare left the wheelchair for the comfort of Eli's lap, he didn't mind at all as his arms came around her and he kissed her neck. She no longer shrank from Eli's touch and in fact reveled in it. Imogen and Fiona went to buy water and magazines for the plane ride even though it only took an hour to fly there. Bianca was sitting on Drew's lap running her fingers through his hair as they talked excitedly about the wedding and soon being Mr. and Mrs. Drew Torres. Adam and Owen were playing games on their phones, they seemed to be playing the same game actually and competing for the highest score. They had at least forty minutes before they even boarded the plane so Clare made herself comfortable by resting her head on Eli's shoulder.

"Kiss." She commanded and he did.

"So I get a bachelor party tonight right?" Drew asked when Imogen and Fiona had returned with a stack of magazines and bottles of water for everyone.

"Yes and Bianca gets a bachelorette party after we all have dinner together. Except Eli and I won't be attending either party, I don't exactly have the energy and I would like some time with my boyfriend all to myself." Clare informed them.

"Mmmm alone time." Eli smiled and kissed her neck and Clare giggled.

"Wait did you plan my bachelor party? I mean no offense Clare but…" Drew started but she cut him off.

"Relax Drew I had a co-conspirator for your bachelor party, I didn't need any help with Bianca's though. You'll see when we get there." She smiled.

"Wait when did you have time to conspire and with who? Adam and I haven't left your side in weeks." Eli inquired.

She just smiled and asked Fiona for a magazine. Finally it was time to board and as Clare was being taken by wheelchair their group got to go first. Their seats were near the front of the plane, Adam by the window, Clare in the middle and Eli on the aisle. Across from them was Drew and Bianca and behind them sat Imogen, Fiona and Owen. Next to Drew and Bianca sat an elderly woman who thought it was so very sweet that they were so in love and getting married. She spent the whole flight talking to them about her sixty year marriage to her husband who had recently passed and how they had been married at sixteen. Clare spent the whole flight thumbing through a fashion magazine while Eli had his arm around her. She was very glad however that the flight was so short as she began to get uncomfortable and had to take some more vicodin shortly before landing.

She was taken off the plane by wheelchair again but got out of it when they reached baggage claim. She stood for a few minutes it was taking forever for the bags to come out and she went to sit in one of the seats along the wall after a short time. Eli and Adam of course came with her, when their bags were finally collected Eli carried her out to where the shuttles to the hotels were and they boarded the right one. By this time Clare was so used to being carried around she didn't even pay attention to the funny looks people gave her. The shuttle dropped them in front of the hotel, Drew and Owen got a luggage cart to put all their bags on while Eli carried Clare into the lobby.

The hotel was fairly old, built in the twenties she'd found out, but it was opulent. The lobby had marble floors and dark wood furniture and fixtures. There were overstuffed chairs and one of those round sofas. Three crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling and there were beautiful paintings along the walls in dark wood frames. Off the lobby appeared to be a bar/lounge area as well and she could see out to the garden in the center of the hotel.

"Reservations for two nights under Torres." Drew said to the desk clerk when they were all inside.

"Ah yes here are your room keys sir. You're suite is on the fourteenth floor 1404 and you're second room for tomorrow night is on the eleventh floor. You can check into that one any time after 3pm tomorrow. If you need anything simply call the front desk and I'll have one of the bell hops bring up your luggage." The desk clerk said handing Drew a little envelope with their room keys and he passed one to everybody.

She insisted on walking to the elevator as her feet had barely touched the ground all day. The ride to the 14th floor was fairly quick and their room wasn't far from the elevator and she was able to walk on her own to the room. Eli and Adam walked at her sides and the others behind her, she assumed out of courtesy as she walked very slow. As she reached the room first she used her key to open their door.

"Bout time you guys got here." Said a familiar voice as Clare stepped into the room.

Clare was not surprised to see him but of course but the others were.

"K.C.!" Drew and Bianca said together in exactly the same astonished tone.

"Guys my co-conspirator for Drew's bachelor party." Clare smiled as K.C. gave her hug and kissed her cheek.

"Oh my god I can't believe you're here!" Bianca smiled hugging K.C. as soon as he released Clare.

"Dude this is awesome!" Drew agreed as they bumped fists and did a guy hug.

"Thank Clare she arranged it all." K.C. smiled as he greeted the others.

"I know she arranged this whole thing. God this room is amazing, it's like an apartment." Bianca gushed.

"Yeah we have three bedrooms, that one was bunk beds so I figured Owen and I would take that one. It share's a washroom with the other bedroom so I figure Drew and Bianca will sleep in there tonight and tomorrow when they have their own room Fiona and Imogen can take it. Tonight they can sleep on the pull out sofa. That appears to be the master it has the biggest bed and private washroom so I thought it would be good for Clare, Eli and Adam." K.C. informed them as he pointed out all the rooms.

Everyone nodded in agreement as there was a knock at the door; Owen opened the door letting in the bellhop while Clare sat down on the sofa since she was tired of standing. After the bellhop unloaded all their bags Owen tipped him and he left the room. Everyone began taking their bags to their rooms, except Fiona and Imogen who began unpacking in the hall closet and Clare looked around from her spot on the sofa. There was a full kitchen and a dining table that sat six. The sofa was plush and white and there was a large dark wood coffee table in front of it. They had a view of the garden from the window; there was a large dark wood desk and chair, a flat screen TV mounted to the wall opposite the sofa, a love seat and two large arm chairs.

"So how do you feel?" K.C. asked sitting down next Clare.

"Better, I'm still on lots of meds and I'm still pretty weak but I got enough of my strength back that I should be able to walk down the aisle." She told him.

"Good, you look better I mean I know you have makeup on but Jenna said most of your bruises have faded." K.C. said giving her a kind smile.

"Most of them have, just the one on my eye and my jaw are still visible without makeup on." Clare told him.

"Have the other…injuries healed into scars?" K.C. asked.

She bit her lip and looked down, K.C. put his hand on her arm and she looked at him again. "For the most part except for the carving of their initials on my back."

"Let me see." K.C. requested in a kind voice.

"I really don't think you want to." Clare told him and then bit her lip again.

"I wasn't there to see you or be there for you when it happened. I'm here now and I'm your friend and I promise they won't be all I see when I look at you. Jenna told me a little but I'd like to see for myself what those bastards did to you." K.C. insisted.

Clare sighed and stood up from the sofa taking K.C.'s hand and leading him into the washroom. She closed the door turned around lifted her shirt and pulled down the waistband of her jeans in the back and just enough to reveal the brand on her back. She heard K.C. take in a sharp gasp through his teeth. She shut her eyes tight as tears began to gather in the corners of her eyes.

"Oh Clare I am so sorry you went through that. I am so sorry they hurt you and I wish I had been there to help you."

**(ELI)**

He and Adam finished unpacking their bags as well as Clare's and went back to the living room just in time to see Clare and K.C. go into the other washroom. She was holding his hand and closed the door behind them in and while he was sure there was a perfectly reasonable explanation he still felt a pang of jealousy.

"Uh what are they doing?" He asked Imogen and Fiona who were in the kitchen.

"K.C. wanted to see her scars and he actually convinced her to let him." Explained Fiona.

"Oh that's good I think as long as he only sees the ones on her back." Eli remarked, he really didn't want her ex to see her breast, just then the washroom door opened again.

"I'm glad you're here now and that you could make it for the weekend." Clare was saying as she and K.C. came out to the living room again.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world." K.C. said sitting on the sofa.

Clare went to Eli taking his hand and pulling him to the sofa with her, wrapping his arms around her. He saw the insecure look in her eye she got whenever someone saw her scars and he kissed her cheek.

"So you saw?" Eli questioned K.C. just as Drew, Bianca and Owen joined them in the living room.

"Just the scars on her back, the ones that used to be welts and their initials." K.C. told him.

"She actually showed you? She usually hates to show anyone." Owen commented.

"Yeah well I can understand why, I felt sick seeing them now after they've healed or almost healed. I can't imagine having seen her just after it happened." K.C. said.

"We should go to dinner so the rest of you can go celebrate." Clare said changing the subject.

"So where do you guys want to go? We're like a block from the boardwalk we could just walk down…" Imogen began and then stopped and looked at Clare. "Oh I mean the restaurant downstairs is probably good."

"She doesn't need to walk, I carried her around school all week I can carry her a block." Owen said.

"You and the hockey team," Adam retorted, "but he's right there's five of us that can carry Clare."

"Okay so where should eat?" Bianca asked.

"Here there's a whole binder of restaurants." K.C. said getting up from the sofa and retrieving a large black binder, he set it on the coffee table.

After they all looked through the binder for several minutes they decided on Japanese. Clare made it out of the hotel on her own but Owen picked her up as soon as they were outside and he carried her to the restaurant that was on the pier about a block and half from their hotel. Owen put her down near the entrance so she could walk in on her own, she went to Eli and he put his arm around her. They were sat in a large booth and Clare slid into the middle, Eli sat on one side of her wrapping her in his arms and Bianca was on her other side wrapped in Drew's arms. They all ordered drinks and then looked at the menu, while everyone else ordered actual meals Clare didn't order anything.

"I'll just eat some of your chicken." She said to Eli.

"You're not eating anything?" K.C. asked Clare furrowing his eyebrows together.

"I'm eating some of Eli's teriyaki chicken and maybe some of Adam's tempura." She shrugged.

"She doesn't eat much anymore." Eli explained.

"We still need to get me a dress tomorrow." Clare said after a few minutes.

"No we don't," Fiona said and everyone looked at her. "I talked to your stepmom and one of the local dress shops is brining several dresses to the room for you to look at tomorrow morning. You can try them on in the room and pick the one want and they'll charge it to her card."

"Well that makes things easier." Clare smiled.

When the food came Clare ate a few bites of his chicken and on of Adam's carrots from his tempura plate. Drew offered to carry Clare back to the hotel but he set her down when they entered the lobby. She walked up to the room on her own and sat on the sofa as soon as they entered. Everyone else changed to go out; Clare and K.C. had made reservations for the guys at a burlesque show and a poker club, you didn't play for real money so it really wasn't gambling. Meanwhile the girls would be going to a tasting for a wedding cake and then a club with male exotic dancers. Quite frankly Eli was glad Clare would not be attending the bachelorette party. The good thing was neither group was expected back until midnight or so which meant he and Clare had a good 4 hours of alone time.

"So beautiful what do you want to do?" Eli asked her as soon as the others had left the room.

"First thing I want to do is take a bath." She said getting up from the sofa and out of his arms.

Eli followed her to the washroom in their room and started the water, he couldn't fill it up very far as her incision wasn't allowed to get wet. He helped her undress and get into the warm water that came just above her belly button. He kept his eyes on hers as hard as it was for him to do so and handed her a washcloth so she could wash herself. He turned around to go to go sit on the closed toilet lid but she caught his hand and he looked back at her.

"Kiss." She demanded.

Eli smiled and kneeled down, considering the fact that she was naked in a tub and demanding a kiss this was a huge step for her. He brought his lips to hers in a gentle kiss, but she put her hand at the back of his neck and deepened the kiss, parting her lips for him and he slipped his tongue in her mouth and stroked it gently. After a couple of minutes he pulled away, she moved her hand from the back of his neck but grabbed his shirt instead.

"This tub is pretty big, why don't you get in with me?"

**Update Soon from right here.**

**If you read Her Unexpected Hero you don't need to read this authors note I will be reposting it on all the updates this week for those of you who only read one of my stories.**

**Alright so I got enough yes votes to add the cheating story on my list. Keep in mind all of you that voted for it that I have 12 other idea's for stories including at least three story requests from readers and the next stroy I'm going to write is Flare since it was second most requested after ClOwen. I am currently wrting five stories which is my limit so as soon as one of them ends I will begin on the Flare story. But yeah the cheating story has been added to the list.**

**If you read Friends with Benefits vote yay or nay for the Future Fic (another guest request) you can find my schpiel on it at the end of chapter 32.**


	35. All My Loving

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch. 35 All My Loving**

**(CLARE)**

He froze and looked at her blinking a couple of times, probably unsure he'd heard her correctly. Despite the fact that they slept in the same bed every night they had barely begun kissing again, really kissing not just tiny pecks. Of course Adam also slept in the same bed and both boys slept on top of her blanket with blankets of their own so it's not as though she was cuddled up to them in her sleep, she just felt better when their presence's were next to her. She wasn't entirely sure she was ready for this, that is for Eli to be naked and behind her but she didn't want to feel Ben or Trevor at all anymore. She wanted to erase the memory of their touch, the sense memory from her skin. Still she was scared and she was being trapped by her fear, now that kissing her boyfriend was nothing but pleasurable again she felt the only way to move ahead was to take a proverbial flying leap. Since they were on vacation and currently alone this seemed as good a time as any and she trusted Eli.

She scooted forward a little in the big garden tub to show him she meant what she said. "Just umm…" she started as he was taking off his shirt.

"I won't do anything unless you want me to. You're in charge okay?" He assured her.

She nodded, biting her lip and waiting for him to undress and get in the tub. She didn't watch him undress, afraid she'd change her mind, it was an odd fear she had to admit but again this wasn't a baby step this was a flying leap. She felt him step into the tub as the water sloshed a bit, then he sat down beside her and his legs came around her, the tub was so big he wasn't even touching her. He put his arms along the sides of the tub as well; he was letting her be completely in charge. She felt him but he wasn't touching her. She took a deep breath and sat there a minute looking at Eli's bare legs. Then very slowly she lifted her hands out of the water and placed them on his thighs, she stayed like that a minute absorbing the feel of him.

He didn't say anything, didn't move or touch her, he let her be in complete control. Another deep breath and she slowly leaned back until her back was against his chest. Honestly she had expected it to be scary, to feel more like being attacked by Ben and Trevor, the both of them naked, skin against skin. To her surprise and relief it wasn't scary at all, it didn't bring back any memories or emotions or feelings of being attacked. It was comforting and warm and safe, like coming home to a warm fire on a rainy day. Instead of fear, repulsion or nervous like she thought she'd feel, she felt protected, happy and most importantly love. She smiled and relaxed against him with a happy sigh.

"Hold me." She requested now that she was entirely secure.

Even though she wasn't facing him and was pressed against his chest she felt him smile. His arms came on top of hers, his palms lying on top of the back of her hands he interlaced their fingers with both hands. Moving together he wrapped both of his arms and therefor her arms around her torso. She smiled a little more, sighed happily again and tilted her head up to look in his eyes.

"Kiss." She demanded.

His smile got bigger and he brought his lips to hers, she opened her mouth for him but he was still letting her be in complete control so she slipped her tongue into his mouth. After a minute she pulled away, mostly to breathe but she locked eyes with him again and she was still smiling.

"I love you Eli." She said and the words, for the first time in a long time felt true and right and rolled off her tongue with ease.

"I will always love you Clare." He replied, a bigger smile than she'd ever seen crossed his lips, his bright green eyes sparkling in pure elated bliss.

They stayed like that for several minutes as Clare was relishing this new feeling of complete safety and love without the tiniest sliver of fear from being with Eli or anyone, from being touched at all. However there wasn't much water in the tub and it quickly began to turn cold.

"Can you help me wash my back and hair before we get out?" She requested.

"Like I said earlier you're in charge blue eyes." Eli told her.

He let go of her, to retrieve the washcloth he'd given her when she first got in the bath. He stayed in the bath to help her wash her back but washing her hair meant putting her hair under the faucet so she had to turn and he got out of the bath, wrapping a towel around his waist before turning the water on and washing her hair for her. She stood up while he grabbed a towel and as soon as she stepped out of the tub he wrapped the towel around her, he used another to dry her hair. He dried off and got dressed first and then helped her to do so.

"I'm not sure I can walk down the block but we could walk down the hallways." She said when they were both dressed again.

"Why don't we walk around the garden?" Eli suggested.

She smiled and nodded, once they had their shoes back on and Eli was sure he slipped a room key into his pocket and her inhaler to be safe, they left the room. They went through the lobby and out to the garden, it wasn't huge but it was a nice size and smelled delightful as it was full of all types of roses. There was a pond in the center and several benches around the edge, it was night now but there were lanterns that looked like the old gas lamps it was quite romantic actually. He had his arm around her waist and they started walking slowly around the path that went around the garden. She was able to make an entire lap before she started to feel fatigued and her muscles began to ache.

"Can we take a break?" She asked when they came to one of the many benches.

"You're the boss." Eli remarked.

They sat on the bench, he kept his arm around her waist, she put her hand palm up on his leg indicating she wanted his hand and he laid his hand on hers.

"Kiss." She demanded with a smile and of course he obliged.

She turned a little to lean against him and he wrapped his arm around her more. It was sweet and romantic and for a while as though nothing had ever happened, like the last several weeks hadn't been a struggle. She felt…normal. She couldn't remember the last time she felt normal, not damaged or broken or sick, just normal. They sat for a short while until she felt ready to walk again, after 2 more laps around the garden she was ready to go back to the room. Her legs were aching and shaky and when she faltered the slightest bit on the way to the elevator Eli scooped her up. She didn't complain though she was tired, despite how normal she felt sitting on the bench with him she still had a long way to go before she was back to a hundred percent, or as close as she could get.

They returned to the room, he set her on the bed and after some discussion of what to do they ordered dessert to the room and found a movie to watch on TV. After they finished dessert, Eli set their plates outside the door and returned to the bed. Clare climbed into his lap and he automatically encircled her in his arms.

"Kiss." She demanded and he did.

Her lips parted as her hands moved to the back of his neck, gently combing through the hairs on the back of his head. Her one demanded kiss soon became a make out session and she never felt the need to break away. Being on his lap she could feel as he became aroused but even this didn't bother her or frighten her. It's not as though she were ready to jump his bones, she hadn't even been ready to have sex before this all happened, but she no longer seized up inside at the thought of intimate touch. Turning her boyfriend on was once again a good thing and no longer brought forth memories or feelings from her attack. Eventually they did pull apart of course.

"I'm tired; I'm going to get ready for bed." She said after a minute.

"Okay blue eyes." Eli smiled.

He helped her into her pajamas and then she brushed her teeth and washed her face and left the washroom.

"Will you get under the covers with me and hold me until I fall asleep?" She requested.

"Anything you want," was his reply.

She got in the bed, moving into the middle and he lay down next to her, wrapping her in his arms. She watched the movie for a bit longer but it wasn't long before she fell asleep, happy, safe and loved in Eli's embrace.

**(ELI)**

Clare's body relaxed into the bed, sinking in a bit, her breathing light and regular and he knew she was asleep. He brushed her bangs to the side with his finger and stayed for a minute watching her, happy, relaxed and for the first time since this had all begun entirely confident that one day she would be okay again. She'd never be entirely her old self again or even 100% better or normal but after this evening he knew that she was healing and that she would be okay. She was more secure, she'd taken more than one huge step this evening and she'd gotten back some glimmers of her old self. Looking at the clock he knew the others would be returning soon so he left the bed to brush his teeth and get ready for bed himself. As he was leaving the washroom Adam was coming back in the room.

"Hey how was the bachelor party?" Eli asked in a quiet voice so as not to disturb Clare.

"Good, we all had fun. Clare and K.C. planned well, I won at poker. How was your night?" Adam inquired.

"Fantastic, she's getting better." Eli smiled.

"Yeah?" Adam asked.

"Yeah she was almost her old self, or as close as she'll ever be again anyway. We kissed a lot, she let me hold her in the bath and in the bed and she was happy and relaxed. She wasn't tense or nervous at all." Eli told him still smiling.

"Thank goodness." Adam smiled with relief.

Adam went to the dresser to get his pajamas and into the washroom to get ready for bed while Eli got on the bed, covering himself with the one of the extra comforters. She may have asked him to get under the covers to hold her but he didn't want her to wake up and suddenly feel him. He wasn't sure her unconscious mind was healed to the point that she wouldn't start freaking out if she woke feeling someone holding her under the covers. When Adam did the same Eli turned off the TV and they quickly feel asleep. He woke up the next morning when he felt Clare moving around in the bed, struggling to move under the comforter that was pinned around her.

"Good morning beautiful." He whispered. She smiled and kissed him softly. "Would you like to get out of bed?" He asked when they broke from the kiss.

"Yes please." She smiled.

He got up, freeing her from being pinned under the comforter and she got out of bed and went to the washroom. He sat back on the bed and she returned a minute later.

"I'm going to shower and then we can go down and get breakfast." He offered.

"Sounds good." She smiled.

He started to walk past her to go to the washroom but she caught his arm and kissed him again.

"I love you Clare." He whispered.

"I love you too Eli." She said.

"Oh my god, she's smiling you really are better." Adam chimed in from the bed and Clare giggled.

"Sit with Adam; I'll be out of the shower in a few minutes." Eli said kissing her forehead. He got clothes from the closet and went into the washroom.

**(CLARE)**

After Eli showered Adam showered and once the three of them were up, everyone else began to get up. It took an hour but they all went down to breakfast together. She ordered hot chocolate and ate some of Eli's pancakes. The others told them all about their night and the two parties and they all remarked how much better and different Clare looked.

"So you two ready to get married this evening?" Clare asked as she waited for everyone else to finish eating.

"Definitely." Bianca smiled, taking Drew's hand.

"Yep." Was Drew's answer.

"The chapel is reserved for 7:30, it's technically still a quickie chapel but it's on the water and we have it right at sunset. So we'll all have dinner and then we can change at the chapel and then you two get your private room and the rest of us will decide what we want to do. Our bouquets and the boutonnieres for Drew, Adam and Owen should be delivered to the chapel this afternoon." Clare informed them.

"Geez you really thought of everything Clare." Bianca remarked with a smile.

"I had a lot of extra time and could only stand doing school work for so long. Besides it was fun." She told them.

When they all finished breakfast they returned to the room, the dresses for Clare to try on would be arriving soon. In fact they had only been in the room a couple of minutes before there was a knock at the door and woman came in with a rack full of dresses. She introduced herself and Clare said she was trying on the dresses; they put the rack in Clare's room and Eli stayed with her to help her in to and out of the dresses. The fourth one she tried on was the one she wanted. It was sky blue in color and made of satin with a shiny silvery sash around the middle, went to just below her knees and had a flowy skirt. It had a v neck line but covered all visible bruises on her front and all the scars and bruises on her back since the back came all the way up. Her arms would be bare but all the bruises on her arms had healed or at least faded to the point where they were hard to see. Aside of course from where she's had an IV in at the hospital since she'd been in the hospital a lot recently.

"Well Clare has her dress and we have eight hours until the wedding so what does everyone want to do?" Fiona asked when the lady had left.

"Lets go explore the boardwalk." Adam said. "Clare can walk as far as she can or wants and then we'll just carry her."

Everyone looked at Clare to see if it was alright with her. "Sounds good to me." She said.

It took half an hour for the whole group to get ready but they were finally walking out of the hotel towards the boardwalk. She made it about half a block before she began to falter in Eli's arms and he picked her up. They walked a little ways before coming to an arcade and the consensus was to go inside. Owen and Drew started a game of air hockey, Fiona, Imogen and Bianca played skee ball. K.C. meanwhile was shooting hoops on a basketball game where he was already beating the previous high score. Adam challenged Eli to a game of air hockey on the table next to Owen and Drew so Eli set Clare down on a nearby bench.

She watched the others for a bit before deciding she wanted to play pinball, after getting some tokens from Eli she went to the Tommy pinball machine. Since pinball required minimal movement it didn't provoke her injuries or incision. She played two games, scoring pretty high before standing for so long started to wear on her muscles and she began walking back to the bench, by this time the others had dispersed through the arcade to play other games but K.C. was still near her on the basketball machine. She had almost made it back to the bench when her walking became shaky, her muscles starting to give way but K.C. put an arm around her waist and he helped her to the bench.

"Thanks." She smiled at him before she began coughing which quickly turned to hacking, she pulled a tissue from her purse and coughed up some blood in it. When she looked back at K.C. he looked terrified. "It's okay, it's from the pneumonia, it's mostly gone but not entirely and I still cough up some blood." She assured him with a smile.

"Coughing up blood at all is usually bad are you sure you're okay? Do you want me to get Eli or something?" K.C. asked.

"No I'm sure. Besides he and Adam will come back in a minute and really I'm okay, I just need to rest a moment." She told him.

K.C. still stayed with her and sure enough within a couple of minutes Eli and Adam returned. Eli sitting on the bench on the other side of Clare and taking her in his arms, Adam leaned nearby.

"She coughed up some blood." K.C. told them his voice laced with worry.

"If she's conscious and breathing then she's fine." Adam said.

"How much blood?" Eli asked.

"Eli I'm fine it was only a little." She insisted.

Everyone else came back then and they got up to walk down the boardwalk more. This time K.C. carried her, setting her down when they all decided to play miniature golf. While she said she wanted to play it was difficult for her for two reasons, one it involved much walking and standing and two hitting the ball meant bending a little, she was able to but it wasn't very comfortable and she wasn't playing very well. This particular miniature golf course had very few places to sit; there was however one boyfriend and seven of her friends so she took to leaning on them and no one complained. Drew won the game; Owen took second and Adam third. Back to walking down the boardwalk or in Clare's case being carried by Owen until they stopped for lunch.

**(BIANCA)**

She was sitting at dinner in a posh Italian restaurant, on her left her soon to be brother-in-law and on her right her soon to be husband. In less than an hour she would be Bianca Torres and she couldn't wait. She'd finished her pasta already and was now sitting back and enjoying this happy revelry with her friends.

"You okay? You nervous?" Drew whispered in her ear.

"Better than okay and no I'm not nervous at all." She told him and then met his lips.

"Okay save some for the wedding night." Owen remarked and they broke apart laughing.

"Hey we better get to the chapel we all still need to change." Fiona said.

They paid the bill and caught a taxi to the chapel and were shown to separate dressing areas for the girls and guys.

"I'll help you change into your dress." Bianca said helping Clare out of her shirt.

"Isn't the maid of honor supposed to help the bride into her dress?" Clare laughed.

"My dress is easy I just need someone to zip it up. Besides I'm the only one here who's seen the scars on your back." Bianca said.

Clare smiled, allowing Bianca to help her into her dress; Clare slipped on her shoes and sat at the vanity to fix her hair and makeup while Bianca and the other two got dressed. As soon as Imogen helped Bianca zip up her dress she went out to sit down. Fiona got out their bouquets, Fiona and Clare had lilies, white roses and violets. Bianca had red and white roses.

"Okay let's do this." Bianca said when the three of them were ready.

Clare smiled and stood up from the chair she'd been sitting in, she went to the door and opened it; Bianca saw that Owen and Adam were in their suits and leaning on the wall ready to go. Music began to play and Adam held his arm to Clare and Owen did the same for Fiona, Bianca stood behind Adam and Clare and could just see Drew standing near the officiator under an archway covered in ivy and flowers, he looked anxious and happy. Owen and Fiona began walking down the aisle a moment later went Clare and Adam. She walked all the way down the aisle without even faltering and finally Bianca started, Drew locked eyes with her and smiled and she smiled back at him. She made it to the end of the aisle and to Drew and he took her hand and the officiator began speaking.

She barely heard him; she was too preoccupied gazing into the blue eyes of her true love. She did manage to say I do at the right moment and so did Drew and then she didn't hear much of anything until the officiator said to kiss the bride. She locked lips with her husband in their first kiss as husband and wife and broke apart elatedly happy. They turned to face their friends, who were blowing bubbles at them. Clare had at some point moved to sit down next to Eli but neither she or Drew cared, without Clare this wedding would not have happened so as far Bianca was concerned Clare could have gone through the ceremony standing on her head. After a few minutes of giddy celebration in the chapel they all caught a taxi back to the hotel.

"Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Torres, enjoy your first night as husband and wife." Clare said hugging them both once they were in the lobby.

"Oh we will." Drew smiled and Bianca elbowed him.

"Thank you for everything Clare." Bianca said.

"I didn't pay for any of it." She said.

"Yes but none of this would have been possible without you." Drew said.

"I was happy to and you guys deserve it." Clare smiled.

The others hugged them and congratulated them and then they went up to the room. Drew checked them into their private room and they rode the elevator to the eleventh floor. They found their room, Drew unlocked the door and he carried her over the threshold.

"Drew this room is beautiful." She remarked when he set her down.

The room was smaller than the suite of course but had plush furniture, a king size bed, a large picture window that looked out over the water and a large washroom with a Jacuzzi tub.

"So Mrs. Drew Torres how do you feel?" Drew asked her, wrapping his arms around her as they gazed out the window.

"Amazing!" She replied, turning in his arms, linking her arms around his neck and kissing his lips.

Without breaking from the kiss he picked her up and brought her to the bed.

**Update Soon**


	36. Coming Home

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Thanks for all the reviews**

**Ch. 36 Going Home**

**(CLARE)**

She blinked her eyes open, the heavy hotel room curtains were drawn but she could see soft dawn light peeking through the bottom. The clock said it was just after seven but she had fallen asleep pretty early, on Eli's lap on the sofa while they watched a movie with everyone but Bianca and Drew of course, as they were in their own room consummating their wedding. She yawned and stretched a bit, as much as she could manage, her staples were sore and she scrunched her face in discomfort. Digging her palms into the bed she managed to move into a sitting position without waking the boys but getting her water and pain pills meant leaning over a sleeping Eli. She tried not to wake him but he awoke as soon as her pajama top glided across his nose.

"Mmmmm Morning Beautiful." Eli smiled.

"Morning," she smiled back before leaning down to kiss him.

"What do you need?" He asked sitting up and wrapping an arm around her.

"Pain meds and water please." She requested.

He reached over and took out two pills and handed them to her with her water bottle. "What hurts?" He inquired and she could tell he was trying not to sound worried.

"The incision and staples are really sore that's all, don't worry." She assured him.

"Will you be okay if I go shower?" Eli questioned after she'd swallowed her pills.

"I'll be fine I have Adam, who's doing a terrible job of pretending he's still asleep." She giggled and poked Adam in the side.

"I'm trying to go back to sleep it's too early to be awake." Adam retorted sleepily. "Go shower Eli she'll be fine. I mean if I fall back asleep I'm sure she'll just wander to Owen and K.C.'s room or something." Adam yawned.

Eli scowled a bit, picked up Clare's pillow and THWAP brought down on Adam's side. Adam only groaned and turned on his other side hiding under the covers and Clare was laughing hard.

"Ow laughing hurts." She grimaced but couldn't stop laughing.

"Stay with sleepy there I'll be out in a few minutes." Eli told her when her laughing had reduced to a slow chuckle.

He kissed her softly and got out of bed and she watched him go into the washroom.

"You wanna go down to breakfast when Eli gets out?" Adam asked after he'd rolled over and emerged from under his blanket.

"Yeah I should eat." She said giggling softly since Adam's hair was all messed up.

"What?" He inquired with a yawn.

"You have terrible bed head." She said using her fingers to comb his hair a bit.

He smiled sleepily. "Speaking of bed head." He said and reached over to get his phone from the nightstand. Clare squeezed her eyebrows together a bit as she watched him call someone; she heard it ring twice before a sleep graveled voice answered. "Hey if you two can unwrap from each other long enough to eat, we'll be going to breakfast soon with anyone else whose awake." Adam said into the phone.

"Adam!" Clare admonished hitting his arm lightly but he ignored her.

"Cool see you in a bit." Adam said into the phone and then hung up. "Drew and Bianca will meet us downstairs in twenty minutes. I'm going to see who else is awake, or you know wake them up so we can all go to breakfast. Do you wanna get up and move a bit since your stiff in the mornings?" He asked.

"Yeah good idea." She nodded turning to sit on the edge of the bed.

Adam got up and came around to the other side but he let her do it on her own. As she straightened to stand she winced and faltered a bit, between sleeping, the staples and laughing her sides were rather painful and the meds hadn't yet kicked in. Adam caught her, one of his arms around her upper back for support, his other arm taking her arm. He helped her straighten all the way, waited a few seconds until she was stable under her own power and then released her. Deep breaths still hurt so she had learned how to take slow shallow ones, for a minute she just stood letting her muscles wake up. When she was ready she started to walk and Adam was at her side, they went out to the living room and she sat on the sofa while Adam knocked on the door of Owen and K.C.'s room.

"Hey we're going to breakfast in twenty, get up." He called through the door.

He did the same to Fiona and Imogen and then she got up from the sofa and went back to their room just in time to see Eli come out of the washroom, mostly dressed.

"We're going to breakfast soon, I should get dressed." Clare told him.

Eli smiled and waved her into the washroom so she could get clothes from the closet and he went in after her to help her dress. When they were ready they went out to the living room to let Adam get ready and one by one the others came out of the washroom or their rooms ready to eat. When they got down to the restaurant Drew and Bianca were at a table happily wrapped in each other's arms and gazing at each other but pulled apart long enough to wave her and the others over.

"So Mrs. Drew Torres you ready to move into the loft?" Fiona inquired when they'd all ordered.

"Very very ready." Bianca replied.

"So uh what exactly or when exactly are we telling Mom and Dad?" Adam questioned.

"Honestly I don't know." Drew said looking just a little despondent. "Dad will probably be okay with it but Mom will flip out."

"Don't worry about it now enjoy spring break." Imogen said.

"Yeah if I'm not dealing with anything until after spring break you guys don't have to either." Clare said.

"Check out is eleven but we don't have to be at the airport until four so what do you guys want to do?" K.C. inquired.

"We only saw a portion of the boardwalk yesterday we could take a cab to the far end and walk around." Owen suggested.

"Sounds good, we can pack up and check out as soon as we're done eating. They should stow our bags behind the desk for us and we have plenty of money on our cards still to pick up a few souvenirs." Fiona stated.

**(ELI)**

"Drew and Bianca seem to be happy. Happier than I've ever seen them anyway, although I really hadn't spent too much time with them before…" Clare's sentence trailed off and her face twisted a bit and he could tell she began thinking about less pleasant memories.

He stopped walking, putting his other arm around her and ensnaring her lips in a soft but passionate kiss. They had all been walking down the boardwalk but the others had gone ahead to a nearby wax museum. He and Clare would meet them there but this was probably the only time they'd fit in their walk alone today. The wax museum was about a block ahead and he figured that was about as far as she would get before he had to carry her.

"They are very happy and very in love. I know how Drew feels." He told her when they broke apart from the kiss.

She smiled blissfully her cerulean eyes sparkling. "I love you Eli." She said softly, her arms still around his neck.

"I will always love you Clare." He assured her and he meant it.

They had been through a lot in their relationship as friends and a couple. Her parents' divorce, his hoarding, his dealing with Julia's death, his breakdown over feeling like he was losing her; ironically in the end he drove her away. Jake, another break down on his part culminating in a terrible play; she'd kept her distance after that afraid she would set him off. That's when he'd learned he was bipolar and tried a very short lived relationship with Imogen, they were better as friends and she and Fiona were very happy and good together. Then after spending time together again she'd kissed him and his heart had soared but after everything he'd come through he'd been afraid to chase her, he still loved her, he'd always loved her but he was afraid to chase her now. She had come after him though, Adam's burn your uniform party had ended for him in the best kiss of his life. Then just as they were perfect again she'd been broken, even now he felt guilt for not protecting her, for not being there when she needed him most. She'd gone distant, a little crazy, pushed him away, clung to him, nearly died and started healing and through it all only one thing had ever remained true to him; he would always love her.

"Eli," her gentle voice broke him from his thoughts as they began walking down the boardwalk again and he looked at her. "Do you think I could cover the scars with a tattoo?" She queried. He followed her gaze to see a woman with tattoos covering the better part of her arms and chest. He began to picture Clare covered in tattoos and scrunched his face a bit but she was still talking. "Not all of them of course, there's too many but their initials at least. Those bother me the most, well those and the bite marks but I don't want a tattoo where the bite marks are. I know I can't see them and you swear they don't bother you but I know they're there and they bother me. The initials bother me most because they branded me, marked me, disfigured…"

She was beginning to ramble and he could just see her begin to get agitated, with tears at the corners of her eyes as she thought about the cuts on her back that nearly healed into scars. To calm her and keep her from getting any more agitated he cut her off with a gentle and loving kiss.

"They'll have to be completely healed into scars but if you really want a tattoo to hide them then I'm sure you can get one." He assured her. "Do you know what tattoo you want?" He asked after they'd walked another couple minutes.

"No," she shook her head, "but I have time to think about it. I couldn't tell my mom she'd never let me get a tattoo."

"You're seventeen you don't have to tell her." He told her as they passed a tourist shop. "You want to get a souvenir before we meet the others?" He asked pointing into the shop.

She nodded and they went inside and began looking at all the stuff, most of it was your typical tourist fare, snow globes, shirts, hats and magnets that said Atlantic City. Clare picked out a purple tank top, matching ones in pink and yellow to bring back to Jenna and Alli and a magnet. She paid for them with her prepaid card and they continued walking down the boardwalk. She made it all the way to the wax museum walking on her own with only his arm around her, but by the time they met the others in the gift shop her legs were beginning to shake. He could tell she was trying to hide it but she couldn't he was already holding her bag and of course her oxygen, he was going to pick her up but K.C. beat him to it. He both liked and hated that he had so much help to carry her; there was a part of him that still got jealous whenever any other boy, aside from maybe Adam, picked her up or anything. He knew they were only helping of course and it was just a small part. They paid the entrance fee and went into the museum.

"This is kinda creepy, they look so real." Imogen commented as they came into the first room filled with stars of the music industry.

"They're just wax, it's not like they're going to attack you." Owen said before poking both Imogen and Fiona in the sides, earning him a squeal and subsequent slap on the arm from both girls.

They went through a few more rooms with famous actors and actresses, most of whom were now dead and then came into a room that had every movie and TV vampire ever.

"Ooh look I want my picture with Edward and Jacob." Clare said pointing to the display.

K.C. started walking that way but Eli caught his shirt and stopped him.

"No way." Eli stated flatly.

"Eli they're made of wax you can't be jealous of wax figures." She said scrunching her face at him.

He grimaced at her but gave in, K.C. set her down and Fiona snapped a picture of her. As soon as the picture was taken Eli scooped her up and kissed her.

"Your mine." He said when they broke from the kiss.

She smiled laying her head on his shoulder. "Forever and always," she replied.

They walked through the whole museum, he carried her most of the way but Owen took her at the end when he started getting a little tired. She even went in the house of horrors part after many assurances from him and the others that nothing would jump out at her. She did keep her head buried in Owen's shoulder the entire time though.

"I want to go on the beach and put my toes in the water, we haven't done that yet." Imogen requested when they left the museum.

Everyone looked at Clare to see if she was up for it. "Fine by me but one of you has to carry me across the sand. I'm certainly not strong enough to walk through sand yet." She said.

"My turn," Drew said taking her from Owen.

They walked out to sand together but Clare didn't want to go in the water so Drew set her down on the beach close enough that she could see the water. Eli sat down with her, she leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around her. Everyone else took off their shoes and ran out to the edge of the water. For a minute they watched the others run in the shallow water, the guys kicking water at each other. Clare giggled, sighed happily and then turned her head up and smiled at him before bringing their lips together.

**(CLARE)**

They were standing at K.C.'s gate, his plane was about to board and he was saying goodbye to everyone. He hugged Drew and Bianca, Fiona and Imogen hugged him together. K.C. bumped fists with Owen and Adam and shook Eli's hand. Then he turned to Clare, she released her grip on Eli and threw her arms around her first boyfriend and now good friends neck.

"Hug Jenna and Alli for me." He requested.

"I will." She nodded.

"I expect lots of updates and no more trips to the hospital." He told her.

"Promise." She nodded. "Have a safe flight, text one of use when you land so we know you got there. It was good to see you K.C." She said kissing his cheek.

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead lightly as Eli took her back in his arms, K.C. waved to everyone and got on the plane. When K.C. was no longer in sight they walked to their gate, it wasn't far so she actually walked on her own, with Eli's arm around her of course.

"I know when we get back it'll still be spring break but I kinda don't want to go home." Imogen complained.

"Spring break for you guys I have to go back to work tomorrow." Drew grimaced tightening his grip on Bianca.

"I have to go back to packing my room at my aunts and moving my stuff to the loft." Bianca said nuzzling into Drew a bit.

"Hey we're helping." Imogen said for her and Fiona.

"I've got 4 hour hockey practices every day and games on Wednesday and Friday nights. The games are great, even when I don't get to play but four hours of practice is tiring." Owen complained.

"I'm not sure how we're going to fill the rest of spring break. I'm not really strong enough to do much of anything yet." Clare said from her spot on Eli's lap.

"We'll be working on getting you stronger for the rest of spring break." Eli told her.

"You think my mom will keep her promise and not pester me to write the stament until after spring break?" She asked.

She had no real desire to return to life either, this little respite from the rest of the world had been lovely. She'd come a long way with Eli, able to kiss him and feel him and him alone. No more of Ben and Trevor sneaking in to her mind when he tried to touch her, no more feeling them when he kissed her. Now that things were all better with her and Eli she mostly worried about her mother, it didn't matter to her that her mother meant well, she didn't understand and the more she pushed at Clare the more Clare withdrew from her. At this point her mother had inadvertently alienated herself from her own daughter. Really though she shouldn't have been too surprised, she had done the same thing with Darcy after her rape. After two years of being apart and Darcy being in Africa they had seemed at least comfortable with each other when Darcy had been out to visit. Clare hoped that it wouldn't take two years and 7500 miles for her to be in a good place with her mother again. Particularly since Eli would be leaving for NYU in a few months, and at some point before he left she was going to have to let Eli and Adam go home to their families and stop sleeping in her room. She didn't want to, not one little bit, at this point she didn't know if she could get to sleep or stay asleep without them by her sides. Like when you're little and you had that one blanket or stuffed animal that you absolutely had to have before you could get to sleep and if you didn't have it or couldn't find it you'd throw a fit until it was found.

"You look awfully deep in thought." Owen's voice pulled her from her mind and she smiled at him.

"Sorry just lamenting that we have to return home, like the rest of you." She told him.

She put her arm around Eli's neck and kissed him, while he was in midsentence talking to Adam but she didn't think they'd mind.

"You okay blue eyes?" He inquired when she pulled her lips from his.

She just nodded and smiled, but now that the thought had entered her mind that he would be leaving for New York in a few months it wouldn't leave her head. She could feel tears at her eyes and buried her head on his shoulder so no one could see her. She swallowed her tears but now that she was thinking about it she couldn't stop. It wasn't just Eli either, although he was the one person she didn't want to leave her side ever again but Imogen, Fiona, Owen and Bianca would all be graduating and that meant they too might be leaving. Of course if Bianca moved to go to University somewhere else Drew would surely go with her, they were married now. She'd have Adam of course and Alli, Jenna and her other friends but still the thought of not having Eli right there when she needed him, not having her friends a few minutes away, it made her chest tight. She wiped an escaping tear on Eli's shirt and gripped him a little tighter.

"Clare what's the matter?" He asked and his voice was full of worry now.

"The staples hurt." She lied quietly.

Adam tilted her chin up to look at her and scrunched his face, he was giving her a knowing look and she knew he could tell there was more going on than she was saying.

"We should get some water bottles anyway. I'll go grab some and then you can take your pain meds. Also you should eat something so you can take your other meds; I'll pick up some snacks." Adam said standing up.

"We'll come with you." Fiona said standing up and pulling Imogen up with her.

Clare watched them walk off down the airport, quickly becoming lost in the crowd. Eli kissed her head and hugged her a little tighter. Not long after Adam, Fiona and Imogen returned it was time to board and she had to get into the wheelchair. She spent the whole plane ride between Adam and Eli clinging to them both and trying to look like she was fine, while they talked about comic something or other. When they got off the plane she didn't want to use the wheelchair and made it to baggage claim just fine. Dallas picked them up in Mrs. Torres' minivan, they piled all their luggage in the very back and she sat on Eli's lap in the back seat with Adam and Owen as the minivan only sat eight. They told Dallas all about the trip and he assured Drew and Bianca that the Torres parents had no idea why they'd really gone. They dropped her, Eli and Adam at her house first. Everyone got out of the van to hug her goodbye. Drew and Bianca thanked her again for making it happen and everyone promised to come by tomorrow or the next day to see her. Eli and Adam got all the bags and they walked inside.

"Welcome back, how was the trip?" Jake asked, helping Eli and Adam with the bags.

"Great, the trip was wonderful." Clare said.

"Did you kids eat?" Her mom asked.

"Yep we ate at the airport." Clare told her as the boys took their bags up to Clare's room.

"Any problems? I mean were you okay?" Her mother asked as the boys took the bags upstairs.

"I was fine mom I walked as much as I could and when I didn't want to walk anymore Eli and the guys carried me. I'm getting a lot stronger; I was able to walk pretty far on my own." Clare told her mother and Glen who was listening from the dining room table.

"That's wonderful Clare." Glen smiled.

"That's great sweetheart." Her mother smiled.

"Right now I'm a little fatigued, from the travel probably." Clare said.

"Of course why don't you go lie down." Her mother suggested, hugging her before she went up the stairs.

"_Well at least so far she's keeping her promise." _Clare thought on her way up the stairs, passing Jake in the stairway. He stopped to hug her and told her he'd hear all about the trip later. She smiled at him and went into her room, where Eli and Adam seemed to be unpacking; well separating dirty clothes from clean ones anyhow.

"I'm a little tired." She said when they both looked at her as she came into the room. "I'm just gonna lie down and watch some TV."

Adam smiled at her and continued sorting clothes but Eli came over and kissed her gently before she went to lie down. She sat on the bed and turned on the TV, when Eli and Adam were done sorting laundry, including hers, they took it downstairs to start a load. When they came back upstairs they sat with her on the bed, Eli wrapping her in his arms and that's how she fell asleep.

…"_No Eli don't leave me." She called but it was too late he faded into the shadow, disappearing. Then the others disappeared one by one, Drew, Bianca, Fiona, Imogen, Owen, Adam, Alli and Jenna. Suddenly she was alone in the blackness but she wasn't alone, she heard laughing, maniacal laughing. "Who's there?" She called in a whimper to the darkness. "Hi sis," came one cruel voice. "Miss us?" The identical tone taunted. "No no leave me alone don't touch me." She screamed trying to run from her stepbrothers but she couldn't find her way in the black dark, not alone. They caught her, pulled her back to them. She saw their faces now, sadistic and evil and smiling at her in a way that sent chills down her spine. "We told you that you belonged to us, we even marked it on your back so no one else would ever want you." He said in the most menacing voice she'd ever heard. "And now there's no one to stop us from hurting you again." His twin said producing a rope he began binding her wrists and she screamed but no one would hear her she was surrounded only by darkness. Tears fell from her eyes as they finished binding her and began to laugh malevolently…_

She jolted awake tears streaming down her face her breathing coming in terrified gasps. Moving so fast she actually managed to sit up a little despite being trapped under the blanket. Automatically Eli and Adam were awake as well; Eli had an arm around her as Adam switched on the light. She turned into Eli, hiding in his chest and crying on him as she gripped onto him desperately with one hand. She reached back for Adam with the other, she had to know they were both there, that she wasn't alone, that they weren't about to disappear. Adam took her hand squeezing tightly and rubbing her back softly.

"It's okay baby we're here; we got you it was just a nightmare." Eli soothed her kissing her head.

She nodded into his chest but her tears didn't slow, it wasn't just a nightmare, not entirely.

**Update Soon**

**Shout out to WeShouldGetJerseys for the tattoo idea and for helping me decide what it will be.**


	37. All Things Must Pass

**I Do Not Own DeGrassi**

**Ch. 37 All Things Must Pass**

**(CLARE)**

Once the nightmare had woken her up she never did fall asleep again and now it was dawn. Adam had drifted off again after about half an hour of lightly rubbing her back and squeezing her hand; he'd actually fallen asleep still holding her hand and with his other hand on her back. Eli had gone back to sleep after an hour or so, he fell asleep holding her, while she remained cuddled into and clinging to him. They had both tried to get her talk about the nightmare but she wouldn't. Seeing the light filtering in through her blinds she finally released Eli and sat up, mostly for need of having to pee. Her movement woke the boys, she saw both sets of eyes blink open and immediately fall on her.

"Morning beautiful, did you get any more sleep?" Eli asked.

She shook her head lightly.

"You want to talk about it now?" Adam ventured.

"No and I need to use the washroom." She said.

Eli sighed but got up from the bed and then helped her out. He kept his arms around her until she was steady and then he let her go but stayed behind her in case she needed him. She went into the washroom to go pee, groaning a little as she got up from the toilet and stretched her incision just a bit. She washed her hands and left the washroom taking Eli's hand, she didn't need the support for walking she simply wanted to feel him. They went back to the bed sitting down and Eli wrapped his arms around her.

"What's on your mind Blue Eyes?" He inquired as she cuddled into him.

"Nothing." She lied.

She felt apprehensive about telling him, after everything they'd been through her selfish fear about him and the others leaving and not being nearby seemed so trivial. She was doing better, getting stronger, she still had a ways to go and would never be a hundred percent again but she was doing so much better now. Her relationship with Eli was solid again, they still had a ways to go too but she no longer recoiled from his touch and now relished it, needed it. She wasn't sick, she wasn't dying, she was healing, getting stronger, feeling better and smiling so telling him that she didn't want him to go to University because she was afraid of not having him there seemed so very selfish and petty. After a few silent minutes Adam got up to shower, Eli turned on the TV but held her a little tighter. When Adam returned from the shower Eli went to shower and Adam resumed his spot on the bed.

"Okay spill what's on your mind?" Adam inquired as soon as Eli was in the washroom.

"Nothing Adam." She said stoically.

"Really Clare you still think you can hide stuff from me? Something's bothering you I know it is and you need to tell someone and it's usually me so start talking." Adam demanded.

She smiled a little and then sighed. "It's stupid…and petty and not important." She said quietly while looking out the window.

"Whatever it is has been bothering you since yesterday and I'm assuming sparked your nightmare last night, which means it is important and neither stupid nor petty now spill." Adam insisted.

She sighed heavily, biting her lip and looking out the window. "I'm worried about Eli leaving for University. I…I don't want him to go Adam. I know I'm getting stronger and better and by the time he leaves I'll probably be okay again or at least mostly but I'm worried about him being so far and not being here, right here with me. Not just Eli either I mean he's the one I don't want to go the most but Jake, Owen, Bianca, Imogen and Fiona all graduate this year and when I think about them leaving I get all nervous and scared. If Bianca moves then so will Drew and I don't want anyone to go and I know it's stupid and horribly selfish of me but I can't stop thinking and worrying about it. And I know you and Eli will have to go back to your own houses soon but I don't want you too, either of you. I worry that…" she paused to wipe the stream of tears from her cheeks and take a shuddering breath as deep as she could. "I feel like once you're all gone, away at University or in your case living at your own house again, that Ben and Trevor will come for me again. And I know it's a stupid fear but they're in my head and they won't go away and thinking about you all leaving I just…just feel like they're going to get me again. I can't…can't…" she had to stop she was close to hysterics, the more she thought about it the more the fear grew.

Her breathing had become labored between the crying and anxious confession and she couldn't stop crying so it was getting worse. Adam turned her oxygen on and placed the mask on her, then put his arm around her and brought her to him, hugging her close and stroking her hair. By the time they heard Eli get out of the shower she was breathing okay again, only a few tears were trickling down her cheeks. She took her mask off, handing it to Adam and he turned off her oxygen but kept his arm around her and she stayed huddled into him. A minute later Eli came back from the washroom, he sort of paused at the doorway and looked at them.

"What's wrong?" He questioned coming over to the bed.

She moved from huddling into Adam to huddling into Eli but took Adam's hand as Eli wrapped his arms around her. Adam tried to let go of her hand but she squeezed tighter, the fear of them leaving was quickly becoming a phobia; irrational to the point that she didn't want them to leave her side at all.

"Stay with Eli I'll be back in just a minute." Adam told her.

Eli tightened his grip on her just a bit and reluctantly she let go of Adam. She watched him walk out of the room and then heard him walk downstairs.

**(ADAM)**

He went downstairs and picked up the house phone and dialed Drew's number.

"Hello?" Drew's sleep graveled voice answered.

"Hey sorry to wake you she's not the hospital or anything but we have a sort of problem I thought you should know about. She's afraid about all of us leaving; you guys leaving for University, me going back home. She's petrified that once were gone Ben and Trevor are going to come back for her. She was almost in hysterics when she told me; it's mostly Eli she's worried about but she doesn't want any of you to move away. She almost didn't tell me because she thought it was stupid and selfish. I know you're not leaving for University but if Bianca goes then you'll go with her. I'm not saying none of you guys should go to University because Clare is afraid, I just thought you should know. I'm going to talk with Eli and Jake and Mom and Dad, she's not ready for me to go back home for a while and I'm not ready to leave her anyway. Can you talk to the others, just tell them how she feels and that I thought they should know but they shouldn't change any plans because they're worried about Clare." Adam told him.

"Yeah, I'll talk to them. How is she?" Drew asked.

"She had a nightmare and didn't sleep much; I think the nightmare was about us all leaving. She's been very nervous and clingy this morning, like she's afraid to be away from me and Eli at all. Her physical state is still good but her mental one is starting to crack again." Adam confided in his brother.

"Don't worry I'll talk Bianca and them and I'll come by after work, I'm off at six, maybe we can all meet for dinner." Drew suggested.

"Good idea we'll meet you all at the restaurant in the mall at six." Adam said and hung up.

He called his mom and after telling her that they had fun on their mini vacation he explained what was going on. She agreed he had to stay there as long as Clare needed him to be with one stipulation; that the three of them would come to dinner at her house once a week. Adam was certain Clare and Eli would have no trouble agreeing to that. After hanging up with his mother the rest of the house was slowly starting to wake up. Jake came downstairs with a yawn and sat at the table; Adam poured them both a cup of coffee and took Jake back upstairs to talk to him.

"What's up is she okay?" Jake yawned once they were behind closed doors in his room.

"Depends on your definition of okay; physically she's doing a lot better but mentally she's faltering. She's terrified that all of you who are graduating are going to leave for University and that Ben and Trevor are going to attack her again, that she's going to be left vulnerable I guess. She's mostly worried about Eli leaving her but she doesn't want any of you to leave." Adam enlightened him.

"Well she doesn't need to worry about me; I'll be working with my dad and taking classes at a community college, while living at home." Jake told him.

"Great can you go tell her that so I can talk to Eli?" Adam requested.

Jake nodded and they both got up and went into Clare's room, Jake went over and pulled Clare up from the bed and with some effort from Eli's arms.

"Come have breakfast with me, there's something I want to talk to you about." Jake said taking his sister by the arm and out of her room.

When they were gone Eli looked at Adam. "What's going on?" Eli queried.

**(CLARE)**

She was at the kitchen table eating lunch with Eli and Adam, well they were eating she had nibbled enough of her lunch to take her pills and then had stopped. They had been with her all morning but busy online and Eli had left the room twice to make phone calls. She had been too tired and worried to really pay attention, mostly staying huddled into Eli and clinging to Adam and when Eli had left the room, huddled into Adam.

"Not that hungry." She shrugged after Eli grimaced at her for how little she'd eaten.

She felt a little better knowing Jake would still be at home next year and wasn't moving away but still worried about everyone else and most importantly Eli.

"Come on Blue Eyes lets go for our walk if you're not going to eat." Eli said getting up from the table and helping her up.

She smiled and they left the house, making their way down the block as fast as she was able. They got down about three houses and Eli stopped, turning her to him and encircling both his arms around her lower back.

"I'm not going." He said; she looked at him scrunching her eyebrows together in confusion. "To NYU." He explained.

She smiled and then her face fell. "Eli no NYU is your dream, you can't give that up to stay with me be because I have a stupid phobia and I'm being selfish and spoiled and…"

He cut off her ranting with a soft kiss. "I'm deferring for a year. I already called the admissions office and explained the situation and they allowed me to defer until next year. I talked about it with my parents and they agree it's the best thing for both of us. I'm not giving up NYU." He told her.

She felt lighter inside but she still felt some guilt, like she was keeping him from his dream. "Eli I can't ask you to do that." She said quietly and then bit her lip.

"You're not asking Clare I'm telling you that's what's happening. I'll get a job and take a few general ed classes at the community college. You really think after everything we've been through, after almost losing you twice that I'd just leave you behind for University? You're stuck with me Blue Eyes, forever. I love you Clare." He said smiling genuinely before ensnaring her lips in a soft and passionate kiss.

"I love you too Eli." She smiled as they began walking again. She felt a million times better, a giant weight having been lifted from her.

She still didn't want the others to move away but as long as Eli was staying she'd be okay. Now if she could just convince Adam somehow to never go home, okay so not never just not for a long while. She was able to walk to the corner and down the next street on her own before her legs began to shake, then Eli picked her up, kissed her and carried her home. Adam was on the sofa when they got home, reading a comic but he looked up at them when they came in.

"So you tell her?" Adam asked.

"I told her about me." Eli said taking Clare's hand and pulling her to the sofa, setting her down between he and Adam and putting his arm around her.

Clare looked at Adam awaiting an explanation. "I'm not leaving either, not going home that is. Not until you and I both are a hundred percent ready for me to. My mom is totally fine with it under one condition; that the three of us come for dinner once a week." Adam told her.

She smiled brightly. "I will happily have dinner at your place once a week if it means you're staying right here." She said gratefully.

"I figured but I'm not done yet. Eli's deferring for a year and next year you and I will apply to University's in New York and we'll all move together. NYU, Briarcliff, City University, Columbia, Manhattan College, Wagner and Rockefeller University all have great journalism and radio journalism programs and with our GPA's we should be able to get into at least one of them." Adam told her.

"The three of us will move and get an apartment together. Two bedrooms, by that time you should be okay not having Adam in the bed but he'll still be living with us." Eli told her.

"So you see we're never leaving your side again." Adam smiled.

Clare was smiling so big her cheeks were beginning to ache, she was so happy she thought she might burst. She had no words to express the heights of elated joy she was feeling. Not only was her wonderful boyfriend putting off University until she could go with him but her amazing best friend was staying with them and moving with them. The fear that she would be left open to attack or alone ever again suddenly melted away, she threw her arms around their necks, hugging them to her and kissing each on the cheek.

"You guys are the best!" She proclaimed when she released them finally.

"Well naturally." Eli said with a smug smirk and then he kissed her softly.

"And next time something is weighing on your mind tell us right away." Adam admonished before gently smacking her with a throw pillow.

"Okay I promise," she giggled, "no more holding things in."

"Thank goodness I'm getting tired of having to pry everything from that stubborn brain of yours." Adam laughed and Clare hit him with the throw pillow.

They spent the rest of the afternoon looking at the Universities in New York, potential neighborhoods to live in and various apartments in those neighborhoods. Her fear was entirely gone, replaced exclusively by excitement and for the first time in a long time a bright and hopeful outlook for her future. They were so caught up in researching and planning they hardly noticed so much time had passed and suddenly it was time to leave for dinner. They borrowed Jake's truck and drove to the mall to meet everyone else, they were already there sitting in a booth near the back.

"Well you look a lot better and a lot happier than I've seen you in a long time." Fiona said after they'd all ordered.

"I am Eli's deferring for a year and the three of us will move together next year. Eli's not leaving me for University and Adam's staying at the house until I'm a hundred percent sure I don't need him. Audra's fine with it as long as we come to dinner once a week. I was worried about them leaving, about you all leaving actually." Clare confessed.

"We know, Adam called Drew and he called the rest of us which is why we're having this dinner." Owen told her.

Clare wasn't sure if she wanted to hug Adam or hit him, if they were all about to tell her they were putting their lives on hold for her sake she would probably hit him.

"I fought really hard to stay here and sacrificed a lot keep my loft; no way I'm giving it up now. Anyway I got accepted to TU and that's where I'm going." Fiona told her.

"And I'll be going to TU as well and staying at home to help take care of my Dad." Imogen added.

"I've been doing great this year but for most of my life I was a scrub, so I'll be going to community college to raise my GPA and fill in some gaps in my transcripts so I can get into a good University. Besides I just got married and am moving my stuff in, I'm not about to pick up and move again." Bianca affirmed.

"Where B goes I go." Drew smiled.

"And you swear none of you are sticking around on my account because as much as I don't want you to go I'd hate for you to stay just for my sake." Clare told them.

"No we all have our own reasons that have nothing to do with you. Staying here so we can be here for you is just a bonus for you and us." Drew assured her.

Clare smiled appreciatively at her friends and then realized Owen had not yet told them what he would be doing. Apparently everyone else did too because all eyes fell on him.

"I got accepted to TU on a hockey scholarship you ain't getting rid of me that easily." Owen informed them.

"Good," Clare smiled, "I need all of you and don't want to get rid of any of you."

The food came and they all started eating, including Clare. For the first time in a long time she was extremely happy and this gave her an appetite. There was no worry, no apprehension, no anxiety no darkness weighing on her. She wouldn't be alone next year at all she'd still have Adam, Alli, Jenna, Wesley, Dave and Connor at DeGrassi with her. Plus she'd still have Jake, Owen, Drew, Bianca, Fiona and Imogen in town, close by if she needed them. And of course most importantly and the best of all Eli was staying to be with her. With all of them to support her she could get through anything.

**(ELI)**

He was in the washroom with Clare, helping her get ready to go out for the first time in long time without him or Adam. Well sort of, Wesley was having a party and had invited the three of them, Alli and Jenna and Alli and Jenna wanted Clare to go to the mall for new party clothes with them. It had been Clare's idea to let her go shopping alone with the girls since he and Adam had not enjoyed the last shopping excursion with the three of them. He and Adam were still going to the mall however to be nearby just in case. Drew would be there but he would be working and couldn't exactly leave work to carry her around if that's what she needed, so he and Adam would go and hang out at the comic shop or arcade.

It had been four days since they had returned from Atlantic City and she was doing remarkably better, they'd been walking every day and she could make it all the way around the block now before she started getting weak, tired and out of breath. Still Eli trusted that Alli would call him right away if there was the slightest sign of trouble. Currently Clare was topless in front of the mirror while he helped her rub scar therapy gel into the scars on her back.

"These are entirely healed into scars now, all the scabbing is gone if you still want to get a tattoo." Eli said gently touching the scars on her lower back, their brand as she called it.

"I still want a tattoo; I even know what I want." Clare told him.

"Yeah what's that?" Eli questioned.

"You'll have to wait and see but it's from my favorite book when I was really little." She informed him.

Eli smiled, finished rubbing in the gel and kissed her neck. He helped her get dressed; they left the washroom, collected Adam and got in the truck to drive to the mall. He parked and carried her in to save her a little bit of walking. Alli and Jenna were already there waiting for them at Drew's kiosk and from what Eli could tell they seemed to be pestering the spiky haired boy. Drew had an annoyed and exasperated look on his face but when he saw the misfits walking up he smiled.

"Oh great you're here." Alli said when she saw Clare.

Clare said hi to all of them as Eli put her down, as soon as Clare's feet hit the ground Alli and Jenna linked their arms with hers and started walking down the mall.

"She seems to be doing a lot better." Drew commented when the girls were out of sight.

"She's gotten a lot stronger; she's even breathing a little better." Eli smiled.

"You and Bianca coming to dinner at the house on Sunday?" Adam asked Drew.

"Yeah but we're not telling Mom and Dad we're married yet." Drew told them.

"Are you ever going to tell them?" Adam asked.

"Eventually, maybe after B graduates." Said Drew.

Adam looked like he had more to say but Drew got some customers so they waved to him and started walking down the mall toward the comic book store.

**(CLARE)**

"I don't think so Alli." Clare shook her head handing the sparkly black halter top back to Alli.

"Oh come on Clare it would look so good on you." Alli said shoving it back at Clare.

"But it's backless; I'd have to wear a sweater all night." Clare argued shoving it back at Alli.

"Alli's right Clare it would look great and even your worst bruises have all but faded by now." Jenna said taking the shirt from Alli and putting it in Clare's hand.

"It's not the bruises I'm worried about; it's the scars all over my back." Clare countered.

"Well at least try it on, if it looks as good as we think it will then you should get it and we'll find you a nice jacket or sweater to go over it so no one else can see the scars." Jenna encouraged.

"Fine but Alli's going to have to come in the dressing room and help me." Clare gave in.

"Well of course, not taking the chance you'll pop a stitch again or a staple." Alli smiled.

The three girls walked to the dressing room, Jenna went into one and Alli and Clare went into the handicapped one as it was bigger. Alli helped Clare take off her top and slipped the halter on her. Clare looked in the mirror and she had to admit she liked the top and it did look good.

"Clare it looks great on you, let's go show Jenna." Alli insisted opening the dressing room door. "Jenna come see." Alli called.

Jenna opened her dressing room door wearing a lilac colored party dress. "Clare it looks amazing you have to get it. You could wear it with white jeans and we'll find you a nice jacket." Jenna insisted.

"Okay fine." Clare relented. "Alli help me get this off and my top back on so I can pay for it." Clare said and they went back in the dressing room.

Alli helped her get her top back on and Clare left the dressing room and paid for the top. Jenna ended up buying the lilac dress and Alli bought a lipstick red skirt. They left the store and continued walking down the mall.

"You doing okay? You've been walking and standing a lot I can call Eli and Adam to come get you, we're almost done." Alli said when Clare faltered just a little.

"My legs are getting pretty tired maybe we should sit for a bit." Clare said.

The three of them went to the nearest bench and sat down and Alli got out her phone. "Hey she's starting to tire…We're outside of the coffee shop…Okay see you guys in a few minutes." Alli said and hung up.

"Alli I'm not doing that badly that I need to go home." Clare admonished.

"No but you are getting tired and if something happens we'll all feel better if they're right here, we're almost done anyway I think they can survive coming into a couple of stores with us." Alli told her.

"Considering you could barely make it down the hallway at school last week I'd say you're doing amazing but we don't want to push you to do more than your body can yet. No more trips to hospital you promised K.C. remember?" Jenna reminded her.

Clare couldn't argue with them so she just sat back and waited for Eli and Adam to appear, which they did a couple minutes later.

"We just need to find me a jacket to go over my shirt since it's backless." Clare told them as Eli picked her up.

"Then lets go, we'll follow the two of you." Adam said ushering Alli and Jenna on.

Eli kissed her softly and then followed the other girls further into the mall.

**Update Soon.**


	38. 2 Parties and a Dinner

**Ch. 38 2 Parties and a Dinner**

**(ELI)**

"You doin' okay Blue Eyes?" Eli questioned.

They had just sat down on the sofa at Wesley's party; they'd been there a couple of hours and Clare had been standing and talking with various people almost nonstop. He and Adam had barely left Clare's side and when her legs finally started to falter Eli took her to the sofa while Adam got her some water.

"I'm okay; standing is just more tiring than walking." She smiled and kissed Eli's cheek.

Adam came back and handed Clare her water, she thanked him and took a sip.

"You ready to get your tattoo tomorrow?" Adam inquired sitting on the other side of Eli.

"Yep." She nodded.

"Clare you're getting a tattoo?!" Jenna exclaimed quietly sitting on the arm of the sofa next to Clare.

"On my lower back over their initials." Clare told her.

Jenna gave her a sympathetic smile. "What are you getting?" Jenna asked. Clare pulled her down and whispered it in her ear. "That's perfect!" Jenna praised.

"I thought so but don't tell anyone else I want it to be a surprise and my mom doesn't know at all." Clare told her.

"My lips are sealed." Jenna assured her.

"I can't believe spring break is almost over!" Alli pouted joining them by sitting on the coffee table.

"We have another week Alli." Clare laughed.

"We should have a big party next Saturday a farewell spring break party." Alli suggested.

"Good idea, how about at Above the Dot." Adam suggested.

"Adam your brilliant!" Alli smiled.

"Well obviously." Adam said sarcastically.

Alli stood up on the coffee table cupping her hands around her mouth and yelled over the music. "PARTY NEXT SATURDAY, ABOVE THE DOT EIGHT TO MIDNIGHT!"

The party erupted into cheers briefly before everyone settled back to what they had been doing.

"We'll come over on Monday to start planning and you guys spread the word to Fiona, Owen and all the others." Alli insisted.

"Wait what do you mean you'll be coming over to start planning?" Eli questioned.

"Jenna and I can't do all the planning." Alli stated in a slightly exasperated tone.

"What makes you think we know how to plan a party?" Eli asked in a snarky voice.

"You three planned the party at the abandoned church." Jenna pointed out.

"She has a point." Adam said.

Eli gave up and wrapped his arms around Clare and she cuddled into him. They stayed talking with Alli and Jenna a while longer until a slow song came on the stereo and Clare requested a dance with Eli. He of course obliged, he simply couldn't say no to her.

**(CLARE)**

Eli parked the car outside the Torres house and they all got out and went in through the front door.

"Hi kids, it's good to see you." Audra smiled hugging them all tightly. "You're looking so much better Clare." She said.

"Thanks I've been doing great and feeling really good." Clare smiled.

"That's good to hear, you gave us all quite a scare. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes the other kids are in the basement." Audra told them.

They smiled and went downstairs where Drew, Bianca and Dallas were watching TV. They all looked over and smiled and when they saw them coming down the stairs.

"Did you get it?" Bianca inquired.

"Get what?" Dallas asked.

"She got a tattoo and refused to show us until we got here." Eli told them.

"I had to keep it bandaged Eli." She retorted.

"So lets see it." Drew said.

Eli and Adam sat down on the sofa, Clare turned around lifting her shirt and pulling down the waist band of her jeans so they could it see it. On her back, covering the initials her step bastards had carved on her was:

**Always Remember**

**You're braver than **

**You believe and**

**Stronger than you seem**

"I like it, it's appropriate." Adam commented.

"Jenna was right it's perfect." Eli smiled as she turned around to face them.

"It's from Winnie-The-Pooh by A.A. Milne. It was my favorite book when I was young." Clare told them.

"Just remember that quote when you go back to writing your statement." Bianca told her.

Clare frowned at the thought of writing her statement again, but Eli pulled her down onto his lap and Adam brought up the end of spring break bash next week and she soon forgot about it. Drew reminded everyone not to tell their parents that he and Bianca were married when Audra called them up for dinner.

"So what did you kids do in Atlantic City?" Omar asked when everyone was seated.

"We walked around the boardwalk a lot, it's really big. Well they all walked I was mostly carried but I walked some." Clare said.

"She did great and she's gotten even stronger since then. We go walking every day and she can make it all the way around the block now without help." Eli bragged for her.

"That's great Clare. When do you get your staples removed?" Audra inquired.

"I have a follow up appointment with the doctor on the Wednesday after we return to school. Hopefully they'll be ready to come out then because I'm tired of having them in." She told them.

"Yeah but as soon as they come out you have to start physical therapy." Adam reminded her and she groaned.

They stayed at the Torres house for hours so Adam could catch up with his parents. Clare spent most of the time on the sofa in the basement safely ensconced in Eli's arms. After assuring Audra they'd be back next Sunday for dinner and every Sunday after, they finally got back home a little after ten.

"I'm gonna get ready for bed." She yawned when they got upstairs. Eli got out her PJ's and went into the washroom with her to help her change. "I can't wait till the staples are out and I can change my own clothes again." She sighed as he helped her get her shirt off.

"But I like helping you change." Eli said in a mock whine.

She turned around giving him a lopsided smile and kissed him. "Not just changing Eli, I'll be able to bathe again, I mean actually shower and won't have to worry so much about my range of movement. Go back to being normal, almost…kind of…." her sentence trailed of off as she realized things would never be normal again. It wasn't entirely a bad thing but she was going to redefine what normal meant for her.

Six weeks ago normal had meant dates with Eli, hanging out with him and Adam but always coming home to her own bed alone. Normal had meant church on Sundays with her family, rarely seeing her father and only having one stepbrother, one good stepbrother, who also happened to be her ex-boyfriend. Normal had also meant that she really didn't know or pay attention to Owen, Drew, Bianca, Dallas and the other Ice Hounds and Imogen and Fiona were really more acquaintances to her than friends. Normal had also meant that she didn't need to think about how she moved, or feel so much pain when she moved. Normal had meant she didn't start getting short of breath after a short slow walk around the block. Normal had meant breathing, breathing normally and full and taking deep breaths, not wheezing or coughing up blood or needing an inhaler and oxygen. Normal….normal…normal…normal, the word repeated in her head so much it was beginning to sound weird. Eli put his arms around her and kissed her neck softly and she floated back to the moment.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, releasing her and helping her on with her PJ's.

She smiled at him. "Just thinking that I'm gonna have to redefine what normal means because things will never be like they were."

He kissed her softly. "No they won't but we don't need normal, we need perfect and as long as I'm with you everything's perfect."

She smiled blissfully and linked her arms around his neck. "I love you Eli."

"I love you too Clare." He smiled and kissed her again.

**(ELI)**

They were downstairs waiting for Alli and Jenna to arrive so they could begin planning the party. Most everyone knew about the party already and they hadn't even begun planning it. They were watching TV when Clare's phone rang, he hadn't seen who it was but she smiled and picked it up and he and Adam listened to her side of the conversation.

"Hey…I'm good, doing much better…yeah I'm a lot stronger…next week…well you guys can come to our party at Above the Dot on Saturday so long as you don't mind hanging out with a bunch of high school kids…great we'll see you guys Saturday around eight." She hung up and set down her phone.

"Who was that?" Eli inquired.

"Jay; he, Spin, Emma and Peter are coming to the party." She smiled.

"Yeah I gathered that much." Eli said.

Before Clare could snap back with an answer the doorbell rang and Alli and Jenna came in. Alli came in talking and didn't stop almost the whole time they were there planning the party. This wasn't exactly surprising to Eli, since the day he'd met Alli he'd never known her to be silent for more than a few minutes except for the days right after Clare was hurt but then no one had really been talking. After a couple of hours they had everything planned out and arranged all that was left to do was buy food and drinks and set up on Saturday evening.

"You wanna go for our walk now Blue Eyes?" Eli asked when Alli and Jenna had left.

Clare nodded and Eli stood up ready to help her up when her phone rang again. She picked it up, looked at the display, sighed a little and answered. "Hi…tomorrow should be fine…sure seven at Little Miss Steaks, see you there." She said and hung up.

"Who was that?" Eli asked.

"My dad, he and Stephanie want to have dinner with us on Tuesday night." She told him quietly.

"No way!" Eli said flatly. He still hated them for putting Clare in a situation to get hurt, he blamed them just as much as he blamed Ben and Trevor.

"Eli they paid for our trip to Atlantic City, for Drew and Bianca's wedding. I did promise I would work on repairing my relationship with my dad and building one with Stephanie. I know you're still mad at them Eli but it really wasn't their fault. You don't have to come, either of you but I'm going with or without you." She told them in a determined tone.

"I'll go with you Clare." Adam told her.

Eli closed his eyes and exhaled a deep breath to calm himself, he still didn't like this but if she was going to see them then he was going to be with her. "Fine I'm coming too but I still don't like this." He gave in.

She got up and kissed his lips very gently. "Let's go for our walk." She said.

He took her hand, she slipped on her shoes by the door and they left the house with a wave to Adam. They started walking down the block hand in hand. Eli was trying not to think about it but it wasn't working.

"How can you not be mad at them Clare?" He blurted out after a couple of minutes.

"Eli they didn't know, I didn't say anything and Ben and Trevor didn't attack me in front of them. They made sure they didn't hear or see anything suspicious and I was too afraid and ashamed to speak up. I'm not saying they totally escape responsibility but they didn't know Eli. Just like you didn't know." She told him.

"But we knew something was going on, they must have known something was going on! Didn't they see your bruises? How scared and nervous and sad you became overnight?" He said his voice raising a little.

"No Eli I did everything I could to hide all of it. If Drew hadn't found me at the mall that first night none of you would have seen the bruises either. Not that night anyway and I would have still covered them with clothes and makeup. Owen still might have seen the ones on my neck in science class but I barely knew Owen back then. If I had remembered that Drew worked at the mall I never would have gone there that first night, I never would have spent the night at the loft and I never would have gone there the night of the wedding. I don't know where I would have gone but I wouldn't have ended up at the loft. You can't blame my dad and Stephanie for not doing anything about something they didn't know about Eli. Just like you can't blame yourself for not protecting me when didn't know what was going on." She affirmed.

"But I do blame myself Clare. I should have protected you, I knew something was going on and I should have protected you and I failed. We all feel that way but I'm more guilty than the others, I'm your boyfriend it's my job to protect you." He confessed to her, his tone getting strained with remorse.

"It's your job to love me Eli but you can't protect me from life. Especially when you don't know what's happening. I should have said something that first night, Adam called right after they first touched me and my head was screaming to tell him but I was too afraid. I didn't protect myself Eli, I tried to avoid it and ignore it. If I'd spoken up and told Adam right away none of the other attacks would have happened." She said, her voice getting very small and sad.

"Damn right because we would have come and got you and gotten you out of there and Adam and I would have killed them for touching you at all." Eli said angrily, his fists clenching thinking of everything her step bastards had put her through.

Clare stopped walking and kissed his cheek. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. We were supposed to be taking a vacation from this stuff during spring break." She said in a small, distressed voice and taking a deep interest in her feet.

"Your right, I'm sorry. Come on lets keep walking. We'll go to dinner tomorrow night and I promise to be civil at least okay?" He asked, tilting her chin up both to get her to look at him and so he could kiss her.

"Thanks Eli." She smiled a little.

He smiled too, putting an arm around her and they continued walking.

**(CLARE)**

The three of them entered Little Miss Steaks and spotted her dad and Stephanie in a booth at the far end. Neither Eli or Adam wanted to be at this dinner, they had come for her sake but at least they had both promised to be civil. Truth be told she wasn't thrilled about having dinner them either but she had promised to start repairing/building her relationship with them. Eli slid into the booth followed by Clare and Adam, her dad and Stephanie both smiled nervously at them.

"It's good to see you all. You look much better Sweetheart." Her dad said.

"Thanks dad I've been feeling and doing a lot better." She told them.

"That's great honey, really great." Her dad smiled as the waitress came and took their drink order.

"How was Atlantic City and the wedding?" Stephanie asked when the waitress left.

"It was great; we all had a lot of fun. The wedding was small and simple but beautiful and Drew and Bianca are very happy. Thanks again for making it happen." Clare said.

"You're welcome it was nothing really, more than happy to do it, so glad you kids had a great time. If you need anything else just ask, anything at all. I know nothing can make up for what happened but…" Stephanie's rant sort of trailed off as she sipped nervously at her wine and Clare noticed her dad take his wife's hand under the table.

There was several minutes of awkward silence before her father broke it by asking how they'd done on their exams. The rest of dinner went much like that, lots of awkward silences followed by some small talk. Eli and Adam were both fairly tense for the entire dinner but they did remain civil. At the end of dinner agreed to meet every two weeks, Eli making a point that he and Adam would always accompany her. She had the feeling that if he could Eli would bring all the backup he could get. If it were up to him they'd be attending these dinners with Jake, Owen, Drew and everyone else.

"Thanks for coming and being civil guys, I know that was…awkward." Clare said slowly as they got back in the car.

"You know we wouldn't have let you come alone." Eli told her.

"It was kind of entertaining actually. They were very nervous and so guilty I think we could have asked them to buy us a house in New York for when we move next year and I think they would have done it." Adam commented and Clare laughed but he wasn't all together wrong.

**(ADAM)**

"Jay and the others are going to meet us at Above the Dot to help set up." Clare said as they got in the car to go do just that.

"That's good we could use the help because you're not lifting a finger. You can sit and supervise." Eli informed her in an authoritative voice.

"Eli!" She huffed.

"I mean it Clare." He said with finality.

"Adam tell him I can help." She whined a bit.

"Sorry Clare I agree with Eli. We go back to school on Monday and you go to the doctor on Wednesday; we don't want to chance you over exerting yourself or trying to lift something and hurting yourself again or popping a stitch again." Adam told her.

She huffed and crossed her arms but she stopped arguing. When they pulled up behind the café they saw Jay's car and the door to Above the Dot was open so they figured they were up there already. Clare got out of the car first and headed up the stairs with he and Eli following closely behind.

"Hey guys, Clare you look great!" Emma greeted upon their entry to Above the Dot.

Eli and Adam shook hands with Jay, Spinner and Peter while Clare talked with Emma. Then Alli and Jenna arrived and after quick hellos Alli took charge and put everyone to work; except of course for Clare. She was given a perch of sorts on the stage and strict orders from pretty much all of them to stay put. With so many of them working it took them less than hour to have everything set up and ready and with an hour before the party started they all decided to go downstairs for coffee.

"So any news on your step bastards? Have they been arrested yet?" Spinner asked after they'd all sat down.

Clare looked down biting her lip and shaking her head slowly. Eli put his arm around her and kissed her temple.

"She was resisting writing her stamen and then she went back to the hospital after popping a stitch and we took spring break off from well everything. They're waiting on Clare's account before they hold a trial or anything else." Adam informed them.

"Why don't you want to write the statement?" Peter inquired.

"They want me to go into great detail, which means having to relive everything which is hard. Anyway no punishment they could get will feel like justice to me." Clare explained quietly.

After seeing how sad and forlorn Clare became after talking about Ben and Trevor the subject was dropped and changed. Soon they saw people arriving for the party so they quickly finished their coffee and went upstairs. Drew, Bianca, Imogen, Fiona, Dallas and Owen were the first to arrive but the club quickly filled up with DeGrassi students. Clare, much like at Wesley's party, spent most of her time being asked how she was and told she looked much better. Eli stayed with his arm around her, the whole time and Adam never wandered too far away. He was talking with Dave about doing the radio show again when he felt a light touch on his arm and looked over to see Clare.

"Eli went to the washroom will you tell him I went outside for some air, it's getting very hot and stuffy in here." She told him.

"You're going by yourself?" Dave questioned and she scrunched up her face at him.

"I'm just going outside for a minute; I'll stay at the top of the stairs." She told them with a slightly annoyed tone and then turned and walked away.

"Will she be okay?" Dave questioned.

"If she's not back inside in a couple minutes we'll go get her." Adam said. Then he saw Eli come out of the washroom and waved him over. "Clare just went outside to get some air; she said it was hot in here. She promised to stay at the top of the stairs." Adam told him.

Eli nodded and headed for the front door.

**(CLARE)**

The sudden feel of a hand on her shoulder made her jump.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you." Eli apologized.

She turned around, leaning against the stair railing and taking his hand in hers, while putting her other hand on his chest.

"It's okay I just didn't hear you coming. How long have I been out here?" She asked doing her best to keep her voice even.

"Just a couple of minutes, are you okay?" Eli asked giving her a concerned look.

She forced a small smile onto her lips and kissed his cheek. "I'm alright, let's go back inside." She said.

He put his arm around her and they went back into the club, they walked to a table where Emma was sitting with Alli, Katie and Jake. Clare asked him to get her some water as she sat down.

"You alright?" Jake asked.

She nodded in response.

"You don't look alright, you look….worried." Alli said.

"Do you need to go home? You sure you're feeling okay?" Jake inquired.

"No I'm okay." She told them in a firm voice.

Eli returned with her water and sat down beside her. After a short time Emma went to go find Spinner, then Jake and Katie got up to dance and Alli went to get a drink leaving Clare and Eli at the table.

"Clare what's wrong?" He questioned when they were alone.

"Nothing Eli." She assured him, he grimaced at her and she got up from the table and went over to Jay. "Dance with me?" She requested.

Jay shrugged and they went to the dance floor, it was a slow song so Jay put his hands on her waist. "You alright you look worried or something?" He asked after a minute.

She growled in annoyance and tried to walk back to Eli at the table but Jay caught her hand.

"I'm fine." She insisted.

"You don't look fine." Jay told her then he waved to someone and she was picked up from behind.

She looked behind her, to see Peter, he set her down in a corner and they both hovered over her.

"What's up?" Peter inquired.

"She's worried about something." Jay said.

Clare growled in annoyance again. "If I tell you will you let it go?" She asked and they both nodded. She sighed and looked at her hands. "When I went out to get some air I saw…thought I saw Ben or Trevor walking into the Dot." She confessed.

Jay and Spinner looked at each other, turned and stormed out of the club grabbing Spinner on their way out. Clare sighed, throwing up her arms, they had no idea what Ben and Trevor looked like so she wasn't sure where they going. She was also almost a hundred percent certain her mind had been playing tricks on her again. She thought she'd seen them before only to have their faces vanished when she blinked and that's what had happened this time. Eli came over and took her by the hand, pulling her to him and embracing her.

"You want to tell me where they're going and what's wrong now?" Eli questioned.

"I'm tired I think I'd like to go home now, if you and Adam want to stay I can have my mom pick me up." She told him.

"What part of never leaving your sides again did you not understand Blue Eyes?" Eli retorted and Clare grimaced at him. "Stay here I'm going to find Adam I'll be right back." He instructed.

Eli walked away and Jay, Spinner and Peter returned.

"What do they look like?" Spinner asked in a hard tone.

"Guys I probably didn't even see them, it's happened before, thinking I see them and I don't. They've been on my mind today and it's playing tricks on me. I'm going home to rest; it was good to see you all." Clare said kissing their cheeks.

"What do they look like?" Spinner repeated.

She sighed. "Let it go, you can't go beat up every blonde haired blue eyed boy in the Dot." She asserted.

"You heard her, blonde hair, blue eyes." Jay said as they turned again and headed for the door.

"Guys stop I didn't see..." she called after them but gave up when they exited the club.

"You ready to go?" Eli asked coming up with Adam.

"Yeah I just want to say goodbye to Emma." Clare said. They found Emma back at the table and she got up to hug Clare goodbye. "You might want to stop the boys, they went downstairs to kill every blonde blue eyed boy they find because I thought I saw Ben or Trevor." Clare whispered in her ear as she hugged her.

"I'll take care of them." I smiled.

She went to Eli, he wrapped his arm around her and the three of them went home.

"So you going to tell us what was wrong now? Why we left the party so early?" Adam asked when they were all ready for bed.

"You could have stayed Adam." She responded.

"No something was wrong and you wanted to come home." Adam replied.

"Remember when I thought I saw them outside of the school but I looked away and looked back and they were gone? My mind was playing tricks on me and I talked to Drew about it." She said and they nodded. "It happened tonight when I went out to get some air." She told them.

Adam remained calm but Eli suddenly got very tense. "Why didn't you tell me?" Eli inquired.

"I told Jay and he Peter and Spinner went downstairs to kill them even though they have no idea what they look like and I didn't see them." She insisted.

"Clare…" Eli began but she cut him off.

"Eli I didn't see them, my mom got on my case about writing the statement again and Spinner asked about Ben and Trevor before the party; they've been on my mind today and it made me see them. They weren't there, I'm sure of it." She assured him and herself.

"You still should have told me." Eli grumbled.

She sighed and kissed his cheek, he put his arm around her and she asked Adam to put on a movie for her to fall asleep to.

**Thanks again to WeShouldGetJerseys for the tattoo idea and helping me decide what it should be.**

**Well dear readers there are only 2 chapter left in this story, however having introduced the fact that the misfits will be moving to New York together I was thinking I might do a sequeal. It would start with them moving to New York and focus on them and their life there and since my brain never stops I already have a few plot bunnies for it. I will call it Misfits in New York but I want to know if you guys would be interested in reading it?**


	39. Hold Me Tight

**Ch. 39 Hold Me Tight**

**(CLARE)**

"I wish spring break didn't have to be over and we didn't have to come back to school." Jenna whined as the group converged on DeGrassi's front steps.

"I don't mind coming back to school, especially since I can walk on my own now." Clare said.

"You can walk but remember you're still not allowed to carry your books." Eli reminded her.

"I know Eli." She assured him kissing his cheek. "I do wish spring break wasn't over so that I didn't have to think about writing my statement, recording one on video or going to therapy." She grumbled.

Eli gave her a slightly admonishing look before putting an arm around her and kissing her temple. His way of reminding her that she wasn't going through any of it alone. Once Bianca, Fiona, Imogen, Owen and the better part of the Ice Hounds arrived the group went inside. Clare was both surprised and dismayed to see that some kids were still staring and whispering after all this time. Able to finally stand and walk for extended periods of time under her own power she didn't feel like such a burden. Eli carried her backpack still but she was hoping the doctor would take her staples out on Wednesday and she would be given permission to carry, lift and move more freely. Since she could walk now Dave offered to carry her books to MI since he had the class with her. Eli handed her backpack to Dave and he, Clare, Alli, Connor and Wesley walked to the MI lab.

"Clare you look so much better! It's so good to see you walking and at a normal speed, not being hauled around by the hockey team or walking slow and careful. You must be feeling better. When do you get your staples out?" Miss Oh asked when they entered class.

"Hopefully on Wednesday." Clare told her.

"I'll bet your just dying to have them out." Miss Oh commented.

"You have no idea." Clare replied as they all sat down.

The rest of the school day was relatively normal, aside from the fact that Eli or Adam or both came to get her from her classes and carry her books to the next one. Of course they all ate lunch in one gigantic group in the lunch room taking up two tables and Drew was let in by Officer Turner to eat with them. He spent most of lunch complaining that his mom was on his case about coming back to DeGrassi or taking his GED. Clare, Adam and of course Bianca wanted him to come back to DeGrassi but Drew was resistant to give up working.

Jake was going to Katie's to do homework so he gave his keys to Eli to drive them home. When the misfits arrived home Clare found her partially written statement tacked to her door with a note from her mom saying she needed to get it done today. Clare looked at it and scrunched up her face, ignoring the note she left it on her door and went into her room flopping down on her bed with an angry huff and crossing her arms. Adam took the statement off her door and Eli came and sat by her, wrapping an arm around her.

"You can do this Clare." Eli encouraged.

"But it's not going to bring me justice; no punishment is going to feel fair for what they did." She griped.

"Maybe not but it isn't necessarily about justice it's about not letting them win. If you're so afraid that you can't even try then they won. Whatever punishment they get probably won't be fair or feel like justice but at least you can show that you're strong enough to stand up to them." Adam insisted.

"What does your tattoo say? You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem right? So prove that to them and yourself. Adam and I will be here with you the whole time." Eli affirmed.

She thought about it a minute and nodded slowly, they were right; it was less about punishing her step bastards and more about not letting them win. Finally she nodded slowly and took the paper from Adam, sitting at her desk she began writing and she kept on writing. It took nearly four hours, lots of crying, lots of Eli holding her and Adam making her laugh, lots of encouragement from the both of them and several breaks when she felt like she couldn't keep thinking about it, but she finished. She didn't exactly feel better when she finished, or lighter or even happier but she did feel proud, proud that she'd finished, that she'd been able to relive every awful minute without completely breaking down or losing her mind. Eli and Adam were proud of her too, as were her mom, Glen and Jake when they were told. Of course all the crying and emotions had made her lose her appetite and she was extremely exhausted so after telling her mom she went straight to bed, Eli laid with her until she was asleep of course.

Not too surprisingly after an afternoon of reliving the experience she had a nightmare about it. She jerked upwards but couldn't quite sit up as there was a sleeping boy on either side of her blanket but her jerking woke them both. They both sat up, Eli put an arm around her and she curled into him, Adam rubbed her back assuring her they were there and she wasn't alone. She spent another hour crying before she was able to get to sleep again but she did sleep the rest of the night, embraced in Eli's arms. She woke up before the alarm the next morning and tried to get out of bed without waking the boys but of course that was impossible. Eli yawned and blinked his eyes open at her; he smiled and said good morning. He got up so she could get out of bed, he helped her get dressed and when they got back to her room Adam was up and dressed.

"So how do you feel this morning after having completed your written statement?" Adam asked.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I don't feel better exactly, accomplished I guess like after I finish a homework assignment. Maybe I'll feel different if they actually get some kind of punishment because of it but it was hard to write and I still feel like it's not going to do any good." She told them.

Eli kissed her gently. "You did it though and that's what's important. They didn't win and that's all that matters." He insisted.

"Now you just have to get through your videotaped statement. Your mom arranged with Constable Callaghan for the three of us to give them Thursday afternoon after school." Adam told her.

Clare twisted her face at the thought of having to sit in a little room in front of a camera and repeat the whole story in just as much detail, all over again.

"We won't be in the room with you but we'll be there giving our own statements." Eli told her.

"We'll be close, and you got through the written statement you can do this, just remember what your tattoo says." Adam reminded her.

"Yeah I know." She nodded. "Come on we should go eat breakfast I hear Jake getting up." Clare said.

**(ELI)**

"I hope these things can finally come out they're driving me crazy!" Clare griped as they waited in the exam room for the doctor.

The nurse had already drawn some blood and sent it to the lab and taken Clare's vitals.

"It looks closed up to me, I'm sure the doctor will remove the staples." Adam assured her.

Dr. Pierce came in looking at her chart. "Nice to see you again Clare how have you been feeling?" He asked.

"Much better, I can walk pretty far now before I get tired and winded. I've gotten a lot stronger and I haven't coughed up blood or passed out in a couple of weeks." Clare told him.

Eli was really proud of the progress she'd made since they started walking. This last week they'd been walking through the park, the path all the way around was ¼ mile, by the end she was usually exhausted, and having trouble breathing and complaining of pain but she could do it.

"That's wonderful how about pain? Have you had chest pains or stomach pains? Or shin splints? Any pain anywhere?" Doctor Pierce asked.

"Occasional pains in my chest if I'm having some trouble breathing but not nearly as bad as they were. Shin splints if I try and walk too far or too fast, aside from that just random pains usually after walking or standing a long time." Clare informed him.

"That's to be expected it's going to take a long time for you to be able to walk or stand or do any strenuous activity for long periods of time." The doctor said and then there was a knock on the door and a nurse came in, she handed the doctor a piece of paper and left again. "Your blood oxygen saturation is staying at 92% and it looks like it's going to stay there. Now that isn't ideal but you can live a perfectly normal and productive life, you'll just have to be cautious, you'll probably always have to carry an inhaler and watch you physical activity." The doctor informed them.

"So I'll never be normal again?" Clare asked her face falling.

Eli came and put an arm around her, kissing her cheek he felt bad for her, she'd worked really hard. It didn't matter to him as long as she was alive but he knew she was feeling dejected. Adam put a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her reassuringly.

"It's true you'll never be like you were, but that doesn't mean you there's anything you can't do. You'll just have to be careful and know your limits but you will get stronger and physical therapy will help. Just remember to listen to your body if you're having trouble breathing or feeling pain anywhere then you should stop. Everything else looks good, the pneumonia is gone, your blood and body is free of infection and your staples can come out." The doctor told her.

"Oh thank god I was about to rip them out myself." Clare smiled.

"Alright lay back on the table, I'm going to have the nurse come in and give you a local anesthetic." The doctor instructed, Clare did as she was told and the doctor left the room.

She grabbed Eli's hand and he kissed her softly, she held out her other hand and Adam took it. The nurse came in giving Clare a shot just above her incision and told Clare it would take a few minutes for the anesthetic to take effect and then the doctor would come in and remove them. They waited almost ten minutes; he could tell Clare was getting impatient by the time the doctor came in again.

"Okay Clare that was the last one, let's sit you up slowly." The doctor instructed when he removed the last staple. Eli and Adam helped her to sit and she let out a relieved breath. "How does that feel?" The doctor asked.

"Sooo much better." Clare smiled.

"You shouldn't have any pain or discomfort but you can take some pain reliever if you need too. Give it a few more days to heal and then we'll start you on physical therapy. I'll make your first appointment for Saturday afternoon. I assume your support team will be coming with you?" The doctor asked looking at Eli and Adam and they nodded, each putting an arm around her.

After a few more instructions from the doctor he released Clare and they drove home.

"So how did it go honey?" Helen asked when they came in the house.

"Got the staples out, thank goodness!" Clare exclaimed.

"That's great sweetheart." Helen smiled.

"Must feel good to have them out finally." Jake commented.

"So good." Clare said with a relieved breath.

"What else did the doctor say?" Glen asked as they all sat down to dinner.

Clare happily told them that the pneumonia was gone and she was free of infection. Eli filled them in on the rest as Clare seemed reluctant to do it. After dinner Eli drove himself and Clare to the park for their walk.

"Eli I'm worried about going to the station tomorrow to record my statement." She said half way through their walk.

"I'll be there and so will Adam." He assured her.

"But you won't be in the room with me; you'll be giving your own statements." She pointed out.

"I'm sure they'll let you come and get us if you need to." He told her.

"What if they don't?" She asked.

"Then we'll leave and go back on another day, you aren't a prisoner Clare, they can't make you stay there. If you aren't comfortable then we'll leave, you know that neither me nor Adam is going to let them doing anything that you aren't comfortable with." Eli assured her.

"I know." She smiled, stopping them from walking to turn and kiss him.

"I love you Clare."

"I love you too."

They finished their walk in silence, holding hands most of the way but he had his arm around her for the last while when her legs began to hurt.

"Did you have a nice walk?" Helen asked when they returned from the walk.

"Yeah it was great like always." Clare smiled.

"Good, Dr. Pierce called while you were out he confirmed your physical therapy appointment for Saturday at eleven. He also made a referral for a therapist; I'm going to call tomorrow to make you an appointment. One your father and stepmother will be paying for." Helen told them.

"I don't need to see a therapist Mom." Clare insisted.

"Dr. Pierce and Dr. Barton think it would be a good idea. You've been through a lot Clare in a short period of time." Helen argued.

Clare glowered and stomped up the stairs, Eli followed behind, she went straight to her room and sank onto her bed next to Adam with an annoyed huff.

"What's wrong?" Adam inquired.

"She's still resistant to going to therapy." Eli told him.

"Clare it isn't bad really. It helps to talk to someone." Adam encouraged.

"I have you and Eli to talk to, not to mention Alli, Jenna, Bianca, Drew, Owen, Fiona, Imogen, Declan, Jay, Spinner, Emma, Peter, Jake and K.C. heck even Dallas! I don't need a stranger to sit there and stare at me and write how crazy I am on a pad of paper." She remarked.

"Clare it isn't like that, sometimes it helps to talk to someone that you don't know. Just try it; if you totally hate it then your mom can't make you go back." Eli encouraged.

"Fine, I'll try it." She gave in.

**(CLARE)**

She arrived at the police station with Eli and Adam so they could give their statements. Constable Callaghan came out to greet them and took them back to three little rooms.

"Clare you'll be in here." Constable Callaghan said escorting Clare into a tiny room with a table and a video camera set up. "The camera is already positioned right and you can control it with the remote on the table. Just like your written statement start at the beginning and give as much detail as possible. Don't worry about crying or getting emotional that kind of stuff is good for the judge to see."

"Where will Eli and Adam be?" Clare asked biting her lip nervously. She really didn't want to do this at all and especially without them right at her sides.

"They have the next two rooms, Officer Grayson will be posted just outside so if any of you need anything just pause the recording and talk to Officer Grayson. Alright we'll let you get started and I'm going to show Eli and Adam to their rooms." Constable Callaghan told her and Clare nodded slowly.

"You'll do fine baby, we'll be right next door." Eli assured her giving her a tender kiss.

"You can do this Clare and if you need us you know we'll come running." Adam told her, giving her an encouraging hug.

She kissed Adam's cheek and watched the boys leave the room and the door was closed, leaving her alone with the camera. She took a deep breath and sat down in the chair, staring at the remote a minute and procrastinating just a bit longer.

"Come on Clare get it over with, be done with it." She scolded herself.

She pressed the record button and saw the red light come on; she took another deep breath looking into the lens of the camera she started to talk while picking at her nails nervously. She essentially just repeated her written statement back but that's what they wanted, for her to start at the beginning and give as much detail as possible. She made it through the first night recounting okay, she was crying but she could still talk clearly. Repeating it all out loud again was more painful than writing it down. When she got to the end of the first weekend though she simply couldn't go on, she was crying so hard she could barely talk and she was breathing hard and shallow from all the crying. Repeating it all was causing her physical pain, even feeling like there was a hand at her throat again; she paused the recording and got her inhaler from her purse feeling like it was hard to breathe. She couldn't be sure if it was the crying or the memory of the hand wrapped around her throat that was making it hard though. After taking a while to collect herself and slow her crying she went out to the hallway, wiping her tears. A uniformed officer came over to her; she assumed he was Officer Grayson.

"Are you alright miss, do you need anything?" The officer asked.

"The boys that came in with me, Eli and Adam I need them or I won't be able to finish. I can't do this without them. They have to be with me or I can't do this." She sniveled.

"Sure, as soon as they're done I'll send them in. Can I get you a soda or something?" He offered.

"Water please." She requested.

The officer nodded and Clare went back into her little room but left the door open, Officer Grayson brought her a bottle of water and she opened it and waited. It felt like forever before she heard another door open and then the other door opened a few seconds later, she heard Officer Grayson tell them she needed them and a second later they came in.

"You okay?" Eli asked putting an arm around her.

"I can't do this without you guys with me, they said it was okay." She told them.

Eli went out and asked Officer Grayson for two more chairs, they were brought in a minute later and they sat down on either side of her, Eli had an arm around her and Adam held her hand under the table. It still took over two hours for her to finish, she didn't stop crying the whole time, she cried so hard she had to use her inhaler again. Even though they already knew everything she couldn't look at Adam or Eli the entire time. The worst part was saying how it made her feel, how she felt being assaulted and violated, how disgusting and degraded she felt, how embarrassed and ashamed. While they did know everything she hadn't exactly gone into detail when she'd relayed the events to them, even when she'd filled in the gaps, so she felt them cringe or tighten their grip on her every time she went into great detail or said how she was feeling. By the time she was done she was emotionally, mentally and even physically exhausted.

"You did it baby you're done, I'm really proud of you." Eli praised kissing her, through her tears. He wiped her tears away when he took his lips from hers.

"I'm really proud of you too; I knew you could do it." Adam smiled. "You ready to go home now?" He asked.

"Thanks I'm proud too and I do feel a little better having gotten through both statements now and hopefully I never have to tell what happened ever again." She said wiping away more tears as they rolled down her cheeks. "But I don't think I can stand right now, I'm all shaky I need a few minutes until I can stand again."

"Take all the time you need baby we aren't going anywhere." Eli assured her kissing her gently again.

**(ADAM)**

"Tell me why I have to wait in the waiting room and you get to go back with her?" Eli questioned when they arrived at the hospital on Saturday morning for Clare's physical therapy appointment.

"Because it's going to be really hard for her and she's going to be in pain. She's going to look like she's in pain and she's probably going to scream in pain a lot." Adam told him.

"Gee that's so encouraging Adam." Clare said sarcastically.

"You'll do fine I'll be there with you the whole time and I went through physical therapy last year. The reason I'm not letting Eli in is because he'll be tempted to pick you up or rush to your side every time you're in pain." Adam told her.

Eli put his arms around her lower back and kissed her passionately. "You'll do great and I'll be waiting for you when you get out. We'll go for celebratory ice cream as soon as you're done."

She smiled and walked back with Adam, she gave the receptionist her name and couple minutes later a woman came out.

"Hi Clare I'm Lonnie I'll be your therapist." The woman introduced herself.

"Hi, this is my friend Adam is it okay if he comes back with me?" Clare asked.

"Yes that's fine, you look familiar in fact." Lonnie said eyeing him closely.

"I was here last year after I was shot in the shoulder." Adam told her.

"Oh yes you worked with Doug didn't you?" Lonnie asked and Adam nodded. "Alright let's get started, Adam you can help. We'll start you out easy Clare; I hear you've been walking everyday so let's start out with arm strength." Lonnie said.

Adam was right for nearly the entire hour Clare looked anywhere from mildly uncomfortable to in immense pain. She screamed about a dozen times and Adam knew if Eli had been in there his instinct would have been to whisk her out of there in his arms. Adam knew the pain was good and he knew Clare if it was too much he would have stopped her but she had to push herself a little. When it was done she was spent, completely exhausted and she relied heavily on Adam to get her out to the waiting room.

"How'd it go?" Eli asked picking her up.

"She did great." Adam told him.

"Everything hurts now and I'm so tired." She pouted putting her head on Eli's shoulder.

"That's how you're supposed to feel, you did great Clare and it will get easier." Adam told her.

"Come on I promised you ice cream, you wanna walk to the car?" Eli asked.

She shook her head so of course Eli gave in and carried her. Eli drove them to the ice cream shop and Clare was so tired she almost fell asleep in the car on the way. For the rest of the day she was sore, but Adam knew it was good sore, she did however refuse to go on her walk with Eli because she was too tired and sore. The rest of Clare's family was out so Adam decided to give them some time alone.

"I'm going to my house for a while; I'll be back in a couple of hours." He said.

**(CLARE)**

"You are coming back right?" Clare asked as Adam headed for her bedroom door to go to his house.

Adam gave her a look. "I'll be back in a couple of hours you two need some time alone."

"I know your too tired to walk so what do you want to do?" Eli asked when they heard Adam leave.

"I want to take a very hot bath, my muscles hurt so much." She said standing up from the bed. She walked to the door and realized Eli wasn't following her. "I meant with you." She said turning back to him with a coy smile.

Eli bounded off the bed and ran to the washroom skidding to a halt and colliding with the door; Clare laughed and followed him in. Eli started the water and began ripping off his clothes and Clare laughed again.

"Just remember I'm still in charge." She said.

He turned to her, his shirt was off and he gave her one of his rare genuine smiles. He picked her up by the waist and set her on the counter.

"Always Beautiful, you are always in charge." He told her before kissing her lips, then her cheek, then her jaw.

"Eli," she giggled pushing him away gently; "I need to get undressed for the bath."

He stopped kissing her and looked up. "Oh right."

He stepped back to finish undressing and she hopped down from the counter and turned her back to him to undress. She got in the bath and moved forward so he could get in, he put his legs around her and she leaned back on him, he wrapped his arms around her.

"If my mom wouldn't flip out I'd say we should have bath time after walking time because this feels wonderful! Nice hot water, wrapped in your arms, feeling your skin against mine." She smiled contentedly.

"We could do it before your mom gets home." Eli suggested kissing her neck.

"Oh sure between school, physical therapy three times a week, my head doctor appointments that start Monday and our walks which we usually don't get to until after dinner because of homework. Let's just promise that next year when we move in together we'll do this a lot." Clare said.

"That's a promise I will happily keep." Eli pledged.

"I love you Eli." She smiled cuddling into him.

"I love you Clare, I will always love you." Eli told her.

She turned her head, putting her arm around his neck and crashing their lips together for a loving and fevered kiss.

**Update soon with the very last chapter but Misfits in New York the sequel to this is on my list so you can look forward to that. When this is done watch for my Flare story.**

**So everyone that read Seven Days at Disneyland is really loving it, which is great considering I wasn't even sure I was going to publish it seeing as 95% of it was written on sleep deprevation at four or five in the morning. Anyway I'll try to get the last three chapters up by the end of Febuary.**


	40. Getting Better

**Ch. 40 Getting Better**

**(CLARE)**

"I don't want to do this lets go home." Clare says quickly as she gets up from the sofa in the therapists waiting room.

Eli and Adam each grab one of her hands and pull her back down on the sofa.

"Blue Eyes it's just a therapy appointment I promise you it will be fine." Eli assures her wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek.

"Both me and Eli go to therapy Clare it's no big deal and if you truly hate it no one will make you come back." Adam comforts her.

"We'll be waiting right here when you get out." Eli tells her.

The door to the office opens and a tall woman with long black hair and thin features comes out. "Clare." She says looking at her as they are the only ones in the waiting room.

"You'll be fine." Eli says then quickly connects his lips to hers for a soft loving kiss.

With extreme hesitation she gets up from the sofa and leaves the comfort and protection of Eli and Adam to walk into the office. There's no Freud couch but there is a green love seat and two matching high back arm chairs facing each other. The back wall is bookshelves and they're full of books. Along the wall with the door to the waiting room are several file cabinets. A few paintings are on the white walls, they're all of landscapes. The carpet is the same deep blue as the waiting room and there are two windows with a lovely view of the parking lot and the hospital next door.

"It's nice to meet you Clare I'm Phyllis," says the therapist shaking her hand. "Take a seat where ever you like."

After a few seconds of debate she sits in the sofa as she can stretch out a bit and won't have to look directly at the therapist. She knew Eli and Adam were just in the waiting room but now that she's alone with a stranger she feels anxious, insecure and most importantly unsafe. She knew Phyllis was a therapist but she's still a stranger to Clare and right now she was wishing Eli and Adam were in there with her or even Drew, heck she would even feel safer if Dallas were in there with her, so long as she wasn't alone. She crosses her ankles and kicks her legs off the end of the sofa, looks down at her hands and start playing with the hem of her skirt.

"Clare this is a safe environment, anything you tell me is completely confidential." Phyllis says but she takes note that Phyllis is not only taking notes but has turned on a tape recorder.

"Uh huh." She mumbles.

"I tape the session so I can transcribe it later, I don't always get everything down in an hour. So I talked with doctors Barton and Pierce and your mother and I know that you were abused by your stepbrothers." She tells Clare.

Clare nods and bites her lip.

"Then you became sick as a result of some of the injuries you sustained from the abuse." She keeps talking.

"_Well if you want to get clinical about it. There was a little more to it than that like the fact that I was so emotionally damaged that I hardly ate and didn't take my medications and then almost died and may have if not for Adam giving me mouth to mouth in the music room that day."_

Clare nods again as talking to this woman is just something she is not comfortable with.

"You had to have surgery as well and then went back to the hospital after you popped a stitch. All this took place in the time span of a month is that right?" She asks.

Once again Clare nods her head.

"That's a lot for anyone to go through in a life time, I can imagine how difficult it was to even begin to process the abuse and then you were hospitalized. I know it's only been a couple of months since the first incident of abuse but can you tell me your feelings about the abuse and your stepbrothers now? I'm sure that you're still angry." She says.

Clare nods yet again.

"Clare remember what I said this is a safe environment, anything you tell me is kept in the strictest confidence. I won't be sharing it with your parents, the police, your doctors or anyone." Phyllis assures Clare for the second time.

She nods and sort of shrugs, she hasn't said a word but Phyllis is still writing all kinds of notes. Clare's guess was they say she's crazy and withdrawn and traumatized beyond repair as she won't talk.

"Okay I see that you're not ready to talk yet and that's fine. Let's try something else." She says getting up and walking to the file cabinets, Clare hears her open a file cabinet drawer and then close it again. She comes back and hands Clare a journal with a meadow scene on the cover, it looks like one of the paintings on the office wall. "I want you to write in this journal every day about anything and everything, what you did that day, what you felt that day anything related to what you went through, anything at all. Then come back and see me in a week, the journal is for you and you alone. If you want to show it to me when I see you next week or read from it then you can and if not that's okay too. Can you do that?" She inquires.

Clare nods.

"Good, you can go home now, be sure to write in your journal every day and I'll see you next week." Phyllis says standing up and waving Clare toward the door, Phyllis opens the door, Eli and Adam look up surprised to see her so soon obviously. "Okay Clare I'll see you next Monday same time." She smiles and Clare nods again.

Phyllis closes her office door, Clare goes straight to the other misfits and no longer feels nervous as Eli puts an arm around her waist and Adam puts an arm around her shoulders.

"That has to be quickest therapy appointment in history; you weren't even in there fifteen minutes." Adam says as they begin walking out to the car.

"I didn't talk." She tells them.

"At all?" Eli asks as they get in the car.

"Not a word, she gave me this journal, I have to write in it every day about everything." She informs them.

**(ELI)**

"I told you yesterday you're not strong enough to carry your backpack yet." Eli admonishes as she tries to lift her backpack from the back of the truck when they arrive at school.

She scrunches her face at him but doesn't argue.

"You have physical therapy after school right?" Jake asks as they start walking toward the school.

"Yeah and it'll be the first time Eli comes in the room, my appointment isn't until four so Mom's going to meet us at home so we can take her car." Clare tells him.

"You mean you haven't been in the room yet?" Jake inquires.

"Adam wouldn't let me, he was worried that I'd get too protective hearing Clare in pain and take her out of there." Eli informs him.

"He was probably right." Jake snickers and Eli glares at him.

"Clare! How are you feeling? How was your therapy appointment?" Allis asks quickly as she and Jenna converge on them near the steps and both girls hug Clare.

"I'm feeling pretty good. Therapy was okay I guess, I didn't say anything but she gave me a journal to write in." Clare tells them.

They all go in the school, Jake, Alli and Jenna leave us to go to their lockers and the misfits go to theirs where they find Owen, Bianca and surprisingly Drew.

"Hey Bro what are you doing in school?" Adam greets a little snarkily but he still hugs him.

"I dropped Bianca off and Officer Turner let me in so I could say hi to you guys." Drew explains.

"Kay I've seen you go away now." Adam says sarcastically and Clare hits him in the stomach lightly.

"Well I'm glad to see you." She says giving Drew a hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Well it's nice to know at least the girls love me." Drew retorts pretending to be wounded by Adam's snarky attitude this morning.

Drew puts an arm around his wife's waist and an arm around Clare's waist, and Clare sticks her tongue out at Adam.

"I love you man." Owen says in a slightly sarcastic voice putting a hand on Drew's shoulder.

"I love you too man." Dallas says in the same slightly sarcastic voice as he walks up behind Owen.

"Since everybody loves Drew can I have my girlfriend back now?" Eli requests pulling Clare out of Drew's arm and into his.

She giggles and then affix's her lips to his for a passionate kiss. They finish getting their books, say goodbye to Drew then he and Adam walk Clare to class. School was fairly normal, well what normal was now anyway, Jake drove them home and after a quick conversation with Helen Eli got the keys from her and he drove them to Clare's physical therapy appointment. They signed in at the desk and waited for Lonnie her physical therapist.

"Hi Clare, Adam and you must be Eli the boyfriend, I'm Lonnie it's nice to meet you. Clare and Adam talk about you a lot during Clare's sessions." Lonnie says holding out her hand and Eli shakes it.

"It's nice to meet you too." Eli smiles.

"Well come on lets get started. Start with your stretching; do you remember all the stretches?" Lonnie asks Clare.

"Pretty sure." Clare nods.

"Great you start on those and I'll set up the horizontal jumping board." Lonnie says.

Clare takes off her shoes and walks to a corner of the room with some mirrors and one of those bars they have in dance studios. Adam sits down nearby on a gym mat so Eli sits with him; they're only a couple feet from Clare. She starts stretching and the first one she does is to stretch her arms out to her sides and then reach high above her head and she gasps and then winces in pain. Eli starts to leap up to go to her but Adam catches his arm and pulls him back down.

"She's fine." Adam says sternly.

"But she…" Eli starts to argue but Adam cuts him off.

"Eli she's okay, a little bit of pain means it's working, she's stretching muscles and using her body in ways she hasn't in over a month. If she needs to stop or it's too painful she'll speak up." Adam assures him.

Eli nods and sits back down but Adam was right not to let him back until now. This is Clare's fourth session and she's still wincing and gasping and even shrieking in pain and discomfort. Eli can't imagine how bad her first appointment must have been; he definitely would have picked her up and carried her out of there during her first appointment. By the end of her forty-five minute session Clare is exhausted, Eli is very proud of her but tired of hearing her in pain and discomfort. They get home and like always Clare is too exhausted to eat and she goes upstairs.

"I'm going to take a bath, you two can go down to dinner." She yawns as she falls on her bed.

"How about I get in the bath with you." Eli suggests with a coy smile and a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Uh 'cause my mom's home and she'd blow a gasket." Clare retorts.

"She doesn't have to know, I'll go down and eat and tell her Eli's sitting in the washroom with you while you take a bath. I'll tell her that you worked really hard at physical therapy and you're very sore and were a little worried about getting in and out of the bath. We just won't tell her that he's in with you and just be out by the time we're done with dinner." Adam says.

"Thanks Adam." Clare smiles and kisses his cheek.

Eli gives his best friend an appreciative smile before he takes Clare's hand and they walk across the hall to the washroom. Eli starts the water as Clare begins to undress; he helps her off with her shirt when she groans in pain. This time he gets in the bath first, Clare gets situated between his legs and snuggles up to him, laying her head back on his chest. He wraps his arms her and kisses her forehead.

"I know it's still a year away but I can't stop thinking about moving to New York and the three of us living together. I love my family and I'm going to miss Alli and everyone else but I'm very much looking forward to having our own place. Living in the excitement of New York and as much as I love Toronto it will be nice not to keep thinking I see Ben and Trevor everywhere." Clare told him.

"I can't wait either, I've been dreaming about it lately." Eli confessed to her.

"I love you Eli." She smiles looking up at him.

"I love you too Clare." He smiles back attaching his lips to hers in fevered and loving kiss.

**(CLARE)**

_**Hello journal**_

_**Well I've had you a whole month now and you're almost full. I'll have to get another one from Phyllis. She's not so bad actually, of course I still don't talk much in therapy and when I do talk it isn't about anything that happened. I just don't like talking about what happened with someone that takes notes and could declare me as crazy.**_

_**It's been two months now since my first attack but it feels like a life time. The judge made a ruling today and Ben and Trevor are going away, just not to jail. They'll be spending the next several months in the Cozy Woods juvenile mental hospital undergoing mandated counseling. I'm not sure how I feel about this sentence. They most definitely need counseling and they have to be in there until their eighteenth birthday when they can then be legally tested to determine if they are truly psychotic and such. I guess it's a punishment but it doesn't really sound like one. Not that anything would have sounded fair to me. Without them suffering exactly what I went through nothing else would seem like justice. It's not an eye for an eye; it's letting the punishment fit the crime.**_

_**Eli, Adam and Jake were furious when they found out Ben and Trevor wouldn't even be going to jail and they are all currently on the phone spreading the word. I think my parents may have to prevent a lynching tonight. I'm mad too but not as much, I was kind of prepared for this, I mean I knew that whatever punishment they got would not be enough for me, would not feel fair or bring me justice. Maybe eight months in a mental hospital in virtual isolation will fix them. I highly doubt it but I guess anything is possible.**_

_**I mean who woulda guessed two months ago that Owen, Drew and Bianca would have become three of my closest friends? Or that I would have black mailed my dad and stepmom into giving Drew and Bianca a wedding in Atlantic City and I would have been Bianca's maid of honor. If this whole ordeal has taught me anything it's that anything is possible.**_

_**I'm doing my best to remain positive; I spend most of my free time, what little I have, thinking about next year when we misfits move to New York. We spend a lot of time on line looking at apartments and schools and all the things there are to do in New York. The three of us are super excited, our parents not so much. Well Eli's parents are happy because they get him for another year; well sort of I mean he's pretty much moved in. Every Sunday we have family dinner at the Torres house and every Wednesday we have family dinner at Eli's.**_

_**Every other Thursday we meet my dad and Stephanie for dinner at Little Miss Steaks, Eli and Adam are still mad at them but they are at least civil. I don't blame them for what happened but it did put a strain on my relationship with my father and made it a little harder for me to bond with Stephanie.**_

_**I'm getting a lot stronger, when Eli and I actually manage a walk I can walk all the way around the park twice. I can bend, stretch and almost have full range of movement back. Breathing still has its difficulties especially after physical activity and I'll always have to have my inhaler and keep oxygen by my bed but I'm alive and that's good.**_

_**Eli and I are stronger than ever, we always find time alone together every day, usually with the help of Adam. We've even just barely begun to be intimate again, besides being in the bath naked together. Tonight, before we heard from the judge, I let him fondle my breasts, I know it doesn't sound like much but a few weeks ago I couldn't even kiss him. I knew it was Eli and he wouldn't hurt me but it was really scary still, I held my breath a lot and every time I did he would kiss me so I would exhale. After a few minutes I told him to stop and he did, he wasn't even mad. He just kissed me softly and told me I was very brave and we would keep working on it.**_

_**He's taken to the habit of grazing his fingers along my scars, he swears that they don't bother him; that I'm still beautiful and they mean nothing but he still helps me rub scar gel into them every day. As for me I still hate them, they aren't a show of strength to me just painful reminders of what I was put through at the hands of my step bastards, the fact that I almost died, twice and everything else I went through following the attacks. I still love my tattoo; I like to look at it in the mirror every morning as I get dressed. It's backwards but I know what it says. It's sort of become my motto. Now if the bite marks and welts would go away I'd be a lot happier. I hate seeing those in the mirror every day or at all.**_

_**It isn't just the physical reminders I have plenty of mental and emotional ones too. I still have the occasional nightmare about it or about them. Of course Eli and Adam are always at my sides to calm me down when I wake up in tears. Occasionally I still see their faces in a crowd or a window and then it disappears. I'm hoping that will stop when they get locked away in the mental hospital, they go in tomorrow morning. Everyone tells me that it will get better and I won't always have this underlying fear and trepidation for unfamiliar places and people. That eventually I'll feel secure again without Eli, Adam or one of the others with me. That one day the pain will go away. I would like to think so but I'm not so sure, the way I feel about it is best summed up in a quote by Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy.**_

"_**It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone."**_

_**No matter what happens though I know that Eli and Adam will always be with me and there for me when I need them. With them at my sides I can survive anything.**_

**Okay that's it for this story but the sequel is on my list so you can look forward to that...at some point. In the meantime watch for my Flare story Knight in Shining Hoodie the first chapter of which should be up Saturday.**


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